Relationships

Selfish

A Whole Selfish Family

A week ago, I was standing in the kitchen canning peaches, and my whole family atmosphere fell apart all around me in a matter of five minutes. 

My son was asked by his father to help with something in the back yard.  My son didn’t want to do it, so he decided to have an attitude problem about it.  My husband was stressed, and chose to get upset, instead of teach to the situation correctly.  (We all have our moments of weakness from time to time.) 

My daughter was supposed to be cleaning her room, and was playing her piano instead.  She had lost focus.  (She is ten, this happens sometime

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Yellow Canary on barbed wire fence

I’m Not Looking!

A while ago,I was driving down the highway looking at the clear blue sky and the snow-capped mountains.A bird with a bright yellow head and a black body was perched on a wooden fence on the side of the road.The mountains were so beautiful.The spring flowers were starting to bloom.The radio played my favorite classical music station.The drive felt calm, like a dream.

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angry teen girl chores

4 Rules to Remember for When They Try to Correct You

“Is it okay for children to correct their parents?” I often get asked by parents who are hoping to be just in their parenting. My answer to them is, “Well, that all depends how and when it’s done. There is a right way and a wrong way to correct children, and for children to correct

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seemstress

Stitching That Holds the Family Together

“If our society is coming apart at the seams, it is because the tailor and the seamstress in the home are not producing the kind of stitching that will hold under stress. In the name of giving advantages, we have too often bartered away the real opportunities of our children.” (1981, Be Thou an Example,

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gracious

Grace is Behind the Thanks: Just Ask Mom

This Thanksgiving Day is dedicated to feeling and expressing gratitude for our blessings. Are you grateful for who you are and the roles you have? Two Mothers Two mothers, Tina and Katy, are watching the ball game of their oldest sons. Their boys play for the same team. Each mother has other children busily running

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power behind change of heart

2/3 of the Power Behind a Change of Heart

“Calmness is the rarest quality in human life. It is the poise of a great nature, in harmony with itself and its ideals. It is the moral atmosphere of a life self-centred, self-reliant, and self- controlled. Calmness is singleness of purpose, absolute confidence, and conscious power — ready to be focused in an instant to

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mom with kids fighting

Surviving Mom’s Worst Day Ever!

When the famed prime minister of England, William Pitt, was asked what made him a great prime minister, he didn’t say his hard work ethic, late night hours, or perseverance. He said, “Patience.” There are many attributes that are useful to parents as they’re raising their children during this often busy world full of attitude

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Mother giving high five to daughter

Praising For Real

I once had a reader say that praising didn’t come naturally for her. In fact, she thought praising seemed fake and annoying. She wrote:

I don’t want to be a cheerleader, always saying “Good job” no matter what—I want to say things that really matter, that I really believe, that are true. I guess what makes it hard is when I know (or think I know) that I’ve taught them how to do something better than they have done it, or that they should be capable of doing some things without always having to be praised for it.

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BoredBoy

Lights, Camera, Action… with Energy!

Many years ago I co-directed a youth theater production of Shakespeare’s “The Tempest.” On our last day of performances, we had a matinee and an evening performance. The matinee performance started under lots of stress. We were missing our stage hand, our sound person and two actresses, and everyone was stressed. The only thing we had time to do was say a prayer. We usually took time getting into character and doing energy-building exercises before a performance, but we didn’t have time that day. The play had to go on.

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They’re Caught in the Moral Middle

Today’s children are caught in the middle of multiple moral battle zones. You could even say that children’s moral battles are divorcing them from their parents. One of the most common characteristics of a child with divorced parents is that the child feels pulled between the parents’ different values and lifestyles. It’s common for husbands

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Grumpy Children Doing Dishes

He Won’t Do His Chores?

A few years ago, I received a letter from a woman regarding her nine-year-old son, Colin. Her problem was one that many other parents face. Colin regularly spent the entire day procrastinating his chores. On top of it all, he had a bad attitude. He was sent to bed early, which meant he didn’t do his chores and thought he got away with it. The house was messy because Colin didn’t wash the dishes, and the mom was at her wit’s end — how can the family work around a stubborn child who is constantly seeing how far he can push to get out of his responsibilities?

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Girl making her bed

Morning Routine Motivation

2 – What kind of opportunities do you give for kids to follow through before getting consequences?

Example: It’s each of the children’s responsibility to make their bed, tidy their bedroom and get dressed before breakfast at 7:30.I try to say encouraging things to get the kids to hurry along by letting them know how much time has passed and how much is left before breakfast — even advertising what’s coming for breakfast to motivate them.But when they don’t do it, or don’t do it on time, I suddenly wonder what I should do.Do they miss breakfast?

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Stressed woman

Look Up!

One morning I woke up with this list of things to do that day on my mind.Ok, I didn’t plan on one of my children throwing up, but the rest was planned.Before I even got my swimsuit on to leave for the pool, I felt this tight feeling in my chest and my head started to ache.I tried taking some deep breaths to calm myself down, but itdidn’t seem to work. I kept going and thought my workout might relax me.

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dad on phone

What Will You Sacrifice?

Sacrifice is vital for happiness. Most people think the word “sacrifice” is bad and sounds like a hardship, not a joyful journey. Happiness sounds much better! But without giving up some of our indulgences, excuses and time wasters, it’s difficult to accomplish the things that bring the most happiness, like fulfilling our roles as parents

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Laughing bedtime story

Properly Prioritizing Our Time… Because It’s All We Have!

One night, many years ago, I was faced with a decision. Should I write my daily blog, or should I sit in my daughter’s room telling exciting stories to my children? We had friends in town staying with us, and it was a tradition in our home that when friends come to stay, I gather them together and tell them one of my famous choose-your-own-ending type stories. The children were all very excited for storytime. I couldn’t let them down by choosing to write my blog post instead of spending time with the children. Then the thought hit me, “Wait a minute! I’m trying to decide between writing a blog vs. spending time with the children?? How could I even consider letting them down! Why would I ever choose to lose this time with my children just because I didn’t take the time earlier in the day to write my blog?”

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Mother talking to son

Respecting Property

Some 10 years ago, my four-year-old son was standing on the back porchone afternoon,talkingto his sister.They weretrying to make each other laugh by doing funny things.This is a common game with the two of them.All of the sudden I heard a loud BANG on thewindow located right nextto the porch.I ran to the door and saw my four year old standing there holding a garden shovel, smiling and laughing with his sister.

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Mother and daughter arguing

Staying Focused on Correct Parenting Principles

I remember one day talking with a dear friendabout parenting.She told me that for about a monthshe was doing so good with the Teaching Self-Government principles in her home.She said she really saw results whenever she remembered the principles and used them.Then she said that her family went on a trip for a week.On the way home from the trip, she stopped using the Teaching Self-Government principles.She said that for some reason she just went back to her old, inefficient way of running things at home.

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boy girl cell phone

How Many Times Do We Have to Talk About the Phone?

No matter the amount of technology that’s developed to filter devices in order to keep children from viewing objectionable material, the mental, physical and spiritual risks of digital devices facing children have never been greater. Note: In this article I’m using the word “phone” liberally to mean all digital devices that are in regular use

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Moon shining in the clouds and stars

Families Of Light

“Mommy, what makes the moon shine?”askedmy six-year-old daughter, Londyn. “The moon reflects the light of the sun,” I responded. After a brief discussion about the moon and the sun, I realized that her question was really profound. Innocence almost always finds truth.I’m grateful for that.The moon reflects the light from the sun. It never turns its back on the sun either.It always faces it.The moon loses light when things get in the way, like the earth.The moon has the power to control the tides on the earth; the very thing that gets in the way.

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WomenSewing

Thanks to Pre-Teaching, Melanie Sees the Future

Years ago I was participating in a sewing activity at my church. Many women had gathered at the church with their sewing machines. At this activity, there was a four-year-old girl that kept touching the knobs on the sewing machines. Her mother tried to keep her in control and punished her by putting her into time-out when she touched the machines. She didn’t stop trying to touch the machines —even though this girl was punished each time .

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Father correcting son

Voice Tone: How Do You Sound?

Dear Nicholeen,I attended your seminar in Bountiful.I certainly had many other choices about how to use that time and I am very glad that I chose to come.I glanced at your blog the day before and because of that I took the time to speak with and hug my upset daughter before leaving, even when I thought I was already running late.I didn’t miss a thing and I was so glad that I took time for her.

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Trade Time for Anger: Find Calmness and Patience

“You never can tell with bees,” said A.A. Milne’s cherished character Winne-the-Pooh. This was Pooh Bear’s naive way of saying he didn’t understand why bees did the things they did. He made his best guesses, but he always seemed to guess wrong and find himself in a prickled gorse bush — instead of feasting on

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6 Tips for Making the Most of Your Car Time Together

Despite the fact that my parents worked very hard to provide for their growing family, some experiences were memorable in an uncomfortable way. I’ll never forget driving through Death Valley during the summer. It was 105 degrees in the middle of the night. We did our best to keep us all from roasting to death

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BusinessManAndWomanHighFive

Praise for Parents!

I want to thank you all for your great comments over the years regarding your success and transformation as parents! It’s so good to hear your stories.  I’m constantly receiving emails with comments like, “I’m learning that I have the same behavior that bothers me about my child,” or “I have [this/that] weakness that I’m working on.” Please keep your comments coming. What amazing examples you are of parents who are focused on governing themselves. I hope you are all happier because of what you have chosen to see in yourselves. Recognizing a problem is the first step toward freeing yourself.

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Falling Dominos

The Law of Cause and Effect is True

“Cause and effect is as absolute and undeviating in the hidden realm of thought as in the world of visible and material things.”

We cannot change cause and effect no matter how hard we try.Bad will always produce bad for someone and good will always produce good for someone.The law of cause and effect is true, even if the someone isn’t the person doing the good or the bad.

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mom and teen

Stopping Conflicts Before They Start

A friend of mine asked me what she could do for her teenage exchange student. This student was in the middle of a multiple, day-long teenage tantrum. The mother had told her exchange student that she couldn’t attend a sleepover because the family doesn’t do sleepovers. The teenage exchange student, in turn, became very emotional

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Stories

10 Ways to Create Stories That Unite Us

My son, Porter, loves to visit a restaurant near our home named “Porter’s Place”. Recently our family was eating there around a big round table and one of the children said, “Dad, tell us that story from your childhood about the fire you shouldn’t have started in the field near your home.” At this point

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Bored Family

Loosen Up! It Makes Life Fun!

This comment was made by a blogger. My comments arebelow.

“Our family has serious lack of enjoyment issues. I think we just don’t know how to have fun because we are afraid to spend any money on frivolousness when we have debts to pay, and we have not done anything for so long, we don’t know what to do to just get away and have fun together.”

Family Activities don’t have to cost.

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freedom

To Find Personal Success, Give Yourself a “No” Answer

Self-government is being able to determine the cause and effect of any given situation and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors so that you can control them. This means that each person decides what type of person they ought to be and plans for how to become this person. When, as it always does,

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Modern Times Call for Pioneering Parenting

Bethany, a troubled parent, recently shared a shocking story that all too often illustrates what parents nowadays are dealing with: “After we caught our 11-year-old son sending pornographic photos of himself to strangers on Snapchat, we took his phone away. We told him he could have it back in a couple of weeks, but that

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treebark

Freedom For Families: The Tree Bark Approach

Give Me [Tree Bark], Or Give Me Death”: Liberty Yesterday And Today

No speech has ever stirred the American people so much as Patrick Henry’s “Give Me Liberty, or Give Me Death” speech. No matter if I see a professional orator perform it with eloquence, or a young child reciting that speech, it touches my heart with goodness and purpose.

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sibling rivalry

6 Steps for Making Siblings Friends, Not Foes

One night, after my parents left to go on a date, my brother and I started fighting. I vividly remember the fight getting to the point where both of us were standing on a couch threatening each other with broomsticks. This sad memory changed me. Many times over the years I’ve had that memory return,

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truth

Truth Be Told…Influence of Family is Astounding!

Even though there’s violence dotting the globe, the largest battle of our day isn’t physical. It’s a war of words. All these words are supposed to lead the listeners to truth. Often the talk feels cheap even though the claim is each new idea, paradigm and argument is the most valuable. Is this word war

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mother talking to younger children

Stepping Away From What They Believe

It’s hard to see a good family friend or loved one stray from the things you both know and believe. Things inevitably end up changing. The relationships become different and sometimes strained. However, you still want to stay close to them. How is that to be achieved? And, how do you break it to the children without them thinking these good people are not so good?

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Healing Relationships with Family This Holiday Season

Relationships make or break the holidays. For some, holiday family parties are stressful because of unhealthy relationships. They know attending traditional family gatherings and sending Christmas cards to “loved ones” is important. However, that ball of hurt, frustration and disgust creeps into their throat whenever they think about past relationship problems, making attending family events

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Hope For Homes Everywhere!

Sometimes, no matter how diligently parents try to teach their children and unify their families, they are met with opposition. Sunday Evening 1986 “It’s time for family council,” said Dad, as usual one Sunday evening. “How long is it going to take?” “We hate family council!” “Urgh!” “I’m tired. Can I go to bed?” said

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roles 8

13-Year-Old Girl Changes Lives by Changing Her Heart

It’s difficult to know what other people are processing about a situation or experience. Parents often assume they know the thoughts of their children, but sometimes they don’t. Each child is so unique, and their view of a situation is unique to them too. This is a story about a young girl we’ll call Megan.

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Eye to eye

1 Skill To Improve Calmness For The Whole Family

While swimming with my family one day the calmness of our pool experience was interrupted by one very loud, very stressed mother. If only this mother was able to see the hearts of her children and everyone else in the pool area. If she could have taken a moment to do just one simple skill

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basketball skills for young players

How Parents Sabotage Their Children Socially

Generally, most parents want their children to have good social skills. They want them to be well liked and to be kind, respectful communicators. Unfortunately, some of these very well-meaning parents might actually be destroying the child’s ability to become this kind, respectful and socially mature person, and they don’t even know they are doing it.

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No More Boring Family Nights! Video of Awesome And Easy Family Night Activities

Families all over the world recently gathered around their computers to see how to have a great family night. This video is fun for all ages. Could the “cure for the common cold-hearted world” be as simple as having weekly family night activities and laughing and loving as a family? For many years family experts

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NortonBaby2

Parenting Tools For Conquering Crisis Situations

No matter the age of children, no matter the family, some moments just feel like or look like chaos. Dirty dishes everywhere, nagging, siblings fighting, people not getting in the car quick enough, whining, laundry piled up all over, toys underfoot, music blaring…where is the calm? This story is regular life for many families. It

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speechBubbles

How You Say It Really Matters! – Effective Elocution

During my young years I developed some deplorable communication habits. Frequently I interrupted people, said wrong things to the wrong people, spoke too often, and had emotional speech. Even though I was good at presenting myself with proper posture and other manners, I was often lacking dignity of speech which led my friends and family

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SadlerCouple

The Marriage That Will Make or Break This Century

“Yes” Marriage Of The Century! Since 2001, the beginning of this century, our world has been different. There has been steady financial crisis, as well as increasing moral decay. While we have been bombarded with messages about keeping people safe and not bullying, our schools and neighborhoods have become less safe and full of more

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sonholdinghand

Preference VS Principle – Family Unity

At the lastTSG Couples' RetreatI had an inspiring conversation with a couple about situations they were trying to improve at their home. The father brought up a topic which impressed me deeply. As we were analyzing their relationships with their children, and making plans for how to solve family problems together, this father said, “I

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MotherdaughterDolls

A Mother’s Gift – 15 Minutes That Changed My Life

Tribute To Mothers Is there a more selfless person than a mother? From sun up to sun down mothers are serving their families, communities, church groups, schools, and neighbors. My mother was not perfect, but I remember her striving for perfection every day. She was constantly cleaning, gardening, canning, making food like home-made bread and

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Friends Picking Apricots -mini

Praise Them For You! – Solving Common Relationship Problems

Relationship Questions “Nicholeen, how can I change my relationship with my daughter? We are so distant from each other.” “Nicholeen, thank you for your articles and Implementation Course conference calls. I look forward to them each week. Please help me with this question. I know you said you have been through this before with your

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PornographyBoy

How to Quit Porn: A Spiritual Transformation

Hopefully the moment you clicked the link to this article your computer gave you a warning that this article will have the word porn in it. That is a sign that you are trying to keep your family away from pornography by installing a security system and filter on your computer. That is a step

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REMEMBER-1

Efficiency Disease & Dealing With Stress


What is Efficiency?



At this time of year we set goals. We resolve to change our ways and become better than we are. The most common resolutions usually have something to do with time or body size. I don’t know how many times I have resolved to get up earlier, or get up earlier to regularly exercise. Likewise, I don’t know how

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CarMat1

Home Made Christmas Gifts For Kids


Over the years we have had a variety of Christmases. Some years we have had more money than other years, but no matter the income we have always felt like we wanted to give our children something which would encourage them to be creative. To create stories.



Stories are the bud of genius. They are the spring of inspiration.

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50PercentOff

Bodies For Sale! Teaching Modesty

“…Everyone is selling something,” I said as I talked to a young girl one evening.

Her mother had just made a comment about how the outfit the girl was wearing was “too revealing” and so she would need to go change it. The fifteen year old girltilted her hip and rolled her eyes as she smirked at her mom. This smile meant, “I don’t care what you say.

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BedtimeHug

Children Need Sleep! ~ Getting Them To Bed Happy


When the end of the day comes I find myself looking forward to bedtime. My bedtime is always exciting to anticipate since all my days are usually purpose-filled and very busy. However, I also look forward to the time the children go to bed each night. I love my children, and our days are filled with joy and laughter, but that quiet time after they have gone to bed, and before I go to bed is a great treat too. The quiet times to think, ponder, write and read are some of the treasured moments of my days as well.



I have noticed that some nights I don’t have a good attitude at bedtime because I am craving my quiet time so much. On these nights I get a little bit selfish and don’t really want to

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cryingToddler

The Crying Game

I love working with and playing with my children. But, the crying game is a game I don’t play. Many children treat the crying behavior as if it is part of a game. They are able to go in and out of the crying game all day long whenever they see it can benefit them. Children often cry simply to get attention. I know it is hard for many parents to discern whether their child is seeking attention or not. Here is a true story which is meant to help clear up some of that confusion.

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HeathFamily

Living The Joyful Life: Audio Class

If you need a self-government refocus here is a great FREE opportunity to hear a one hour class with new material!



I have been invited to speakon a Free tele-summit called Living The Joyful Life: Learn From 5 Expert Mentors onHow To Have A More Passionate Marriage, Happier Kids, Abundant Finances, Get What You Want in Life and the Truth About Beauty!



*In my class I will be talki

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boyHugsMom

Hugs Make Math Easier! ~ Stress Relief Techniques

Math is stressful! Some people get anxiety when they do math. In fact, I bet most people have felt anxious about one math concept or another over the years. Stretching the brain can be frustrating and can even hurt sometimes. One day my eight year old son, Porter, was doing his math. It was a

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