From Sitting To Super Mom: How I Clean My House by Nicholeen Peck What does your ideal house look like? I’m talking about cleanliness. What is your ideal length of time for keeping the house clean? For me, the answer to question number one is sparkling, and the answer to question number two is 20 […]
From Sitting To Super Mom: How I Clean My House Read More »
No matter the age of children, no matter the family, some moments just feel like or look like chaos. Dirty dishes everywhere, nagging, siblings fighting, people not getting in the car quick enough, whining, laundry piled up all over, toys underfoot, music blaring…where is the calm? This story is regular life for many families. It
Parenting Tools For Conquering Crisis Situations Read More »
Question “Nicholeen, my children all seem to have a lack of confidence. They don’t like to try new things, and are getting more and more lazy because of it. What can I do to help them build confidence?” Answer You are not alone. Low self esteem is a problem for many children now days. In
Confidence Building Activities For Children Read More »
“Work is the anectdote for a sick character.” This is what one of my favorite authors, Samuel Smiles, says about work. Work keeps the family united and happy. It keeps someone’s character strong.
The Importance Of Work Read More »
For years, when teaching parents about setting up a family economy in their homes I have taught them that there is a difference between a right and a privilege. I have explained that rights should not be taken away or used as negative consequences, but privileges could be modified to teach children cause and effect;
The Death Of Two Parent Families? Or The Rights Of The Child? Read More »
Every time I visit a home, the parents in the household will point out the one child that is particularly difficult. Sometimes the child is passive, depressed or withdrawn, but most of the time the child is strong willed and prone to disobedience and power struggling. Recently, I visited a family who had both types
The Calm Cure For Strong Willed And Withdrawn Children Read More »
This time of year it is customary tothink about how to become better than we already are. Why would wewant to become better? Honestly, in this world where bad often seemsgood and good is often talked about as bad it is ironic that we stilladhere to a tradition where we focus on becoming better than
The Myth Of Living “Real Life” Read More »
“If you’re not good, Santa will bring you a lump of coal in your stocking instead of presents.” my older brother explained to me when I was about five years old. Is telling children about lumps of coal being delivered okay?
Lumps Of Coal For Christmas Read More »
“What if the Revolutionary War never happened?” “Then cows would sing at baseball games.” or “What if sausage was a health food?” “Then everyone would wear red shoes on Wednesdays.” What? Does any of this make sense to you? That’s the whole point. This hilarious game was taught to me this last week by my
What If? —A Great Game For A Hilarious Family Activity! Read More »
At the lastTSG Couples' RetreatI had an inspiring conversation with a couple about situations they were trying to improve at their home. The father brought up a topic which impressed me deeply. As we were analyzing their relationships with their children, and making plans for how to solve family problems together, this father said, “I
Preference VS Principle – Family Unity Read More »
Tribute To Mothers Is there a more selfless person than a mother? From sun up to sun down mothers are serving their families, communities, church groups, schools, and neighbors. My mother was not perfect, but I remember her striving for perfection every day. She was constantly cleaning, gardening, canning, making food like home-made bread and
A Mother’s Gift – 15 Minutes That Changed My Life Read More »
Have you ever had a child who won't stay on task unless you are there to make sure he does? Are you ever tempted to threaten negative consequences to try to motivate them to stay focused on their school work or chores? Positive consequences for good choices and self-government motivate children way more than the
How To Motivate Students & Kids Chores Read More »
All people have a desire to have a certain amount of control over their environment, and the people in their environment. Control makes people feel happy, satisfied, and safe. The problem with the kind of control explained in this question is that it is only temporary control.
“You’re Breathing My Air!” -Fighting Over The Silly Stuff Read More »
Question – Chores And Allowances “Dear Nicholeen, My daughter is really struggling over money. She wants some pocket money big time so she’s telling me I have to give her money for doing chores or she won’t be motivated… She thinks she is hard done by and has fought her way out of every chore
Allowance For Kids & Kids Chores Read More »
Hopefully the moment you clicked the link to this article your computer gave you a warning that this article will have the word porn in it. That is a sign that you are trying to keep your family away from pornography by installing a security system and filter on your computer. That is a step
How to Quit Porn: A Spiritual Transformation Read More »
Addiction Help
Music can be really healing for the soul, but it can also be damaging.
Every Day Addiction Recovery Stories! Read More »
What is Efficiency?
At this time of year we set goals. We resolve to change our ways and become better than we are. The most common resolutions usually have something to do with time or body size. I don’t know how many times I have resolved to get up earlier, or get up earlier to regularly exercise. Likewise, I don’t know how
Efficiency Disease & Dealing With Stress Read More »
This year our family is doing a new educational Christmas Advent for the 12 days of Christmas. This advent idea was given to me by my good friend, Yvonne Averett. She has two girls ages 9 and 11, and made it for them. They are a homeschool family, and this is one of the ways that they are inviting the Christmas Spirit and Christ into their homeschool this year. I know not everyone who reads my blog is a Christian, but I am and loved this idea. So, I thought I would pass it along. I am always up for family learning and good h
Educational Christmas Advent For Children Read More »
Over the years we have had a variety of Christmases. Some years we have had more money than other years, but no matter the income we have always felt like we wanted to give our children something which would encourage them to be creative. To create stories.
Stories are the bud of genius. They are the spring of inspiration.
Home Made Christmas Gifts For Kids Read More »
Who will end up feeling like a turkey this Thanksgiving?
Even though most people look forward to eating a traditional Thanksgiving dinner with family, there are a few who get a little anxious when they think about seeing people they haven’t talked to for a while or people they don’t feel like they get along with.
Thanksgiving Drama! Read More »
When the end of the day comes I find myself looking forward to bedtime. My bedtime is always exciting to anticipate since all my days are usually purpose-filled and very busy. However, I also look forward to the time the children go to bed each night. I love my children, and our days are filled with joy and laughter, but that quiet time after they have gone to bed, and before I go to bed is a great treat too. The quiet times to think, ponder, write and read are some of the treasured moments of my days as well.
I have noticed that some nights I don’t have a good attitude at bedtime because I am craving my quiet time so much. On these nights I get a little bit selfish and don’t really want to
Children Need Sleep! ~ Getting Them To Bed Happy Read More »
Question:
“What do you think about those systems of parenting that teach NOT using the words consequences or punishments. I know you don’t use the word punishments and I don’t much. But it is a scripture word.
Child Discipline: Consequences For Children Read More »
This week I was invited back to Family Voice Talk Radio with BJ Stober, family therapist to talk about helping children overcome difficult behaviors, and strengthen relationships at the same time. ,
Breaking bad habits is no easy task. Habits are like snow flakes. They fall ever so softly, but then before you know it you have something powerful, and often destructive, like an avalanche. However, even though habits can seem p
How To Break A Habit: More Than Behavior Modification Read More »
What does “living a lie” mean? It is when we believe something that is not true and which controls our thoughts, feelings, and other beliefs. For example, when I was pregnant with our first child, I would sit in church and notice that a boy was wearing white socks with a suit, and I thought, “My son would never do that,” or a little child with a dirty face, and I thought, “My children will have clean faces in church”.
Parenting Myths: Living A Lie VS Parenting Facts Read More »
There are many ways to show love for family members. However, in our family, we don’t write to each other as much as we talk to each other or do acts of service. So, for one of our family activities we decided to make a family mail system.
You’ve Got Mail! Love Note Ideas Read More »
This is the flage described in the article about family mission statements called: Family Mission Statement Success: One Family’s Story
For years now people have talked about making family mission statements. In books and on blogs we hear about the principles behind making a family plan and get inspired to try new things at home.
However, statistically most people don’t actually make mission statements and use them even though they are inspired by the idea. Why?
Family Mission Statement Success: One Family’s Story Read More »
Question:
“Is it possible to spoil children at Christmas? It seems like my children never stop asking for stuff during the holidays. How do you know if your children are spoiled?”
Answer:
Spoiled Rotten? The Christmas Cure! Read More »
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGKZXQd0G0I] Last week my post was about sibling rivalry. Here is a movie which shows how knowing to disagree appropriately is a skill which helps sibling rivalry.
This sibling rivalry solution video was filmed while I was doing some private self-government teaching for a family. I thought the children did very well with their new skills! It is hard to learn new stuff. But, both children will have much more happiness now that they understand that disagreeing appropriately is for their relationsh
Sibling Rivalry Movie: Computer Fights Read More »
Questions: Children Fighting
“Any tips on dealing with sibling rivalry? Homeschooling is not productive due to this issue.”
“My children seem to fight about everything. Most of the stuff is stupid, like whose turn it is to sit in the front seat, or who gets what place to watch a movie. Is this just normal sibling rivalry they will grow out of, or is this something I can fix? Please help!”
Is is possible to be siblings without rivalry?
Answer:
Sibling Rivalry: How To Stop Children From Fighting Read More »
The Question:
“Nicholeen,
what do you do for Halloween? It seems like such a dark holiday, and
I really don’t like participating.”
My Answer:
I love the quote, “Bring your
children up in light and truth.” That is the rule
I follow regarding Halloween.
Halloween: Two Ways To View The Holiday Read More »
Paying Children Allowances
At the Peck house we don’t pay allowance. We also don’t pay for chores to be done. Here’s why and what some other people think about the issue.
We have two businesses we own and offer our children real work opportunities. They help Dad dig holes at plumbing jobs and help Mom do shipping of books etc.
Paying Children Allowances Read More »
“Nicholeen,
Can you share your family chore chart with us?”
My chore chart system is really quite easy. Over the years I have had different kinds of chore chart systems depending on the age of my child. I have had toddler chore charts, kid chore charts, and chore charts for teenagers.
Free Printable Chore Charts: For Children and Teenagers Read More »
Question:
“I just purchased your book online. I am excited to read it. I am a mother
of 3 boys, 16, 13, and 11. Years ago we got each boy his own alarm clock &
talked about being responsible for getting himself up in the morning. Since
Wii time in our home isn’t free for the taking, we told them that this would
be how they could earn Wii time, by setting their own alarm, getting up on
thei
Difficulty Waking Up Read More »
This video is hilarious, but also extremely educational for parents.
Funny Parenting: Eye Opening If You Look Deep! Read More »
(A Story From My Life)
It’s Monday morning and mom is ready to start the week out right. After a summer full of going here and there it is time for family structure again.
“Time to clean your rooms everyone.” Mom says with a smile.
Help For Messy Bedrooms Read More »
(This article contains Nicholeen’s daily home and school schedule for this coming year & a video of how she makes a yearly plan forthe family.)
We have all heard the term “super mom” before. Some people have a positive association with the term. They think, “Wow, that lady is amazing. I want to be a super mom like her.” And, some have a negative association with the term.
Preparing For School With An Ex-Super Mom & My Homeschool Schedule Read More »
We
live in very difficult times. Many people worry about what is on the
horizon, and what future adversities will come.
No
need to worry. Adversity shouldn’t be feared. It should be accepted
and embraced.
What! Adversity is good? Read More »
For years now people have emailed me questions about what to do about a child who won’t practice piano when told to. My children don’t have that problem because of how I began piano with them. The secret to having children enjoy practice time is in giving the child more ownership and less anxiety. This video shows how I work with my children when they are small.
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h33Xk-fK0KY&feature=player_embedded]Getting Children To Practice Piano Read More »
Last week I wrote an article which generated a lot of discussion called Can Too Much Friend Time Hurt Children? Since I received so many emails about the topic I feel it is important to address it again. Some people expressed thanks, and others confusion.
Too Much Friend Time Part 2: Making Confident Children Read More »
“Nicholeen, can my child have too much friend time? I have noticed that he begs for it all the time, but doesn’t really want to play with his brothers and sisters that much. What should I do?”
As many of you know, in my Audio seminar and book, Parenting A House United, I talk about how children usually tell you exactly what they don’t need by asking for it all the time.
Just like if my child keeps begging me for junk food, I know he needs health
Can Too Much Friend Time Hurt Children? Read More »
By: Nicholeen Peck & Heidi Schultz (of www.franticallysimple.com )
Dont’ let this title fool you. Heidi found out principles which work for all size families! She just happens to only have one child.
Raising An Only Child: Successful Parenting Principles Which Work! Read More »
Top 10 Videos of Frequently Asked Questions
Friends,
I get asked parenting questions all the time. Frequently, I get the same questions over and over again. So, I have taken the time to makevideo answersto thetop 10parentingquestionsI get asked. Take a few moments to take a look andshare them with your friends.
Top 10 Parenting Questions People Ask Read More »
“One question my husband had was that when you have a consequence it is quite often an extra chore. His thought is that this would make the children hate doing chores, that they would never want to do a chore unless forced to because they were the means for discipline. Have you found this to
Structured Family: Work as a Consequence Read More »
How often do you pick up the slack for your children? Do you ask them to do a task and then later fix it or finish it for them? What do you do when you realize the task wasn’t done? Most parents just do it themselves with the attitude that if they want something done right, they have to do it themselves.
Parenting Help: Don’t Do It For Them Read More »
…yes but how do you get them to work? My oldest (5yrs) always has to get get a drink or suddenly is tired or has a tummy ache when ever she hears the word “work” or “clean up.” It’s too “boring” she says. I am not about to make work “fun” for her because it
How Do You Get Them To Work? Read More »
I am pretty sure that just putting the word sex in the title of a blog post will make my blog not show up on a lot of your computers. If so, that is good. That means you have a good filter and are trying to keep the children protected from the conspirators in our world who want to enslave us all by destroying all the virtuous thoughts we normally have regarding the opposite gender and the act of marriage.
Recently I was asked:
Dear Nicholeen,
I am so impressed by the beautiful work you do as a mother and as an incredible example to families all over the world. Thank you for the work you do! I know you’re probably crazy busy, but I would really love to learn more about how you present sex education to your children. I just read a crazy disturbing article about what’s being taught in schools, and I want to be sure our children are taught about abstinence and the spiritual significance of the sex ordinance within marriage and the sacred nature of heterosexuality and well as the scientific aspects. It’s wild what teachers think is appropriate to teach Kindergartners and I’m doing research to make sure we’re hitting the right mark. If you could share your thoughts or send me to a link where you may have already addressed this, that would be awesome. Thanks to you and your sweet family!
You ask a great question. The topic of sexuality is a must for parents living in these times. My views are
Straight Talk About Sex: Children And Sex Read More »
So many people ask me how to control their out of control children… A man I really admire named Jeffrey Holland said, “…the only real control in life is self control.” I couldn’t agree more. You can control the settings on your computer, and control the television choices that come into your home. You can control all the things on your Family Standard and you can control what your family eats for dinner, but you can’t control another person. No matter how hard you try and how much power you try to look like you have, the only person you can control is yourself. Since that is the case, we should capitalize on that power we have to control ourselves, or govern ourselves. If we
Real Control! -Help For Parents Read More »
My two youngest children are best friends, and play a lot with each other. It is so fun to see them enjoy each other. This summer we have noticed that they are getting a bit too much play lately though. The sun comes up and someone is at our door asking to play. The children do their chores and run outside. They would stay there day after day, all day, if I didn’t ever call them in.
The other day my husband and I noticed some very distracted behaviors. My six year old was showing off a lot and acting a lot more “crazy” than usual. He was also trying to be the “funny guy” by popping off. We looked at each other and both knew something needed to change
Too Much Play Time?-Solving the Boredom Problem Read More »
“I came across your ideas on the LDSEHE website, and have been so inspired by all of it. I’m starting to read your book, hoping to fill in a few holes. I really like your idea for Friday family movie nights as your one source of TV. How do you make selections for that night? Do you have a list of movies you would recommend?”
You are right. We have a family TV watching policy to help our family not get bound by television. Our policy is that we don’t watch TV unless it is a movie on Friday family movie night.
Family TV Watching: Parenting Tip Read More »
My children have started a fun new game this Summer thanks to a very creative friend. They play camping. Their friend found lots of old odds and ends around the house and garage and loaded them into his wagon and brought them over to play. The children loved it so much, they play it every
Summer Fun for the Children; and the Parents Too! Read More »
“I do struggle and maybe you could give me some advice. I spend quite a bit of time with my kids in the morning going over little activities like school workbooks and story time and exercising together. Yet the minute I get on the phone or sit down to nurse the baby, the three boys are arguing or fighting or taking toys from each other or something of the sort. I have tried to get them to color or do a certain activity together, but that only lasts so long. It’s hard to discipline when you are nursing the baby.
I know I have a bit of post-pardom and always feel like I am always nursing the baby or disciplining my children. I have felt discouraged with my 3 boys behavior and realize some of their actions comes from mom spending so much time with the new little one. Do you have any tips or suggestions for me on how to best help teach my boys and solve the problems.”
J You hit a common discipline problem right on the head. I would like to meet a mother who can have a 30 minute phone conversation and not have things fall apart a little bit. My one hopeful thought to you is that as they grow, they learn to live without you for 30 minutes, or more. 😉
Nursing a baby is also a hard one. I have been there too.
“Mom is on the phone” ~Discipline Problem Read More »
One of my passions is astronomy. When I go out in my backyard and look through my telescope at my friends, the planets and stars, I feel so close to God. Not because heaven is in space, but because it is so obvious there is organization in all things. He is a God of order; with everything in it’s perfect place. Everything has a purpose; a mission. Since He is order in all we see it only makes sense that people should live by order too.
Just like laws and principles govern the skies and the earth, there are laws meant to govern us as well. That is why we have chosen to apply governing rules to our home too. We feel like there is no better example of how to run a home than the way God runs our world; the current home for His family.
Our family has a set structure. We have certain meetings each week to strengthen the family relationships and keep the home in order. The meetings we have are
I found Character, by Samuel Smiles in ebook format for free. So cool! Here’s the link if you want to pass it along: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2541/2541-h/2541-h.htm#2HCH0011
Character Book: Must Read Read More »
“I have a 5 year old son that is in kindergarten. He loves school because of all his friends there… Unfortunately with school I see him still coming home with some bad habits that we must work to break. I think his teacher is great but with all the kids in the class she can’t be expected to enforce/reward self-government principles. My concern is that he is getting confused with discipline at home and less discipline at school. How do you address this issue with your kids?”
It is hard to have a child come home from school with behaviors you need to break all the time.
School Problems ~When The Classroom Comes Home Read More »
Question:
“The biggest struggle we have with my son is that he wants to be the parent – he wants to be in control, not necessarily of my husband and I, but of the rest of the kids (he’s #2 of 5). For instance, this morning he made himself a “dessert sandwich” (he just made this up, bread with butter and cinnamon on it) before breakfast, but got mad and yelled at our 2 year old for getting into the fridge to get an apple while he still had the sandwich in his hand. Even me standing there saying “It’s okay, she can have the apple” didn’t calm things right away. ALL THE TIME he gets after his siblings for things he sees as wrong, but he himself can do no wrong, even if he’s doing the same things they are.”
About Parents
I love how at the beginning of this question you say that your son thinks he’s the parent and then at the end you say that he can do no wrong even though he is doing the same thing. These two statements together in the same paragraph make me smile because that is just what most parents really do. They get after the children for doing what they, the parents, are doing all the time too. These parents for some reason feel like if they don’t have to look at their short comings in their children then the short comings aren’t really there and don’t need to be addressed.
I will never forget
Parenting Questions: What to do when they think they are the parent Read More »
On the first CD of my Teaching Self Government Audio Seminar I speak about teaching your family about having a mission as a family group. The mission is what you will do to reach your family’s vision for the future. An important part of teaching your children about working toward a vision and living for a mission is teaching them about philanthropy, or service. Service is also an integral part of building strong character. We all know giving our children service opportunities helps them become more selfless, which aids in family unity. However, serving as a family also gives your children practice in living a mission for a vision. This practice will help them find success in projects their entire lives. As a family, we are always looking for a way to serve others. In fact,
Families Working Together ~Mission Oriented Families Read More »
Nicholeen,
I’ve got “bubblegum pink” paint all over the carpet (and some furniture) right now that should NOT be there, and I have yelled and got angry at 3 of the 9 kids one who is under 24 hr priviledge loss but didn’t have anything to do with it, and I came in to my computer to take a breather and look what I found in my inbox! I was already feeling bad, and your article is the big dose of truth I need, but how do you turn it around when you’ve really blown it? Do I just bounce in with my new perspective, apologize and ask for forgiveness? Did this happen to you in the beginning? Thanks and God bless with your health issues.
OH………………..That is frustrating for sure. I feel your pain, and your frustration. I have to say, I have never had that one happen before. But, I have had my share of paint spills, gum on the carpet, bubble spills, and marker on the walls. Some children are just naturally more curious than others aren’t they? My children have never been too curious, but they have had friends over the years who have been and have started creative play in motion.
To answer you question,
Changing Perspective…You Can Do It. Read More »
One of Those Days
Have you ever had one of those days where you go, go, go? On these days there are lots of places to get to, you are always running late and your children seem to be grumpy, whiny, and aggressive. You don’t know if you’ll ever master getting out the door with a smile on your face and everyone in a good mood.
At the ends of days like these we plop on the couch grateful that there is finally quiet in the house and still some chocolate ice cream in the freezer. We hope the children will give us at least two hours of good sleep and that we might be able to actually check something off or our to-do list before we get to ‘turn in.’ These are the days we can’t wait to finish.
I have felt those days too.
Parenting Discipline ~Another Perspective Read More »
…We just started this approach to parenting a few weeks ago, and while the first couple of weeks went well because the kids all loved the praise and even the novelty of picking jobs out of a jar, we’ve hit this bump where most are dawdling, and adding another chore that just doesn’t get done doesn’t seem effective so we’ve started losing privileges for unfinished work. Granted, they are ages 8 and under, and perhaps I need to keep teaching the jobs rather than assume they know since I taught them once or twice. Thanks so much for sharing, both of you! I’m learning so much!
Keep up the good work! You went through your honeymoon stage and now you have hit the part where the children are hoping you will lose your consistency. They are testing to see if you are really going to stick to your new family government system. Keep talking about your vision and Stay consistent.
I have found that dawdling only continues to be a problem if the parents
Changing Parenting Styles ~The Honeymoon Read More »
“I was wondering….what do you do about name calling, or when children say bad words? My children say crap, stupid, dumb, etc… No matter how many times I tell them to stop, they don’t. So would you have them do a chore everytime they named called, or said a bad word? or Would you do something different?”
Name calling is obviously not appropriate because it destroys the feeling in the home and encourages contention and selfishness. There are a couple of ways I handle this sort of thing.
Stopping the Name Calling, and Crass Words Read More »
One of my passions is astronomy. When I go out in my backyard and look through my telescope at my friends, the planets and stars, I feel so close to God. Not because heaven is in space, but because it is so obvious there is organization in all things. He is a God of order; with everything in it’s perfect place. Everything has a purpose; a mission. Since He is order in all we see it only makes sense that people should live by order too.
Just like laws and principles govern the skies and the earth, there are laws meant to govern us as well. That is why we have chosen to apply governing rules to our home too. We feel like there is no better example of how to run a home than the way God runs our world; the current home for His family.
Our family has a set structure. We have certain meetings each week to strengthen the family relationships and keep the home in order. The meetings we have are
“Hi Nicholeen, I hope you don’t mind me messaging you/adding you as a friend….I saw you recently on tv here in England, and as a mother of two I was so impressed and humbled by your patience and love. Nothing seemed to get you down. The love and respect your family have for each other was so apparent, and it did bring tears to my eyes. I would love to have that same patience, tolerance and sheer joy in my life that you do. I’d love to hear back from you, if you have the time, and if possible try and send me some of your calm and patience through the web!!”
Thank you so much for your kind words. What age are your children? It is so good that you are trying to be the best mother you can be. There really is nothing more important for our world right now than parents raising good children who will fight for goodness in this confusing world. This is what I am doing at my house.
Advice From the World’s Strictest Parent Read More »
We have a problem with people getting into things in the house without asking. For example chocolate chips, cookies in the freezer and so on. We also have a problem with dishonesty.
The consequence for these (decided by the family) Dishonesty: 30 min.
Getting Each Other in Trouble Read More »
One afternoon my children and I went on a walk to our local library. The library is about one and a half miles from our home. After a great time reading and exploring together in the library, we started our mile and a half walk home.
During the walk one of my small children mentioned he was hungry. It was getting close to dinner time, and would still be a little while before we reached home. When we were about a half way home we passed a home which had a large apple tree growing on the property. The apples on the tree were perfectly ripe and large. My son immediately notice
Stand For Something Read More »
Recently I have had multiple people email with questions about their husbands. It seems that some fathers are reluctant to make changes in their family culture and systems even when the rest of the family is already using the teaching-self-government system. Even though I am speaking from a woman’s perspective today to women primarily, I have also had fathers email about their wives not wanting to change, so the topic is valid for both mothers and fathers.
Why is it that one parent can be ready for change and another isn’t? The answer to this question is probably individual in many
Fathers figuring things out Read More »
Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago. It has been so helpful! It has already made a big difference in our home!
My eight year old son was having trouble obeying the first time i.e. following instruction, and we would ask him again and again to do things and he wouldn’t do them. He would forget or get distracted reading. (He’s a white, through and through.) Then we would get angry and he would do it. But he would sometimes get angry and lately even sometimes go into a little bit of a rage.
Success Stories and Some Questions Read More »
A parent says, “Billy, come make your bed.”
Billy doesn’t come immediately so the parent says,”One…….Two………Three.” to get Billy to come.
Have you ever done this? Everyone knows Billy better start running either at or before his mom hits the number three or else Mom could turn into a monster.
As I travel around, I notice counting to three as possibly the most common parenting control method. Counting has it’s place in parenting, but the counting in the above story is either a threat, a power struggle, or a sign of a parent who doesn’t real
Have You Ever Done This? Read More »
We used you family standard made some changes and put it in our family book. My question is, do you have a family mission statement?
I am so glad you liked the standard. Ours is also in our family meeting book. Here is our family mission statement: ~Nicholeen
Our Mission Statement Read More »
What about extra chores?
On Sundays we don’t do heavy work, or major maintenances in order to keep our Sabbath. But children still make bad choices on Sundays. My policy is this:
If my child chooses to earn an extra chore on a Sunday then I try to think of something that I would normally have to do on that day anyway; such as make cookies for a family treat, or put all the books back on the shelf etc. Remember, all chores don’t have to be miserable, they just have to teach cause and effect. A person doesn’t have to feel pain to learn.
Sunday chores again. Read More »
As I was looking at your chore chart, I thought of another question I’ve been meaning to ask about chores. I noticed Sunday is listed as a day of rest on the charts–how does that work with things that have to be done everyday (like setting/clearing the table, dishes, animals, making beds, etc.)? Also, how do you handle extra chores that are earned on Sunday?
What about Sundays? Read More »
This last weekend at the seminar in Clearfield, UT I was asked for a copy of my family standard. In case it is useful to anyone else, it is below. Warning, this is three pages long on word. You should be able to copy and paste it back to word if you want to use it too or take ideas from it. 🙂 It does contain some things that are specific to our family’s religion. Regard those things how you will. Each family’s family standard should include things from their religious foundations.
Peck Family Standard Read More »
I walked out of the room and was faced with disrespectful behavior…voice raising and critical attitude for no apparent reason….It made me glad I can look forward to the publishing of your book! I am starting to chalk this type of behavior up to “Not following instructions” based on the instruction to “Treat others with respect and kindness.”
You could either call it “Not Following Instructions,” or you could call it “Not Disagreeing Appropriately.” Either way would work for a corrective teaching. However, I try to teach to “Not Disagreeing Appropriately” whenev
Voice Raising and Critical Attitude Read More »
Thank you–this was very helpful! One more question. . .On the specifics, like letting the children know chores are a “standing instruction”, the children having to make up the time if you do the chore for them, the time period allowed for chores to be done, or the 30 minutes for a dishonest chore, how did you determine these and then teach/tell your children about what would happen?
Comment on chores… Read More »
I know you’ve written posts about chores before, but I can’t seem to find them on your website. So I’ll ask my questions, and maybe you can direct me to the proper posts if you’ve already answered them! Are the everyday chores that kids have a “standing instruction?” In other words, if they don’t do their chores or have to be reminded to do them, are they not following instructions, and would they start earning consequences?
Yes. Any responsibility your child has, such as a chore or school work, is an instruction. The term “standing instruction” is perfect fo
Are Chores Instructions too? Read More »
How do you help your children stand up for what’s right without being “preachy” or “goody-goody”?
The most importantskill you can teach your child is how to determine what is right and what is wrong and how to choose right and stay away from wrong. This is the whole reason children need parents. If my child can’t match his outfits, doesn’t know how to do mathematics well, never changes his bed sheets, ortalks with his mouth full, it doesn’t really matter at all if he has mastered how to discern between what is right and what is wrong and chooses to follow right.
Dealing with Friends part 4 Read More »
How do you help your children respond appropriately to unkind behavior and deal with conflicts?
I am assuming this question is referring to conflicts with friends and not siblings, although the conflicts aren’t too much different. In fact, in most cases if we all treated each other like friends instead of siblings, we would all be much nicer to each other. For some reason, most people treat strangers, and friends way better than fami
Dealing with Friends part 3 Read More »
“How do these things change as your children get older?”
Too much friend time makes children selfish. Children who are around peers too often start to think more about their peers than their family. This focus on self encourages them to with draw from family.
If children have limited contact with peers when they are young, they will most likely not become dependent upon having friends around for their happiness. The last thing I want is a child who thinks that their happiness comes from something or someone else. Happiness comes from inside us all, and for
Dealing with Friends part 2 Read More »
How often do your children play with friends, and under what conditions? How do these things change as your children get older? How do you help your children respond appropriately to unkind behavior and deal with conflicts? How do you help your children stand up for what’s right without being “preachy” or “goody-goody”?
These great questions about friends will take a few days to answer. The answer to the first question is below.
“How often do your children play wi
Dealing with Friends Read More »
The Universe is governed by laws. One of those laws is that an older, wiser species comes before the new, innocent young of the same species to guide the younger toward right choices and acceptable behaviors. I have heard parents say before that their children didn’t come with instruction manuals. This is true, and each child is uniquely different, but I have wondered if parents make statements like these to make themselves feel better
Changing generations Read More »
“In a family meeting, do the kids actually get to vote on the final decision, or are they just giving input and opinions, and then the parents make the decision?”
Good question. Everyone votes in the family meeting. On rarest of occasions the parents could veto a vote if it is dangerous or goes against the family mission statement or family morals in any way.
The reason that everyone must vote, is because this is meeting where everyone in the family finds their focus and works on communicating to each other. This is also where all the positive and negative co
Family Meeting Question Read More »
“I’m having trouble figuring out what behavior is
“normal” for my 4- and 8-year-old boys, what chores I can expect them
to be able to perform, and what kinds of rewards and consequences
work for the different ages. Is there a good book you can suggest?
Or is that something I need to tailor for my own boys (i.e.
What should I expect? Read More »
Tomorrow our family has to leave early for the day. While driving the car tonight I realized that we didn’t have any gas, and if we had to get gas tomorrow morning, we would probably end up running late for our appointments. So, I decided to take some time this evening to re-fuel the car. As I was standing at the pump, I realized that I am not much different than a car. I also need re-fueling from time to time in order to be a happy, healthy mom; the kind of mom that can keep running all day. We all need a little time to re-fuel on a regular basis. I used to take a whole day each m
“How do you take away all privileges from younger kids? My 3.5 year old is really pushing… This post was the first time I really understood the “lose all privileges for 24 hours” thing. I can figure out how to do that with my 6 and 8 year olds, but the younger ones, I just can’t see it. Can you give me a visual please?
Should 3 year old lose privileges for 24 hours too? Read More »
“I have two boys ages 7 and 4. My 7yo has developed a couple problems: stealing and lying. I think that I/we have been making the problem worse in the way we have handled it. We also have a HUGE problem with not minding. He is a very stubborn child and will not help us when trying to come up with consequences for his actions. He says either, “I don’t know” or “give me a spanking” or something like that. Those are NOT working, he seems to get worse with each consequence.
“I just thought I would mention that our meetings often go over 20 minutes but my kids still look forward to them. They love picking the family activity, they like problem solving too.
“Do you have a way for your kids to earn money? Could you elaborate on that?”
There was a time when we paid our children an allowance of sorts. Each child had a calendar. Their consequence for a minor offense was an X on the day of the calendar. After 5 Xs in a day, they lost their privileges for the day. Each day they automatically earned 50 cents because they were part of our family. For each X they earned, 10 cents was subtracted from the day’s totals. Every Friday dad would come home with cash and the children would total their charts and report to dad fo
“I was just wondering, when trying to set up this type of family government for the first time, does it take several family meetings before you can actually implement it? You talk about how each meeting shouldn’t be longer than 20 minutes, but if I’m understanding properly, to begin we need to talk about a family vision, come up with a mission statement, teach everyone the four basic skills (and practice them), and create a family standard…all the things seem to build on each other, so it sounds like it would take longer than twenty minutes to go through all of it properly bef
“I first just want to thank you for the wonderful things you do. I attended the LDSEHE conference in Virginia in May and LOVED the classes I went to from you so much that I bought your CDs. Since then, I’ve listened to them over and over and over trying to en-grain it into my head and heart. My question to you is this: How do you start from scratch with a houseful of kids? I have 9 kiddos ages 12 to 9 mo. They are really good kids, but I’ve learned that I have done then a huge injustice by the way I’ve been parenting them. I am ready to change and increase the love and spi
Job jars are great, but what to put in them? How many chores can you really do around one house? Here’s a list of jobs you can use!
How does 24 hours loss of privilegeswork in your house? Let’s say a13 year old boydoesn’t want to get on board. Buthe shouldn’t be allowed to just hole up in his room away from the rest of the family!However, I have foundthat sending him to sit on his bed is the most effective thingthat can be done.
Consequences are so individual. I don’t expe
Using The Bedroom As A Consequence Read More »
“You mentioned you have touching rules for friends, family, and neighbors–do you mind sharing them?”
There are rules and boundaries for touching for different groups of people. Know what they are and make sure your kids know what they are too.
A reader wrote to me telling me about a young neighborhood child that introduced things of a sexual nature to her daughter. This is not a fun subject. I have been avoiding putting it on the site, but the more I think about it, this topic is probably one of the biggest things parents face. How do we keep our children free from the disease of sexual impurity that seems to be taking over our world? How do we make them aware while not taking away their innocence?
The Times We Live In Part 1 Read More »
A reader loves the chore chart we have for our children and wants to try it, but also wants to know if we have a chore chart for us, the adults.
Adult Chore Chart? Read More »
I have had a few requests for a copy of my chore chart. My system is very simple. Probably not revolutionary, but here it is. This chart is the one that my big children use. They switch chore lists each week.
I have had many questions latelyasking if fathers should parent different andhow to help fatherbecome part of mother’s vision for the family. There are many different situations and personalities, so there areprobably many ways to treat each different relationship.I am going to share some of what I have learned about fathers and what I havedoneto
Fathers: Parent or Playmate Part 1 Read More »
I have to ask it because it’s something I struggle with talking about to my kids . . . when do you talk to your children about sex? How do you go about it so that they understand that sex is actually a good thing at the right time and place, and not some evil thing (the world’s view) that you have to do to bring children to the world?
When do you talk about “it”? Read More »
In our family meeting this Sundaya topicwas brought up that our family needs to do more service. We asked for suggestions. After going over many options, we decided that Dad would call aranch in our community that might need our help and see if we could come do some REAL hard WORK.
Character Building Read More »
A blog reader wrote:
1 – We don’t have a “rule” or certain consequence set up for every behavior in the book (nor do we want so many specific rules!) So, I’m wondering if “just-plain-not-doing-what-you-know-you-should” (be kind, be respectful, be responsible, be honest, don’t hit, tease, talk back, etc.) would be considered “not following instructions”, and would it then be followed up with the usual – an extra job, followed by SODAS, then major maintenance, and 24 hours without privileges…? Or is it better to assign certain consequences to certain behaviors?
Certain Consequences For Certain Behaviors Read More »
A lot of children have selective hearing; have you noticed? Some of this selective hearing is planned and some isn’t. They really don’t hear us correctly sometimes. We can do something to make sure this doesn’t happen as often. Have you ever said don’t run down the hall, and the first thing your child does is run down the hall? My mom used to say to me, “Don’t talk back to me.” The first thing I did after this instruction was talk back to her. Strange. It is never a good idea to start an instruction with the word don’t, because whatever you say after don’t might be
