Question – Chores And Allowances
My daughter is really struggling over money. She wants some pocket money big time so she’s telling me I have to give her money for doing chores or she won’t be motivated… She thinks she is hard done by and has fought her way out of every chore she has been assigned. She has tried being nice to get less work and now says she would do these things for money. I have told her that for every time any of them follow instructions I will allow them to put pasta in a jar and when it’s full we get to go on a family treat. I will let every full jar put an amount in a savings account towards family fun.
What can I do to help her? She really thinks money needs to be her immediate reward for chores.”
Answer – Teaching Children Responsibility
At least you know what motivates her; money.But, she is trying to control you with her ultimatum. An ultimatum shows me that she doesn’t understand how to communicate assertively about what she wants, and that she possibly feels entitled. She is trying to power struggle with you. The best way to help her earn money is to have a mentor session with her and make a plan for how she can earn money. But, I wouldn’t give her money for doing her regular chores. She needs to be able to follow instructions and serve the family without expecting anything in return. It is not healthy for a person to be raised expecting rewards for every thing they do. Motivation needs to come from a sense of duty and devotion more than it comes from a sense of selfishness.
She is not following instructions and needs to earn extra chores if she doesn’t follow instructions. If she doesn’t do her extra chores, she is out of instructional control. That is when I do the rule of three.
It sounds like the structure still needs a little help.
Kids And Money
You can do a motivational system for her for a short time where you give her a pound each day if she is able to follow instructions all day. Each time she doesn’t follow instructions 1/5 the pound would be taken off as well as earning an extra chore. So, after 5 times of not following instructions she would lose her pound. That is one idea. But, it needs to be temporary just to get her in the habit of following instructions the first time they are given.
Another idea is to have her do life as usual but offer her other chores to do for pay. So, after she is done with her regular chores and school, she can choose to work for money by doing things on your to do list. This will motivate her to do her stuff quickly and to help you get other things done around the house. (This is how I handle it if the children want to earn money.)
Hope this helps.