Today we had a great day with Debbie and Ron on The KJZZ morning show hosted by KUTV2 news station. Below are the links to the two segments we appeared in. Today’s topic was consequences and how to choose them.
Segment one: http://connect2utah.com/content/fulltext/?cid=79502
Segment Two: http://connect2utah.com/media_player.php?media_id=119902
Television clips from today ~Parenting Tips Read More »
This Friday, March 12, Spencer and I will be featured to appear again for two segments on the KJZZ morning show. This show airs in Utah on channel 14 from 9 – 10 in the morning. This Friday’s topic is going to be using consequences appropriately.
They have asked us to appear each month for two segments on parenting. At this point we have been told we will always appear on the second Fridays of the month. If you have friends who could be helped from the things we teach you may want to refer them to the show. It is our hope that many families will benefit from the principles we know as
Nicholeen and Spencer Peck on TV Read More »
On the first CD of my Teaching Self Government Audio Seminar I speak about teaching your family about having a mission as a family group. The mission is what you will do to reach your family’s vision for the future. An important part of teaching your children about working toward a vision and living for a mission is teaching them about philanthropy, or service. Service is also an integral part of building strong character. We all know giving our children service opportunities helps them become more selfless, which aids in family unity. However, serving as a family also gives your children practice in living a mission for a vision. This practice will help them find success in projects their entire lives. As a family, we are always looking for a way to serve others. In fact,
Families Working Together ~Mission Oriented Families Read More »
Nicholeen,
I’ve got “bubblegum pink” paint all over the carpet (and some furniture) right now that should NOT be there, and I have yelled and got angry at 3 of the 9 kids one who is under 24 hr priviledge loss but didn’t have anything to do with it, and I came in to my computer to take a breather and look what I found in my inbox! I was already feeling bad, and your article is the big dose of truth I need, but how do you turn it around when you’ve really blown it? Do I just bounce in with my new perspective, apologize and ask for forgiveness? Did this happen to you in the beginning? Thanks and God bless with your health issues.
OH………………..That is frustrating for sure. I feel your pain, and your frustration. I have to say, I have never had that one happen before. But, I have had my share of paint spills, gum on the carpet, bubble spills, and marker on the walls. Some children are just naturally more curious than others aren’t they? My children have never been too curious, but they have had friends over the years who have been and have started creative play in motion.
To answer you question,
Changing Perspective…You Can Do It. Read More »
One of Those Days
Have you ever had one of those days where you go, go, go? On these days there are lots of places to get to, you are always running late and your children seem to be grumpy, whiny, and aggressive. You don’t know if you’ll ever master getting out the door with a smile on your face and everyone in a good mood.
At the ends of days like these we plop on the couch grateful that there is finally quiet in the house and still some chocolate ice cream in the freezer. We hope the children will give us at least two hours of good sleep and that we might be able to actually check something off or our to-do list before we get to ‘turn in.’ These are the days we can’t wait to finish.
I have felt those days too.
Parenting Discipline ~Another Perspective Read More »
Another idea might be having a family meeting, I teach about those too, and discuss a POSITIVE motivational system for the family if everyone follows instructions the first time asked for a few days. I have a great idea in my book about Rachel’s Bean Magic. That motivational system my do really well for this because it shows that each good thing has a positive consequence, not just focusing on the bad.
Also, work with your children regularly too. Teach them the jobs by example. Sometimes we expect things to be done perfectly when we haven’t really taught them how to do the jobs properly
Obedience — Inspiring a Change in Behavior Read More »
…We just started this approach to parenting a few weeks ago, and while the first couple of weeks went well because the kids all loved the praise and even the novelty of picking jobs out of a jar, we’ve hit this bump where most are dawdling, and adding another chore that just doesn’t get done doesn’t seem effective so we’ve started losing privileges for unfinished work. Granted, they are ages 8 and under, and perhaps I need to keep teaching the jobs rather than assume they know since I taught them once or twice. Thanks so much for sharing, both of you! I’m learning so much!
Keep up the good work! You went through your honeymoon stage and now you have hit the part where the children are hoping you will lose your consistency. They are testing to see if you are really going to stick to your new family government system. Keep talking about your vision and Stay consistent.
I have found that dawdling only continues to be a problem if the parents
Changing Parenting Styles ~The Honeymoon Read More »
I make my children breakfast in bed every Valentine’s day. It’s a tradition that we all look forward to. It is my Valentine to them. Some times we have red heart pancakes and sometimes we have eggs with candy sprinkles and chocolate chips. 🙂 Try it. Surprise them.
Happy Valentines Day From the Peck Family Read More »
Hey, I have read your book and have been trying to implement the system, however I have a few questions. My oldest son is 11, he has trouble controlling his emotions and talking back. Here is an example of a typical situation; I ask him to do something he makes a face and might say a smart remark but he will look me in the eye after I remind him and will say ok sarcastically then he will go do the chore.
He follows the steps the right way about 50% of the time. Today he was out of instructional control and me telling him that if he chose not to follow my instructions that the was going to chose to earn another chore didn’t work. He just sat there, so I left the room for a few minutes and when I came back he was ready to follow instructions. However he was only ready after I told him that he was going to lose all his privileges. My question is how long should he lose his privileges? He was calm, he just didn’t want to follow my instructions when I asked the first time.
He also talks back too much or tries to argue.
Back Talking vs. Appropriate Disagreements & The Rule of Three Read More »
Jason Alba, well known author, blogger, and public speaker shared some the Teaching Self-Government successes at his home on this link http://jasonalba.com/2010/02/02/choose-the-right/
It’s so great to hear people’s successes!
Parenting Success Story Read More »
Nicholeen: we’re doing our best to implement a system of family government following your plan. I have the 6 cd set and I’ve listened to them twice, and I’m reading the book as well…
…What do you do about a child who chooses to be out of instructional control forever? Just give him his 3 square meals a day, food, clothing, medical care, education, and otherwise let him be? I decided to further restrict his privileges by only letting him take one bath a day for 30 minutes maximum. (He likes to take about 6 to 8 baths a day usually.) I also will fill up his waking time with chores and SODAS, but if he refuses to do them as he is now, do I just wait him out? Keep asking him every 15 minutes if he’s ready to accept consequences yet? What?
Happy Children Choose to be Happy Read More »
“Grandparents need the lessons taught by Nicholeen. I have 43 grandchildren. As I took care of 5 of them just recently, using the “Family Council” as a way of solving problems (as taught by Nicholeen) was so helpful to me in working with the grandchildren. Thanks, Nicholeen!”
I loved this comment because it shows that the Teaching Self-Government communication principles can be used in all circumstances with any family members or friends. I also find these principles helpful in group settings like teaching church classes or advising scouts or clubs.
Principles to keep in mind in all settings:
Grandparents Parenting ~ And Principles for Good Communication With Anyone or Any Group Read More »
This is a copy of an email from Amiee Kieffer, author of http://momzoo.blogspot.com/
I thought it would be helpful to many others.
Hitting Toddlers – Parenting Advice Read More »
Nicholeen,
Do you have any hope (techniques we can use) forNarcissistto change? I am dealing with a 50 year old son who we have diagnosed (finally) and he is wearing us out emotionally and financially.
Thank you so much,
When I think about this situation I can’t help but ponder on the word “control.”He wants control of his life and is going about it all wrong…………you want to have more control, or influence, over him and he is not a child anymore, despite how he is acting, so you can’t have it by taking it. There is a principle I believe in…………..No one is able to really control anyone but herself.
However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t still have influence on your son. It just means that it is much more
Parenting Adult Children ~Narcissism Personality Disorder Read More »
I just want all of you who have asked me questions lately to know that I have been swamped with questions. I have a very long list at this point. I am still working away at them, but only have so much time each day to devote to question and answer, so some will probably go un-answered for a while before I can get to them. I am so sorry for this but just thought I would let all of you know that I wish I could do it better faster and am currently contemplating a way I might be able to do that for you.
Thanks for your patience. I will get you your answers as soon as I am able.
Nichole
Parenting Toddlers ~ Small Successes
Nicholeen,
I’ve been working with my son Jack for the last six months to appropriately accept correction. He’s 21 months old. He’ll do something inappropriate, I’ll tell him the right thing to do and then say, “You say, ‘OK, mom.'” I’ve been wondering, over the course of the months, if my efforts were in vain. Was he too young? Would he ever get it?
Parenting Toddlers and Parenting Teenagers ~Family Government in Action Read More »
Q: “My Older children like to use the “disagreeing Appropriately” in what I consider to be inappropriate ways. For instance if I give an instruction that they simply don’t feel like doing, they disagree appropriately. I find that I want to say “no, you can’t disagree appropriately” because, I don’t feel it is appropriate to disagree to help. Yet, if I don’t allow them to disagree, then I get considerably more arguing and whining. And if I allow it, but don’t let them out of the request, I worry that I am never rewarding them for disagreeing appropriately. Any suggestions on how to overcome this? On a positive note, my 5 year old is using this a lot better, and it has cut down on his whining considerably.”
A:
The fact that your children like to use disagreeing appropriately shows they have learned that calmly discussing works better than having an attitude problem or other alternative. It could also mean your children think they have found a
Disobedient Children -They don’t want to help out – No Answers Read More »
“My 2yo has started crying a LOT the past few days. Over every little thing. Nothing is different physically or environmentally that I can tell. He already has his 2yo molars, too.. He’s just been crying about everything that he doesn’t like, with some pretty good tantrums thrown in the mix of the average crying. I tried holding him in timeout (he’s never stayed in time out on his own so far), but he screamed and threw a serious tantrum the whole time.. which wouldn’t be a problem for me except that I have to take care of the other kids, too! I tried holding him in our time-out spot until he was done with the tantrum so I could praise him for being happy, etc., but after 40 minutes of continuous screaming, my baby was also crying, needing to be fed, and the other young kids had destroyed the basement. At that point I just took him to his bed to finish his crying fit. So I’m thinking the holding in time out option might not work for us. Yesterday and today I’ve started just taking him to his room when he starts having a breaking down crying fit. What would you suggest? Do you think I should just take him to his room every time he cries? Or should I try
Tips For Using Time-out With Toddlers Read More »
“I was wondering….what do you do about name calling, or when children say bad words? My children say crap, stupid, dumb, etc… No matter how many times I tell them to stop, they don’t. So would you have them do a chore everytime they named called, or said a bad word? or Would you do something different?”
Name calling is obviously not appropriate because it destroys the feeling in the home and encourages contention and selfishness. There are a couple of ways I handle this sort of thing.
Stopping the Name Calling, and Crass Words Read More »
Seeing James and Hannah so much improved and obviously happier makes it all worth it. We love them! Well done James! Well done Hannah! ~Nicholeen
James and Hannah Reflecting on the BBC show Read More »
The first page of Parenting A House United says:
“Is your home in crisis? Do your children never do what they are told? Do you find yourself completely overwhelmed and hating to interact with your children? Do your children treat you with disrespect and cause contention at home? Are you out of control of your emotions as a parent too? If any of these descriptions sound like your house, then you might be in crisis and you will definitely benefit from reading this book. It is written for you. This book is also written for people who don’t want to ever have a home like I have described above and for parents who want to have an effectively communicating family right from the very beginning of parenthood.”
If you consider yourself or your family in a crisis situation where you need a few quick tools to start changing things immediately at home then this post is for you. Thousands of people have bought the book at this point and some need to start implementing things before they have even read the whole book. Below are a few key chapters to read immediately to start making some useful changes before diving in and reading the whole book.
Are You In Crisis? Read More »
I have told many people the pre-sold books would start shipping today. I went to pick them up from the printer today and couldn’t bring them home because there was a problem with the printing. The printer told me they will be ready to pick up Monday. Sorry for the delay.
Since I don’t actually have the books yet I am continuing the pre-sale for a few more days. I hope this helps a few people get books for cheaper. Thank you for your patience.
My problem is that I never can think of appropriate consequences when my kids misbehave. Do you have any suggestions? I have five children ages 9-18. Thanks, Amy
Consequences can be difficult to think up, but the trick is to only do it one time. A parent who has to reinvent the consequence every time a lesson needs to be taught will come across as uncertain and flustered. Have a plan. Parents who have a plan are more secure to be around and will be more respected by their children.
My rules for consequences are these:
In June I was interviewed about the BBC experience.
Telephone Interview Links Read More »
There are only a few more days to get your copy of Parenting A House United for 25% off the regular price. Next week the book will be done printing and at that point it will be regular price. Click here to get your book on sale now!
My sister, Janelle, who was featured on the BBC World’s Strictest Parents spoke with me recently about her one regret about the show. If you have seen the show, you will remember we took our British guests to a homeschool youth event. Janelle was in charge of creating an event which would push the youth, physically, and emotionally. It was a team race with many different challenges. During the event, the youth were required to get their whole team over a 6 foot high wire loaded with bells, have each person eat a jar of baby food beans, fill a tube with water that was loaded with holes, feed each other blind folded, and get their whole team completely off the ground for 30 seconds using a rope and three poles.
The youth were inspiring to watch. James had a hard time with the course because the challenges were very emotionally strenuous. The program showed some of this. Hannah was very different to watch though.
BBC’s Hannah Teaches Parents a Great Lesson Read More »
Q: “With my 2 and half yr old. She frequently will run away from me when I call her, wanting to turn it into a game of chase. Sometimes this is at a store or getting into the car, sometimes it is when she needs a diaper change etc. I have tried to do roll playing games with her to help praise her for coming or following instructions. She loves this game, but won’t always do it in real life. I am not sure the best way to help her want to obey or what should be the consequence for failing to follow an instruction at age 2. I feel like I am doing too much reasoning with her, which I feel is really not the most effective thing with a 2 year old, but I am not sure what else to do so she starts to understand the consequences of her actions. I have lately been feeling very frustrated and out of control with her. I hate feeling that way and I could really use some ideas.”
A:
Pre-teaching her to come when called before it is ever time is a great thing to do to prepare her to repeat the behavior at the right time. Great Job! Keep doing that.
As well as pre-teaching, is sounds like you need to establish a consequence system just for her. You can
Runaway Two Year Old Read More »
One of my passions is astronomy. When I go out in my backyard and look through my telescope at my friends, the planets and stars, I feel so close to God. Not because heaven is in space, but because it is so obvious there is organization in all things. He is a God of order; with everything in it’s perfect place. Everything has a purpose; a mission. Since He is order in all we see it only makes sense that people should live by order too.
Just like laws and principles govern the skies and the earth, there are laws meant to govern us as well. That is why we have chosen to apply governing rules to our home too. We feel like there is no better example of how to run a home than the way God runs our world; the current home for His family.
Our family has a set structure. We have certain meetings each week to strengthen the family relationships and keep the home in order. The meetings we have are
Making Toddler Store Time Happy Read More »
This is Spencer, the father in the show. Thank you so much for your comments about the show and our family. As portrayed in the show, we love to spend as much time with our children as possible. I have realized that someday that my children will be come as I am and that’s a sobering thought. It helps me to change things about me that I may not like. Doing this show has been an incredible journey for us and hopefully
I was introduced to your program at a conference last year & fell in love with it. It’s for adults as well as kids! Would you be able to offer me some advise on how a husband might use this to help his wife? My son has been married for 3 years to a lovely girl.
Teaching Self-Government in Marriage Read More »
My name is Londyn and I am seven. Hannah and James changed a lot by the end of the week they stayed with us. And when they went home they made good changes. Like James took his lip piercing out and he wants to stop smoking.
It was sort of sad that Hannah was a mom so young. I wouldn’t do that if I was her. But she was always
Londyn, Age 7, Tells About the BBC World’s Strictest Parents Read More »
“Hi Nicholeen, I hope you don’t mind me messaging you/adding you as a friend….I saw you recently on tv here in England, and as a mother of two I was so impressed and humbled by your patience and love. Nothing seemed to get you down. The love and respect your family have for each other was so apparent, and it did bring tears to my eyes. I would love to have that same patience, tolerance and sheer joy in my life that you do. I’d love to hear back from you, if you have the time, and if possible try and send me some of your calm and patience through the web!!”
Thank you so much for your kind words. What age are your children? It is so good that you are trying to be the best mother you can be. There really is nothing more important for our world right now than parents raising good children who will fight for goodness in this confusing world. This is what I am doing at my house.
Advice From the World’s Strictest Parent Read More »
I transcribed this rememberance of our BBC “World’s Strictest Parents” experience straight from the mouth of my five year old son Porter…..The grammar is unedited on purpose. This is how he speaks. 🙂
My name is Porter and I am five 5. James and Hannah came to stay with us and they were nice to me. I remember that they liked to swing on our swings. When they left our house I cried a lot because I was sad that they were going. They were having attitudes a lot of the time and they wanted to
Porter Peck Talks about James and Hannah Read More »
I talked to James’ mom and she said he is doing well. She said that he is back in school and seems to be doing well. He is also trying to make other positive changes in his life. Their relationship is not perfect yet, but she says it is much improved.
I am so happy to hear such good news from James’ family. It is good to see him make progress. We love him so much!
Update from James’ Mom Read More »
“Dear Nicholeen: I watched the show and was so impressed by your calm and collected attitude. I loved it when your son said, “she’s trying to push my mom’s buttons, but it won’t work.” One of my biggest problems is I allow kids to push my buttons and engage me in non-productive discourse (getting off track of what we’re talking about). These get me so frustrated. I don’t know how you did it with James and Hannah. I admire your patience, love and skills.
Can you tell us any more about some of the experiences that happened that weren’t included in the final edit. I’m curious to learn more about it.”
This is a great comment. Let me fill you in a bit on the whole situation my sweet, big talking 12 year old, was commenting on:
James and Hannah were very used to running away if they didn’t get their way. The reason people continue running is because it is a form of power struggle that usually works. It stops
Nicholeen Tells more about World’s Strictest Parents Read More »
A comment on a previous post said:
Saw the show last night. And I felt credit where it’s due … I had to cringe at the behaviour of the two kids (because that’s what they were). And speaking as someone who isn’t religious, or abstemious (but who doesn’t over indulge beyond a glass of wine with a meal), I can only say I was very impressed by your patience, and the outcome …
Comment on World’s Strictest Parents Read More »
The whole show is finally up for everyone to see. It was editing nicely. I really appreciate how truthful the BBC was in their interpretation of our lives and how we parent. My only regret is that you all couldn’t have been tuned in for all eight days. There are so many experiences which didn’t make the show due to time. I will have to tell you all how James and Hannah liked the other, not seen, experiences in our week too.
Click this BBC three “The World’s Strictest Parents” Read More »
“I’ve just seen you on the TV Programme, the Wor’ds strictest parents here in the UK and would like to say what a superb job your family did with Hannah and James. Your family was so patient and understanding with the teenagers and seemed to really touch their lives in a positive way. I found your email address by noticing the name of your chorus in the film and then finding your contact details on your website.
World’s Strictest Parents Utah Read More »
We have a problem with people getting into things in the house without asking. For example chocolate chips, cookies in the freezer and so on. We also have a problem with dishonesty.
The consequence for these (decided by the family) Dishonesty: 30 min.
Getting Each Other in Trouble Read More »
Many people have expressed interest in my upcoming book: Parenting A House United: Changing Children’s Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self-Government.
I have started pre-selling copies of this book to raise money for the acutal printing at some of the latest speaking events.
The book has taken longer than expected, but is finished with editing now and only needs to be formatted and printed. Watch the site for a pre-sale. This will be the only way to get the book at a discounted price. It will be coming in a few days.
Nicholeen
Just so all of you know. My show is airing on BBC Three in Britain on November 5th. We won’t be able to see it in the U.S. but the BBC is sending a copy of the show in the mail to me the day it airs. I will find a way to share it with all of my friends.
That’s the latest. ~Nicholeen
Bedtime negative behaviors. my 5 year old just will not settle down. I get really frustrated with him. I don’t feel like I can do the rule of three or extra chores when he is supposed to be going to sleep, and if I tell him he has earned them for the morning, the consequence doesn’t seem real to him. My husband’s solution is to give him three warnings, and then spank him. I am beginning to hate bedtime.
Q: “With my 5 year old, when I am correcting negative behavior and I ask him to practice with me, he goes into goofy mode and doesn’t want to practice correct behavior, or does it silly. Should I give him consequences for this behavior? or should I skip the practice?”
Are you listening to me? Read More »
One afternoon my children and I went on a walk to our local library. The library is about one and a half miles from our home. After a great time reading and exploring together in the library, we started our mile and a half walk home.
During the walk one of my small children mentioned he was hungry. It was getting close to dinner time, and would still be a little while before we reached home. When we were about a half way home we passed a home which had a large apple tree growing on the property. The apples on the tree were perfectly ripe and large. My son immediately notice
Stand For Something Read More »
While making bread one day I heard confusion coming from downstairs. After asking the children what was happening I found out that one of our darling little friends, who was over playing, broke a toy and was really worried about getting into trouble. Apparently, the little five year old girl was playing with a toy when it dropped and broke. The other children assured her that it would be alright, but she was still worried.
Our sweet friend became so anxious that she hid herself in the bathroom for a while, and when she was found there came out and found another more private pl
Recently I have had multiple people email with questions about their husbands. It seems that some fathers are reluctant to make changes in their family culture and systems even when the rest of the family is already using the teaching-self-government system. Even though I am speaking from a woman’s perspective today to women primarily, I have also had fathers email about their wives not wanting to change, so the topic is valid for both mothers and fathers.
Why is it that one parent can be ready for change and another isn’t? The answer to this question is probably individual in many
Fathers figuring things out Read More »
“Waaaaahaaaaa!” screamed Porter, my five year old, from the other side of the family room. I looked over there just is time to see Paije, his much older sister, trying to pry one of her shoes from her little brother’s hands while keeping a close eye on the other shoe. Before I could even get a word in, Paije had grabbed the first shoe away from her younger brother and no
Teaching How to Stop Teasing Read More »
My daughter had one of her best friends over to play. After playing for about 45 minutes, the friend came from the basement in tears to her mother. She was really upset because she was having a hard time communicating with my daughter.
Choose Communication Not Sides Read More »
Can one person change the world just by being herself? I think so. That is where the power in all of us lies; in the person we were meant to become. If we find this person, we will then find our power to change the world.
Live each day like it matters. Because it does. One action based on one thought is where the power to change the world lies. Touch people. Touch your children. Influence. That is why we are all here.
The Power to Change Read More »
Parenting is the grand mission. It is all eight missions talked about in Dr. DeMille’s lecture. Whenever I speak about missions in my seminars, people always want more about the eight missions, so I thought it would be exciting for many of my readers to know about the free download. Enjoy!
Free Download -The Eight Missions Read More »
Another way I change my children’s hearts is to see what changes I have to make in myself. If a relationship is suffering, it is usually a two person problem. So, if I feel disconnected from my child, I take a good hard look at what I can do to change myself, motivate myself, and inspire myself. In short, I try to see how I can live better so that I can inspire my child to live better. In the past this has even required a new way of communicating to my family. So far, this approach to changing hearts has been a big blessing for myself and my family.
If I am going to in
Teaching Self Government requires Self Government Read More »
Hi, Nicholeen,I have a quick question for you. I’m struggling with what to do for discipline/consequences when we’re away from home. (Specifically in the car or in a store.) My kids tend to pick at each other, fight, kick, etc., in the car and to run away from me or do other annoying things (push the cart the wrong direction, touch things they shouldn’t, etc.) at the store. The younger ones especially (age 2-4ish) don’t really care enough about what’s coming in the future for them to care if I give them a consequence that will be carried outParenting On the Go ~Car and Store Struggles Read More »
I recently received a very inspiring email which answers the question “How will Teaching Self Government change my family?” I love to see what Teaching Self Government looks like in other homes, so I thought you would enjoy it too.
TSG has change my life. It has opened my eyes to the 4 basic communication skills. It has given me hope that despite my upbringing, I can learn the skills to help me be a better parent and communicator with my children. It helps me to pause when I’m really frustrated, to know what to say in any situation instead of constantly having to be creative
It Changed My Life Read More »
Thank you all so much for your wonderful advice and suggestions for my book title! It is really valuable to get your opinions. After reviewing a great poll and reading through many comments which weren’t on the poll, I have decided the title of the book will be:
A House United
I’ve read about Love and Logic, Power of Positive Parenting and other books that were ok, but not memorable. You know how I feel about L and L, too confusing, too inconsistent, creates too many power struggles. P of PP I loved and recomend to help you get in a good frame of mind, but I didn’t walk away from that empowered with the tools/skills to follow through with my new vision of the P of PP. I’m all pumped up to parent with positiveness, but what does that look like, how does is sound, how does it really play out in the heat of the moment when my first reaction is to
Buy the Book for Cheap! Read More »
I still continue to work through as many of the questions which have been sent to me as possible, and feel bad that I don’t have time to get to them as quickly as I would like to. Recently, I have done lots of mentor calls with people to answer some people’s questions more quickly. Others have felt it helpful to have mentor calls to start their family government off in the right direction.
If you are intersted in having a mentor call with me, I am able to schedule one hour calls for $50 per hour at this time. You will also get a recording of your call so that you can refer back whenever you like.
Mentoring Opportunity Read More »
Teaching Self Government
Full Day Seminar
9:00 – 5:00
In Cedar City, Utah
August 22, 2009
Contact: [email protected] for cost and location information.
Cedar City on August 22 Read More »
Problem solving is a great group skill as well as an individual skill. Group discussions and family meetings are great places to use SODAS. My children are not perfect, and never will be, so we get the opportunity to problem solve together all the time. One day, a few years ago, all four of my children ended up crying all at
Problem Solving in groups Read More »
My kids are really hard workers (At least I’ve taught them one thing right!) so they are not bothered at all by doing an extra job or even doing jobs for one hour or all day. It’s not their favorite thing to do but they will do it without complaining and then go right back to the same behavior that we were trying to fix. I know it sounds crazy but these are unusual kids I’m raising!
Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago.
Success Stories and Some Questions Read More »
Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago.
Parenting Questions ~ Tattling, Yelling, & Fighting Read More »
UPDATE: We are getting closer to having the book. I took some of the great ideas presented here and made a book title poll where you can vote for the title you think I should use.
On the post below titled Nicholeen Asks You there are many comments with book title suggestions. I am trying to give my book the perfect name. Please look at those comments, pick your favorite title and leave a vote comment on this post. Pick the title that you would pull o
Vote for my Book Title Read More »
“I do struggle and maybe you could give me some advice. I spend quite a bit of time with my kids in the morning going over little activities like school workbooks and story time and exercising together. Yet the minute I get on the phone or sit down to nurse the baby, the three boys are arguing or fighting or taking toys from each other or something of the sort. I have tried to get them to color or do a certain activity together, but that only lasts so long. It’s
“Mom is on the phone” Read More »
UPDATE: We are getting closer to having the book. I took some of the great ideas presented here and made a book title poll where you can vote for the title you think I should use.
As many of you know I have been writing a book for a long time about the way I parent my children and govern my home. We now have a possible release date! YEAH! The problem is, I don’t have a title that will sell my book yet. Even though I like the name :
Teac
Nicholeen Asks You! Read More »
Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago. It has been so helpful! It has already made a big difference in our home!
My eight year old son was having trouble obeying the first time i.e. following instruction, and we would ask him again and again to do things and he wouldn’t do them. He would forget or get distracted reading. (He’s a white, through and through.) Then we would get angry and he would do it. But he would sometimes get angry and lately even sometimes go into a little bit of a rage.
Success Stories and Some Questions Read More »
In the past couple of months I have been swamped with questions. I am so sorry if I have not been able to answer your question in a reasonable time. With the filming of the BBC show and trying to work on my book, as well as doing regular life stuff I have had a lot of my time taken up. Here are a few really brief answers to some of the recent questions.
I know you’ve mentioned this before, but how do you handle it when you’re children answer a question with “I don’t know.” Usually, when my kids say this, it just seems like they’re too lazy to think somethin
Questions, Questions Read More »
This year our family is going to the American Family Fest in Cedar City, Utah. It is going to be amazing! I can’t believe how many family memories can be made at this wonderful, inspiring event.
I will be teaching a youth class on Thursday, July 2 and an adult class on Saturday, July 4. Never before, in Utah, have I seen this kind of family event. It is like going to a 3 day family camp for a fraction of the cost. I have always wanted to go t
Great Family Activity Idea! Read More »
A week ago I had six children instead of four. We adopted two British 17 year old teens for a television show we were asked to be on. Even though the filming was only 8 days, I think all of us, our family, the two teens, and the camera crew learned a lot about love and why some people struggle with certain behaviors.
There was one time during the week when my 17 year old adopted son, J, got really frustrated. He was stressed because we were short on time, and he had lots he wanted to accomplish. He had a bit of a break down. He cried, and yelled, and displayed attitud
The Power of a Hug Read More »
“I read your post about the Dawdler getting in the way of family routines, but what do I do with a dawdler when it comes to accepting consequences. Here is the situation:
How long should a chore take? 4 Hours? Read More »
A parent says, “Billy, come make your bed.”
Billy doesn’t come immediately so the parent says,”One…….Two………Three.” to get Billy to come.
Have you ever done this? Everyone knows Billy better start running either at or before his mom hits the number three or else Mom could turn into a monster.
As I travel around, I notice counting to three as possibly the most common parenting control method. Counting has it’s place in parenting, but the counting in the above story is either a threat, a power struggle, or a sign of a parent who doesn’t real
Have You Ever Done This? Read More »
It has come to my attention that I made it really hard for people to contact the hostess of my upcoming seminar by putting the wrong email. Emily Satterthwaite’s email is [email protected] her phone is
801-941-3018
The seminar is May 16th from 9:00 – 5:00 in Pleasant View, Utah.
So Sorry (blush*)
Teaching Self Government Seminar
Preparing the Family for Greatness
A Step-By-Step Guide to a Happy Home
My children range from 30 -7 and there are 13 of them. I am wondering how you start this with your older children and how you brought your husband on board.
TSG with older children Read More »
…my 6 year old is up to his old tricks. He
LOVED following instructions when I first started concentrating on this.
But, today, he became his regular difficult self. He hasn’t been
following instructions and when I tell him he’s earned a chore, he won’t
do the chore. And when I try the Rule of 3, he’ll calm down and then
still won’t follow through with his chores.
He has tried to solicit help from me (while I’m trying to make dinner for him)–I told him I’d like to
help him, but I have to make dinner right now. Then, he just starts goofing off with the r
Sneaky Six Year Old Read More »
This comment is definately realavent to the previous post. This was a great response. I couldn’t have said it better myself!
One thing Nicholeen didn’t mention was that this mom should try hard to find the positives in your son. It sounds like she can only think of negatives associated with her son right now. Of course that is part of teaching self-government, praising at a rate of 5 or 6 to 1 criticism.
I can totally relate because I do have a child that drives me crazy and I tend to focus on the negatives rather than the positives.
A comment for At Wits End Read More »
I have a 14yo son who I cannot deal with any more. It isn’t a new thing. He’s my oldest and ever since he was little I have felt like I can’t deal with him. He is defiant, impulsive, selfish, and almost any other negative thing I can think of. When he sees how emotional his behavior makes me he feels guilty and apologizes and tries to do better for a little while but it doesn’t last.
We’ve tried to set up self-government. We made a family mission statement but he won’t agree to it. He won’t agree to any consequences we vote on.
Date: Saturday, May 16, 2009
Time: 9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m.
Place: 3880 Price Lane
New Seminar in Utah Read More »
This last week I have had the amazing opportunity to parent two of the cutest little boys you could ever see; my nephews James and Henry. My nephews are both still toddlers, so life was a little crazy sometimes and absolutely adorable almost all the time.
For instance, three year old Henry felt that it was important to share all of his profound thoughts with me like, “Did you know that if I threw this basketball at your wall, or your window, or your light it would break? But if I threw the ball at your couch it wouldn’t break. But, if I got a really big ball, it could break your couch.
Positively Wonderful! Read More »
Your advice sounds similar to what we did with my son. He said he didn’t believe in our church anymore. We told him he didn’t have to believe it, but he did need to attend to show respect for the family and our beliefs, which included his conduct at church and home. So he went, eventually he went through a crisis where he turned back to, and found his own belief in our church.
Lately, my teenage son doesn’t want to go to church with the family. I don’t really want to make him go. Even though he is not especially religious right now, he is still a good boy. Should I be worried about this?
It is really common for children, and sometimes even adults, to go through a time when they don’t feel like being dedicated to religion. It is hard work to live righteously, and follow religious principles. All the really religious people I know have one thing in common. They are all disciplined. Since it is so common for youth to go through a
Religion Affects Self Government Learning Capacity Read More »
I don’t know any BAD children. Sure, there are children who make bad choices, but inside, those children all have a spark of goodness. Without this philosophy, I could have never decided to take foster children into my home. As soon as they arrived in my home I saw it as my job to find that spark, or flame of g
I don’t know any bad children. Read More »
… a comment to your response to My baby won’t sleep through the night.. I just wanted to make a quick comment. I have nine children, and I feel like the best book for this is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I think it should be called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Parents!!
Joy Petty in NC
Comment on Babies Sleeping Read More »
“We have not staked the future of our society upon the power of government — far from it. We have staked the future of all our political institutions upon the capacity for self-government; upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God. –James Madison
James Madison once said… Read More »
I had a question about getting my 9 month old baby to sleep?
I have been nursing him to sleep since he was born. Because he needs to be nursed to sleep, he sleeps in our bed. When I try to put him to sleep in his crib, he pulls himself up to standing and starts screaming and crying. I would really like to move him out of our bed and get him to put himself to sleep in his crib.
My baby won’t sleep through the night. Read More »
You use the word “criticism” often when you’re talking about corrective teaching…That word however, has a very negative connotation to me, and each time I hear you say it on your CD’s, I cringe inwardly… I listen to and read a lot of stuff on marriage and parenting, and the word “criticism” is always used as a negative term. It’s considered one of the 6 Love Busters in Harley’s book, Love Busters. John Gottman, in his books on marriage, includes it in “a set of particularly poisonous patterns of interaction [he calls] “the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” that can
Is Giving Criticism Bad? Read More »
We used you family standard made some changes and put it in our family book. My question is, do you have a family mission statement?
I am so glad you liked the standard. Ours is also in our family meeting book. Here is our family mission statement: ~Nicholeen
Our Mission Statement Read More »
Everything I teach in my home leads to duty and then VOICE. Because, how can you be a leader in this world and not have any voice, or way to lead people? Even example is a form of voice. We need to all be walking messages for what we believe. Someone who tries to be politically correct all of the tim
The Power Within Us! Read More »
Thanks for your post. It gave me a lot to think about. The one part I am still unsure about (and I know I just need to take it to prayer) is about treating them as if they have lied even when you just suspect it. I find myself wondering whether I am unfairly accusing or if I am wrong when I feel like I am probably being lied to. I don’t want him to feel like he can’t gain my trust no matter what he does and that I expect the worst from him. I don’t want him to feel like he can lie and get away with it either though.
I have one son who doesn’t seem to be responding much to the changes in our family, and I am starting to worry about him. I know you have dealt with many children who have come from dysfunctional situations and maybe even need counseling. I am wondering if there is a way to tell if this child needs counseling or if I just need to continue doing what we are doing and hope that it is making a difference little by little. He is 10.
The main issues we are having with him are lying and a tendency to constantly look for and feel pity for himself. He has been difficult since the b
Therapy? Lying? Attention seeking? Read More »
Most parents I know would say they love their children unconditionally. This unconditional love is the most powerful kind of love there is. Some Christians call this kind of love, “Christ-like Love.”
Feeling love for another person in your heart is not enough to make your love unconditional. True unconditional love is a kind of love that can separate a person from his behaviors. Can you see how this definition really IS unconditional?
Parents must correct the behaviors of their children! There is no doubt about this. But, the correction of the negative behavior should never chang
Separate Behaviors from People Read More »
Hi, I am a tired mom who is really trying very hard to have all the time and the spirit in our home. I have 2 kids. My lovely daughter, is freshly 4 years old and my sweet son, is 20 months old. Ours days are packed with action. In our family meeting we discuss consequences for most of the situations… but my daughter always suggests and votes for the time-out. Well I agree that time-out is appropriate for the little one .
Tantrums, Time-Out and Tired Moms Read More »
With the SODAS – do you only use these when you see a problem, or do you do them randomly and/or on a regular basis?
I use SODAS whenever I think we practice problem solving, but especially if we have had a problem problem solving. 😉 I start my small children out problem solving by playing the What If? game. While driving in the car etc. I say, ‘What if……………what would you do?” They love it and get in the habit of problem solving.
I was recently asked if I thought I was a strict parent. I’ve never liked the word strict, because I associat it with a parent who yells a lot, is stern looking and engages in power struggles. So, in response to the question, I said, “I wouldn’t use the word strict to describe me, but I would say I am firm.” I shared these thoughts about the word strict with a wise friend of mine. She looked me in the eye and said, “You are wrong about people who are strict. A strict parent DOESN’T HAVE TO YELL.” All of a sudden I wondered if the semantics of the word strict have been chang
What about extra chores?
On Sundays we don’t do heavy work, or major maintenances in order to keep our Sabbath. But children still make bad choices on Sundays. My policy is this:
If my child chooses to earn an extra chore on a Sunday then I try to think of something that I would normally have to do on that day anyway; such as make cookies for a family treat, or put all the books back on the shelf etc. Remember, all chores don’t have to be miserable, they just have to teach cause and effect. A person doesn’t have to feel pain to learn.
Sunday chores again. Read More »
I was asked how I handle lying. This is a very common problem with children who are trying to gain control of their lives and other people.
In the past I have written many posts on lying. Two posts which may especially be helpful are “Communicating Honestly” And “Honesty“. If you type these words into the light blue bar at the top right of this page and you will find them. In fact you will find any post that mentions honesty in it. I hope thi
As I was looking at your chore chart, I thought of another question I’ve been meaning to ask about chores. I noticed Sunday is listed as a day of rest on the charts–how does that work with things that have to be done everyday (like setting/clearing the table, dishes, animals, making beds, etc.)? Also, how do you handle extra chores that are earned on Sunday?
What about Sundays? Read More »
