For years now people have talked about making family mission statements. In books and on blogs we hear about the principles behind making a family plan and get inspired to try new things at home.
However, statistically most people don’t actually make mission statements and use them even though they are inspired by the idea. Why?
Family Mission Statement Success: One Family’s Story Read More »
Eleven year old, Jacob, shares his New Years Resolutions ideas. I recently met Jacob’s family and helped them learn some self-government principles. When I came to visit a second time he showed me his inspiring idea of how to keep himself motivated and focused on his self-government goals.
Nicholeen’s Implementation Course for parents has all the rest of the videos made at the visit to Jacob’s family. In these videos we learn how to do problem solving exercises, how to do proper corrections, and how to do the Four Basic Skills. They were amazing on film.
11 Year Old Shares His Self-Government Resolutions Read More »
Good Kids Books:
“Do you have any book suggestions for helping my children learn to want to be obedient?”
Answer:
I was asked this question a couple of years ago, and it got me thinking. I couldn’t answer it. I didn’t know of any must have kids books which would teach children the kinds of self-government skills they need to be happy obedient children.
Good Childrens Books? A Must Have Book For Families! Read More »
Question:
“Is it possible to spoil children at Christmas? It seems like my children never stop asking for stuff during the holidays. How do you know if your children are spoiled?”
Answer:
Spoiled Rotten? The Christmas Cure! Read More »
Off Topic: Christmas Ideas seem useful to me, so I hope they are useful to you too!
Our Love Is His Love
Christmas is about Christ. The day bares His name and should bring us closer to Him. It instills in our hearts a feeling of gratitude and reverence.
Nails For Christmas: A Neighbor Gift Idea Read More »
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGKZXQd0G0I] Last week my post was about sibling rivalry. Here is a movie which shows how knowing to disagree appropriately is a skill which helps sibling rivalry.
This sibling rivalry solution video was filmed while I was doing some private self-government teaching for a family. I thought the children did very well with their new skills! It is hard to learn new stuff. But, both children will have much more happiness now that they understand that disagreeing appropriately is for their relationsh
Sibling Rivalry Movie: Computer Fights Read More »
Questions: Children Fighting
“Any tips on dealing with sibling rivalry? Homeschooling is not productive due to this issue.”
“My children seem to fight about everything. Most of the stuff is stupid, like whose turn it is to sit in the front seat, or who gets what place to watch a movie. Is this just normal sibling rivalry they will grow out of, or is this something I can fix? Please help!”
Is is possible to be siblings without rivalry?
Answer:
Sibling Rivalry: How To Stop Children From Fighting Read More »
Traditions establish identity. I don’t know a person who isn’t proud of their family traditions. Those traditions make us who we are. They teach us what “the good life” looks like and create feelings of unity and love which instill desires for more family experiences and deeper relationships. Traditions give us hope for our futures.
Great Thanksgiving Traditions: Showing Gratitude Read More »
Have you ever had one of those creative conversations with your children where you all get so excited that the talking never seems to stop and the energy feels almost electric? Well, my children and I had one of those days this last spring and from that conversation, Londyn LaRae Says Okay!, a children’s picture book, was born.
Nicholeen’s New Book For Kids! Read More »
The Question:
“Nicholeen,
I have been working really hard at having self-government with my
spouse and children, but I don’t see how to have self-government with
people in my extended family who are extremely difficult. Also, I am
not their mother. How do you deal with difficult family members?
What do you suggest?”
Answer:
Dealing With Difficult Family Members? Read More »
The Question:
“Nicholeen,
what do you do for Halloween? It seems like such a dark holiday, and
I really don’t like participating.”
My Answer:
I love the quote, “Bring your
children up in light and truth.” That is the rule
I follow regarding Halloween.
Halloween: Two Ways To View The Holiday Read More »
A few years ago I noticed a new sign posted at our local swimming pool. The sign read, “Absolutely no cell phone use in the locker rooms!”
At first, when I saw the sign I felt like some of my rights had been taken away or something. It felt like I was being controlled.
Teenagers And Cell Phone Use: Warning! Read More »
Paying Children Allowances
At the Peck house we don’t pay allowance. We also don’t pay for chores to be done. Here’s why and what some other people think about the issue.
We have two businesses we own and offer our children real work opportunities. They help Dad dig holes at plumbing jobs and help Mom do shipping of books etc.
Paying Children Allowances Read More »
“Nicholeen, I can’t seem to correct my 16 year old son without him getting upset. He rolls his eyes and looks away from me. He just seems to have a wall surrounding him that none of us can penetrate. I know I am not the calmest parent either, but there must be something I can say to get his attention or something.
Talking To Teenagers: Three Tips Read More »
“Nicholeen,
Can you share your family chore chart with us?”
My chore chart system is really quite easy. Over the years I have had different kinds of chore chart systems depending on the age of my child. I have had toddler chore charts, kid chore charts, and chore charts for teenagers.
Free Printable Chore Charts: For Children and Teenagers Read More »
Question:
“I just purchased your book online. I am excited to read it. I am a mother
of 3 boys, 16, 13, and 11. Years ago we got each boy his own alarm clock &
talked about being responsible for getting himself up in the morning. Since
Wii time in our home isn’t free for the taking, we told them that this would
be how they could earn Wii time, by setting their own alarm, getting up on
thei
Difficulty Waking Up Read More »
This video is hilarious, but also extremely educational for parents.
Funny Parenting: Eye Opening If You Look Deep! Read More »
Have you ever heard that old phrase about how dogs can “smell fear?” Well, dogs aren’t the only ones who can smell fear; children can too. Children know the moment they have you. They know when mom is out of ideas and dad is ready to explode. They know.
All people are born with this kind of sense about other people, so it is natural for children to consider it as valuable as seeing or tasting.
They Can Smell It: Parenting Videos Read More »
(A Story From My Life)
It’s Monday morning and mom is ready to start the week out right. After a summer full of going here and there it is time for family structure again.
“Time to clean your rooms everyone.” Mom says with a smile.
Help For Messy Bedrooms Read More »
(This article contains Nicholeen’s daily home and school schedule for this coming year & a video of how she makes a yearly plan forthe family.)
We have all heard the term “super mom” before. Some people have a positive association with the term. They think, “Wow, that lady is amazing. I want to be a super mom like her.” And, some have a negative association with the term.
Preparing For School With An Ex-Super Mom & My Homeschool Schedule Read More »
We
live in very difficult times. Many people worry about what is on the
horizon, and what future adversities will come.
No
need to worry. Adversity shouldn’t be feared. It should be accepted
and embraced.
What! Adversity is good? Read More »
Last week I talked about how there are certain skills which are important to posess for social success. These skills are different from the self-government skills I teach in myParenting A House United
Social Success: Too Little Friend Time Part 2 Read More »
Can You Have Too Little Friend Time?
“ Importance of Child Development: Are Friends Essential? Part 1 Read More »
March 2011 The writing was based on “The Myth of the Teenager” and is highly recommended Babies Becoming Teenagers By: Londyn and Nicholeen Peck My name is Londyn Peck. I am nine years old, and I refuse to become a teenager because teenagers are not happy. They may think they are doing fun things, but
Babies Becoming Teenagers Read More »
For years now people have emailed me questions about what to do about a child who won’t practice piano when told to. My children don’t have that problem because of how I began piano with them. The secret to having children enjoy practice time is in giving the child more ownership and less anxiety. This video shows how I work with my children when they are small.
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h33Xk-fK0KY&feature=player_embedded]Getting Children To Practice Piano Read More »
Ever since the 10 Step Implementation Course was released, people have asked me if I could take monthly payments. At first we were not set up to do that. But, now we are!!!
Recently, momessentials asked me to write some posts and participate in a free book give away. The book is my book: Parenting A House United.
Here are the details to the contest:
Free Book Give Away Read More »
Last week I wrote an article which generated a lot of discussion called Can Too Much Friend Time Hurt Children? Since I received so many emails about the topic I feel it is important to address it again. Some people expressed thanks, and others confusion.
Too Much Friend Time Part 2: Making Confident Children Read More »
“Nicholeen, can my child have too much friend time? I have noticed that he begs for it all the time, but doesn’t really want to play with his brothers and sisters that much. What should I do?”
As many of you know, in my Audio seminar and book, Parenting A House United, I talk about how children usually tell you exactly what they don’t need by asking for it all the time.
Just like if my child keeps begging me for junk food, I know he needs health
Can Too Much Friend Time Hurt Children? Read More »
By: Nicholeen Peck & Heidi Schultz (of www.franticallysimple.com )
Dont’ let this title fool you. Heidi found out principles which work for all size families! She just happens to only have one child.
Raising An Only Child: Successful Parenting Principles Which Work! Read More »
“Mrs. Peck, I am afraid I can’t believe in God.”
“What do you mean? How do you know?”
“I just don’t do things I should do and I do some things girls my age shouldn’t do…”
“What are you doing that you shouldn’t do?” I asked
“I just…spend my free time with two guys I don’t know…we just use facebook.
Keeping Teens Safe: The Internet Threat Read More »
Is it easier to tell children yes or no when they ask a question?
The answer to this question could depend on what kind of person you are.
Are the kind of parent who really likes to be in control of the goings on in the family and don’t like to be bothered with plans changing, outfits changing, or extra work for a new idea? If you are this kind of person you probably find it is easier to tell the children no when they ask to go play at a friends, finger paint, make cookies, or go swimming.
Yes Or No? ~Parent Choices Read More »
“I’ve been using the 4 basic skills with my children, ages 7 and 4. It has been such a help. Thank you, Nicholeen!
But I’m not sure what to do to help my 4 yo understand the concept of
disagree appropriately. It seems too complex for her. She will go
through the script and ask to dis. app. and do it, but she seems
genuinely confused that she doesn’t always get her way when she does
this. I try to let her get her way as much as possible when she
Accepting No After Disagreeing Appropriately Read More »
It’s finally ready! People have been begging for this!
For two years I have been working onmakingwhat I think isthe best I haveto offer to help familiessucceed withTeaching Self-Government principles in their homes. The 10 Step Implementation CourseThis is a Mentored Program.
New 10 Step Implementation Course Read More »
Each week I hold a special telephone mentor call for people who are enrolled in my Teaching Self-Government 10 Step Implementation Course. During these calls I personally answer people’s parenting questions. On this week’s call a very profound question was asked.
How To Stop Nagging? ~Help For Parents Read More »
Top 10 Videos of Frequently Asked Questions
Friends,
I get asked parenting questions all the time. Frequently, I get the same questions over and over again. So, I have taken the time to makevideo answersto thetop 10parentingquestionsI get asked. Take a few moments to take a look andshare them with your friends.
Top 10 Parenting Questions People Ask Read More »
“How do you maintain optimism in a depressing world? How do you teach your children to do the same?”
A Not-So-Pretend Story
[Another day of oatmeal for breakfast. I know it’s healthy, but some variety in our diet would be nice. When will the bills stop coming in? Medical bills, living expenses, debts we can’t pay. Don’t think about the money.
“Mom, can we go to the children’s museum? Mom, will you buy me a treat?”
Way To Be: Optimism Read More »
Family activity nights are big deals at our house! Not that we spend a lot of money or anything, but we do keep them a big priority. We know that having regular family activities keeps our family relationships fresh. The night gives us something to talk about and look forward to.
Here are is a list of our top ten activities which don’t really cost anything:
1- “Knock Your Socks Off”
Family Night Ideas: Our Top Ten Affordable Activities Read More »
If you are tired of teenage attitudes and problems this is something you will want to know. www.iamnotateenager.com has a free book preview written by youth for teens. The book shows teenagers there is a different way to be. They can be “youth” instead. There is a difference.
Help For Teenagers: “I am NOT a teenager!” Read More »
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4oBy2L2-vE]This video has a few sync problems, but the message is still good. You may want to close your eyes as you listen. 😉
Years ago when I started learning the principles of self-government I was foster parenting really difficult children. Most of these children had some things in common. They were on medication, they had severe anger control issues, and they had terrible eating habits. The medication situation was evaluated, and in most cases stopped when as self-government
“Difficult Children” The Nutrition Cure Read More »
A parent’s work isn’t limited to working with our own children. Sometimes we are in situations when we are in charge of other people’s children. Occasions where this most likely happens are at church, when friends come over, at clubs, in school settings, and on outings. These times are enjoyable, but can also be complete disasters.
Classroom Behavior Problems Read More »
Have you ever been offended? It is impossible to go through life without experiencing that hurt which comes from a unkind word, or a questionable glance. When these things happen we are left to wonder and assume what the person really thinks of us and if they intended to offend. Children especially have a tendency
Taking Offense: Is It Tattling? Read More »
“One question my husband had was that when you have a consequence it is quite often an extra chore. His thought is that this would make the children hate doing chores, that they would never want to do a chore unless forced to because they were the means for discipline. Have you found this to
Structured Family: Work as a Consequence Read More »
My good friend, Jodie Palmer, sent me this cute anecdote which happened when they were role playing the Four Basic Skills with their children. “Our family has been playing the “instruction game” in the evenings before bed. We take turns giving each other instructions and then following them. Of course we have lot’s of clapping
Learning Behaviors: Teaching Skills To Children Read More »
I have a daughter who frequently rages and manipulates. She is out of control almost as often as she is in control. When I talk to her about her behaviors she doesn’t listen. She looks away and tries to manipulate our emotions. We tell her that her behaviors are bad and that she needs to be better so that our lives aren’t so full of negative feelings, but she just doesn’t get it. What are we doing wrong?
“My Child Won’t Listen to Me” Read More »
In the spring of this year I was approached by an American woman who does service work in China, and asked if I would go to Beijing, China to help strengthen families there. This woman had been speaking to some government officials and asking how she could help China, and they said that they were
World Wide Parenting Principles Read More »
How often do you pick up the slack for your children? Do you ask them to do a task and then later fix it or finish it for them? What do you do when you realize the task wasn’t done? Most parents just do it themselves with the attitude that if they want something done right, they have to do it themselves.
Parenting Help: Don’t Do It For Them Read More »
The World’s Strictest Parents(orWorld’s Strictest Parents) is a television series developed by TwentyTwenty Television, originally broadcast by British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC). The concept is that two so-called teenagers are sent to live abroad with a strict host family for a week in an attempt to change their behavior. During the week they receive an impact
The World’s Strictest Parents Read More »
Since our whole family enjoys singing we have wanted a family song for a while. Well, finally we did it. Our great friend and mentor, Lawrence Gee put music to some words about family that I wrote out. Lawrence knows our family well, and understands the principles of self-government too, so he crafted a song that was just perfect for us to sing. This song is our Christmas present to your family. We hope you have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Feel free to share this with other people too. It is meant to inspire parents and children to live as a more united family. Sending you all our love! ~The Peck Family
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tw7DoeqjDrA]
Peck Family Sings: What Is A Family? Read More »
Many people ask me what we do for Christmas and how we keep the family feeling united during all the hustle and bustle of the holidays.One of those ways is traditions.I am excited to have an article for you about some of the Peck family’s favorite traditions. Family traditions are so important for fostering love
Christmas Traditions Your Family Will Love Read More »
This is exciting news! You are invited! On January 5th, at 4:00 pm Pacific Time, I will be featured in a free parentingconference call. The call will go for about 45 minutes and then have time for questionsand answers. This will be a great opportunity to ask those parenting questions you have been wanting to
Opportunity To Have a Free Conference Call With Nicholeen Read More »
In China we were invited to be on a one hour radio talk show all about strengthening families. Spencer and I were the guests of the night. We talked about helping your children succeed in school by improving the relationships and structure of the home. Fun stuff!
On The Radio In China Read More »
Spencer and I loved the time we spent with a group of Chinese Children. We taught them a class, with activities, about how saying okay can help them be more happy. We had a great time!
This is a photo of some of my new Chinese friends. They were at a seminar I did there. If you haven’t listened to the audio about our trip or had problems before, it is fixed now. https://teachingselfgovernment.com/nicholeen-talks-about-her-china-trip-614
For a while now I have been meaning to address this issue. It is a large issue facing teens, parents, and whole families these days. While I know there are many opinions on when and how people should engage in sexual activity, I subscribe to the opinion that no teenager is ready for the commitment
Sexually Active Teens: How To Find Out And Be Proactive Read More »
These videosof two cute children were sent to me by another amazing parent who has taught her children to love practicing good behaviors. The more children practice the right way, the more the right way will happen when it isn’t practice time. The second video is of a girl who used to have major tantrums all the time.
Smart Five Year Old! And, cute Tiger!!!
[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcOjbEiRiOU]
Teaching Children Respect: 2 Videos of Disagreeing Appropriately Read More »
“I have a9yo daughter. Although she is considered as the best in her class and even in her grade, me and my wife are sometimes still frustrated as we have been trying hard to seek for a way to teach her to be more confident in her life and more concentrated in her lessons at
Helping Children Succeed In School Read More »
Read about this amazing video on the next page! [video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEV-1UcyooQ&feature=player_embedded] Last week I asked for you to send me copies of some of the things you have done to implement Self-Government into your homes. The things I recieved were amazing! I can't wait until they are all available to you. In the mean time, take
Video: Two Year Old, Sam, Teaches The Four Basic Skills Read More »
“How do you parent a child who is red/yellow when you are a white/blue? My son and I are so entirely different and he’s so impulsive (almost destructive) that it completely shakes my world. I often find him sneaking downstairs and turning on the Wii (which we only permit on Friday and Saturday as a privilege).
Video Games Addiction: They Are Asking for Help Read More »
Fathers: Parent or Playmate?
(That’s Spencer in the middle with the kids)
Bonus – Are Fathers a Parent or Playmate? Read More »
As many of you may know I am a woman with a mission. Quite simply, the mission is to assist in healing homes in preparation for difficult and exciting times to come. If the families of the world follow correct principles and live lives of love, selflessness, self-control, and good communication, then they will be ready to weather the storms of life in these days and to be ready for the exciting times ahead. I have a message to share with the world which will bring peace to homes and souls. We all have a purpose and we must fit ourselves to it.
My daughter has a hard time to stay on task with homework. Yet when she reads a book, she can not get away from the book. We are trying to praise her more often. What other suggestion(s) do you have to help her with staying on task to do homework?
My Child Hates Homework! Read More »
10 Years Old And Needs Calmness
“I love your book. In many ways, your book has helped our family. I am faced with a situation that I don’t know what to do about….My son is 10 years old and we have had him since he was a couple of days old. From a very young age he was incredibly difficult to deal with. He constantly seeks our attention. He steals, lies, destroys property, etc. We have alarms on all food and expensive items. He loses 24 hours of privileges at least once a week, often more than that. We were excited one week when he made it 5 days in a row without losing 24 hours. I have really given several parenting books/programs extremely good efforts to no avail. BCLC was the first time we saw hope but I found that he really needed consequences. We’ve been doing your program for a bit and while we are seeing some things really change, others are not changing. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times we do the same thing over and over, he still thinks a different outcome will happen.”
Trust In The Process
Lying, Stealing, and Negative Attention Seeking Read More »
Cause and effect is learned more effectively when the consequences, positive and negative, are practiced first. The example below is geared toward a parent with a toddler, but the principles can be applied to all ages and situations which need to be practiced and understood more.
“My two year old daughter likes to hit. She hits me, she hits my husband and she even hit’s the baby. No matter what I do nothing seems to work. Reasoning doesn’t really work with a two year old, so I am at a loss for what to do about this. I know I need to do something.”
Practicing The Right Way: Cause And Effect Parenting For Toddlers Who Hit And Others Read More »
Many people ask me when they should start teaching their children self government skills. It is never too early to start talking in a deliberate, describing way or to teach the word “okay.” Even the words “disagree appropriately” can be understood by most youngsters. My little almost 3 year old just asked if she could
Parenting Three Year Olds: They Really Understand Read More »
How did I learn Teaching SelfGovernment?
How did I learn Teaching Self Government? Read More »
If you are sending your children back to school this year or if you homeschool your children you have the perfect opportunity to make fresh starts and new relationships. Fall is exciting because of all the new beginnings that happen. We also seem to be more motivated to start new projects and increase our spiritual
Back To School Suggestions Read More »
Teenage Attitude Problems Read More »
Teaching Self-Government
in
Wellsville, Utah
Date: Saturday, August 28, 2010
Time: 9:00 – 5:00
Content: Spencer’s New Class about relationships and Focus
The foundation of Parenting: Family Vision
Building Your Family Government
Teaching Self Government
The Last All Day Seminar of the Summer Read More »
…yes but how do you get them to work? My oldest (5yrs) always has to get get a drink or suddenly is tired or has a tummy ache when ever she hears the word “work” or “clean up.” It’s too “boring” she says. I am not about to make work “fun” for her because it
How Do You Get Them To Work? Read More »
I am pretty sure that just putting the word sex in the title of a blog post will make my blog not show up on a lot of your computers. If so, that is good. That means you have a good filter and are trying to keep the children protected from the conspirators in our world who want to enslave us all by destroying all the virtuous thoughts we normally have regarding the opposite gender and the act of marriage.
Recently I was asked:
Dear Nicholeen,
I am so impressed by the beautiful work you do as a mother and as an incredible example to families all over the world. Thank you for the work you do! I know you’re probably crazy busy, but I would really love to learn more about how you present sex education to your children. I just read a crazy disturbing article about what’s being taught in schools, and I want to be sure our children are taught about abstinence and the spiritual significance of the sex ordinance within marriage and the sacred nature of heterosexuality and well as the scientific aspects. It’s wild what teachers think is appropriate to teach Kindergartners and I’m doing research to make sure we’re hitting the right mark. If you could share your thoughts or send me to a link where you may have already addressed this, that would be awesome. Thanks to you and your sweet family!
You ask a great question. The topic of sexuality is a must for parents living in these times. My views are
Straight Talk About Sex: Children And Sex Read More »
So many people ask me how to control their out of control children… A man I really admire named Jeffrey Holland said, “…the only real control in life is self control.” I couldn’t agree more. You can control the settings on your computer, and control the television choices that come into your home. You can control all the things on your Family Standard and you can control what your family eats for dinner, but you can’t control another person. No matter how hard you try and how much power you try to look like you have, the only person you can control is yourself. Since that is the case, we should capitalize on that power we have to control ourselves, or govern ourselves. If we
Real Control! -Help For Parents Read More »
If you have ever had a baby, you know how hard feeding time can be.
I just had my 3rd baby and my oldest is turning 3 in a week and a half. This means that nursing the baby has become one of the most stressful times for me. I’ve been wondering to myself how I will ever stay sane if I can’t properly deal with the issues of the older 2 every time I nurse.
I love your idea of reading to the older kids while nursing the baby. I’ll try that one next time Zeke needs to eat.
Thanks for sharing this great advice.
I remember those years nursing and having toddlers. Those are hard times!!! There just aren’t enough arms and your thoughts get all jumbled up because of the noise and stress of it all. Obviously you should try to keep as calm as you can for the milk to be good and calming for the baby. I also know that is easier said than done.
How Do I Nurse A Baby And Handle The Rest Of The Children Too? Read More »
My two youngest children are best friends, and play a lot with each other. It is so fun to see them enjoy each other. This summer we have noticed that they are getting a bit too much play lately though. The sun comes up and someone is at our door asking to play. The children do their chores and run outside. They would stay there day after day, all day, if I didn’t ever call them in.
The other day my husband and I noticed some very distracted behaviors. My six year old was showing off a lot and acting a lot more “crazy” than usual. He was also trying to be the “funny guy” by popping off. We looked at each other and both knew something needed to change
Too Much Play Time?-Solving the Boredom Problem Read More »
“Just wondering what you do when a child denies doing something like this even though you know it was them or else they try to deceive you about it even though they know that no punishment will be given out for their mistake or wrongdoing if they are honest about it. How do you confront them and have them face up to their failures and take responsibility for their actions? My ds10 will get defensive whenever he does something wrong or makes a mistake he then will usually compound this by trying to lie or deceive his way out of it to save face. We end up punishing him for the lying and deceit when really it should have be a non issue if he had just been honest.””Any suggestions?”
There are three steps to handling this situation.
Step one; Make sure you are not accusing, but that you look and feel safe to talk to.
Step two: Pre-teach the situation before you say anything………….”Right now _________ just happened. I am going to ask you about your actions. If you choose to be honest about your actions you will not earn any negative consequences. (or you could have a positive consequence in place for being honest) However, if you are not honest then you will choose to earn
Teaching Honesty: What About Gray Area? Read More »
“I came across your ideas on the LDSEHE website, and have been so inspired by all of it. I’m starting to read your book, hoping to fill in a few holes. I really like your idea for Friday family movie nights as your one source of TV. How do you make selections for that night? Do you have a list of movies you would recommend?”
You are right. We have a family TV watching policy to help our family not get bound by television. Our policy is that we don’t watch TV unless it is a movie on Friday family movie night.
Family TV Watching: Parenting Tip Read More »
Can parents actually be too soft? Isn’t love and affection always the answer? If a parent isn’t being soft aren’t they being angry? I often have parents ask me about children who are really emotional. They say things like, “…she is really sensitive.” or “…he has a tender heart.” I know there are different personalities
Brave Parenting: Being Too Soft Read More »
My children have started a fun new game this Summer thanks to a very creative friend. They play camping. Their friend found lots of old odds and ends around the house and garage and loaded them into his wagon and brought them over to play. The children loved it so much, they play it every
Summer Fun for the Children; and the Parents Too! Read More »
My father used to always say, “Master your mother tongue and you will make a mark upon the world that will be noticed.” This advice changed my life. I am still not perfectly articulate, but it is always on my mind.
“Master Your Mother Tongue”: Building Character Read More »
“My two oldest boys, ages 8 and 7 are really giving me a run………..I know that if I stay strong, it will all pay off.
We have a family mission statement, we have a job jar, we have been roll playing. They know what our “standards” are.
My 7 year old has had discipline “issues” for 1 and 1/2 weeks consistently every morning during “school time”. He gets so frustrated with me when I calmly let him know that he earned another “consequence” I make sure and tell him that I love him and I wish that he could join us for privileged free time. He assures me that he will try harder but the same things keep happening over and over. He is 7 and very wiggly and dreamy, and distracted. He even has been swearing which is NOT our family standard! I try to explain to him that if he has good control over his body and mouth during school time, he will earn privileges, but he just doesn’t learn…………Any tips?”
It sounds like you are doing pretty well at creating an environment for self-government in your home.
I hope your son is doing better now. If not read pages 66-69 in my book Parenting A House United. I am guessing you have it. This section goes over motivation for children who get themselves in a rutt.
Negative Consequence Rutt: Parenting Tips Read More »
I have attended your classes at home school conferences and bought the mp3;s. I am currently purchasing your book, however, I am in crisis. I have a 17 rd old son that has been homeschooled since fourth grade. We originally took him out due to severe depression. This is something he struggles with. He has always done well in school. He went to the public high school for his freshman year. He was top of the class academically but he hated every minute of it and we allowed him to come back to home school for the past two years.
About six months ago I could see that he was clinically depressed and we found a counselor to help us through that. It turns out he was introduced to pornography at school and became addicted and the guilt has caused him to lose about a year of his life. We are dealing with this issue and he is doing very well and continues to receive counseling with us.
The crisis is that he cant make a decision about anything in his life and he seems to have no self control. He wants us to tell him every little thing to do and takes no responsibility. He takes 8 hours to do simple science due to the fact that if I walk out of his earshot he will immediately waste time doing anything else. It is so frustrating that we have to literally babysit him and that he needs us to. I am at my wits end with him and feel like throwing in the towel and sending him to boarding school. Of course, my rational mind knows that I must clean up this mess with him and no one else.
Can you please give me some direction on how to get this kid to take back his life and not put us in the position of jailers.
Depressed Teenager: Hope For Happiness Read More »
Sometimes I get some stories sent to me which simply must be shared. I would love to share one with you today. This is a great family meeting success story which had me sweating for a few seconds:
We even had an emergency family council the
other day. The kids didn’t really believe me that I was waiting for them to
come up with a solution. I told them that I was pretty sure that the
situation wasn’t going to change because I was the one paying the price. So
after I realized my mistake, I called the council to change that. Finally
one of the kids said, “Well, ten lashes then.” I asked for other
suggestions and there weren’t any
Family Meetings :Parenting Tips Read More »
The opposite of calm is hurry. If you feel like you have to hurry all the time, then you will never be calm. Also, if you feel like you have to hurry through your teaching interactions with your children then you will also have a harder time staying calm. Don’t let your desire for being efficient ruin your ability to be calm. The great philosopher William Jordan said:
The first sermon in the world was preached at the Creation. It was a Divine protest against Hurry. It was a Divine object lesson of perfect law, perfect plan, perfect order, perfect method. Six days of work carefully planned, scheduled and completed were followed by,–rest.
“I do struggle and maybe you could give me some advice. I spend quite a bit of time with my kids in the morning going over little activities like school workbooks and story time and exercising together. Yet the minute I get on the phone or sit down to nurse the baby, the three boys are arguing or fighting or taking toys from each other or something of the sort. I have tried to get them to color or do a certain activity together, but that only lasts so long. It’s hard to discipline when you are nursing the baby.
I know I have a bit of post-pardom and always feel like I am always nursing the baby or disciplining my children. I have felt discouraged with my 3 boys behavior and realize some of their actions comes from mom spending so much time with the new little one. Do you have any tips or suggestions for me on how to best help teach my boys and solve the problems.”
J You hit a common discipline problem right on the head. I would like to meet a mother who can have a 30 minute phone conversation and not have things fall apart a little bit. My one hopeful thought to you is that as they grow, they learn to live without you for 30 minutes, or more. 😉
Nursing a baby is also a hard one. I have been there too.
“Mom is on the phone” ~Discipline Problem Read More »
If you are up to watching television this Friday, May 14, from 9-10 in the morning, Spencer and I will be appearing on channel 14 in Utah and surrounding areas. The call station is KJZZ 14. We will be featured in two segments on parenting. This month we are talking about teaching our children how to accept no answers.
Tell your friends about the show. Maybe they will want to see who I am and benefit from our time in the telelvision station.
KJZZ Morning Show This Friday Read More »
When I was about thirteen years old I was perfectly molded in the opinions of the current society. I had my life all planned out, and was sure that my plans were socially pleasing to all of my friends. I was also sure that my plans would ensure that I wouldn’t turn out like my mother, who at the time was a person I didn’t really care about pleasing that much. You got it, I was a run of the mill, know it all and going to do it better than my parents, teenager. The only problem was, I didn’t really know what better meant because I was only seeing the popular social perspective.
Mother’s Day Miracle: My Story Read More »
As I go around the country teaching parenting seminars and trying to help parents make healthy changes in their family relationships, I notice there are two things which get asked the most.
1. What do you do for attitude problems?
2. How do you stop tantrums?
I an not going to expound on tantrums today, but I will say that attitude problems are just tantrums at a different level. The difference between the two are that tantrums usually happen when a person is small and they often include uncontrolled body movements and crying, and attitude problems are usually mostly verbal with abrasive body language. Attitude problems are usually more controlled than tantrums. Both tantrums and attitude problems are signs of frustration, anxiety and lack of healthy communication skills.
I am pretty confident talking about attitude problems, because I was the attitude problem queen of my house when I was in my teen years. I think my poor parents earned all their gray hairs during my attitude problem years. Luckily, I had a very insightful young women’s leader who saw my problem and wasn’t afraid to tell me how to change.
Great Advice
One day I was at her home telling her daughter that my parents wouldn’t let me go to a youth party because they
The Dreaded Attitude Problem Read More »
One of my passions is astronomy. When I go out in my backyard and look through my telescope at my friends, the planets and stars, I feel so close to God. Not because heaven is in space, but because it is so obvious there is organization in all things. He is a God of order; with everything in it’s perfect place. Everything has a purpose; a mission. Since He is order in all we see it only makes sense that people should live by order too.
Just like laws and principles govern the skies and the earth, there are laws meant to govern us as well. That is why we have chosen to apply governing rules to our home too. We feel like there is no better example of how to run a home than the way God runs our world; the current home for His family.
Our family has a set structure. We have certain meetings each week to strengthen the family relationships and keep the home in order. The meetings we have are
I found Character, by Samuel Smiles in ebook format for free. So cool! Here’s the link if you want to pass it along: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2541/2541-h/2541-h.htm#2HCH0011
Character Book: Must Read Read More »
“I have a 5 year old son that is in kindergarten. He loves school because of all his friends there… Unfortunately with school I see him still coming home with some bad habits that we must work to break. I think his teacher is great but with all the kids in the class she can’t be expected to enforce/reward self-government principles. My concern is that he is getting confused with discipline at home and less discipline at school. How do you address this issue with your kids?”
It is hard to have a child come home from school with behaviors you need to break all the time.
School Problems ~When The Classroom Comes Home Read More »
Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago.
Parenting Questions: Tattling, Fighting, & Yelling Read More »
KJZZ television Morning Show April 9, 2010
Segment One: http://connect2utah.com/content/fulltext/?cid=83461
Segment Two: http://connect2utah.com/media_player.php?media_id=127332
I was also featured in a news article in China recently in a periodical called the South China Morning Post. Here is the article:
Peck Family on TV: Following Instructions Read More »
“My question, as it relates to the above entries and to my four year old is what to do when he will not stay in time-out (on our washer)? He will not stay there. He runs after me, screaming. I put him back – try hard to do it calmly and sometimes I have tried to keep him there using my hands to keep his legs on the washer, but then I feel like I am forcing him and it all goes down hill from there.”
I wrote an answer to a similar question over a year ago. It is called “Tantrums, Time-out and Tired Moms.” The article should answer most of your questions. It is alright to do a soft hold with a child to help him learn to want to stay on time-out himself to calm down, but you are right about it being a sort of “force.”
My friend Jason Alba sent me this link to a great article about inspiring self-government in people in your community or sphere of influence.
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/51538
“…I hope you will discipline yourselves and your fellow students. This request is in keeping with my commitment to self-government for students. It should not be up to me to enforce proper behavior that signifies the intelligence of Duke students. You should do it. Reprove those who make us all look bad. Shape up your own language…” -Duke President Terry Sanford
The whole thing is really worth reading. I hope you take the chance.
Coach Sanford did some great things here. He
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Question:
“The biggest struggle we have with my son is that he wants to be the parent – he wants to be in control, not necessarily of my husband and I, but of the rest of the kids (he’s #2 of 5). For instance, this morning he made himself a “dessert sandwich” (he just made this up, bread with butter and cinnamon on it) before breakfast, but got mad and yelled at our 2 year old for getting into the fridge to get an apple while he still had the sandwich in his hand. Even me standing there saying “It’s okay, she can have the apple” didn’t calm things right away. ALL THE TIME he gets after his siblings for things he sees as wrong, but he himself can do no wrong, even if he’s doing the same things they are.”
About Parents
I love how at the beginning of this question you say that your son thinks he’s the parent and then at the end you say that he can do no wrong even though he is doing the same thing. These two statements together in the same paragraph make me smile because that is just what most parents really do. They get after the children for doing what they, the parents, are doing all the time too. These parents for some reason feel like if they don’t have to look at their short comings in their children then the short comings aren’t really there and don’t need to be addressed.
I will never forget
Parenting Questions: What to do when they think they are the parent Read More »
“Where am I going wrong?!?!?!?! I had started to think that things were on the up, but lately it seems as though my daughter’s behaviour has taken a nosedive. I think she’s just asserting herself but I find it hard to stay calm when she does. She ignores me very often or when she does respond to something, it’s usually with a “no” or “I don’t want to!”.
Toddlers with Tantrums Read More »
Here is a link to a great idea on how to teach SODAS, or problem solving exercises. Have a SODA party. Alison, aka mommymita blogger, posted a great idea with pictures of how she and her children used SODAS today. Thanks for the success story and the fun idea with photos!
Here is the link: http://mommymita.blogspot.com/2010/03/soda-party.html
It’s never too early to teach your children to look at all sides of a situation and recognize there are always multiple disadvantages and advantages to any decision you make.
Problem Solving with Children ~SODAS Read More »
