We have a problem with people getting into things in the house without asking. For example chocolate chips, cookies in the freezer and so on. We also have a problem with dishonesty.
The consequence for these (decided by the family) Dishonesty: 30 min.
Getting Each Other in Trouble Read More »
Many people have expressed interest in my upcoming book: Parenting A House United: Changing Children’s Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self-Government.
I have started pre-selling copies of this book to raise money for the acutal printing at some of the latest speaking events.
The book has taken longer than expected, but is finished with editing now and only needs to be formatted and printed. Watch the site for a pre-sale. This will be the only way to get the book at a discounted price. It will be coming in a few days.
Nicholeen
Just so all of you know. My show is airing on BBC Three in Britain on November 5th. We won’t be able to see it in the U.S. but the BBC is sending a copy of the show in the mail to me the day it airs. I will find a way to share it with all of my friends.
That’s the latest. ~Nicholeen
Bedtime negative behaviors. my 5 year old just will not settle down. I get really frustrated with him. I don’t feel like I can do the rule of three or extra chores when he is supposed to be going to sleep, and if I tell him he has earned them for the morning, the consequence doesn’t seem real to him. My husband’s solution is to give him three warnings, and then spank him. I am beginning to hate bedtime.
Q: “With my 5 year old, when I am correcting negative behavior and I ask him to practice with me, he goes into goofy mode and doesn’t want to practice correct behavior, or does it silly. Should I give him consequences for this behavior? or should I skip the practice?”
Are you listening to me? Read More »
One afternoon my children and I went on a walk to our local library. The library is about one and a half miles from our home. After a great time reading and exploring together in the library, we started our mile and a half walk home.
During the walk one of my small children mentioned he was hungry. It was getting close to dinner time, and would still be a little while before we reached home. When we were about a half way home we passed a home which had a large apple tree growing on the property. The apples on the tree were perfectly ripe and large. My son immediately notice
Stand For Something Read More »
While making bread one day I heard confusion coming from downstairs. After asking the children what was happening I found out that one of our darling little friends, who was over playing, broke a toy and was really worried about getting into trouble. Apparently, the little five year old girl was playing with a toy when it dropped and broke. The other children assured her that it would be alright, but she was still worried.
Our sweet friend became so anxious that she hid herself in the bathroom for a while, and when she was found there came out and found another more private pl
Recently I have had multiple people email with questions about their husbands. It seems that some fathers are reluctant to make changes in their family culture and systems even when the rest of the family is already using the teaching-self-government system. Even though I am speaking from a woman’s perspective today to women primarily, I have also had fathers email about their wives not wanting to change, so the topic is valid for both mothers and fathers.
Why is it that one parent can be ready for change and another isn’t? The answer to this question is probably individual in many
Fathers figuring things out Read More »
“Waaaaahaaaaa!” screamed Porter, my five year old, from the other side of the family room. I looked over there just is time to see Paije, his much older sister, trying to pry one of her shoes from her little brother’s hands while keeping a close eye on the other shoe. Before I could even get a word in, Paije had grabbed the first shoe away from her younger brother and no
Teaching How to Stop Teasing Read More »
My daughter had one of her best friends over to play. After playing for about 45 minutes, the friend came from the basement in tears to her mother. She was really upset because she was having a hard time communicating with my daughter.
Choose Communication Not Sides Read More »
Can one person change the world just by being herself? I think so. That is where the power in all of us lies; in the person we were meant to become. If we find this person, we will then find our power to change the world.
Live each day like it matters. Because it does. One action based on one thought is where the power to change the world lies. Touch people. Touch your children. Influence. That is why we are all here.
The Power to Change Read More »
Parenting is the grand mission. It is all eight missions talked about in Dr. DeMille’s lecture. Whenever I speak about missions in my seminars, people always want more about the eight missions, so I thought it would be exciting for many of my readers to know about the free download. Enjoy!
Free Download -The Eight Missions Read More »
Another way I change my children’s hearts is to see what changes I have to make in myself. If a relationship is suffering, it is usually a two person problem. So, if I feel disconnected from my child, I take a good hard look at what I can do to change myself, motivate myself, and inspire myself. In short, I try to see how I can live better so that I can inspire my child to live better. In the past this has even required a new way of communicating to my family. So far, this approach to changing hearts has been a big blessing for myself and my family.
If I am going to in
Teaching Self Government requires Self Government Read More »
Hi, Nicholeen,I have a quick question for you. I’m struggling with what to do for discipline/consequences when we’re away from home. (Specifically in the car or in a store.) My kids tend to pick at each other, fight, kick, etc., in the car and to run away from me or do other annoying things (push the cart the wrong direction, touch things they shouldn’t, etc.) at the store. The younger ones especially (age 2-4ish) don’t really care enough about what’s coming in the future for them to care if I give them a consequence that will be carried outParenting On the Go ~Car and Store Struggles Read More »
I recently received a very inspiring email which answers the question “How will Teaching Self Government change my family?” I love to see what Teaching Self Government looks like in other homes, so I thought you would enjoy it too.
TSG has change my life. It has opened my eyes to the 4 basic communication skills. It has given me hope that despite my upbringing, I can learn the skills to help me be a better parent and communicator with my children. It helps me to pause when I’m really frustrated, to know what to say in any situation instead of constantly having to be creative
It Changed My Life Read More »
Thank you all so much for your wonderful advice and suggestions for my book title! It is really valuable to get your opinions. After reviewing a great poll and reading through many comments which weren’t on the poll, I have decided the title of the book will be:
A House United
I’ve read about Love and Logic, Power of Positive Parenting and other books that were ok, but not memorable. You know how I feel about L and L, too confusing, too inconsistent, creates too many power struggles. P of PP I loved and recomend to help you get in a good frame of mind, but I didn’t walk away from that empowered with the tools/skills to follow through with my new vision of the P of PP. I’m all pumped up to parent with positiveness, but what does that look like, how does is sound, how does it really play out in the heat of the moment when my first reaction is to
Buy the Book for Cheap! Read More »
I still continue to work through as many of the questions which have been sent to me as possible, and feel bad that I don’t have time to get to them as quickly as I would like to. Recently, I have done lots of mentor calls with people to answer some people’s questions more quickly. Others have felt it helpful to have mentor calls to start their family government off in the right direction.
If you are intersted in having a mentor call with me, I am able to schedule one hour calls for $50 per hour at this time. You will also get a recording of your call so that you can refer back whenever you like.
Mentoring Opportunity Read More »
Teaching Self Government
Full Day Seminar
9:00 – 5:00
In Cedar City, Utah
August 22, 2009
Contact: [email protected] for cost and location information.
Cedar City on August 22 Read More »
Problem solving is a great group skill as well as an individual skill. Group discussions and family meetings are great places to use SODAS. My children are not perfect, and never will be, so we get the opportunity to problem solve together all the time. One day, a few years ago, all four of my children ended up crying all at
Problem Solving in groups Read More »
My kids are really hard workers (At least I’ve taught them one thing right!) so they are not bothered at all by doing an extra job or even doing jobs for one hour or all day. It’s not their favorite thing to do but they will do it without complaining and then go right back to the same behavior that we were trying to fix. I know it sounds crazy but these are unusual kids I’m raising!
Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago.
Parenting Questions ~ Tattling, Yelling, & Fighting Read More »
Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago.
Success Stories and Some Questions Read More »
UPDATE: We are getting closer to having the book. I took some of the great ideas presented here and made a book title poll where you can vote for the title you think I should use.
On the post below titled Nicholeen Asks You there are many comments with book title suggestions. I am trying to give my book the perfect name. Please look at those comments, pick your favorite title and leave a vote comment on this post. Pick the title that you would pull o
Vote for my Book Title Read More »
“I do struggle and maybe you could give me some advice. I spend quite a bit of time with my kids in the morning going over little activities like school workbooks and story time and exercising together. Yet the minute I get on the phone or sit down to nurse the baby, the three boys are arguing or fighting or taking toys from each other or something of the sort. I have tried to get them to color or do a certain activity together, but that only lasts so long. It’s
“Mom is on the phone” Read More »
UPDATE: We are getting closer to having the book. I took some of the great ideas presented here and made a book title poll where you can vote for the title you think I should use.
As many of you know I have been writing a book for a long time about the way I parent my children and govern my home. We now have a possible release date! YEAH! The problem is, I don’t have a title that will sell my book yet. Even though I like the name :
Teac
Nicholeen Asks You! Read More »
Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago. It has been so helpful! It has already made a big difference in our home!
My eight year old son was having trouble obeying the first time i.e. following instruction, and we would ask him again and again to do things and he wouldn’t do them. He would forget or get distracted reading. (He’s a white, through and through.) Then we would get angry and he would do it. But he would sometimes get angry and lately even sometimes go into a little bit of a rage.
Success Stories and Some Questions Read More »
In the past couple of months I have been swamped with questions. I am so sorry if I have not been able to answer your question in a reasonable time. With the filming of the BBC show and trying to work on my book, as well as doing regular life stuff I have had a lot of my time taken up. Here are a few really brief answers to some of the recent questions.
I know you’ve mentioned this before, but how do you handle it when you’re children answer a question with “I don’t know.” Usually, when my kids say this, it just seems like they’re too lazy to think somethin
Questions, Questions Read More »
This year our family is going to the American Family Fest in Cedar City, Utah. It is going to be amazing! I can’t believe how many family memories can be made at this wonderful, inspiring event.
I will be teaching a youth class on Thursday, July 2 and an adult class on Saturday, July 4. Never before, in Utah, have I seen this kind of family event. It is like going to a 3 day family camp for a fraction of the cost. I have always wanted to go t
Great Family Activity Idea! Read More »
A week ago I had six children instead of four. We adopted two British 17 year old teens for a television show we were asked to be on. Even though the filming was only 8 days, I think all of us, our family, the two teens, and the camera crew learned a lot about love and why some people struggle with certain behaviors.
There was one time during the week when my 17 year old adopted son, J, got really frustrated. He was stressed because we were short on time, and he had lots he wanted to accomplish. He had a bit of a break down. He cried, and yelled, and displayed attitud
The Power of a Hug Read More »
“I read your post about the Dawdler getting in the way of family routines, but what do I do with a dawdler when it comes to accepting consequences. Here is the situation:
How long should a chore take? 4 Hours? Read More »
A parent says, “Billy, come make your bed.”
Billy doesn’t come immediately so the parent says,”One…….Two………Three.” to get Billy to come.
Have you ever done this? Everyone knows Billy better start running either at or before his mom hits the number three or else Mom could turn into a monster.
As I travel around, I notice counting to three as possibly the most common parenting control method. Counting has it’s place in parenting, but the counting in the above story is either a threat, a power struggle, or a sign of a parent who doesn’t real
Have You Ever Done This? Read More »
It has come to my attention that I made it really hard for people to contact the hostess of my upcoming seminar by putting the wrong email. Emily Satterthwaite’s email is [email protected] her phone is
801-941-3018
The seminar is May 16th from 9:00 – 5:00 in Pleasant View, Utah.
So Sorry (blush*)
Teaching Self Government Seminar
Preparing the Family for Greatness
A Step-By-Step Guide to a Happy Home
My children range from 30 -7 and there are 13 of them. I am wondering how you start this with your older children and how you brought your husband on board.
TSG with older children Read More »
…my 6 year old is up to his old tricks. He
LOVED following instructions when I first started concentrating on this.
But, today, he became his regular difficult self. He hasn’t been
following instructions and when I tell him he’s earned a chore, he won’t
do the chore. And when I try the Rule of 3, he’ll calm down and then
still won’t follow through with his chores.
He has tried to solicit help from me (while I’m trying to make dinner for him)–I told him I’d like to
help him, but I have to make dinner right now. Then, he just starts goofing off with the r
Sneaky Six Year Old Read More »
This comment is definately realavent to the previous post. This was a great response. I couldn’t have said it better myself!
One thing Nicholeen didn’t mention was that this mom should try hard to find the positives in your son. It sounds like she can only think of negatives associated with her son right now. Of course that is part of teaching self-government, praising at a rate of 5 or 6 to 1 criticism.
I can totally relate because I do have a child that drives me crazy and I tend to focus on the negatives rather than the positives.
A comment for At Wits End Read More »
I have a 14yo son who I cannot deal with any more. It isn’t a new thing. He’s my oldest and ever since he was little I have felt like I can’t deal with him. He is defiant, impulsive, selfish, and almost any other negative thing I can think of. When he sees how emotional his behavior makes me he feels guilty and apologizes and tries to do better for a little while but it doesn’t last.
We’ve tried to set up self-government. We made a family mission statement but he won’t agree to it. He won’t agree to any consequences we vote on.
Date: Saturday, May 16, 2009
Time: 9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m.
Place: 3880 Price Lane
New Seminar in Utah Read More »
This last week I have had the amazing opportunity to parent two of the cutest little boys you could ever see; my nephews James and Henry. My nephews are both still toddlers, so life was a little crazy sometimes and absolutely adorable almost all the time.
For instance, three year old Henry felt that it was important to share all of his profound thoughts with me like, “Did you know that if I threw this basketball at your wall, or your window, or your light it would break? But if I threw the ball at your couch it wouldn’t break. But, if I got a really big ball, it could break your couch.
Positively Wonderful! Read More »
Your advice sounds similar to what we did with my son. He said he didn’t believe in our church anymore. We told him he didn’t have to believe it, but he did need to attend to show respect for the family and our beliefs, which included his conduct at church and home. So he went, eventually he went through a crisis where he turned back to, and found his own belief in our church.
Lately, my teenage son doesn’t want to go to church with the family. I don’t really want to make him go. Even though he is not especially religious right now, he is still a good boy. Should I be worried about this?
It is really common for children, and sometimes even adults, to go through a time when they don’t feel like being dedicated to religion. It is hard work to live righteously, and follow religious principles. All the really religious people I know have one thing in common. They are all disciplined. Since it is so common for youth to go through a
Religion Affects Self Government Learning Capacity Read More »
I don’t know any BAD children. Sure, there are children who make bad choices, but inside, those children all have a spark of goodness. Without this philosophy, I could have never decided to take foster children into my home. As soon as they arrived in my home I saw it as my job to find that spark, or flame of g
I don’t know any bad children. Read More »
… a comment to your response to My baby won’t sleep through the night.. I just wanted to make a quick comment. I have nine children, and I feel like the best book for this is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I think it should be called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Parents!!
Joy Petty in NC
Comment on Babies Sleeping Read More »
“We have not staked the future of our society upon the power of government — far from it. We have staked the future of all our political institutions upon the capacity for self-government; upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God. –James Madison
James Madison once said… Read More »
I had a question about getting my 9 month old baby to sleep?
I have been nursing him to sleep since he was born. Because he needs to be nursed to sleep, he sleeps in our bed. When I try to put him to sleep in his crib, he pulls himself up to standing and starts screaming and crying. I would really like to move him out of our bed and get him to put himself to sleep in his crib.
My baby won’t sleep through the night. Read More »
You use the word “criticism” often when you’re talking about corrective teaching…That word however, has a very negative connotation to me, and each time I hear you say it on your CD’s, I cringe inwardly… I listen to and read a lot of stuff on marriage and parenting, and the word “criticism” is always used as a negative term. It’s considered one of the 6 Love Busters in Harley’s book, Love Busters. John Gottman, in his books on marriage, includes it in “a set of particularly poisonous patterns of interaction [he calls] “the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” that can
Is Giving Criticism Bad? Read More »
We used you family standard made some changes and put it in our family book. My question is, do you have a family mission statement?
I am so glad you liked the standard. Ours is also in our family meeting book. Here is our family mission statement: ~Nicholeen
Our Mission Statement Read More »
Everything I teach in my home leads to duty and then VOICE. Because, how can you be a leader in this world and not have any voice, or way to lead people? Even example is a form of voice. We need to all be walking messages for what we believe. Someone who tries to be politically correct all of the tim
The Power Within Us! Read More »
Thanks for your post. It gave me a lot to think about. The one part I am still unsure about (and I know I just need to take it to prayer) is about treating them as if they have lied even when you just suspect it. I find myself wondering whether I am unfairly accusing or if I am wrong when I feel like I am probably being lied to. I don’t want him to feel like he can’t gain my trust no matter what he does and that I expect the worst from him. I don’t want him to feel like he can lie and get away with it either though.
I have one son who doesn’t seem to be responding much to the changes in our family, and I am starting to worry about him. I know you have dealt with many children who have come from dysfunctional situations and maybe even need counseling. I am wondering if there is a way to tell if this child needs counseling or if I just need to continue doing what we are doing and hope that it is making a difference little by little. He is 10.
The main issues we are having with him are lying and a tendency to constantly look for and feel pity for himself. He has been difficult since the b
Therapy? Lying? Attention seeking? Read More »
Most parents I know would say they love their children unconditionally. This unconditional love is the most powerful kind of love there is. Some Christians call this kind of love, “Christ-like Love.”
Feeling love for another person in your heart is not enough to make your love unconditional. True unconditional love is a kind of love that can separate a person from his behaviors. Can you see how this definition really IS unconditional?
Parents must correct the behaviors of their children! There is no doubt about this. But, the correction of the negative behavior should never chang
Separate Behaviors from People Read More »
Hi, I am a tired mom who is really trying very hard to have all the time and the spirit in our home. I have 2 kids. My lovely daughter, is freshly 4 years old and my sweet son, is 20 months old. Ours days are packed with action. In our family meeting we discuss consequences for most of the situations… but my daughter always suggests and votes for the time-out. Well I agree that time-out is appropriate for the little one .
Tantrums, Time-Out and Tired Moms Read More »
With the SODAS – do you only use these when you see a problem, or do you do them randomly and/or on a regular basis?
I use SODAS whenever I think we practice problem solving, but especially if we have had a problem problem solving. 😉 I start my small children out problem solving by playing the What If? game. While driving in the car etc. I say, ‘What if……………what would you do?” They love it and get in the habit of problem solving.
I was recently asked if I thought I was a strict parent. I’ve never liked the word strict, because I associat it with a parent who yells a lot, is stern looking and engages in power struggles. So, in response to the question, I said, “I wouldn’t use the word strict to describe me, but I would say I am firm.” I shared these thoughts about the word strict with a wise friend of mine. She looked me in the eye and said, “You are wrong about people who are strict. A strict parent DOESN’T HAVE TO YELL.” All of a sudden I wondered if the semantics of the word strict have been chang
What about extra chores?
On Sundays we don’t do heavy work, or major maintenances in order to keep our Sabbath. But children still make bad choices on Sundays. My policy is this:
If my child chooses to earn an extra chore on a Sunday then I try to think of something that I would normally have to do on that day anyway; such as make cookies for a family treat, or put all the books back on the shelf etc. Remember, all chores don’t have to be miserable, they just have to teach cause and effect. A person doesn’t have to feel pain to learn.
Sunday chores again. Read More »
I was asked how I handle lying. This is a very common problem with children who are trying to gain control of their lives and other people.
In the past I have written many posts on lying. Two posts which may especially be helpful are “Communicating Honestly” And “Honesty“. If you type these words into the light blue bar at the top right of this page and you will find them. In fact you will find any post that mentions honesty in it. I hope thi
As I was looking at your chore chart, I thought of another question I’ve been meaning to ask about chores. I noticed Sunday is listed as a day of rest on the charts–how does that work with things that have to be done everyday (like setting/clearing the table, dishes, animals, making beds, etc.)? Also, how do you handle extra chores that are earned on Sunday?
What about Sundays? Read More »
This last weekend at the seminar in Clearfield, UT I was asked for a copy of my family standard. In case it is useful to anyone else, it is below. Warning, this is three pages long on word. You should be able to copy and paste it back to word if you want to use it too or take ideas from it. 🙂 It does contain some things that are specific to our family’s religion. Regard those things how you will. Each family’s family standard should include things from their religious foundations.
Peck Family Standard Read More »
I walked out of the room and was faced with disrespectful behavior…voice raising and critical attitude for no apparent reason….It made me glad I can look forward to the publishing of your book! I am starting to chalk this type of behavior up to “Not following instructions” based on the instruction to “Treat others with respect and kindness.”
You could either call it “Not Following Instructions,” or you could call it “Not Disagreeing Appropriately.” Either way would work for a corrective teaching. However, I try to teach to “Not Disagreeing Appropriately” whenev
Voice Raising and Critical Attitude Read More »
What about when they say, “I didn’t hear you” as their reason/excuse for not following instructions…but you think they must have?
“I didn’t hear you.” Read More »
Thank you–this was very helpful! One more question. . .On the specifics, like letting the children know chores are a “standing instruction”, the children having to make up the time if you do the chore for them, the time period allowed for chores to be done, or the 30 minutes for a dishonest chore, how did you determine these and then teach/tell your children about what would happen?
Comment on chores… Read More »
I know you’ve written posts about chores before, but I can’t seem to find them on your website. So I’ll ask my questions, and maybe you can direct me to the proper posts if you’ve already answered them! Are the everyday chores that kids have a “standing instruction?” In other words, if they don’t do their chores or have to be reminded to do them, are they not following instructions, and would they start earning consequences?
Yes. Any responsibility your child has, such as a chore or school work, is an instruction. The term “standing instruction” is perfect fo
Are Chores Instructions too? Read More »
There was a comment left on the “perfect families” post which said,
Have you found ways to keep from joining in the competition when you speak about your kids, and shut down competitive questions/remarks from others?
There is definitely a way to keep from joining in these kinds of competitions. But, the way is not easy because it goes against human nature to seek evidence of personal success by comparing. I have realized the act of comparing or one-upping usually happens when I stop listening to and caring about the parent talking to me and caring about my own fami
Question about “perfect families” Read More »
Yesterday, my daughter was playing with her toy horses and stables. She was having a great time. I was reading on the couch. Then I got this thought, “Ask her if you can play with her.”
I must confess, it would have been a lot easier for me to keep doing my study thing. I need all the time I can get. But, right then I realized the most important thing to do was make a memory with my daughter.
I asked her if I could play. She smiled HUGE and said, “sure Mom!”
We played for about 10 minutes when all the children crowded in and watched our playing. Then I heard my son say, “I g
After moving to a new neighborhood, many years ago, I found myself talking to a nice woman about who the different families were who lived around me. I couldn’t wait to get acquainted with everyone, and her information about the names of families and what age children lived in what homes was very informative for
The “Perfect Family” Read More »
One day I was walking passed my daughters bedroom when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my daughter’s 3 year old friend emptying the last of a HUGE 100oz refill bottle of bubbles onto the carpet. She had climbed the closet shelves to the top and got down the bottle, so that she could dump it. What did I do? Did I lose my cool? No way. This wasn’t my child. I walked into the room and said
Bubbles are no big deal. Read More »
2008 has been a very noisy year! Our family spends a lot of time playing, singing, and performing music. Music is quickly becoming our family’s main pass time. Spencer and Quinton even went all the way to Nashville this year to compete in the International Barbershop Competition and to Colorado Springs to compete in a district competition. They sing with the Beehive Statesmen, and are two of four men in a quartet called, All-a-Chord. Londyn, Paije and Quinton, all
In the post below I discussed teaching our children gratitude. I forgot to mention one thing we do which teaches gratefulness the most; thank you notes.
Thank you notes are almost a thing of the past. This is sad and possibly selfish. Nothing replaces the warmth and love the feeling of a hand written note or letter gives to a reader. I have lovingly kept cards and notes from all of the dear people currently in my life and those who are no longer living. Seeing the writing and words from my grandmother warms my soul. I am so glad that she believed in writing cards and notes to me, so
Samuel Smiles said, “Worst of all are the grumblers and growlers at fortune–who find that whatever is, is wrong,” or not enough.
Quiet a few years ago, we had a Christmas day that changed all the Christmas days to come. We had a nice large Christmas with lots of presents for the children. The children opened their presents, and then the grandparents came over with gifts. After opening a present from a grandparent, one of my children said, “Is that all?”
I about died! Not only was this a huge social no-no, but my child was behaving very selfishly and that was unacceptable. This kin
Christmas Character Building Read More »
Today I was reading my scriptures and came across the word captive. I pondered on this word for some time.
Captivecomes from the Latin word “Captivus”, which means to seize or to take.
Not surprisingly, captivatealso comes from the Latin word “Captivus”, with the same meaning.
My thoughts turned to Christmas and family. There are so many things at Christmas time that captivate our thoughts, and families. We have concerts, parties, festivals, gift and holiday preparation. All of these things, just like television and popular media choices can of
Christmas Captivity Read More »
I recently read a book called the Christmas Sweater. In this book, the main character (a teenager) makes a lot of mistakes. Glenn Beck, the author, tells what the teenager was thinking and how he really wanted to change, but felt it would show weakness to admit he was wrong, or that he needed help etc. This was a great photo into the mind of a teenager. This was a great, easy read.
This book shows how important it is to “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” In the story, the adults didn’t really know how to handle the teenager’s attitude, but a mysterious, guardian angle
Before the United States of America even existed, there were these colonies of many different people from different lands. One of these colonies was called New Amsterdam. The Dutch people settled this colony. They were a happy people who enjoyed life. The king of the Netherlands left the New Amsterdam colony to govern itself, and for a while they did OK. They made good roads and homes and a popular sea port. The port of New Amsterdam was one of the biggest trade centers in America.
After a while of governing themselves, and having no real rules, the citizens of New Amsterdam became
Learning from the Dutch Read More »
One more tip for making time-out effective.
If your son doesn’t say OK to anything, take him to time-out. If you say NO, and he whines, he goes to time-out. If you tell him to do something, and he doesn’t say, OK, he goes to time-out. If he hurts another person, he goes to time-out. He needs to get really used to going to time-out. The more he goes, the more he will recognize that time-out is the place to calm down and then talk, and that the sooner he does that the sooner life is good again.
Time-out for youngsters tip Read More »
“My almost 3 yo fights and kicks and cries when I take him to time-out (I have to carry him there), and then cries very loudly and even will scream at me when I’m telling him that he needs to stay there until he can become happy. My husband thinks all of this is very disrespectful and feels that we need to spank him or do something different so that my son doesn’t do this. He thinks I am teaching my son that it’s okay to fight me and scream at me. What do you think?”
I understand your husband’s frustration, and yours. Your child is definitely “out of instruction
Out of Control on Time-out Read More »
There will be a 7 hour Teaching Self Government Seminar on January 24, 2009
at Clearfield Community Church at 200 S. 500 E. in Clearfield, Utah 84015 from 9-5 pm with a one-hour, off-campus lunch. All are invited to attend.
Cost: $35/person and $40/couple
Contact person ~ Becky Goodrich [email protected]
“I met you at your recent Stansbury Seminar. It was so great! I could have listened for days. I can’t get my daughter to stop sleeping in my bed. She is three years old, and I don’t think she should still be sleeping in my bed. No matter what I do, she has a fit if I try to enforce her sleeping in her own bed. “
Children wanting to share their parent’s bed is a very normal childhood desire. When I was young, I remember thinking that my parent’s bed was softer, warmer, and just more cozy than my bed was. It is good that our children want to be close to us, but
Pre-teaching small children how to go to bed when asked Read More »
The very first time I was asked to speak to a group of people about Teaching Self Government, I was in such a rush. I tried to tell the audience everything they would need to make all the changes necessary to become the parents they wanted to be, and to have the learning environment for their children which they also wanted for family happiness.
I remember talking so fast to try to squeeze in everything possible in the 50 minutes I had to speak. It is funny to me that I even thought I could possibly squeeze my now one day seminar into 50 minutes 🙂
I have learned a lot in these 9 yea
My children love playing with the kids next door, but it seems that the neighbor kids do something rude/unkind every few weeks (or more often). I’m not naive enough to believe that my kids are always totally without blame, but I am good friends with mother of these kids, and she has told me several times that this is pretty normal behavior for her kids and that my kids don’t act like that. My kids (8 yo girl, 7 yo boy) have learned to pretty much just expect rude comments and behavior from the 9 yo neighbor boy and don’t have a lot to do with him anymore, but the 8 yo old girl
My neighbors fight with my children…friend problems Read More »
How do you help your children stand up for what’s right without being “preachy” or “goody-goody”?
The most importantskill you can teach your child is how to determine what is right and what is wrong and how to choose right and stay away from wrong. This is the whole reason children need parents. If my child can’t match his outfits, doesn’t know how to do mathematics well, never changes his bed sheets, ortalks with his mouth full, it doesn’t really matter at all if he has mastered how to discern between what is right and what is wrong and chooses to follow right.
Dealing with Friends part 4 Read More »
How do you help your children respond appropriately to unkind behavior and deal with conflicts?
I am assuming this question is referring to conflicts with friends and not siblings, although the conflicts aren’t too much different. In fact, in most cases if we all treated each other like friends instead of siblings, we would all be much nicer to each other. For some reason, most people treat strangers, and friends way better than fami
Dealing with Friends part 3 Read More »
“How do these things change as your children get older?”
Too much friend time makes children selfish. Children who are around peers too often start to think more about their peers than their family. This focus on self encourages them to with draw from family.
If children have limited contact with peers when they are young, they will most likely not become dependent upon having friends around for their happiness. The last thing I want is a child who thinks that their happiness comes from something or someone else. Happiness comes from inside us all, and for
Dealing with Friends part 2 Read More »
How often do your children play with friends, and under what conditions? How do these things change as your children get older? How do you help your children respond appropriately to unkind behavior and deal with conflicts? How do you help your children stand up for what’s right without being “preachy” or “goody-goody”?
These great questions about friends will take a few days to answer. The answer to the first question is below.
“How often do your children play wi
Dealing with Friends Read More »
Family activities don’t necessarily need to be elaborate! I am a bit of a romantic, so I always try to think up things that sound memorable.
Tonight we drove around our small town until we found a place that had a lot of leaves that needed to be raked up. We made the ever traditional huge pile of leaves and jumped in, rolled around, buried each other, took pictures, and wrestled a bit. Soon it was time to go. (the draw back of daylight savings time) We decided that we didn’t want to be done. We wanted to take the fun home with us. So, we quickly went home to get some strong garbage
Planners vs. Live in the moment people
Planners vs. Live in the moment poeple Read More »
Readers,
I have been spending a lot of time writing my Teaching Self government book lately. It is so exciting to see the progress and know that I am getting closer to accomplishing this goal.
On this site I have answered many questions. I would like to use some of these questions (without names attatched of course) in parts of my book, because I know the answers will be beneficial to everyone who reads them.
This is a notice to let you know that I am planning on using some of the blog material in the book. If you, for some reason, don’t want your question or comments published
My oldest son is a talker. If he has anything on his mind, he finds a way to say it. In fact it is painful for him not to say what is on his mind. If anyone ever tells him to not say something he wants to say, he either becomes very offended or he acts like he is going to blow up trying not to say one of his great thoughts.
Talkers vs. Listeners Read More »
The Universe is governed by laws. One of those laws is that an older, wiser species comes before the new, innocent young of the same species to guide the younger toward right choices and acceptable behaviors. I have heard parents say before that their children didn’t come with instruction manuals. This is true, and each child is uniquely different, but I have wondered if parents make statements like these to make themselves feel better
Changing generations Read More »
“Where there is no vision, the people perish…” (Proverbs 29:18)
I have a 20 year vision for my family:
I have many posts on this site about how to change attitude problems in our children. This is important to know how to do, but even more important for our family is knowing how to change our own attitude problems.
Let’s face it, parenting is hard work! There are many nights that I don’t even turn over in my bed, because my body is so tired, it would take too much effort. Life is hard, but it doesn’t need to be miserable. Part of self government, is knowing when you get to choose, and when you don’t. Attitude is always your own choice.
So what is YOUR attitude about your work as a
What is YOUR attitude like? Read More »
“In a family meeting, do the kids actually get to vote on the final decision, or are they just giving input and opinions, and then the parents make the decision?”
Good question. Everyone votes in the family meeting. On rarest of occasions the parents could veto a vote if it is dangerous or goes against the family mission statement or family morals in any way.
The reason that everyone must vote, is because this is meeting where everyone in the family finds their focus and works on communicating to each other. This is also where all the positive and negative co
Family Meeting Question Read More »
There is an old saying which says, “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.”
This is going to shock you all……WHY? Seriously, I think this is sound advice for school assignments that are due, and remembering to put gas in the car, but after careful consideration, I have found that this advice about not procrastinating, can ruin the days and lives of some mothers.
How many “homework” assignments do we constantly pile upon ourselves under the pretence of this old adage? I have found myself canning until 2:00 a.m. when I have to wake up at 5:00 a.m.
Going against the grain. Read More »
“Mom, Paije tried to take this stuffed animal away from
Then Paije said, “But Mom, she never asked me if she could use it and it is mine.”
Who is really right? Family mission teaches lots. Read More »
“What do you do if a child is punished with a chore and they refuse to do it (no matter how much time you spend in the same room with the child)? Child in question is 8 years old.”
This sounds like a cause of much frustration in the home. I can imagine in would be.
One person can’t MAKE another person want to follow an instruction. Each person has the responsibility to decide for herself.
That said, this is how I look at this situation. If a child earns a negative consequence, I do a corrective teaching (see steps). If the child will not accept the cons
But she won’t do it! Read More »
How do you balance your mission with your family mission? Obviously helping
others learn to teach their children self-government takes a good deal
of your time away from your family so I’d love some tips. God has
inspired me to reach out more to others and share my talents, but I
sometimes find it difficult to find a good balance with my #1 mission
of raising my family.
This question is a classic! I love it. What ambitious Mommy doesn’t struggle with this?
You are right, I have to pull off quite a balancing act to manage all of my missions.
The famil
Balance for a mission mom? Read More »
On September 11th I wrote a post titled “For Crying out Loud ~ Screaming” This was the first screaming post. I am now adding another part to screaming, because I have another question.
My almost-5-year-old has always been a screamer. He screams this
high-pitched, shrill, grating scream whenever he doesn’t like
something that’s going on — which is often. This screaming pushes
my buttons like nothing else does. I HATE it, and I’m afraid I’ve
reacted to it too strongly and too wrongly, for too long.
So, is this kind of screaming a normal thing for a kid before he ge
“I’m having trouble figuring out what behavior is
“normal” for my 4- and 8-year-old boys, what chores I can expect them
to be able to perform, and what kinds of rewards and consequences
work for the different ages. Is there a good book you can suggest?
Or is that something I need to tailor for my own boys (i.e.
What should I expect? Read More »
