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Using TSG Skills

Grumpy Children Doing Dishes

He Won’t Do His Chores?

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A few years ago, I received a letter from a woman regarding her nine-year-old son, Colin. Her problem was one that many other parents face. Colin regularly spent the entire day procrastinating his chores. On top of it all, he had a bad attitude. He was sent to bed early, which meant he didn’t do his chores and thought he got away with it. The house was messy because Colin didn’t wash the dishes, and the mom was at her wit’s end — how can the family work around a stubborn child who is constantly seeing how far he can push to get out of his responsibilities?

He Won’t Do His Chores? Read More »

discipline

What Children Think of Negative Consequences

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I recently asked a group of 10-year-old children what kinds of negative consequences their families have. “At our house, we sweep the floor and clean,” said one boy. “Mom gets mad and goes into a bad mood,” said another boy. “Mom used to send us to time out, but we don’t do that anymore,” said

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MomAndDaughterCrouchTalk

Disagreeing Appropriately

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A few years ago, a reader wrote, “My kids love being able to disagree appropriately, but I don’t want them to do it every single time! They’re smart and have good reasons for wanting to do things a different way, and sometimes I’m happy to let them change our direction.But I don’t like taking the time to listen to their opinion every time I ask them to do something they don’t want to do.Suggestions?”

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family vacation

Traveling Trends Meet Parenting Problems

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Family travel looks different these days than it used to. Today’s parents were raised in a slower time. Most families planned one or two trips a year, which were usually taken during school holidays, and in our case, in the family travel trailer. While there are still families that really don’t like to leave home

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boy girl cell phone

How Many Times Do We Have to Talk About the Phone?

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No matter the amount of technology that’s developed to filter devices in order to keep children from viewing objectionable material, the mental, physical and spiritual risks of digital devices facing children have never been greater. Note: In this article I’m using the word “phone” liberally to mean all digital devices that are in regular use

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Father correcting son

Voice Tone: How Do You Sound?

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Dear Nicholeen,I attended your seminar in Bountiful.I certainly had many other choices about how to use that time and I am very glad that I chose to come.I glanced at your blog the day before and because of that I took the time to speak with and hug my upset daughter before leaving, even when I thought I was already running late.I didn’t miss a thing and I was so glad that I took time for her.

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Trade Time for Anger: Find Calmness and Patience

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“You never can tell with bees,” said A.A. Milne’s cherished character Winne-the-Pooh. This was Pooh Bear’s naive way of saying he didn’t understand why bees did the things they did. He made his best guesses, but he always seemed to guess wrong and find himself in a prickled gorse bush — instead of feasting on

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6 Tips for Making the Most of Your Car Time Together

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Despite the fact that my parents worked very hard to provide for their growing family, some experiences were memorable in an uncomfortable way. I’ll never forget driving through Death Valley during the summer. It was 105 degrees in the middle of the night. We did our best to keep us all from roasting to death

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Grumpy girl

Always Stay Consistent with Consequences Earned

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“Yesterday my 8 year old was grumpy when asked to do something, so he earned a negative consequence. I asked him to choose a job from the job jar.I explained that the job would help him change his heart.He then got very cheerful and said he was sorry for being grumpy… and wanted to be allowed to not do the job because he had changed (after all, he reasoned, the attitude was the reason for the extra job).

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mom and teen

Stopping Conflicts Before They Start

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A friend of mine asked me what she could do for her teenage exchange student. This student was in the middle of a multiple, day-long teenage tantrum. The mother had told her exchange student that she couldn’t attend a sleepover because the family doesn’t do sleepovers. The teenage exchange student, in turn, became very emotional

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How to Reach the Heart of Your Child… and Yourself

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Reaching a child’s heart is vital for awakening his conscience and morally training him to desire to make good choices, but structure also has a part to play in training the heart. This is a true story, and a new parenting lesson, of how to help a person understand the truths behind your teachings. Structure

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cinema covering eyes

The Illusion of Innocence Facing Today’s Children

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In a world full of sexual depravity, diverse addictions, familial dysfunction, lascivious social platforms, manipulative media, and irate people of all ages, is it possible to even hope for our children to have an innocent upbringing? A routine trip through a store like Walmart, for example, can start a child’s brain processing in sexual and

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What Is Destroying Family Bonding?

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There is an international parent/child bonding problem. The world has never seen a global lack of parent/child attachment like this before. Of course, there are factors leading to this detachment, factors that the world has also never seen before. Are we experimenting on our families and children and calling it good leadership? Have we given

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YounasAndMarthaEasterGivingToPoorChildren

Christian Families in Pakistan Uniting to Learn Self-Government

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Younas and Martha Martin are from a small Christian community in Lahore, Pakistan. While looking for a school to send their daughter to, they researched the top U.S. universities to see which ones had the strongest family values. They ultimately decided upon Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. After their daughter married and settled down

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A Letter of Hope From a Mother To Her Children

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It might seem unusual to share this personal letter publicly, but I felt many mothers and fathers could relate. My two oldest children have recently left from home. The combination of those events, the ongoing negative messaging about motherhood and families, as well as a few positive events (like the upcoming Mom’s March), inspired me

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TalkingCalmly

“Every time you’re silly, somebody always gets hurt.”

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I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes, when all of the sudden the happy children noises from the basement changed into cries and yells. I remember distinctly hearing a sad noise or yell from each of my four children. Now, doing the dishes seemed fun compared with sorting out what happened in the basement. I dried my hands and took a deep breath. I wanted to make sure I was calmso that the obviously stressful situation wouldn’t control my emotions. A clear head and calm soul can change hearts and teach minds.

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Modern Times Call for Pioneering Parenting

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Bethany, a troubled parent, recently shared a shocking story that all too often illustrates what parents nowadays are dealing with: “After we caught our 11-year-old son sending pornographic photos of himself to strangers on Snapchat, we took his phone away. We told him he could have it back in a couple of weeks, but that

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treebark

Freedom For Families: The Tree Bark Approach

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“Give Me [Tree Bark], Or Give Me Death”: Liberty Yesterday And Today

No speech has ever stirred the American people so much as Patrick Henry’s “Give Me Liberty, or Give Me Death” speech. No matter if I see a professional orator perform it with eloquence, or a young child reciting that speech, it touches my heart with goodness and purpose.

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stressed mother

From Scattered and Over-Scheduled to Stress-Free: Self-Government for Adults

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A friend of mine recently shared her journey “from scattered to scheduled” with me. She said, “I’ve struggled for years to try to conquer my inability to live a scheduled life. I saw people with their fancy planners and knew I needed to make a change, so I started a planner too. Now the problem

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sibling rivalry

6 Steps for Making Siblings Friends, Not Foes

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One night, after my parents left to go on a date, my brother and I started fighting. I vividly remember the fight getting to the point where both of us were standing on a couch threatening each other with broomsticks. This sad memory changed me. Many times over the years I’ve had that memory return,

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Hope For Homes Everywhere!

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Sometimes, no matter how diligently parents try to teach their children and unify their families, they are met with opposition. Sunday Evening 1986 “It’s time for family council,” said Dad, as usual one Sunday evening. “How long is it going to take?” “We hate family council!” “Urgh!” “I’m tired. Can I go to bed?” said

Hope For Homes Everywhere! Read More »

roles 8

13-Year-Old Girl Changes Lives by Changing Her Heart

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It’s difficult to know what other people are processing about a situation or experience. Parents often assume they know the thoughts of their children, but sometimes they don’t. Each child is so unique, and their view of a situation is unique to them too. This is a story about a young girl we’ll call Megan.

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social preparedness boy

How to Help Your Children Keep Your Standards When They’re Away From Home

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Parents painstakingly teach morals, principles, values and good judgment to their growing children in hopes that their virtues will be protected and their standards upheld throughout their lives. Yet, day after day youth are tested in social situations. Sometimes they stumble as they compare their values and morals to the world’s ever-changing social standards and

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Families in roller coaster car

Pre-Teaching For Summer Activities

Leave a Comment / All, Using TSG Skills /

Do you have some awesome family trips or activities planned for this Summer? It’s going to be the best Summer ever! However, what are you going to do when the children start acting out? TSG on the go is always a little harder than at home. How are you going to keep them calm, happy, and obedient? How will they stay by you when you’re in a crowded place?

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gardening boy

4 Ways to Help Children Enjoy Chores and Become Good Workers

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“There is no substitute for hard work.” (Thomas Edison) Years ago, when I was planning a Teaching Self-Government trip to China, a good friend of mine said, “Nicholeen, what are you going to tell parents in China who don’t understand why their child should earn an extra chore? Most parents don’t have their children do

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AngerRoom

A Sign Our Society Needs Self-Government

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On a recent plane flight I happened to open the magazine provided for passengers by the airlinein the seat back pocket. In the magazine there was an article titled “Break Room” about these“Anger Rooms” that are starting to pop up around the country.These Anger Rooms are proof of our society’s entitlement mindset. The business is based onthe idea that a person should be allowed to be as aggressive as they want to when they feel anemotion coming on, and not have to follow God’s law of cause and effect.

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TSGKenyaReport

Self-Government Teachers In Kenya Report In This Video

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In November 2015 we visited Kenya and taught many religious leaders, teachers, social workers, family advocatesand parents how to teach self-government in Kenya. It was the first time we did a training like this outside of the United States. When we departed, we had a prayer in our hearts that the wonderful Kenyan TSG mentors

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TrevorBlack

Video: 15 Year Old Boy Honors Dad As Hero For Learning Self-Government

Leave a Comment / All, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

What will your youth think about self-government when you finally get it all working? This movie tells. Weston, age 15 talks about his father’s transformation and what he sees his future life being like now that his father learned self-government. This video brings me to tears. It is so inspiring I had to share it

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NortonBaby2

Parenting Tools For Conquering Crisis Situations

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No matter the age of children, no matter the family, some moments just feel like or look like chaos. Dirty dishes everywhere, nagging, siblings fighting, people not getting in the car quick enough, whining, laundry piled up all over, toys underfoot, music blaring…where is the calm? This story is regular life for many families. It

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girljumping

The Calm Cure For Strong Willed And Withdrawn Children

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Every time I visit a home, the parents in the household will point out the one child that is particularly difficult. Sometimes the child is passive, depressed or withdrawn, but most of the time the child is strong willed and prone to disobedience and power struggling. Recently, I visited a family who had both types

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simmingboysplash

Swimming Pool Bullies: Using TSG Principles With Other People’s Children

Leave a Comment / All, Using TSG Skills /

Bullies are everywhere, even at swimming pools. This is a story about how I taught a swimming pool bully about cause and effect. The TSG principles aren’t just for your own children, they apply to other people’s children and adults you know as well. The application is slightly different when teaching people not familiar with the principles. But, truth is truth, and they feel the principles when you share them assertively and deliberately.

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MotherdaughterDolls

A Mother’s Gift – 15 Minutes That Changed My Life

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Tribute To Mothers Is there a more selfless person than a mother? From sun up to sun down mothers are serving their families, communities, church groups, schools, and neighbors. My mother was not perfect, but I remember her striving for perfection every day. She was constantly cleaning, gardening, canning, making food like home-made bread and

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Hudson four and one half inches with name (2)

Hudson The Great!- Video of 3 Year Old Learning Self-Government

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Effective Parenting

Recently my friend, David Perry, the renown film maker, invited me to his home to teach his family self-government. The Perrys have two active young boys ages five and three. They are quickly becoming self-government experts.

This is a recent video of Hudson, age three, explaining

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Friends Picking Apricots -mini

Praise Them For You! – Solving Common Relationship Problems

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Relationship Questions “Nicholeen, how can I change my relationship with my daughter? We are so distant from each other.” “Nicholeen, thank you for your articles and Implementation Course conference calls. I look forward to them each week. Please help me with this question. I know you said you have been through this before with your

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Interrupting Porter – Child Behavior Problems

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Child Behavior

I don’t know a parent who wouldn’t say, “My child is so smart!” We all recognize the intelligence our children possess. But, what about when they just can’t stop themselves from blurting out all that intelligence when Mom is on a phone call, or when adults are having a conversation? Interrupting is a sign of a thinker. Smart people interrupt.

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“It’s Your Turn To Clean It!” – Problem Solving Steps

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“Londyn,” fourteen year old Paije said. “You have to clean the griddle since you used it.”

Londyn replied with, “No, kitchen is your stewardship this week. You have to do it.”

“I had to wash the griddle when it was your stewardship, so you have to wash it now.” Paije countered.

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stressed

Stressed Out To Chilled Out ~ My True Story

7 Comments / All, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

I am not a stress out type person. My part ‘yellow’ personality usually keeps me rather laid back and happy no matter what troubles come my way. This has been a blessing many times in my life. But, I can feel stress, and sometimes I do. Here is my story of how I conquered the worse case of stress I have had.

Stress And Anxiety Symptoms

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PornographyBoy

How to Quit Porn: A Spiritual Transformation

2 Comments / All, Home Culture, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

Hopefully the moment you clicked the link to this article your computer gave you a warning that this article will have the word porn in it. That is a sign that you are trying to keep your family away from pornography by installing a security system and filter on your computer. That is a step

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REMEMBER-1

Efficiency Disease & Dealing With Stress

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What is Efficiency?



At this time of year we set goals. We resolve to change our ways and become better than we are. The most common resolutions usually have something to do with time or body size. I don’t know how many times I have resolved to get up earlier, or get up earlier to regularly exercise. Likewise, I don’t know how

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Nativty

Educational Christmas Advent For Children

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This year our family is doing a new educational Christmas Advent for the 12 days of Christmas. This advent idea was given to me by my good friend, Yvonne Averett. She has two girls ages 9 and 11, and made it for them. They are a homeschool family, and this is one of the ways that they are inviting the Christmas Spirit and Christ into their homeschool this year. I know not everyone who reads my blog is a Christian, but I am and loved this idea. So, I thought I would pass it along. I am always up for family learning and good h

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CarMat1

Home Made Christmas Gifts For Kids

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Over the years we have had a variety of Christmases. Some years we have had more money than other years, but no matter the income we have always felt like we wanted to give our children something which would encourage them to be creative. To create stories.



Stories are the bud of genius. They are the spring of inspiration.

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50PercentOff

Bodies For Sale! Teaching Modesty

4 Comments / All, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

“…Everyone is selling something,” I said as I talked to a young girl one evening.

Her mother had just made a comment about how the outfit the girl was wearing was “too revealing” and so she would need to go change it. The fifteen year old girltilted her hip and rolled her eyes as she smirked at her mom. This smile meant, “I don’t care what you say.

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BedtimeHug

Children Need Sleep! ~ Getting Them To Bed Happy

10 Comments / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Relationships, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /


When the end of the day comes I find myself looking forward to bedtime. My bedtime is always exciting to anticipate since all my days are usually purpose-filled and very busy. However, I also look forward to the time the children go to bed each night. I love my children, and our days are filled with joy and laughter, but that quiet time after they have gone to bed, and before I go to bed is a great treat too. The quiet times to think, ponder, write and read are some of the treasured moments of my days as well.



I have noticed that some nights I don’t have a good attitude at bedtime because I am craving my quiet time so much. On these nights I get a little bit selfish and don’t really want to

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cryingToddler

The Crying Game

2 Comments / All, Children (4-10), Relationships, Toddlers (0-4), Using TSG Skills /

I love working with and playing with my children. But, the crying game is a game I don’t play. Many children treat the crying behavior as if it is part of a game. They are able to go in and out of the crying game all day long whenever they see it can benefit them. Children often cry simply to get attention. I know it is hard for many parents to discern whether their child is seeking attention or not. Here is a true story which is meant to help clear up some of that confusion.

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boyHugsMom

Hugs Make Math Easier! ~ Stress Relief Techniques

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Math is stressful! Some people get anxiety when they do math. In fact, I bet most people have felt anxious about one math concept or another over the years. Stretching the brain can be frustrating and can even hurt sometimes. One day my eight year old son, Porter, was doing his math. It was a

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HouseFire

Feeling The Heat: Anger Issues

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

The west is on fire! Islands, mountains, and farm lands are burning all over. Even in cities where there are no fires burning there is smoke which looks like winter fog. What should we do? What can we do? Many people stop and stare. Many people complain. But, only a few are working to stop the fires from burning. As I think about fires, it occurs to me that more than the west is on fire. The world is on fire!

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distractedGirls

It Doesn’t Have To Be That Way: Role Reversal

3 Comments / All, Children (4-10), Relationships, School, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

About 75 years ago, ten year old Tommy Monson had a Sunday School teacher only six years older than he was named Phyllis Bowden. Even though Phyllis was young, she knew the fundamentals of being a teacher to young children and took her role and responsibility seriously. So, when young Tommy became “quite fond of spit wads” Phyllis knew how to handle the problem. When Tommy wouldn’t stop his bad behavior Phyllis sent him to the bishop’s office to talk about the issue.

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boyOnTimeOut

Toddler Tantrums: Positive Parenting Solutions

9 Comments / All, Toddlers (0-4), Using TSG Skills /

Nicholeen, Your peaceful parenting methods obviously work so well with older children and troubled teenagers. But, I have a house full of little children. Each day I face terrible twos, three year old tantrums, and four year old tantrums. Can children this young learn to govern themselves too? Answer: How ToStopTantrums This article is NOT

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HandShake

Miracle Anger Cure: Managing Conflict

3 Comments / All, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /


Dealing with conflict is tough! Some days it seems like everyone is against you. No matter what you do, someone is offended and takes it personally. Then you take it personally. Then you start fantasizing about how you are going to get even. That night you talk to all your friends about what you ‘might do’ to teach the enemies a lesson. You don’t know how to resolve a conflict, so you plan for revenge instead. Then you take action and end up making wrong choices and ruining relationships.

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familyAttitude

The Moment Of Truth: Correcting Attitude Problems and Whining Behaviors

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Question



“I am a much better, calmer parent than I used to be since starting to focus on teaching myself and my children self-government, but I still have two issues I seem to constantly battle; attitude problems and whining. What do you do when the child won’t calm down, and won’t do what you tell him?

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momAndBoysCooking

Communication Skills Training: The Teaching Tone

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /


“Porter, what is that?” asked my Chinese friend Phil when he was visiting our home this last week from China.



“The moon.” replied eight year old Porter as he looked at the sky.



“In Chinese the moon has a different name.” Phil went on.



Phil told Porter the two syllable word which means moon in Chinese, but Porter struggled

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flySwatterGirl

How To Control Your Emotions

1 Comment / All, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

Buzz, buzz! “Why won’t the flies stop buzzing around my head?” I wondered as I sat out in the mountain shade trying to digest my new book. First one, then four, all buzzing around my head. It seemed like it was a dance for them, and it looked like a dance for me. I was waving my arms every which way trying to get the pesky insects to leave me alone. I didn’t do anything to them.

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Me&DadMini

School Problems? Making Your Child A Genius!

1 Comment / All, Children (4-10), School, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

Many parents wonder what to do about problems at school. Sometimes the best behavior therapy for classroom behaviorshappens at home. The video interview below discusses what parents can do about school related behavior problems.

Other parents want to know how to prepare their children for educational success. No matter what way you choose to educate children at your house, you will gain a lot from hearing this conversation between veteran teacher and college professor, Nicholas Pond, and homeschool mother, Nicholeen Peck, about school pro

School Problems? Making Your Child A Genius! Read More »

ToddlerTantrum

Toddler Tantrums At The Most Inconvenient Times!

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“But, what do you do when they are screaming, and it’s time to walk out the door?” a father asked me at a recent conference. “My strong willed three year old son is very difficult at those times.”



I looked at this wonderfully dedicated father, and felt his frustration. Who hasn’t felt the anxiety build when a child has a tantrum right when you are leaving for church or leaving for work?

Toddler Tantrums At The Most Inconvenient Times! Read More »

BJ-Mini2012

How To Break A Habit: More Than Behavior Modification

1 Comment / All, Home Culture, Relationships, School, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

This week I was invited back to Family Voice Talk Radio with BJ Stober, family therapist to talk about helping children overcome difficult behaviors, and strengthen relationships at the same time. ,

Breaking bad habits is no easy task. Habits are like snow flakes. They fall ever so softly, but then before you know it you have something powerful, and often destructive, like an avalanche. However, even though habits can seem p

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