Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago.
Parenting Questions: Tattling, Fighting, & Yelling Read More »
My friend Jason Alba sent me this link to a great article about inspiring self-government in people in your community or sphere of influence.
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/51538
“…I hope you will discipline yourselves and your fellow students. This request is in keeping with my commitment to self-government for students. It should not be up to me to enforce proper behavior that signifies the intelligence of Duke students. You should do it. Reprove those who make us all look bad. Shape up your own language…” -Duke President Terry Sanford
The whole thing is really worth reading. I hope you take the chance.
Coach Sanford did some great things here. He
Another idea might be having a family meeting, I teach about those too, and discuss a POSITIVE motivational system for the family if everyone follows instructions the first time asked for a few days. I have a great idea in my book about Rachel’s Bean Magic. That motivational system my do really well for this because it shows that each good thing has a positive consequence, not just focusing on the bad.
Also, work with your children regularly too. Teach them the jobs by example. Sometimes we expect things to be done perfectly when we haven’t really taught them how to do the jobs properly
Obedience — Inspiring a Change in Behavior Read More »
Parenting Toddlers ~ Small Successes
Nicholeen,
I’ve been working with my son Jack for the last six months to appropriately accept correction. He’s 21 months old. He’ll do something inappropriate, I’ll tell him the right thing to do and then say, “You say, ‘OK, mom.'” I’ve been wondering, over the course of the months, if my efforts were in vain. Was he too young? Would he ever get it?
Parenting Toddlers and Parenting Teenagers ~Family Government in Action Read More »
Q: “My Older children like to use the “disagreeing Appropriately” in what I consider to be inappropriate ways. For instance if I give an instruction that they simply don’t feel like doing, they disagree appropriately. I find that I want to say “no, you can’t disagree appropriately” because, I don’t feel it is appropriate to disagree to help. Yet, if I don’t allow them to disagree, then I get considerably more arguing and whining. And if I allow it, but don’t let them out of the request, I worry that I am never rewarding them for disagreeing appropriately. Any suggestions on how to overcome this? On a positive note, my 5 year old is using this a lot better, and it has cut down on his whining considerably.”
A:
The fact that your children like to use disagreeing appropriately shows they have learned that calmly discussing works better than having an attitude problem or other alternative. It could also mean your children think they have found a
Disobedient Children -They don’t want to help out – No Answers Read More »
My problem is that I never can think of appropriate consequences when my kids misbehave. Do you have any suggestions? I have five children ages 9-18. Thanks, Amy
Consequences can be difficult to think up, but the trick is to only do it one time. A parent who has to reinvent the consequence every time a lesson needs to be taught will come across as uncertain and flustered. Have a plan. Parents who have a plan are more secure to be around and will be more respected by their children.
My rules for consequences are these:
One of my passions is astronomy. When I go out in my backyard and look through my telescope at my friends, the planets and stars, I feel so close to God. Not because heaven is in space, but because it is so obvious there is organization in all things. He is a God of order; with everything in it’s perfect place. Everything has a purpose; a mission. Since He is order in all we see it only makes sense that people should live by order too.
Just like laws and principles govern the skies and the earth, there are laws meant to govern us as well. That is why we have chosen to apply governing rules to our home too. We feel like there is no better example of how to run a home than the way God runs our world; the current home for His family.
Our family has a set structure. We have certain meetings each week to strengthen the family relationships and keep the home in order. The meetings we have are
“Dear Nicholeen: I watched the show and was so impressed by your calm and collected attitude. I loved it when your son said, “she’s trying to push my mom’s buttons, but it won’t work.” One of my biggest problems is I allow kids to push my buttons and engage me in non-productive discourse (getting off track of what we’re talking about). These get me so frustrated. I don’t know how you did it with James and Hannah. I admire your patience, love and skills.
Can you tell us any more about some of the experiences that happened that weren’t included in the final edit. I’m curious to learn more about it.”
This is a great comment. Let me fill you in a bit on the whole situation my sweet, big talking 12 year old, was commenting on:
James and Hannah were very used to running away if they didn’t get their way. The reason people continue running is because it is a form of power struggle that usually works. It stops
Nicholeen Tells more about World’s Strictest Parents Read More »
One afternoon my children and I went on a walk to our local library. The library is about one and a half miles from our home. After a great time reading and exploring together in the library, we started our mile and a half walk home.
During the walk one of my small children mentioned he was hungry. It was getting close to dinner time, and would still be a little while before we reached home. When we were about a half way home we passed a home which had a large apple tree growing on the property. The apples on the tree were perfectly ripe and large. My son immediately notice
Stand For Something Read More »
Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago.
Parenting Questions ~ Tattling, Yelling, & Fighting Read More »
A week ago I had six children instead of four. We adopted two British 17 year old teens for a television show we were asked to be on. Even though the filming was only 8 days, I think all of us, our family, the two teens, and the camera crew learned a lot about love and why some people struggle with certain behaviors.
There was one time during the week when my 17 year old adopted son, J, got really frustrated. He was stressed because we were short on time, and he had lots he wanted to accomplish. He had a bit of a break down. He cried, and yelled, and displayed attitud
The Power of a Hug Read More »
My children range from 30 -7 and there are 13 of them. I am wondering how you start this with your older children and how you brought your husband on board.
TSG with older children Read More »
I have a 14yo son who I cannot deal with any more. It isn’t a new thing. He’s my oldest and ever since he was little I have felt like I can’t deal with him. He is defiant, impulsive, selfish, and almost any other negative thing I can think of. When he sees how emotional his behavior makes me he feels guilty and apologizes and tries to do better for a little while but it doesn’t last.
We’ve tried to set up self-government. We made a family mission statement but he won’t agree to it. He won’t agree to any consequences we vote on.
Your advice sounds similar to what we did with my son. He said he didn’t believe in our church anymore. We told him he didn’t have to believe it, but he did need to attend to show respect for the family and our beliefs, which included his conduct at church and home. So he went, eventually he went through a crisis where he turned back to, and found his own belief in our church.
Lately, my teenage son doesn’t want to go to church with the family. I don’t really want to make him go. Even though he is not especially religious right now, he is still a good boy. Should I be worried about this?
It is really common for children, and sometimes even adults, to go through a time when they don’t feel like being dedicated to religion. It is hard work to live righteously, and follow religious principles. All the really religious people I know have one thing in common. They are all disciplined. Since it is so common for youth to go through a
Religion Affects Self Government Learning Capacity Read More »
I don’t know any BAD children. Sure, there are children who make bad choices, but inside, those children all have a spark of goodness. Without this philosophy, I could have never decided to take foster children into my home. As soon as they arrived in my home I saw it as my job to find that spark, or flame of g
I don’t know any bad children. Read More »
Everything I teach in my home leads to duty and then VOICE. Because, how can you be a leader in this world and not have any voice, or way to lead people? Even example is a form of voice. We need to all be walking messages for what we believe. Someone who tries to be politically correct all of the tim
The Power Within Us! Read More »
One day I was walking passed my daughters bedroom when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my daughter’s 3 year old friend emptying the last of a HUGE 100oz refill bottle of bubbles onto the carpet. She had climbed the closet shelves to the top and got down the bottle, so that she could dump it. What did I do? Did I lose my cool? No way. This wasn’t my child. I walked into the room and said
Bubbles are no big deal. Read More »
Samuel Smiles said, “Worst of all are the grumblers and growlers at fortune–who find that whatever is, is wrong,” or not enough.
Quiet a few years ago, we had a Christmas day that changed all the Christmas days to come. We had a nice large Christmas with lots of presents for the children. The children opened their presents, and then the grandparents came over with gifts. After opening a present from a grandparent, one of my children said, “Is that all?”
I about died! Not only was this a huge social no-no, but my child was behaving very selfishly and that was unacceptable. This kin
Christmas Character Building Read More »
