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Consequences

1 Comment / All, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

My problem is that I never can think of appropriate consequences when my kids misbehave. Do you have any suggestions? I have five children ages 9-18. Thanks, Amy

Consequences can be difficult to think up, but the trick is to only do it one time.  A parent who has to reinvent the consequence every time a lesson needs to be taught will come across as uncertain and flustered.  Have a plan.  Parents who have a plan are more secure to be around and will be more respected by their children. 

     My rules for consequences are these:

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Runaway Two Year Old

5 Comments / All, Toddlers (0-4), Using TSG Skills /

Q: “With my 2 and half yr old. She frequently will run away from me when I call her, wanting to turn it into a game of chase. Sometimes this is at a store or getting into the car, sometimes it is when she needs a diaper change etc.  I have tried to do roll playing games with her to help praise her for coming or following instructions. She loves this game, but won’t always do it in real life. I am not sure the best way to help her want to obey or what should be the consequence for failing to follow an instruction at age 2. I feel like I am doing too much reasoning with her, which I feel is really not the most effective thing with a 2 year old, but I am not sure what else to do so she starts to understand the consequences of her actions. I have lately been feeling very frustrated and out of control with her. I hate feeling that way and I could really use some ideas.”

A: 

Pre-teaching her to come when called before it is ever time is a great thing to do to prepare her to repeat the behavior at the right time.  Great Job!  Keep doing that. 

 

As well as pre-teaching, is sounds like you need to establish a consequence system just for her.  You can

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Order at Home

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Toddlers (0-4), TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

One of my passions is astronomy.  When I go out in my backyard and look through my telescope at my friends, the planets and stars, I feel so close to God.  Not because heaven is in space, but because it is so obvious there is organization in all things.  He is a God of order; with everything in it’s perfect place.  Everything has a purpose; a mission.  Since He is order in all we see it only makes sense that people should live by order too.  

Just like laws and principles govern the skies and the earth, there are laws meant to govern us as well.  That is why we have chosen to apply governing rules to our home too.  We feel like there is no better example of how to run a home than the way God runs our world; the current home for His family. 

Our family has a set structure.  We have certain meetings each week to strengthen the family relationships and keep the home in order.  The meetings we have are

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Nicholeen Tells more about World’s Strictest Parents

7 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

“Dear Nicholeen: I watched the show and was so impressed by your calm and collected attitude. I loved it when your son said, “she’s trying to push my mom’s buttons, but it won’t work.” One of my biggest problems is I allow kids to push my buttons and engage me in non-productive discourse (getting off track of what we’re talking about). These get me so frustrated. I don’t know how you did it with James and Hannah. I admire your patience, love and skills.

Can you tell us any more about some of the experiences that happened that weren’t included in the final edit. I’m curious to learn more about it.”

This is a great comment.  Let me fill you in a bit on the whole situation my sweet, big talking 12 year old, was commenting on:

     James and Hannah were very used to running away if they didn’t get their way.  The reason people continue running is because it is a form of power struggle that usually works.  It stops

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“It’s Bedtime”

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Using TSG Skills /

Bedtime negative behaviors. my 5 year old just will not settle down. I get really frustrated with him. I don’t feel like I can do the rule of three or extra chores when he is supposed to be going to sleep, and if I tell him he has earned them for the morning, the consequence doesn’t seem real to him. My husband’s solution is to give him three warnings, and then spank him. I am beginning to hate bedtime.

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Stand For Something

1 Comment / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

     One afternoon my children and I went on a walk to our local library.  The library is about one and a half miles from our home.  After a great time reading and exploring together in the library, we started our mile and a half walk home. 

     During the walk one of my small children mentioned he was hungry.  It was getting close to dinner time, and would still be a little while before we reached home.  When we were about a half way home we passed a home which had a large apple tree growing on the property.  The apples on the tree were perfectly ripe and large.  My son immediately notice

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Parenting On the Go ~Car and Store Struggles

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Toddlers (0-4), Using TSG Skills /
Hi, Nicholeen,
 
I have a quick question for you.  I’m struggling with what to do for discipline/consequences when we’re away from home.  (Specifically in the car or in a store.)   My kids tend to pick at each other, fight, kick, etc., in the car and to run away from me or do other annoying things (push the cart the wrong direction, touch things they shouldn’t, etc.) at the store.   The younger ones especially (age 2-4ish) don’t really care enough about what’s coming in the future for them to care if I give them a consequence that will be carried out

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Consequences

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Using TSG Skills /

My kids are really hard workers (At least I’ve taught them one thing right!) so they are not bothered at all by doing an extra job or even doing jobs for one hour or all day. It’s not their favorite thing to do but they will do it without complaining and then go right back to the same behavior that we were trying to fix. I know it sounds crazy but these are unusual kids I’m raising!

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“Mom is on the phone”

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

“I do struggle and maybe you could give me some advice.  I spend quite a bit of time with my kids in the morning going over little activities like school workbooks and story time and exercising together.  Yet the minute I get on the phone or sit down to nurse the baby, the three boys are arguing or fighting or taking toys from each other or something of the sort.  I have tried to get them to color or do a certain activity together, but that only lasts so long.  It’s

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Success Stories and Some Questions

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago. It has been so helpful! It has already made a big difference in our home!

My eight year old son was having trouble obeying the first time i.e. following instruction, and we would ask him again and again to do things and he wouldn’t do them. He would forget or get distracted reading. (He’s a white, through and through.) Then we would get angry and he would do it. But he would sometimes get angry and lately even sometimes go into a little bit of a rage.

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The Power of a Hug

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Youth (10-18) /

         A week ago I had six children instead of four.  We adopted two British 17 year old teens for a television show we were asked to be on.  Even though the filming was only 8 days, I think all of us, our family, the two teens, and the camera crew learned a lot about love and why some people struggle with certain behaviors. 

        There was one time during the week when my 17 year old adopted son, J, got really frustrated.  He was stressed because we were short on time, and he had lots he wanted to accomplish.  He had a bit of a break down.  He cried, and yelled, and displayed attitud

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Have You Ever Done This?

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

A parent says, “Billy, come make your bed.” 

Billy doesn’t come immediately so the parent says,”One…….Two………Three.” to get Billy to come. 

Have you ever done this?  Everyone knows Billy better start running either at or before his mom hits the number three or else Mom could turn into a monster. 

As I travel around, I notice counting to three as possibly the most common parenting control method.  Counting has it’s place in parenting, but the counting in the above story is either a threat, a power struggle, or a sign of a parent who doesn’t real

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Sneaky Six Year Old

1 Comment / All, Children (4-10), Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

      …my 6 year old is up to his old tricks.  He

LOVED following instructions when I first started concentrating on this.

But, today, he became his regular difficult self.  He hasn’t been

following instructions and when I tell him he’s earned a chore, he won’t

do the chore.  And when I try the Rule of 3, he’ll calm down and then

still won’t follow through with his chores. 

      He has tried to solicit help from me (while I’m trying to make dinner for him)–I told him I’d like to

help him, but I have to make dinner right now.  Then, he just starts goofing off with the r

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At Wit’s End…

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

I have a 14yo son who I cannot deal with any more.  It isn’t a new thing.  He’s my oldest and ever since he was little I have felt like I can’t deal with him.  He is defiant, impulsive, selfish, and almost any other negative thing I can think of.    When he sees how emotional his behavior makes me he feels guilty and apologizes and tries to do better for a little while but it doesn’t last.

We’ve tried to set up self-government.  We made a family mission statement but he won’t agree to it.  He won’t agree to any consequences we vote on.

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Religion Comment

Leave a Comment / All, Youth (10-18) /

Your advice sounds similar to what we did with my son. He said he didn’t believe in our church anymore. We told him he didn’t have to believe it, but he did need to attend to show respect for the family and our beliefs, which included his conduct at church and home. So he went, eventually he went through a crisis where he turned back to, and found his own belief in our church.

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Religion Affects Self Government Learning Capacity

2 Comments / All, TSG Principles, Youth (10-18) /

Lately, my teenage son doesn’t want to go to church with the family.  I don’t really want to make him go.  Even though he is not especially religious right now, he is still a good boy.  Should I be worried about this? 

     It is really common for children, and sometimes even adults, to go through a time when they don’t feel like being dedicated to religion.  It is hard work to live righteously, and follow religious principles.  All the really religious people I know have one thing in common.  They are all disciplined.  Since it is so common for youth to go through a

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