Stories of success from others is always a good boost of confidence for ourselves. If you have success stories, feel free to share! We love you hear how Teaching Self-Government is going for you!
“I just wanted to add my agreement that a system can make all the difference. When I first heard of this system I thought we would really struggle with my son who had developed the habit of whining, moaning, complaining, yelling, etc. whenever we asked him to do anything. I have been amazed at the transition! He really just needed to know what he was supposed to do instead and have a consequence for when he didn’t do it. I thought he was going to lose his privileges for 24 hours all the time but he hasn’t lost them once in the month we’ve been doing this (though he did come really close once). Having a system really gives everyone in the family more freedom. Plus, we are teaching our children that they can choose. That is so powerful. They can choose not to follow instructions but there is a consequence. Just like life. I love it! Thanks Nicholeen! 🙂 — Marsha
I wanted to share a small success with you since I have been asking you so many questions about what to do with my kids! My 8 y/o son has been giving me trouble about taking a bath. Last Sunday he argued about taking a bath (earned extra job) and then about doing the job (lost dessert). We also did a SODA on what he could have done differently (and mom learned not to do a baseball game and Arena Football game in one day!) when asked to take a bath. He liked my pointing out that there were advantages to saying no…he didn’t have to take a bath that night! But of course all the other disadvantages added up and his solution was that if he only has to get in for one minute he will go willingly. Now, once he gets in, he enjoys it and stays in long enough to get clean and wash his hair, he just needed the one minute to make it bearable getting in.”
“So, then Wednesdaynight he was given an instruction and yelled NO! I told him he had earned an extra job. He started arguing that point and I told him, “For not accepting the consequence, he lost dessert the next day (JULY 4th!)”. He stayed in his room to calm down for about 45 Then he came down as sweet as can be, apologized to me and explained that once he realized he only had to do one job and lose dessert for one day, he was ok with it! He happily did the job and (sort of) calmly watched us all have root beer floats on the 4th. This Saturday, I pre-taught: “I’m going to ask you to get in the bath, what are you going to say?” He jumped right in! He is learning!”
“Also, on Wednesday, my 11 y/o did not follow an instruction to go straight home when he finished his snow cone with his friends. He stayed out past dark, which is a big no-no for us. My husband and I were not home, and Grandma wasn’t doing a very good job of telling him to stay in when he did fly in for one minute during the evening. When we got home, I talked to him about being too interested in friends and he needed to spend time with the family to get his priorities straightened out. He agreed that he had done wrong. I was able to talk to him calmly without accusing him. I was able to reassure him that kids mess up and it’s ok, but there are consequences. It was actually a pleasant experience!”
“Thank you so much!” —–Dionne
We just cleaned our house probably for the FIRST time in a CALM manner!! The girls kept finishing what we instructed them to do and returned to tell us they completed it and then music to my ears…”Is there anything else?” 😀 Holy COW, you have transformed our children!!! Thank you for that. 🙂 That is the first time I have cleaned with them STRESS free! Amazing! So grateful for your time and talents, sister! I want to share it with everyone!! So awesome!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! 🙂 -Stephanie
I haven’t yelled in two months! Nicholeen is a miracle worker! -Trish
I only have my 14 year old daughter Aliza, the last of four children, at home. She is by far the most challenging. In his wisdom, God knew she needed to not be first and that I still need a lot of refining. :DAnother mom turned to me as the conference began and said, “Since you are on your last child, do you feel like you even need any of this or are you coming just for fun and to be supportive?” I said, “I need it!” And I do. We have had a really rough year with her, in our marriage, and with other external situations that have added incredible amounts of stress to our lives.
A couple years ago after I attended your seminar here and read your book/listened to your CDs, I approached my husband about the principles and strategies I had learned. He was very dismissive of it and has refused to consider most of what I have shared. That has been so hard! I almost had him committed to coming last Saturday to the conference, but he bailed at the last minute because of a big deadline and went to work all day instead. I thought, “How on earth can we ever be united as a family if we can’t even get in sync as a couple?!” I feel like I have been banging my head against the wall for 25 years. There is so much baggage and defensiveness on both sides.
BUT! Here is my epiphany: Ican do something! It won’t be everything I want right now, but I can work on the lower levels of that parenting pyramid to get my own heart right and strengthen the relationships with my husband and daughter. I can be calm. I can be loving. I can be centered. I can act and not react. I can repent of my own shortcomings. I can slowly, gently incorporate vocabulary into the way I parent. I believe that as I do that, both my husband and daughter may be more receptive to principles, strategies and structure that will bless our lives.
I believe that is what you would have told me if we’d had a chance to visit last Saturday. I love the quote, “Never let an imperfect situation be an excuse to do nothing.”
So that is where I am at. I didn’t come home and bombard my husband with ideas and suggestions and all the rest–my efforts need to be inlivingwhat I believe.
So again, thank you. I love your inspiring, pure heart! “Because I know you, I have been changed for good.” I have hope. -Leslie
Please share your success stories with us! We will send them out so you can see how people just like you have struggled and succeeded with Teaching Self-Government. Send your storiesto [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!