One day I was walking passed my daughters bedroom when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my daughter’s 3 year old friend emptying the last of a HUGE 100oz refill bottle of bubbles onto the carpet. She had climbed the closet shelves to the top and got down the bottle, so that she could dump it. What did I do? Did I lose my cool? No way. This wasn’t my child. I walked into the room and said
Bubbles are no big deal. Read More »
Samuel Smiles said, “Worst of all are the grumblers and growlers at fortune–who find that whatever is, is wrong,” or not enough.
Quiet a few years ago, we had a Christmas day that changed all the Christmas days to come. We had a nice large Christmas with lots of presents for the children. The children opened their presents, and then the grandparents came over with gifts. After opening a present from a grandparent, one of my children said, “Is that all?”
I about died! Not only was this a huge social no-no, but my child was behaving very selfishly and that was unacceptable. This kin
Christmas Character Building Read More »
I recently read a book called the Christmas Sweater. In this book, the main character (a teenager) makes a lot of mistakes. Glenn Beck, the author, tells what the teenager was thinking and how he really wanted to change, but felt it would show weakness to admit he was wrong, or that he needed help etc. This was a great photo into the mind of a teenager. This was a great, easy read.
This book shows how important it is to “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” In the story, the adults didn’t really know how to handle the teenager’s attitude, but a mysterious, guardian angle
One more tip for making time-out effective.
If your son doesn’t say OK to anything, take him to time-out. If you say NO, and he whines, he goes to time-out. If you tell him to do something, and he doesn’t say, OK, he goes to time-out. If he hurts another person, he goes to time-out. He needs to get really used to going to time-out. The more he goes, the more he will recognize that time-out is the place to calm down and then talk, and that the sooner he does that the sooner life is good again.
Time-out for youngsters tip Read More »
“My almost 3 yo fights and kicks and cries when I take him to time-out (I have to carry him there), and then cries very loudly and even will scream at me when I’m telling him that he needs to stay there until he can become happy. My husband thinks all of this is very disrespectful and feels that we need to spank him or do something different so that my son doesn’t do this. He thinks I am teaching my son that it’s okay to fight me and scream at me. What do you think?”
I understand your husband’s frustration, and yours. Your child is definitely “out of instruction
Out of Control on Time-out Read More »
“I met you at your recent Stansbury Seminar. It was so great! I could have listened for days. I can’t get my daughter to stop sleeping in my bed. She is three years old, and I don’t think she should still be sleeping in my bed. No matter what I do, she has a fit if I try to enforce her sleeping in her own bed. “
Children wanting to share their parent’s bed is a very normal childhood desire. When I was young, I remember thinking that my parent’s bed was softer, warmer, and just more cozy than my bed was. It is good that our children want to be close to us, but
Pre-teaching small children how to go to bed when asked Read More »
My children love playing with the kids next door, but it seems that the neighbor kids do something rude/unkind every few weeks (or more often). I’m not naive enough to believe that my kids are always totally without blame, but I am good friends with mother of these kids, and she has told me several times that this is pretty normal behavior for her kids and that my kids don’t act like that. My kids (8 yo girl, 7 yo boy) have learned to pretty much just expect rude comments and behavior from the 9 yo neighbor boy and don’t have a lot to do with him anymore, but the 8 yo old girl
My neighbors fight with my children…friend problems Read More »
The Universe is governed by laws. One of those laws is that an older, wiser species comes before the new, innocent young of the same species to guide the younger toward right choices and acceptable behaviors. I have heard parents say before that their children didn’t come with instruction manuals. This is true, and each child is uniquely different, but I have wondered if parents make statements like these to make themselves feel better
Changing generations Read More »
On September 11th I wrote a post titled “For Crying out Loud ~ Screaming” This was the first screaming post. I am now adding another part to screaming, because I have another question.
My almost-5-year-old has always been a screamer. He screams this
high-pitched, shrill, grating scream whenever he doesn’t like
something that’s going on — which is often. This screaming pushes
my buttons like nothing else does. I HATE it, and I’m afraid I’ve
reacted to it too strongly and too wrongly, for too long.
So, is this kind of screaming a normal thing for a kid before he ge
“I’m having trouble figuring out what behavior is
“normal” for my 4- and 8-year-old boys, what chores I can expect them
to be able to perform, and what kinds of rewards and consequences
work for the different ages. Is there a good book you can suggest?
Or is that something I need to tailor for my own boys (i.e.
What should I expect? Read More »
“I have been reading your website and listening to your CD’s and practicing what I’ve learned from you. It has helped tremendously with the level of peace in our home. A situation occurred last night with my 12 y/o which has me a bit stymied. He was at a church camp-out and playing flag football with some other boys. One boy in particular has given him trouble on and off through the two years we have lived here. This boy will slap my son and then say it was a joke, yell at hi
Fighting with non-family members Read More »
“In your house, what are the privileges that are taken away when they lose ‘everything’ for 24 hours? At what age can they understand that? Or, what do you do with very little ones who are testing boundaries (and throwing fits) but can’t really do chores or understand losing things? I don’t know if my 29 month old could put the two together, behavior wise. I can’t really make him do chores or lose privileges as a teaching tool for him, but I do see him disobeying on purpose to test me. My almost-4 year old could understand losing privileges as a consequence, but I don’t
What consequences do small children earn? Read More »
There are some great questions in some of the recent comments.
“…Most women I know are neglecting taking care of themselves on some level (physical or spiritual) to take care of their families or other obligations. Personally, I have been struggling lately to try to find some time for myself on a daily basis for things like scripture-reading, exercise, personal study time, and maybe a nap (I’m pregnant and tired!).
Time for Mom & Toddlers who won’t rest Read More »
“Some of my kids have developed bad habits such as finger-sucking, nose picking (and eating it), fingernail chewing, and touching their genitals. Do you have any experience or advice on helping children successfully break these kinds of habits? Some of my children have started doing such things from the time they are babies (finger-sucking), or have developed the habits a little later at around age 3 or so. And one daughter in particular seems particularly prone to this type of thing (she’s eight now).”
I did have some youth who had behaviors which are not social
“I have listened to the cd’s from your mini-seminar at our LDSEHE conference. I am so amazed at your system! I can see how it would work wonderfully in my home – especially with my 3 older children. My fourth child is turning 2 Saturday. I love her! She is so cute and so smart and very spirited. She is my first screamer squealer and it is driving me bananas! Especially in the car. I don’t feel she can be reasoned with but she does understand some of what I say. How would you recommend teaching her that screaming and squealing is not part of our vision!
For Crying out Loud ~Screaming Read More »
“How do you take away all privileges from younger kids? My 3.5 year old is really pushing… This post was the first time I really understood the “lose all privileges for 24 hours” thing. I can figure out how to do that with my 6 and 8 year olds, but the younger ones, I just can’t see it. Can you give me a visual please?
Should 3 year old lose privileges for 24 hours too? Read More »
True Story from my life: I share this story with youth when I present “Scholar Warriors ~ The Not So Secret Weapon” I will be presenting this to a group of Ogden, Utah youth tomorrow morning.
“Thanks so much for all the wisdom and inspiration you share. I have a son (age 11) who zapps so much emotional energy from me. Over the last several months, I’ve really been trying to see things as they are and trying to determine how to handle things. He is a great kid. He’s the first one to help a younger sibling who is hurt or to give up his ice cream cone is one of his younger siblings dropped theirs. He is also the one who complains the most, rolls his eyes back into his head and gets “that look” when things do not go his way. I know that he is often “out of instructi
“Another question I had was, does the rule of 3 start over for each incident? Are the 3 consequences for staying out of instructional control as relating to the first incident? I just want to make sure I understand correctly. So if a child hits his brother, and gets out of instructional control and has the consequences for that earlier in the day, and then later disobeys about something different, the rule of 3 would start over for the later incident, correct? Consequences aren’t cumulative for different offenses, so that because the child got to SODAS with hitting his brothe
Using the Rule of Three Read More »
“Help! I’ve been browing your website for a couple of days. Trying to find some answers- If I had the $ I’d be sending for the cd’s. But it’s not in the budget right now. I’m totally at my wits end with my 6 yr old.
I don’t know what else to do. He is ADHD- We’ve had him in with a counselor, and I have an appointment to talk about meds this afternoon. I don’t want to do meds for adhd, but I have to try something, because everything I’ve tried isn’t working. He’s only 6! I really don’t want to do meds, but I don’t know what else to try.
Should I Medicate? Read More »