Consequences
My problem is that I never can think of appropriate consequences when my kids misbehave. Do you have any suggestions? I have five children ages 9-18. Thanks, Amy
Consequences can be difficult to think up, but the trick is to only do it one time. A parent who has to reinvent the consequence every time a lesson needs to be taught will come across as uncertain and flustered. Have a plan. Parents who have a plan are more secure to be around and will be more respected by their children.
My rules for consequences are these:
Telephone Interview Links
In June I was interviewed about the BBC experience.
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Last Chance!
There are only a few more days to get your copy of Parenting A House United for 25% off the regular price. Next week the book will be done printing and at that point it will be regular price. Click here to get your book on sale now!
BBC’s Hannah Teaches Parents a Great Lesson
My sister, Janelle, who was featured on the BBC World’s Strictest Parents spoke with me recently about her one regret about the show. If you have seen the show, you will remember we took our British guests to a homeschool youth event. Janelle was in charge of creating an event which would push the youth, physically, and emotionally. It was a team race with many different challenges. During the event, the youth were required to get their whole team over a 6 foot high wire loaded with bells, have each person eat a jar of baby food beans, fill a tube with water that was loaded with holes, feed each other blind folded, and get their whole team completely off the ground for 30 seconds using a rope and three poles.
The youth were inspiring to watch. James had a hard time with the course because the challenges were very emotionally strenuous. The program showed some of this. Hannah was very different to watch though.
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Runaway Two Year Old
Q: “With my 2 and half yr old. She frequently will run away from me when I call her, wanting to turn it into a game of chase. Sometimes this is at a store or getting into the car, sometimes it is when she needs a diaper change etc. I have tried to do roll playing games with her to help praise her for coming or following instructions. She loves this game, but won’t always do it in real life. I am not sure the best way to help her want to obey or what should be the consequence for failing to follow an instruction at age 2. I feel like I am doing too much reasoning with her, which I feel is really not the most effective thing with a 2 year old, but I am not sure what else to do so she starts to understand the consequences of her actions. I have lately been feeling very frustrated and out of control with her. I hate feeling that way and I could really use some ideas.”
A:
Pre-teaching her to come when called before it is ever time is a great thing to do to prepare her to repeat the behavior at the right time. Great Job! Keep doing that.
As well as pre-teaching, is sounds like you need to establish a consequence system just for her. You can
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Order at Home
One of my passions is astronomy. When I go out in my backyard and look through my telescope at my friends, the planets and stars, I feel so close to God. Not because heaven is in space, but because it is so obvious there is organization in all things. He is a God of order; with everything in it’s perfect place. Everything has a purpose; a mission. Since He is order in all we see it only makes sense that people should live by order too.
Just like laws and principles govern the skies and the earth, there are laws meant to govern us as well. That is why we have chosen to apply governing rules to our home too. We feel like there is no better example of how to run a home than the way God runs our world; the current home for His family.
Our family has a set structure. We have certain meetings each week to strengthen the family relationships and keep the home in order. The meetings we have are
Making Toddler Store Time Happy
Mommy’s “Said Okay” Song
Have you ever been in the store and heard a small child ask their parent for a candy bar, or a toy? Most resonable parents don’t go around buying everything their child asks for, so the parent usually says, “No, not today.” For many children an answer like this causes crying, whinning, pouting, yelling and many other childhood outbursts.
My kind of parenting is called, Teaching Self-Government. We focus on teaching our children how to control their emotional responses so that they can be more happy. No one is happ
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From Spencer
This is Spencer, the father in the show. Thank you so much for your comments about the show and our family. As portrayed in the show, we love to spend as much time with our children as possible. I have realized that someday that my children will be come as I am and that’s a sobering thought. It helps me to change things about me that I may not like. Doing this show has been an incredible journey for us and hopefully
Teaching Self-Government in Marriage
I was introduced to your program at a conference last year & fell in love with it. It’s for adults as well as kids! Would you be able to offer me some advise on how a husband might use this to help his wife? My son has been married for 3 years to a lovely girl.
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Londyn, Age 7, Tells About the BBC World’s Strictest Parents
My name is Londyn and I am seven. Hannah and James changed a lot by the end of the week they stayed with us. And when they went home they made good changes. Like James took his lip piercing out and he wants to stop smoking.
It was sort of sad that Hannah was a mom so young. I wouldn’t do that if I was her. But she was always
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Advice From the World’s Strictest Parent
“Hi Nicholeen, I hope you don’t mind me messaging you/adding you as a friend….I saw you recently on tv here in England, and as a mother of two I was so impressed and humbled by your patience and love. Nothing seemed to get you down. The love and respect your family have for each other was so apparent, and it did bring tears to my eyes. I would love to have that same patience, tolerance and sheer joy in my life that you do. I’d love to hear back from you, if you have the time, and if possible try and send me some of your calm and patience through the web!!”
Thank you so much for your kind words. What age are your children? It is so good that you are trying to be the best mother you can be. There really is nothing more important for our world right now than parents raising good children who will fight for goodness in this confusing world. This is what I am doing at my house.
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Porter Peck Talks about James and Hannah
I transcribed this rememberance of our BBC “World’s Strictest Parents” experience straight from the mouth of my five year old son Porter…..The grammar is unedited on purpose. This is how he speaks. 🙂
My name is Porter and I am five 5. James and Hannah came to stay with us and they were nice to me. I remember that they liked to swing on our swings. When they left our house I cried a lot because I was sad that they were going. They were having attitudes a lot of the time and they wanted to
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Update from James’ Mom
I talked to James’ mom and she said he is doing well. She said that he is back in school and seems to be doing well. He is also trying to make other positive changes in his life. Their relationship is not perfect yet, but she says it is much improved.
I am so happy to hear such good news from James’ family. It is good to see him make progress. We love him so much!
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Nicholeen Tells more about World’s Strictest Parents
“Dear Nicholeen: I watched the show and was so impressed by your calm and collected attitude. I loved it when your son said, “she’s trying to push my mom’s buttons, but it won’t work.” One of my biggest problems is I allow kids to push my buttons and engage me in non-productive discourse (getting off track of what we’re talking about). These get me so frustrated. I don’t know how you did it with James and Hannah. I admire your patience, love and skills.
Can you tell us any more about some of the experiences that happened that weren’t included in the final edit. I’m curious to learn more about it.”
This is a great comment. Let me fill you in a bit on the whole situation my sweet, big talking 12 year old, was commenting on:
James and Hannah were very used to running away if they didn’t get their way. The reason people continue running is because it is a form of power struggle that usually works. It stops
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Comment on World’s Strictest Parents
A comment on a previous post said:
Saw the show last night. And I felt credit where it’s due … I had to cringe at the behaviour of the two kids (because that’s what they were). And speaking as someone who isn’t religious, or abstemious (but who doesn’t over indulge beyond a glass of wine with a meal), I can only say I was very impressed by your patience, and the outcome …
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BBC three “The World’s Strictest Parents”
The whole show is finally up for everyone to see. It was editing nicely. I really appreciate how truthful the BBC was in their interpretation of our lives and how we parent. My only regret is that you all couldn’t have been tuned in for all eight days. There are so many experiences which didn’t make the show due to time. I will have to tell you all how James and Hannah liked the other, not seen, experiences in our week too.
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World’s Strictest Parents Utah
“I’ve just seen you on the TV Programme, the Wor’ds strictest parents here in the UK and would like to say what a superb job your family did with Hannah and James. Your family was so patient and understanding with the teenagers and seemed to really touch their lives in a positive way. I found your email address by noticing the name of your chorus in the film and then finding your contact details on your website.
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Getting Each Other in Trouble
We have a problem with people getting into things in the house without asking. For example chocolate chips, cookies in the freezer and so on. We also have a problem with dishonesty.
The consequence for these (decided by the family) Dishonesty: 30 min.
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Book Update
Many people have expressed interest in my upcoming book: Parenting A House United: Changing Children’s Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self-Government.
I have started pre-selling copies of this book to raise money for the acutal printing at some of the latest speaking events.
The book has taken longer than expected, but is finished with editing now and only needs to be formatted and printed. Watch the site for a pre-sale. This will be the only way to get the book at a discounted price. It will be coming in a few days.
Nicholeen
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