When one of our foster daughters lived with us years ago, she did something that the others hadn’t done. She spent the first few weeks very intently watching me. She watched the way I kept house, the way I parented my children, the time I spent reading scriptures and good books, etc.

Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 11, 2019

“But what if they just keep talking back and are driving me crazy,” a mother asked me while I was instructing a group of parents on how to teach their children to accept “no” answers.The mother of three told the group she knew she needed help becausesometimes she feels so crazy, or out of control, when she’s around her children that she looks forward to going to work instead of being at home with the family.I immediately noticed that wanting to go to work when things got rough at home was really just a desire to run away from a problem she didn’t feel quite prepared to solve.This mother was missing vital tools and honest perspective needed to stop herself and her children from going crazy or running away.Children most often develop the habit of talking back to parents in disrespectful ways because the behavior is occasionally tolerated. Parents unknowingly …

Who Drives You Crazy? Read More »

Posted by Monica Pond on October 19, 2019

Relationships require selfless service to survive. Although there are multiple reasons people site for their relationship dysfunctions, from infidelity to arguments, relationship problems usually all have two things in common: dishonesty and selfishness. According to The Institute For Family Studies, the leading causes of divorce are: infidelity, incompatibility, drinking or drug use, growing apart, a lack of commitment, and too much arguing. In my own studies of families who are working to overcome dysfunctional family relationships and fractured family bonds through Teaching Self-Government parenting services, I’ve noticed that the main causes of broken or damaged family bonds can be grouped into a handful of reasons. These reasons include: lack of communication, laziness, not valuing family, arguing and fights, lies and manipulations, excuses for bad behavior, disrespect for parental authority and position of the child, losing common values, and only being concerned with one’s own feelings and wants. Every reason listed …

What Breaks Relationships And How To Fix Them Read More »

Posted by Monica Pond on December 28, 2020

Even though there’s violence dotting the globe, the largest battle of our day isn’t physical. It’s a war of words. All these words are supposed to lead the listeners to truth. Often the talk feels cheap even though the claim is each new idea, paradigm and argument is the most valuable. Is this word war new? How are children faring during this ideological war? What is happening to family relationships and the historical pattern for finding happiness and success in life? How is this war impacting business, government and religious groups? What impact does the family have on this battle? This battle of ideas has been going on since the beginning of time and is often referred to as “the great debate.” Philosophers, scientists, theologians and families have tried to determine which ideas are true and which are merely creative, or worse, controlling. Why? Because the search for truth is …

Truth Be Told…Influence of Family is Astounding! Read More »

Posted by Monica Pond on February 22, 2017

As I rounded the corner of a shopping isle at a local grocery store, I heard crying. Through tears a young girl, about 8 years old, said, “Tell me what it is Mom. Tell me what this is.” The moment I turned into this isle, the mother was in the middle of yelling, “Shut up right now or you’ll be sorry!!!” The mother caught a quick glimpse of me and immediately pretended she was examining the paper towels on the shelf. Then she quickly walked away. She had four girls with her. The oldest looked about 13. The 13-year-old, who didn’t see me, grabbed her younger sister by the arm and whacked her on the back side as hard as she could. The older sister looked proud of herself — even though she now knew I was watching. Then the two of them quietly followed the group to the next …

Treasure the Little Ones Read More »

Posted by Monica Pond on May 23, 2018

“You never can tell with bees,” said A.A. Milne’s cherished character Winne-the-Pooh. This was Pooh Bear’s naive way of saying he didn’t understand why bees did the things they did. He made his best guesses, but he always seemed to guess wrong and find himself in a prickled gorse bush — instead of feasting on fresh honey. As a beekeeper, I understand what part of getting honey Pooh never bothered to do: observe the actions of the bees and himself around the bees. When someone approaches the hive, a few guard bees automatically tip forward on their front legs, extending their stingers in the air. If the person coming toward the hive doesn’t retreat, then the bees start to fly at the person and push their stingers into the intruder. When bees sting, they die. Sir Francis Bacon said, “Men must not turn [into] bees.” When a person puts his …

Trade Time for Anger: Find Calmness and Patience Read More »

Posted by Monica Pond on March 1, 2018

“My 2yo has started crying a LOT the past few days. Over every little thing. Nothing is different physically or environmentally that I can tell. He already has his 2yo molars, too.. He’s just been crying about everything that he doesn’t like, with some pretty good tantrums thrown in the mix of the average crying. I tried holding him in timeout (he’s never stayed in time out on his own so far), but he screamed and threw a serious tantrum the whole time.. which wouldn’t be a problem for me except that I have to take care of the other kids, too! I tried holding him in our time-out spot until he was done with the tantrum so I could praise him for being happy, etc., but after 40 minutes of continuous screaming, my baby was also crying, needing to be fed, and the other young kids had destroyed the …

Tips For Using Time-out With Toddlers Read More »

Posted by Nicholeen Peck on December 30, 2009

When teaching and training children, many parents don’t often think about the heart and bond of the child, and how the child is processing what the parent does and says. Since children often misunderstand us and situations, then relationship disconnections occur. Parents are more dedicated to the spiritual, social, and academic success of their children than ever before. They get involved in coaching, carpools, and creating more opportunities for today’s youth than previous generations of parents did. Because of these great efforts, youth are getting better college entrance test scores, getting national awards and titles, and becoming entrepreneurs, all while also championing high morals and long term focus for their lives. With all this extra effort made on their behalf, why are so many youth and young adults feeling alone and like failures? What They See and Feel Today’s youth know their parents have made huge time, money, and heart …

They Don’t Want to Disappoint You Read More »

Posted by Richard Genck on May 18, 2020

Could it be that Coronavirus could actually cure your family? Now families have to be together all the time. Some families think this sounds awful. If a family is thinking this, then they are in need of lots of family time, not the contrary.In an effort to turn this pandemic into a blessing for your family, I did a free webinar on March 21, 2020 to teach parents how to improve their family cultures. If you missed that event, here is a link to a part of that. This is a message all parents need to hear during this time.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5a2ENPFr_Y&t=7sHere is a link to the full webinar:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NWoGd4qYO4&t=3sDon’t let your spirits get down during this crisis. Families really can thrive during this time if they focus their efforts on strengthening their family cultures, instead of focusing on what they can’t do.

Posted by Monica Pond on March 25, 2020

“I like Dad better than Mom,” I said to my younger brother one sunny afternoon while sitting on the back of our rusty old Suburban. The moment I said that I knew that just a few weeks prior I was telling him that I liked Mom better than Dad. I knew I had changed my mind, but it seemed to make sense to me. I liked whatever parent seemed to be more in control of themselves at the time. I always felt safer around the parent that wasn’t emotional or inconsistent. That was the parent I tended to favor. When either one of my parents was having a bad week, I felt like I needed to hide my actions from the emotional parent. I talked to the emotional parent less, avoided this parent more, and even told lies to avoid any negative attention. I’m sure my response to this parent’s …

The Battle Hymn of a Just Parent Read More »

Posted by Monica Pond on April 25, 2018

I’ve previously talked about how teens go through normal detachment from their families. That’s to be expected. It’s the abnormal detachment that parents should watch for. Parents need to know what normal detachment looks like and the warning signs of abnormal detachment that can signal larger problems.

Posted by Nicholeen Peck on October 9, 2018

Recently a woman who was asking for my advice said, “My 10-year-old son, Benjamin, will not do what I say. I know he hears me but he just ignores me when I talk to him. How can I get him to listen to me? I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but it’s like his heart is hard or something. He doesn’t seem to care about helping out or listening to me at all.” When this woman shared her frustration with me, I knew exactly what it felt like to feel ignored by a child. When my oldest daughter was three years old I took her to an ear doctor for a special examination. I wanted to make sure she really could hear me because she seemed to tune me out every time I started telling her something she needed to do. After a very thorough examination, the doctor looked …

Teaching Your Child to Listen to You, Every Time Read More »

Posted by Monica Pond on January 25, 2017