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Character Building
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Worry Not – Live Happy!
In his book, “The Power of Positive Thinking,” Norman Vincent Peale shares a story of a pastor talking to a painter about worrying.“Howard, don’t you ever worry?” the pastor asked the painter.The painter laughed and said, “No, not on your life. I don’t believe in it.”The painter goes on to tell how he didn’t have time to worry and how he set aside one day a week to worry, pushing off all his daily concerns until that one day. But, after trying to worry on the designated day for all the things he’d pushed out of his mind throughout the week he couldn’t do it. He was a failure at worrying. The painter had already essentially trained himself not to worry.Whether knowingly or unknowingly, this painter had worked out a method, or skill set, for overcoming worry.Mr. Peale explained that, “people fail to overcome such troubles as worry because…they allow …
Posted by Monica Pond on February 21, 2019
Who Drives You Crazy?
“But what if they just keep talking back and are driving me crazy,” a mother asked me while I was instructing a group of parents on how to teach their children to accept “no” answers.The mother of three told the group she knew she needed help becausesometimes she feels so crazy, or out of control, when she’s around her children that she looks forward to going to work instead of being at home with the family.I immediately noticed that wanting to go to work when things got rough at home was really just a desire to run away from a problem she didn’t feel quite prepared to solve.This mother was missing vital tools and honest perspective needed to stop herself and her children from going crazy or running away.Children most often develop the habit of talking back to parents in disrespectful ways because the behavior is occasionally tolerated. Parents unknowingly …
Posted by Monica Pond on October 19, 2019
Who Are You This Christmas?!
Christmas is full of symbols and characters that inspire us and that we can relate to. We all want to be Santa for someone each year, so we look for needs that we can meet anonymously — just like he would. Some of us relate to Rudolph. We feel different, but know that our difference is just what the people around us need to accomplish their goals. Some of us are the Littlest Angel, so we give our best for Christ even though our offering seems small and humble. Some of us have had or are having a change of heart like Scrooge or the Grinch. Who are you this Christmas? As I ponder the true meaning of Christmas, I can’t help but delight in the profound comprehensiveness of the characters in the nativity story. Everyone can relate to one or more characters in the story. When we see the …
Posted by Monica Pond on December 21, 2017
Where We Give Our Attention Matters Most
When I was a little girl, my brothers used to tease me. Every time I was teased or called names by them, I allowed myself to become emotional. One day when I was upset, my father said to me, “Nicholeen, if you don’t let the teasing work, then it won’t be fun for them and they’ll stop teasing. You have to choose not to give any of it your attention.” Eric Broaderick said, “That which we choose to give attention gains power.” This is so true. If we keep entertaining our stressful thoughts, then that stress overpowers us. If we entertain thoughts of gratitude, then we feel more connected to the people we are grateful for and find more happiness. Adults and children alike can find increased happiness if they realize what they focus on is up to them. During these times of uncertainty, we must not entertain thoughts of …
Posted by Monica Pond on November 16, 2020
What Your Mother Really Wants
Recently, while texting with my oldest son, he asked, “Hey, what do you want for Mother’s Day?”I shouldn’t really admit that I don’t like those kinds of questions, but the truth is I don’t. Maybe it’s because my love language isn’t gifts, or maybe it’s because I never know what to say. The most likely reason, however, is that deep down I always hope they already know what matters most to me.What Matters MostObviously, what matters most varies from person to person. But by and large mothers, who focus the majority of their lives on developing good relationships with their children and willingly give up any possibility for real free time to teach and nurture their children, all agree on one thing: The power of the gift comes from the heart behind the gift, not the gift itself.Since my son recently started his own family, I felt it was a …
Posted by Monica Pond on May 10, 2019
What Will You Sacrifice?
Sacrifice is vital for happiness. Most people think the word “sacrifice” is bad and sounds like a hardship, not a joyful journey. Happiness sounds much better! But without giving up some of our indulgences, excuses and time wasters, it’s difficult to accomplish the things that bring the most happiness, like fulfilling our roles as parents and living the missions God has in store for us. What’s your mission? Do you feel called to, “Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, heal the sick, teach the ignorant, comfort the lonely, create beauty, liberate the captives, or preach the gospel”? (Oliver DeMille) These eight missions appear repeatedly throughout history as ways people change the world and others’ lives for good. Does one of these missions stand out to you? Did you know that being a parent covers all eight of these missions? What will we sacrifice to do our very best at our …
Posted by Monica Pond on June 6, 2018
What Is Destroying Family Bonding?
There is an international parent/child bonding problem. The world has never seen a global lack of parent/child attachment like this before. Of course, there are factors leading to this detachment, factors that the world has also never seen before. Are we experimenting on our families and children and calling it good leadership? Have we given up our roles in the family for social conformity, loss of identity, and cluelessness? I know I’m not going to win many points with diligent, loving parents by calling them clueless. I’m not intending to be mean, but every day I see video after video that laughs at what parents don’t know. Comedians and YouTubers have never-ending fodder for their acts if parenting is continually equal to a joke. If parents are overly tough, people will laugh. If parents are passive, people will laugh. If parents are worn out and have attitude problems, people will …
Posted by Monica Pond on November 1, 2017
What Children Think of Negative Consequences
I recently asked a group of 10-year-old children what kinds of negative consequences their families have. “At our house, we sweep the floor and clean,” said one boy. “Mom gets mad and goes into a bad mood,” said another boy. “Mom used to send us to time out, but we don’t do that anymore,” said a thoughtful girl. I asked her what they do for negative consequences now. She thought for a minute and said, “I guess Mom just does whatever she can think of to control us. Sometimes we get soap in our mouths when we say bad words, sometimes she gets really grumpy and makes life hard for us, and sometimes she takes our stuff away,” she replied. Negative Consequences Shouldn’t Be Bad I then asked the children if they thought negative consequences are bad. Most of the children in the room said, “Yes” before the first little …
Posted by Monica Pond on July 18, 2018
What Breaks Relationships And How To Fix Them
Relationships require selfless service to survive. Although there are multiple reasons people site for their relationship dysfunctions, from infidelity to arguments, relationship problems usually all have two things in common: dishonesty and selfishness. According to The Institute For Family Studies, the leading causes of divorce are: infidelity, incompatibility, drinking or drug use, growing apart, a lack of commitment, and too much arguing. In my own studies of families who are working to overcome dysfunctional family relationships and fractured family bonds through Teaching Self-Government parenting services, I’ve noticed that the main causes of broken or damaged family bonds can be grouped into a handful of reasons. These reasons include: lack of communication, laziness, not valuing family, arguing and fights, lies and manipulations, excuses for bad behavior, disrespect for parental authority and position of the child, losing common values, and only being concerned with one’s own feelings and wants. Every reason listed …
Posted by Monica Pond on December 28, 2020
Treasure the Little Ones
As I rounded the corner of a shopping isle at a local grocery store, I heard crying. Through tears a young girl, about 8 years old, said, “Tell me what it is Mom. Tell me what this is.” The moment I turned into this isle, the mother was in the middle of yelling, “Shut up right now or you’ll be sorry!!!” The mother caught a quick glimpse of me and immediately pretended she was examining the paper towels on the shelf. Then she quickly walked away. She had four girls with her. The oldest looked about 13. The 13-year-old, who didn’t see me, grabbed her younger sister by the arm and whacked her on the back side as hard as she could. The older sister looked proud of herself — even though she now knew I was watching. Then the two of them quietly followed the group to the next …
Posted by Monica Pond on May 23, 2018
Trade Time for Anger: Find Calmness and Patience
“You never can tell with bees,” said A.A. Milne’s cherished character Winne-the-Pooh. This was Pooh Bear’s naive way of saying he didn’t understand why bees did the things they did. He made his best guesses, but he always seemed to guess wrong and find himself in a prickled gorse bush — instead of feasting on fresh honey. As a beekeeper, I understand what part of getting honey Pooh never bothered to do: observe the actions of the bees and himself around the bees. When someone approaches the hive, a few guard bees automatically tip forward on their front legs, extending their stingers in the air. If the person coming toward the hive doesn’t retreat, then the bees start to fly at the person and push their stingers into the intruder. When bees sting, they die. Sir Francis Bacon said, “Men must not turn [into] bees.” When a person puts his …
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Posted by Monica Pond on March 1, 2018
To Find Personal Success, Give Yourself a “No” Answer
Self-government is being able to determine the cause and effect of any given situation and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors so that you can control them. This means that each person decides what type of person they ought to be and plans for how to become this person. When, as it always does, the person falls off the path to success a bit, the person recognizes what has happened and then corrects his course to maintain his desired direction. This is what it means to master yourself. June decided that she wanted to improve her health and maybe shed a few pounds. She determined that to accomplish her goal she needed to exercise more. So, she planned to walk before work each morning for 45 minutes. At first June did great. She awoke one hour earlier and walked daily for about 10 days. She felt better than ever …
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Posted by Monica Pond on August 9, 2017