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Using TSG Skills

“Mom is on the phone”

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

“I do struggle and maybe you could give me some advice.  I spend quite a bit of time with my kids in the morning going over little activities like school workbooks and story time and exercising together.  Yet the minute I get on the phone or sit down to nurse the baby, the three boys are arguing or fighting or taking toys from each other or something of the sort.  I have tried to get them to color or do a certain activity together, but that only lasts so long.  It’s

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Success Stories and Some Questions

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago. It has been so helpful! It has already made a big difference in our home!

My eight year old son was having trouble obeying the first time i.e. following instruction, and we would ask him again and again to do things and he wouldn’t do them. He would forget or get distracted reading. (He’s a white, through and through.) Then we would get angry and he would do it. But he would sometimes get angry and lately even sometimes go into a little bit of a rage.

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Questions, Questions

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In the past couple of months I have been swamped with questions.  I am so sorry if I have not been able to answer your question in a reasonable time.  With the filming of the BBC show and trying to work on my book, as well as doing  regular life stuff I have had  a lot of my time taken up.  Here are a few really brief answers to some of the recent questions. 

I know you’ve mentioned this before, but how do you handle it when you’re children answer a question with “I don’t know.”  Usually, when my kids say this, it just seems like they’re too lazy to think somethin

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Have You Ever Done This?

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

A parent says, “Billy, come make your bed.” 

Billy doesn’t come immediately so the parent says,”One…….Two………Three.” to get Billy to come. 

Have you ever done this?  Everyone knows Billy better start running either at or before his mom hits the number three or else Mom could turn into a monster. 

As I travel around, I notice counting to three as possibly the most common parenting control method.  Counting has it’s place in parenting, but the counting in the above story is either a threat, a power struggle, or a sign of a parent who doesn’t real

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Sneaky Six Year Old

1 Comment / All, Children (4-10), Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

      …my 6 year old is up to his old tricks.  He

LOVED following instructions when I first started concentrating on this.

But, today, he became his regular difficult self.  He hasn’t been

following instructions and when I tell him he’s earned a chore, he won’t

do the chore.  And when I try the Rule of 3, he’ll calm down and then

still won’t follow through with his chores. 

      He has tried to solicit help from me (while I’m trying to make dinner for him)–I told him I’d like to

help him, but I have to make dinner right now.  Then, he just starts goofing off with the r

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A comment for At Wits End

Leave a Comment / All, Using TSG Skills /

This comment is definately realavent to the previous post.  This was a great response.  I couldn’t have said it better myself!

One thing Nicholeen didn’t mention was that this mom should try hard to find the positives in your son. It sounds like she can only think of negatives associated with her son right now. Of course that is part of teaching self-government, praising at a rate of 5 or 6 to 1 criticism.

I can totally relate because I do have a child that drives me crazy and I tend to focus on the negatives rather than the positives.

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At Wit’s End…

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

I have a 14yo son who I cannot deal with any more.  It isn’t a new thing.  He’s my oldest and ever since he was little I have felt like I can’t deal with him.  He is defiant, impulsive, selfish, and almost any other negative thing I can think of.    When he sees how emotional his behavior makes me he feels guilty and apologizes and tries to do better for a little while but it doesn’t last.

We’ve tried to set up self-government.  We made a family mission statement but he won’t agree to it.  He won’t agree to any consequences we vote on.

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Lies. How do I know?

2 Comments / All, Using TSG Skills /
Thanks for your post.  It gave me a lot to think about.  The one part I am still unsure about (and I know I just need to take it to prayer) is about treating them as if they have lied even when you just suspect it.  I find myself wondering whether I am unfairly accusing or if I am wrong when I feel like I am probably being lied to.  I don’t want him to feel like he can’t gain my trust no matter what he does and that I expect the worst from him.  I don’t want him to feel like he can lie and get away with it either though. 

Therapy? Lying? Attention seeking?

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

I have one son who doesn’t seem to be responding much to the changes in our family, and I am starting to worry about him.  I know you have dealt with many children who have come from dysfunctional situations and maybe even need counseling.  I am wondering if there is a way to tell if this child needs counseling or if I just need to continue doing what we are doing and hope that it is making a difference little by little.  He is 10. 

The main issues we are having with him are lying and a tendency to constantly look for and feel pity for himself.  He has been difficult since the b

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Tantrums, Time-Out and Tired Moms

2 Comments / All, Toddlers (0-4), Using TSG Skills /

Hi, I am a tired mom who is really trying very hard to have all the time and the spirit in our home. I have 2 kids. My lovely daughter, is freshly 4 years old and my sweet son, is 20 months old. Ours days are packed with action. In our family meeting we discuss consequences for most of the situations… but my daughter always suggests and votes for the time-out. Well I agree that time-out is appropriate for the little one .

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SODAS?

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With the SODAS – do you only use these when you see a problem, or do you do them randomly and/or on a regular basis? 

I use SODAS whenever I think we practice problem solving, but especially if we have had a problem problem solving.  😉  I start my small children out problem solving by playing the What If? game.  While driving in the car etc. I say, ‘What if……………what would you do?”  They love it and get in the habit of problem solving. 

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What about lying?

1 Comment / All, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

I was asked how I handle lying.  This is a very common problem with children who are trying to gain control of their lives and other people. 

In the past I have written many posts on lying.  Two posts which may especially be helpful are “Communicating Honestly”  And “Honesty“.  If you type these words into the light blue bar at the top right of this page and you will find them.  In fact you will find any post that mentions honesty in it.  I hope thi

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Voice Raising and Critical Attitude

Leave a Comment / All, Home Culture, Using TSG Skills /

I walked out of the room and was faced with disrespectful behavior…voice raising and critical attitude for no apparent reason….It made me glad I can look forward to the publishing of your book!  I am starting to chalk this type of behavior up to “Not following instructions” based on the instruction to “Treat others with respect and kindness.”

You could either call it “Not Following Instructions,” or you could call it “Not Disagreeing Appropriately.”  Either way would work for a corrective teaching.  However, I try to teach to “Not Disagreeing Appropriately” whenev

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“I didn’t hear you.”

Leave a Comment / All, Using TSG Skills /
What about when they say, “I didn’t hear you” as their reason/excuse for not following instructions…but you think they must have? 
This is a classic!  It is either one of two things.  Either your child really didn’t hear you, or she just lied to try to make the reason she didn’t follow instructions look like your fault instead of hers. 
         If you are constantly hearing this excuse for instructions not being followed, then you should first ask yourself, “Did I make eye contact with my child when I gave the instruction?’  If you hav

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Comment on chores…

1 Comment / All, Home Culture, Using TSG Skills /

Thank you–this was very helpful! One more question. . .On the specifics, like letting the children know chores are a “standing instruction”, the children having to make up the time if you do the chore for them, the time period allowed for chores to be done, or the 30 minutes for a dishonest chore, how did you determine these and then teach/tell your children about what would happen?

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Are Chores Instructions too?

3 Comments / All, Home Culture, Using TSG Skills /

I know you’ve written posts about chores before, but I can’t seem to find them on your website. So I’ll ask my questions, and maybe you can direct me to the proper posts if you’ve already answered them! Are the everyday chores that kids have a “standing instruction?” In other words, if they don’t do their chores or have to be reminded to do them, are they not following instructions, and would they start earning consequences?

Yes. Any responsibility your child has, such as a chore or school work, is an instruction. The term “standing instruction” is perfect fo

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