At Wit’s End…
I have a 14yo son who I cannot deal with any more. It isn’t a new thing. He’s my oldest and ever since he was little I have felt like I can’t deal with him. He is defiant, impulsive, selfish, and almost any other negative thing I can think of. When he sees how emotional his behavior makes me he feels guilty and apologizes and tries to do better for a little while but it doesn’t last.
We’ve tried to set up self-government. We made a family mission statement but he won’t agree to it. He won’t agree to any consequences we vote on.
New Seminar in Utah
Date: Saturday, May 16, 2009
Time: 9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m.
Place: 3880 Price Lane
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Positively Wonderful!
This last week I have had the amazing opportunity to parent two of the cutest little boys you could ever see; my nephews James and Henry. My nephews are both still toddlers, so life was a little crazy sometimes and absolutely adorable almost all the time.
For instance, three year old Henry felt that it was important to share all of his profound thoughts with me like, “Did you know that if I threw this basketball at your wall, or your window, or your light it would break? But if I threw the ball at your couch it wouldn’t break. But, if I got a really big ball, it could break your couch.
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Religion Comment
Your advice sounds similar to what we did with my son. He said he didn’t believe in our church anymore. We told him he didn’t have to believe it, but he did need to attend to show respect for the family and our beliefs, which included his conduct at church and home. So he went, eventually he went through a crisis where he turned back to, and found his own belief in our church.
Religion Affects Self Government Learning Capacity
Lately, my teenage son doesn’t want to go to church with the family. I don’t really want to make him go. Even though he is not especially religious right now, he is still a good boy. Should I be worried about this?
It is really common for children, and sometimes even adults, to go through a time when they don’t feel like being dedicated to religion. It is hard work to live righteously, and follow religious principles. All the really religious people I know have one thing in common. They are all disciplined. Since it is so common for youth to go through a
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I don’t know any bad children.
I don’t know any BAD children. Sure, there are children who make bad choices, but inside, those children all have a spark of goodness. Without this philosophy, I could have never decided to take foster children into my home. As soon as they arrived in my home I saw it as my job to find that spark, or flame of g
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Comment on Babies Sleeping
… a comment to your response to My baby won’t sleep through the night.. I just wanted to make a quick comment. I have nine children, and I feel like the best book for this is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I think it should be called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Parents!!
Joy Petty in NC
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James Madison once said…
“We have not staked the future of our society upon the power of government — far from it. We have staked the future of all our political institutions upon the capacity for self-government; upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God. –James Madison
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My baby won’t sleep through the night.
I had a question about getting my 9 month old baby to sleep?
I have been nursing him to sleep since he was born. Because he needs to be nursed to sleep, he sleeps in our bed. When I try to put him to sleep in his crib, he pulls himself up to standing and starts screaming and crying. I would really like to move him out of our bed and get him to put himself to sleep in his crib.
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Is Giving Criticism Bad?
You use the word “criticism” often when you’re talking about corrective teaching…That word however, has a very negative connotation to me, and each time I hear you say it on your CD’s, I cringe inwardly… I listen to and read a lot of stuff on marriage and parenting, and the word “criticism” is always used as a negative term. It’s considered one of the 6 Love Busters in Harley’s book, Love Busters. John Gottman, in his books on marriage, includes it in “a set of particularly poisonous patterns of interaction [he calls] “the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” that can
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Our Mission Statement
We used you family standard made some changes and put it in our family book. My question is, do you have a family mission statement?
I am so glad you liked the standard. Ours is also in our family meeting book. Here is our family mission statement: ~Nicholeen
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The Power Within Us!
Everything I teach in my home leads to duty and then VOICE. Because, how can you be a leader in this world and not have any voice, or way to lead people? Even example is a form of voice. We need to all be walking messages for what we believe. Someone who tries to be politically correct all of the tim
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Lies. How do I know?
Thanks for your post. It gave me a lot to think about. The one part I am still unsure about (and I know I just need to take it to prayer) is about treating them as if they have lied even when you just suspect it. I find myself wondering whether I am unfairly accusing or if I am wrong when I feel like I am probably being lied to. I don’t want him to feel like he can’t gain my trust no matter what he does and that I expect the worst from him. I don’t want him to feel like he can lie and get away with it either though.
Therapy? Lying? Attention seeking?
I have one son who doesn’t seem to be responding much to the changes in our family, and I am starting to worry about him. I know you have dealt with many children who have come from dysfunctional situations and maybe even need counseling. I am wondering if there is a way to tell if this child needs counseling or if I just need to continue doing what we are doing and hope that it is making a difference little by little. He is 10.
The main issues we are having with him are lying and a tendency to constantly look for and feel pity for himself. He has been difficult since the b
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Separate Behaviors from People
Most parents I know would say they love their children unconditionally. This unconditional love is the most powerful kind of love there is. Some Christians call this kind of love, “Christ-like Love.”
Feeling love for another person in your heart is not enough to make your love unconditional. True unconditional love is a kind of love that can separate a person from his behaviors. Can you see how this definition really IS unconditional?
Parents must correct the behaviors of their children! There is no doubt about this. But, the correction of the negative behavior should never chang
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Tantrums, Time-Out and Tired Moms
Hi, I am a tired mom who is really trying very hard to have all the time and the spirit in our home. I have 2 kids. My lovely daughter, is freshly 4 years old and my sweet son, is 20 months old. Ours days are packed with action. In our family meeting we discuss consequences for most of the situations… but my daughter always suggests and votes for the time-out. Well I agree that time-out is appropriate for the little one .
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SODAS?
With the SODAS – do you only use these when you see a problem, or do you do them randomly and/or on a regular basis?
I use SODAS whenever I think we practice problem solving, but especially if we have had a problem problem solving. 😉 I start my small children out problem solving by playing the What If? game. While driving in the car etc. I say, ‘What if……………what would you do?” They love it and get in the habit of problem solving.
A strict parent?
I was recently asked if I thought I was a strict parent. I’ve never liked the word strict, because I associat it with a parent who yells a lot, is stern looking and engages in power struggles. So, in response to the question, I said, “I wouldn’t use the word strict to describe me, but I would say I am firm.” I shared these thoughts about the word strict with a wise friend of mine. She looked me in the eye and said, “You are wrong about people who are strict. A strict parent DOESN’T HAVE TO YELL.” All of a sudden I wondered if the semantics of the word strict have been chang
Sunday chores again.
What about extra chores?
On Sundays we don’t do heavy work, or major maintenances in order to keep our Sabbath. But children still make bad choices on Sundays. My policy is this:
If my child chooses to earn an extra chore on a Sunday then I try to think of something that I would normally have to do on that day anyway; such as make cookies for a family treat, or put all the books back on the shelf etc. Remember, all chores don’t have to be miserable, they just have to teach cause and effect. A person doesn’t have to feel pain to learn.
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What about lying?
I was asked how I handle lying. This is a very common problem with children who are trying to gain control of their lives and other people.
In the past I have written many posts on lying. Two posts which may especially be helpful are “Communicating Honestly” And “Honesty“. If you type these words into the light blue bar at the top right of this page and you will find them. In fact you will find any post that mentions honesty in it. I hope thi