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A comment for At Wits End

Leave a Comment / All, Using TSG Skills /

This comment is definately realavent to the previous post.  This was a great response.  I couldn’t have said it better myself!

One thing Nicholeen didn’t mention was that this mom should try hard to find the positives in your son. It sounds like she can only think of negatives associated with her son right now. Of course that is part of teaching self-government, praising at a rate of 5 or 6 to 1 criticism.

I can totally relate because I do have a child that drives me crazy and I tend to focus on the negatives rather than the positives.

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At Wit’s End…

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

I have a 14yo son who I cannot deal with any more.  It isn’t a new thing.  He’s my oldest and ever since he was little I have felt like I can’t deal with him.  He is defiant, impulsive, selfish, and almost any other negative thing I can think of.    When he sees how emotional his behavior makes me he feels guilty and apologizes and tries to do better for a little while but it doesn’t last.

We’ve tried to set up self-government.  We made a family mission statement but he won’t agree to it.  He won’t agree to any consequences we vote on.

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Positively Wonderful!

2 Comments / All, Relationships /

This last week I have had the amazing opportunity to parent two of the cutest little boys you could ever see; my nephews James and Henry.  My nephews are both still toddlers, so life was a little crazy sometimes and absolutely adorable almost all the time. 

For instance, three year old Henry felt that it was important to share all of his profound thoughts with me like, “Did you know that if I threw this basketball at your wall, or your window, or your light it would break?  But if I threw the ball at your couch it wouldn’t break.  But, if I got a really big ball, it could break your couch. 

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Religion Comment

Leave a Comment / All, Youth (10-18) /

Your advice sounds similar to what we did with my son. He said he didn’t believe in our church anymore. We told him he didn’t have to believe it, but he did need to attend to show respect for the family and our beliefs, which included his conduct at church and home. So he went, eventually he went through a crisis where he turned back to, and found his own belief in our church.

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Religion Affects Self Government Learning Capacity

2 Comments / All, TSG Principles, Youth (10-18) /

Lately, my teenage son doesn’t want to go to church with the family.  I don’t really want to make him go.  Even though he is not especially religious right now, he is still a good boy.  Should I be worried about this? 

     It is really common for children, and sometimes even adults, to go through a time when they don’t feel like being dedicated to religion.  It is hard work to live righteously, and follow religious principles.  All the really religious people I know have one thing in common.  They are all disciplined.  Since it is so common for youth to go through a

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My baby won’t sleep through the night.

4 Comments / All, Relationships /

I had a question about getting my 9 month old baby to sleep?

I have been nursing him to sleep since he was born. Because he needs to be nursed to sleep, he sleeps in our bed. When I try to put him to sleep in his crib, he pulls himself up to standing and starts screaming and crying. I would really like to move him out of our bed and get him to put himself to sleep in his crib.

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criticism

Is Giving Criticism Bad?

3 Comments / All, Relationships, TSG Principles /

You use the word “criticism” often when you’re talking about corrective teaching…That word however, has a very negative connotation to me, and each time I hear you say it on your CD’s, I cringe inwardly… I listen to and read a lot of stuff on marriage and parenting, and the word “criticism” is always used as a negative term. It’s considered one of the 6 Love Busters in Harley’s book, Love Busters. John Gottman, in his books on marriage, includes it in “a set of particularly poisonous patterns of interaction [he calls] “the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” that can

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Lies. How do I know?

2 Comments / All, Using TSG Skills /
Thanks for your post.  It gave me a lot to think about.  The one part I am still unsure about (and I know I just need to take it to prayer) is about treating them as if they have lied even when you just suspect it.  I find myself wondering whether I am unfairly accusing or if I am wrong when I feel like I am probably being lied to.  I don’t want him to feel like he can’t gain my trust no matter what he does and that I expect the worst from him.  I don’t want him to feel like he can lie and get away with it either though. 

Therapy? Lying? Attention seeking?

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

I have one son who doesn’t seem to be responding much to the changes in our family, and I am starting to worry about him.  I know you have dealt with many children who have come from dysfunctional situations and maybe even need counseling.  I am wondering if there is a way to tell if this child needs counseling or if I just need to continue doing what we are doing and hope that it is making a difference little by little.  He is 10. 

The main issues we are having with him are lying and a tendency to constantly look for and feel pity for himself.  He has been difficult since the b

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Separate Behaviors from People

Leave a Comment / All, Relationships /

Most parents I know would say they love their children unconditionally.  This unconditional love is the most powerful kind of love there is.  Some Christians call this kind of love, “Christ-like Love.” 

Feeling love for another person in your heart is not enough to make your love unconditional.  True unconditional love is a kind of love that can separate a person from his behaviors.  Can you see how this definition really IS unconditional? 

Parents must correct the behaviors of their children!  There is no doubt about this.  But, the correction of the negative behavior should never chang

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Tantrums, Time-Out and Tired Moms

2 Comments / All, Toddlers (0-4), Using TSG Skills /

Hi, I am a tired mom who is really trying very hard to have all the time and the spirit in our home. I have 2 kids. My lovely daughter, is freshly 4 years old and my sweet son, is 20 months old. Ours days are packed with action. In our family meeting we discuss consequences for most of the situations… but my daughter always suggests and votes for the time-out. Well I agree that time-out is appropriate for the little one .

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SODAS?

Leave a Comment / All, Using TSG Skills /

With the SODAS – do you only use these when you see a problem, or do you do them randomly and/or on a regular basis? 

I use SODAS whenever I think we practice problem solving, but especially if we have had a problem problem solving.  😉  I start my small children out problem solving by playing the What If? game.  While driving in the car etc. I say, ‘What if……………what would you do?”  They love it and get in the habit of problem solving. 

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A strict parent?

1 Comment / All, Relationships /

I was recently asked if I thought I was a strict parent. I’ve never liked the word strict, because I associat it with a parent who yells a lot, is stern looking and engages in power struggles. So, in response to the question, I said, “I wouldn’t use the word strict to describe me, but I would say I am firm.” I shared these thoughts about the word strict with a wise friend of mine. She looked me in the eye and said, “You are wrong about people who are strict. A strict parent DOESN’T HAVE TO YELL.” All of a sudden I wondered if the semantics of the word strict have been chang

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Sunday chores again.

Leave a Comment / All, Home Culture /

What about extra chores?

On Sundays we don’t do heavy work, or major maintenances in order to keep our Sabbath.  But children still make bad choices on Sundays.  My policy is this:

If my child chooses to earn an extra chore on a Sunday then I try to think of something that I would normally have to do on that day anyway; such as make cookies for a family treat, or put all the books back on the shelf etc.  Remember, all chores don’t have to be miserable, they just have to teach cause and effect.  A person doesn’t have to feel pain to learn. 

Sunday chores again. Read More »

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