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Nicholeen and Spencer Peck on TV

Leave a Comment / All, Announcements /

This Friday, March 12,  Spencer and I will be featured to appear again for two segments on the KJZZ morning show.  This show airs in Utah on channel 14 from 9 – 10 in the morning.  This Friday’s topic is going to be using consequences appropriately.

They have asked us to appear each month for two segments on parenting.  At this point we have been told we will always appear on the second Fridays of the month.  If you have friends who could be helped from the things we teach you may want to refer them to the show.  It is our hope that many families will benefit from the principles we know as

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Families Working Together ~Mission Oriented Families

2 Comments / All, Home Culture, TSG Principles /

On the first CD of my Teaching Self Government Audio Seminar I speak about teaching your family about having a mission as a family group. The mission is what you will do to reach your family’s vision for the future. An important part of teaching your children about working toward a vision and living for a mission is teaching them about philanthropy, or service. Service is also an integral part of building strong character. We all know giving our children service opportunities helps them become more selfless, which aids in family unity. However, serving as a family also gives your children practice in living a mission for a vision. This practice will help them find success in projects their entire lives. As a family, we are always looking for a way to serve others. In fact,

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Changing Perspective…You Can Do It.

Leave a Comment / All, Home Culture, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

Nicholeen,

I’ve got “bubblegum pink” paint all over the carpet (and some furniture) right now that should NOT be there, and I have yelled and got angry at 3 of the 9 kids one who is under 24 hr priviledge loss but didn’t have anything to do with it, and I came in to my computer to take a breather and look what I found in my inbox! I was already feeling bad, and your article is the big dose of truth I need, but how do you turn it around when you’ve really blown it? Do I just bounce in with my new perspective, apologize and ask for forgiveness? Did this happen to you in the beginning? Thanks and God bless with your health issues.

OH………………..That is frustrating for sure.  I feel your pain, and your frustration.  I have to say, I have never had that one happen before.  But, I have had my share of paint spills, gum on the carpet, bubble spills, and marker on the walls.  Some children are just naturally more curious than others aren’t they?  My children have never been too curious, but they have had friends over the years who have been and have started creative play in motion. 

To answer you question,

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Parenting Discipline ~Another Perspective

4 Comments / All, Home Culture, Relationships, TSG Principles /

One of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days where you go, go, go?  On these days there are lots of places to get to, you are always running late and your children seem to be grumpy, whiny, and aggressive.  You don’t know if you’ll ever master getting out the door with a smile on your face and everyone in a good mood. 

At the ends of days like these we plop on the couch grateful that there is finally quiet in the house and still some chocolate ice cream in the freezer.  We hope the children will give us at least two hours of good sleep and that we might be able to actually check something off or our to-do list before we get to ‘turn in.’  These are the days we can’t wait to finish. 

I have felt those days too. 

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Obedience — Inspiring a Change in Behavior

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Toddlers (0-4), Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

Another idea might be having a family meeting, I teach about those too, and discuss a POSITIVE motivational system for the family if everyone follows instructions the first time asked for a few days.  I have a great idea in my book about Rachel’s Bean Magic.  That motivational system my do really well for this because it shows that each good thing has a positive consequence, not just focusing on the bad.

Also, work with your children regularly too.  Teach them the jobs by example.  Sometimes we expect things to be done perfectly when we haven’t really taught them how to do the jobs properly

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Changing Parenting Styles ~The Honeymoon

5 Comments / All, Home Culture, Using TSG Skills /

…We just started this approach to parenting a few weeks ago, and while the first couple of weeks went well because the kids all loved the praise and even the novelty of picking jobs out of a jar, we’ve hit this bump where most are dawdling, and adding another chore that just doesn’t get done doesn’t seem effective so we’ve started losing privileges for unfinished work. Granted, they are ages 8 and under, and perhaps I need to keep teaching the jobs rather than assume they know since I taught them once or twice. Thanks so much for sharing, both of you! I’m learning so much!

Keep up the good work!  You went through your honeymoon stage and now you have hit the part where the children are hoping you will lose your consistency.  They are testing to see if you are really going to stick to your new family government system.  Keep talking about your vision and Stay consistent. 

I have found that dawdling only continues to be a problem if the parents

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Back Talking vs. Appropriate Disagreements & The Rule of Three

7 Comments / All, Children (4-10), Using TSG Skills /

Hey, I have read your book and have been trying to implement the system, however I have a few questions.  My oldest son is 11, he has trouble controlling his emotions and talking back.  Here is an example of a typical situation; I ask him to do something he makes a face and might say a smart remark but he will look me in the eye after I remind him and will say ok sarcastically then he will go do the chore.

He follows the steps the right way about 50% of the time. Today he was out of instructional control and me telling him that if he chose not to follow my instructions that the was going to chose to earn another chore didn’t work.  He just sat there, so I left the room for a few minutes and when I came back he was ready to follow instructions. However he was only ready after I told him that he was going to lose all his privileges. My question is how long should he lose his privileges? He was calm, he just didn’t want to follow my instructions when I asked the first time. 

He also talks back too much or tries to argue.

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Happy Children Choose to be Happy

7 Comments / All, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

Nicholeen: we’re doing our best to implement a system of family government following your plan.  I have the 6 cd set and I’ve listened to them twice, and I’m reading the book as well…

…What do you do about a child who chooses to be out of instructional control forever?  Just give him his 3 square meals a day, food, clothing, medical care, education, and otherwise let him be?  I decided to further restrict his privileges by only letting him take one bath a day for 30 minutes maximum.  (He likes to take about 6 to 8 baths a day usually.)  I also will fill up his waking time with chores and SODAS, but if he refuses to do them as he is now, do I just wait him out?  Keep asking him every 15 minutes if he’s ready to accept consequences yet?  What?

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Grandparents Parenting ~ And Principles for Good Communication With Anyone or Any Group

2 Comments / All, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

“Grandparents need the lessons taught by Nicholeen. I have 43 grandchildren. As I took care of 5 of them just recently, using the “Family Council” as a way of solving problems (as taught by Nicholeen) was so helpful to me in working with the grandchildren. Thanks, Nicholeen!”

I loved this comment because it shows that the Teaching Self-Government communication principles can be used in all circumstances with any family members or friends.  I also find these principles helpful in group settings like teaching church classes or advising scouts or clubs. 

Principles to keep in mind in all settings:

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Parenting Adult Children ~Narcissism Personality Disorder

10 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

Nicholeen,

Do you have any hope (techniques we can use) forNarcissistto change? I am dealing with a 50 year old son who we have diagnosed (finally) and he is wearing us out emotionally and financially.
Thank you so much,

When I think about this situation I can’t help but ponder on the word “control.”He wants control of his life and is going about it all wrong…………you want to have more control, or influence, over him and he is not a child anymore, despite how he is acting, so you can’t have it by taking it. There is a principle I believe in…………..No one is able to really control anyone but herself.

However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t still have influence on your son. It just means that it is much more

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Questions…….

Leave a Comment / All, Announcements /

I just want all of you who have asked me questions lately to know that I have been swamped with questions.  I have a very long list at this point.  I am still working away at them, but only have so much time each day to devote to question and answer, so some will probably go un-answered for a while before I can get to them.  I am so sorry for this but just thought I would let all of you know that I wish I could do it better faster and am currently contemplating a way I might be able to do that for you. 

Thanks for your patience.  I will get you your answers as soon as I am able. 

Nichole

Questions……. Read More »

Parenting Toddlers and Parenting Teenagers ~Family Government in Action

1 Comment / All, Relationships, Toddlers (0-4), TSG Principles, Youth (10-18) /

Parenting Toddlers ~ Small Successes

Nicholeen,

I’ve been working with my son Jack for the last six months to appropriately accept correction. He’s 21 months old. He’ll do something inappropriate, I’ll tell him the right thing to do and then say, “You say, ‘OK, mom.'” I’ve been wondering, over the course of the months, if my efforts were in vain. Was he too young? Would he ever get it?

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Disobedient Children -They don’t want to help out – No Answers

3 Comments / All, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

Q:        “My Older children like to use the “disagreeing Appropriately” in what I consider to be inappropriate ways. For instance if I give an instruction that they simply don’t feel like doing, they disagree appropriately. I find that I want to say “no, you can’t disagree appropriately” because, I don’t feel it is appropriate to disagree to help. Yet, if I don’t allow them to disagree, then I get considerably more arguing and whining. And if I allow it, but don’t let them out of the request, I worry that I am never rewarding them for disagreeing appropriately. Any suggestions on how to overcome this? On a positive note, my 5 year old is using this a lot better, and it has cut down on his whining considerably.”

A:

 

The fact that your children like to use disagreeing appropriately shows they have learned that calmly discussing works better than having an attitude problem or other alternative.  It could also mean your children think they have found a

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time out

Tips For Using Time-out With Toddlers

9 Comments / All, Toddlers (0-4), Using TSG Skills /

“My 2yo has started crying a LOT the past few days. Over every little thing. Nothing is different physically or environmentally that I can tell. He already has his 2yo molars, too.. He’s just been crying about everything that he doesn’t like, with some pretty good tantrums thrown in the mix of the average crying. I tried holding him in timeout (he’s never stayed in time out on his own so far), but he screamed and threw a serious tantrum the whole time.. which wouldn’t be a problem for me except that I have to take care of the other kids, too! I tried holding him in our time-out spot until he was done with the tantrum so I could praise him for being happy, etc., but after 40 minutes of continuous screaming, my baby was also crying, needing to be fed, and the other young kids had destroyed the basement. At that point I just took him to his bed to finish his crying fit. So I’m thinking the holding in time out option might not work for us. Yesterday and today I’ve started just taking him to his room when he starts having a breaking down crying fit. What would you suggest? Do you think I should just take him to his room every time he cries? Or should I try

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Stopping the Name Calling, and Crass Words

6 Comments / All, Home Culture, Relationships, TSG Principles /

“I was wondering….what do you do about name calling, or when children say bad words? My children say crap, stupid, dumb, etc… No matter how many times I tell them to stop, they don’t. So would you have them do a chore everytime they named called, or said a bad word? or Would you do something different?”

Name calling is obviously not appropriate because it destroys the feeling in the home and encourages contention and selfishness.  There are a couple of ways I handle this sort of thing. 

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Are You In Crisis?

7 Comments / All, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

The first page of Parenting A House United says:

“Is your home in crisis? Do your children never do what they are told? Do you find yourself completely overwhelmed and hating to interact with your children? Do your children treat you with disrespect and cause contention at home? Are you out of control of your emotions as a parent too? If any of these descriptions sound like your house, then you might be in crisis and you will definitely benefit from reading this book. It is written for you. This book is also written for people who don’t want to ever have a home like I have described above and for parents who want to have an effectively communicating family right from the very beginning of parenthood.”

If you consider yourself or your family in a crisis situation where you need a few quick tools to start changing things immediately at home then this post is for you. Thousands of people have bought the book at this point and some need to start implementing things before they have even read the whole book. Below are a few key chapters to read immediately to start making some useful changes before diving in and reading the whole book.

Are You In Crisis? Read More »

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