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Nicholeen Peck

angry little boy

Lying, Stealing, and Negative Attention Seeking

2 Comments / All, Using TSG Skills /


10 Years Old And Needs Calmness



“I love your book. In many ways, your book has helped our family. I am faced with a situation that I don’t know what to do about….My son is 10 years old and we have had him since he was a couple of days old. From a very young age he was incredibly difficult to deal with. He constantly seeks our attention. He steals, lies, destroys property, etc. We have alarms on all food and expensive items. He loses 24 hours of privileges at least once a week, often more than that. We were excited one week when he made it 5 days in a row without losing 24 hours. I have really given several parenting books/programs extremely good efforts to no avail. BCLC was the first time we saw hope but I found that he really needed consequences. We’ve been doing your program for a bit and while we are seeing some things really change, others are not changing. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times we do the same thing over and over, he still thinks a different outcome will happen.”


Trust In The Process

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Child Hitting

Practicing The Right Way: Cause And Effect Parenting For Toddlers Who Hit And Others

1 Comment / All, Toddlers (0-4), TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

Cause and effect is learned more effectively when the consequences, positive and negative, are practiced first. The example below is geared toward a parent with a toddler, but the principles can be applied to all ages and situations which need to be practiced and understood more.

“My two year old daughter likes to hit. She hits me, she hits my husband and she even hit’s the baby. No matter what I do nothing seems to work. Reasoning doesn’t really work with a two year old, so I am at a loss for what to do about this. I know I need to do something.”

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mother reading to child

Parenting Three Year Olds: They Really Understand

Leave a Comment / All, Toddlers (0-4), Using TSG Skills /

Many people ask me when they should start teaching their children self government skills.  It is never too early to start talking in a deliberate, describing way or to teach the word “okay.”  Even the words “disagree appropriately” can be understood by most youngsters. My little almost 3 year old just asked if she could

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Teenage Attitude Problems

Leave a Comment / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /
This last week my twelve year old daughter had an attitude problem a number of times in one day. This is very unusual for her and definitely had me analyzing her and the day. She earned negative consequences many times and we had talks about the situations and practiced how she could have handled them better. I really focused on seeking to understand. At one point, after she was calmed down I initiated a conversation to discuss her possible need for more sleep. During this conversation she said, “I just feel like no one really understands. I bet you hav

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Straight Talk About Sex: Children And Sex

1 Comment / All, Home Culture, Relationships /

I am pretty sure that just putting the word sex in the title of a blog post will make my blog not show up on a lot of your computers.  If so, that is good.  That means you have a good filter and are trying to keep the children protected from the conspirators in our world who want to enslave us all by destroying all the virtuous thoughts we normally have regarding the opposite gender and the act of marriage. 

Recently I was asked:

Dear Nicholeen,
     I am so impressed by the beautiful work you do as a mother and as an incredible example to families all over the world.  Thank you for the work you do!  I know you’re probably crazy busy, but I would really love to learn more about how you present sex education to your children.  I just read a crazy disturbing article about what’s being taught in schools, and I want to be sure our children are taught about abstinence and the spiritual significance of the sex ordinance within marriage and the sacred nature of heterosexuality and well as the scientific aspects.  It’s wild what teachers think is appropriate to teach Kindergartners and I’m doing research to make sure we’re hitting the right mark.  If you could share your thoughts or send me to a link where you may have already addressed this, that would be awesome.  Thanks to you and your sweet family!

You ask a great question.  The topic of sexuality is a must for parents living in these times.  My views are

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Real Control! -Help For Parents

Leave a Comment / All, Home Culture, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

So many people ask me how to control their out of control children… A man I really admire named Jeffrey Holland said, “…the only real control in life is self control.” I couldn’t agree more. You can control the settings on your computer, and control the television choices that come into your home. You can control all the things on your Family Standard and you can control what your family eats for dinner, but you can’t control another person. No matter how hard you try and how much power you try to look like you have, the only person you can control is yourself. Since that is the case, we should capitalize on that power we have to control ourselves, or govern ourselves. If we

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How Do I Nurse A Baby And Handle The Rest Of The Children Too?

Leave a Comment / All, Toddlers (0-4) /

If you have ever had a baby, you know how hard feeding time can be.

I just had my 3rd baby and my oldest is turning 3 in a week and a half. This means that nursing the baby has become one of the most stressful times for me. I’ve been wondering to myself how I will ever stay sane if I can’t properly deal with the issues of the older 2 every time I nurse.
I love your idea of reading to the older kids while nursing the baby. I’ll try that one next time Zeke needs to eat. :)
Thanks for sharing this great advice.

I remember those years nursing and having toddlers. Those are hard times!!! There just aren’t enough arms and your thoughts get all jumbled up because of the noise and stress of it all. Obviously you should try to keep as calm as you can for the milk to be good and calming for the baby. I also know that is easier said than done.

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Too Much Play Time?-Solving the Boredom Problem

12 Comments / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Relationships, Youth (10-18) /

My two youngest children are best friends, and play a lot with each other.  It is so fun to see them enjoy each other.  This summer we have noticed that they are getting a bit too much play lately though. The sun comes up and someone is at our door asking to play.  The children do their chores and run outside.  They would stay there day after day, all day, if I didn’t ever call them in. 

The other day my husband and I noticed some very distracted behaviors.  My six year old was showing off a lot and acting a lot more “crazy” than usual.  He was also trying to be the “funny guy” by popping off. We looked at each other and both knew something needed to change

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Teaching Honesty: What About Gray Area?

1 Comment / All, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

“Just wondering what you do when a child denies doing something like this even though you know it was them or else they try to deceive you about it even though they know that no punishment will be given out for their mistake or wrongdoing if they are honest about it. How do you confront them and have them face up to their failures and take responsibility for their actions? My ds10 will get defensive whenever he does something wrong or makes a mistake he then will usually compound this by trying to lie or deceive his way out of it to save face. We end up punishing him for the lying and deceit when really it should have be a non issue if he had just been honest.””Any suggestions?”

There are three steps to handling this situation.

Step one; Make sure you are not accusing, but that you look and feel safe to talk to. 

Step two: Pre-teach the situation before you say anything………….”Right now _________ just happened. I am going to ask you about your actions. If you choose to be honest about your actions you will not earn any negative consequences. (or you could have a positive consequence in place for being honest) However, if you are not honest then you will choose to earn

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Family TV Watching: Parenting Tip

4 Comments / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Relationships, Youth (10-18) /

watching-television1“I came across your ideas on the LDSEHE website, and have been so inspired by all of it.  I’m starting to read your book, hoping to fill in a few holes.  I really like your idea for Friday family movie nights as your one source of TV.  How do you make selections for that night?  Do you have a list of movies you would recommend?”

You are right.  We have a family TV watching policy to help our family not get bound by television.  Our policy is that we don’t watch TV unless it is a movie on Friday family movie night.

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Brave Parenting: Being Too Soft

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Relationships, Toddlers (0-4) /

Can parents actually be too soft?  Isn’t love and affection always the answer?  If a parent isn’t being soft aren’t they being angry?  I often have parents ask me about children who are really emotional.  They say things like, “…she is really sensitive.”  or “…he has a tender heart.”  I know there are different personalities

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Negative Consequence Rutt: Parenting Tips

4 Comments / All, Children (4-10), School, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

“My two oldest boys, ages 8 and 7 are really giving me a run………..I know that if I stay strong, it will all pay off.
We have a family mission statement, we have a job jar, we have been roll playing. They know what our “standards” are.
My 7 year old has had discipline “issues” for 1 and 1/2 weeks consistently every morning during “school time”. He gets so frustrated with me when I calmly let him know that he earned another “consequence” I make sure and tell him that I love him and I wish that he could join us for privileged free time. He assures me that he will try harder but the same things keep happening over and over. He is 7 and very wiggly and dreamy, and distracted. He even has been swearing which is NOT our family standard! I try to explain to him that if he has good control over his body and mouth during school time, he will earn privileges, but he just doesn’t learn…………Any tips?”

It sounds like you are doing pretty well at creating an environment for self-government in your home.

I hope your son is doing better now. If not read pages 66-69 in my book Parenting A House United. I am guessing you have it. This section goes over motivation for children who get themselves in a rutt.

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Depressed Teenager: Hope For Happiness

3 Comments / All, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

I have attended your classes at home school conferences and bought the mp3;s.  I am currently purchasing your book, however, I am in crisis.  I have a 17 rd old son that has  been homeschooled since fourth grade.  We originally took him out due to severe depression.  This is something he struggles with.  He has always done well in school.  He went to the public high school for his freshman year.  He was top of the class academically but he hated every minute of it and we allowed him to come back to home school for the past two years.  

About six months ago I could see that he was clinically depressed and we found a counselor to help us through that.  It turns out he was introduced to pornography at school and became addicted and the guilt has caused him to lose about a year of his life.  We are dealing with this issue and he is doing very well and continues to receive counseling with us.  

The crisis is that he cant make a decision about anything in his life and he seems to have no self control.  He wants us to tell him every little thing to do and takes no responsibility.  He takes 8 hours to do simple science due to the fact that if I walk out of his earshot he will immediately waste time doing anything else.  It is so frustrating that we have to literally babysit him and that he needs us to.  I am at my wits end with him and feel like throwing in the towel and sending him to boarding school.  Of course, my rational mind knows that I must clean up this mess with him and no one else.  
Can you please give me some direction on how to get this kid to take back his life and not put us in  the position of jailers.

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