About five years ago I met a couple who seemed to have happiness in marriage completely figured out. They shared some of their secrets with me. One of them has made a huge impact on our home. It is called Odd and Even days.
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on June 21, 2008
Relationships require selfless service to survive. Although there are multiple reasons people site for their relationship dysfunctions, from infidelity to arguments, relationship problems usually all have two things in common: dishonesty and selfishness. According to The Institute For Family Studies, the leading causes of divorce are: infidelity, incompatibility, drinking or drug use, growing apart, a lack of commitment, and too much arguing. In my own studies of families who are working to overcome dysfunctional family relationships and fractured family bonds through Teaching Self-Government parenting services, I’ve noticed that the main causes of broken or damaged family bonds can be grouped into a handful of reasons. These reasons include: lack of communication, laziness, not valuing family, arguing and fights, lies and manipulations, excuses for bad behavior, disrespect for parental authority and position of the child, losing common values, and only being concerned with one’s own feelings and wants. Every reason listed …
Posted by Monica Pond on December 28, 2020
It’s often said that “a mother’s work is never done.” There are multiple ways to see this sentiment. Either Mother never does her work, or Mother always has a task that needs doing, or perhaps that Mother is a mother no matter the age of her children. The first interpretation gives a negative and lazy view of Mother. The second seems to make Mother into a martyr to household chores. But, the third interpretation of this common saying offers wisdom and a vision of Mother’s key role in the lives of her family members forever. The focus of this article is this third interpretation. No matter how old her children and grandchildren grow, a mother is always invested in their welfare and concerned about their happiness and moral success. A few years ago, I came across a letter written by a mother during World War Two. It was a response …
Posted by Monica Pond on May 9, 2018
“You never can tell with bees,” said A.A. Milne’s cherished character Winne-the-Pooh. This was Pooh Bear’s naive way of saying he didn’t understand why bees did the things they did. He made his best guesses, but he always seemed to guess wrong and find himself in a prickled gorse bush — instead of feasting on fresh honey. As a beekeeper, I understand what part of getting honey Pooh never bothered to do: observe the actions of the bees and himself around the bees. When someone approaches the hive, a few guard bees automatically tip forward on their front legs, extending their stingers in the air. If the person coming toward the hive doesn’t retreat, then the bees start to fly at the person and push their stingers into the intruder. When bees sting, they die. Sir Francis Bacon said, “Men must not turn [into] bees.” When a person puts his …
Posted by Monica Pond on March 1, 2018
This call covers: Having private rooms and moving the toys around. Using the chore system in Primary. Spouse on board with system at fist, but not anymore. Young boy willALWAYSgoes out of control when getting an instruction. How to give your husband more responsibility.
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 28, 2016
Whole Call: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2020/09September/TSG_SC_9-16-20_WholeEdited.mp3 Question: Hi Nicholeen, I homeschool 5 children and have a 2 year old toddler. I am introvert with a load of high energy spirited children and one ADHD child. All the talking that’s involved in homeschooling and then all the talking involved in the TSG is hard on me. I hate having to stop a lesson with one child to correct another because it disrupts the flow of the lessons and so I want the bad behavior to stop immediately without having to do a long correction with a lot of talking. If I leave the one who I am teaching to correct another, the child I was teaching gets distracted and goes off to play or starts talking to another sibling and/or getting silly. Then it takes time to get them to transition back to their lessons. Having someone leave to do an extra chore throws …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 26, 2020
This Call Covers: Dealing with custody-related parenting problems Rule of three and young children Preventing parental manipulation of children Does TSG make kids worse?
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on August 27, 2018
This Call Covers:Unifying a family in a new marriageHelping young children who lieTeaching self-government to teenagers
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on August 23, 2019
This Call Covers:Manipulation from younger children and how to stop itControlling a completely out of control childHelping a child who is constantly going through the Rule of 3Parenting a compulsively defiant child
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on August 1, 2019
This Call Covers:Helping a child plan for the future when they don’t seem to careSelf-government and young childrenLack of self-government in teensHow to become a TSG mentor
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on July 6, 2019
Whole call: CC Notes 7-28-2021 https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2021/07july/tsg-sc-7-28-21Wholedited.mp3 Question: Nicholeen, in all your years of fostering youth did you ever have a time when you were concerned about being harmed by an angry, out of control young person? Maybe they throw things etc. Will you share insight on this topic? For clarification I’ve not been in a situation where things are thrown directly at me, but where things have been thrown. Answer: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2021/07july/tsg-sc-7-28-21Q1.mp3 Yes, we had youth who would grab knives or try kicking, hitting, or throwing. Here’s what we did… Question: Sometimes Nicholeen has made a recommendation for children with loss of privileges. It goes something like “when they work to earn their privileges back for……. then they can earn ….. time back.” I cannot relent that recommendation and don’t know how to search for it. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Answer: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2021/07july/tsg-sc-7-28-21Q2.mp3 I think you might be talking …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on July 30, 2021
Whole Call: Question: My 15 yr old daughter has a serious case of FOMO (fear of missing out). She seems to never really be in the present moment as she is always looking way ahead at the next social event and cannot stop talking about it. She’s missing out in her present moment. We have discussed this together but she seems totally unaware that she’s doing it. It’s maddening and sad. I can see she has anxiety that manifests itself this way. How do I patiently help her to be in the present moment without calling her out on it (since it is usually in front of other people). Do I take her aside every time to point it out? Do I patiently wait till she has matured enough to see it? I need your suggestions and help. Thank you so much. Answer: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2020/07July/TSG_SC_7-22-20_Q1.mp3 When someone is unaware of …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on July 22, 2020