“What do you want your relationship with your child to be like?” I asked a group of dedicated parents attending one of my Teaching Self-Government workshops. “I just want to be my daughter’s friend,” said one mother, “but she doesn’t treat me like one, even though I try so hard.” “Who doesn’t want to have a great, friendly relationship with their child?” I replied with a knowing smile. “We all do. However, treating your daughter like your best friend is not the way to end up with her as your best friend. I know that sounds kind of backward, but it’s true. This is the reason why you’re not best friends.” The Role of Roles I continued to explain to that mother the importance of roles when it comes to our relationships with our children. Parents have a self-evident role as “The Mother” or “The Father” in their kids’ lives. …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on July 28, 2015
There is an international parent/child bonding problem. The world has never seen a global lack of parent/child attachment like this before. Of course, there are factors leading to this detachment, factors that the world has also never seen before. Are we experimenting on our families and children and calling it good leadership? Have we given up our roles in the family for social conformity, loss of identity, and cluelessness? I know I’m not going to win many points with diligent, loving parents by calling them clueless. I’m not intending to be mean, but every day I see video after video that laughs at what parents don’t know. Comedians and YouTubers have never-ending fodder for their acts if parenting is continually equal to a joke. If parents are overly tough, people will laugh. If parents are passive, people will laugh. If parents are worn out and have attitude problems, people will …
Posted by Monica Pond on November 1, 2017
In a world full of sexual depravity, diverse addictions, familial dysfunction, lascivious social platforms, manipulative media, and irate people of all ages, is it possible to even hope for our children to have an innocent upbringing? A routine trip through a store like Walmart, for example, can start a child’s brain processing in sexual and dysfunctional directions. What is a parent to do about this problem? How can a family live in the world but not become part of all the lewdness and cruelty so many people in society are laughing at? The Illusion of Innocence: Living in the World For many years I’ve taken my children, and often other children I teach, to the Utah Shakespeare Festival. Every time prior to attending, I call the festival and check to be sure the play is developmentally appropriate for children and will preserve their innocence. This year I asked the usual …
Posted by Monica Pond on November 16, 2017
Historically, as young people approached the age of 18, they would start to spread their wings and transition into adulthood by stepping outside of their comfort zones. Sadly, times have changed.Today, many teens are feeling increasingly more inadequate to attempt adult tasks. In fact, they often don’t even feel comfortable talking to adults. In the midst of this fragility epidemic, many teens don’t see that the answer to their “feeling-inadequate-for-adult-life problem” is staring them right in the face.Their parents.Dr. Leonard Sax, author of “The Collapse of Parenting,” said: “The parent-child relationship differs from the relationship between same-age peers.” This statement contradicts the once “revolutionary” parenting belief perpetuated by Dr. Benjamin Spock that parents should treat their children like friends with equal roles, instead of like children who need a parent’s love and nurturing.Sax continues: “The child expects to look up to the parent, to be instructed by the parent, indeed, …
Posted by Monica Pond on July 9, 2019
Whole Call: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2020/08August/TSG_SC_8-5-20_WholeEdited.mp3 Question: My 5 year old son keeps hitting his 3 year old sister. I think it’s just because he gets annoyed, but I’d like it to stop. She can get in his business sometimes and ruin his toy set up and stuff. This is when it usually happens. I kind of feel like he’s justified and that the 3 year old needs to learn. But, I’m sure letting him hit isn’t a good way to teach either of them self-government. What would you suggest I do to handle this situation? Answer: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2020/08August/TSG_SC_8-5-20_Q1.mp3 Pre-teach both about Accepting “no” answers and disagreeing appropriately. Then, correct them both, and praise them both. You may want to stay closer by for a while too, to catch them and help them disagree appropriately and learn to problem solve. Question: My daughter, age 16, is telling me she has social anxiety/depression. …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on August 9, 2020
This Call Covers: Dealing with custody-related parenting problems Rule of three and young children Preventing parental manipulation of children Does TSG make kids worse?
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on August 27, 2018
This Call Covers: Teaching children proper work ethic through extra chores Dealing with children who sneak out, are disconnected from the family, etc.
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on July 14, 2017
This Call Covers:Helping a child plan for the future when they don’t seem to careSelf-government and young childrenLack of self-government in teensHow to become a TSG mentor
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on July 6, 2019
Whole call: CC Notes 7-21-2021 https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2021/07july/tsg-sc-7-21-21whole+edited.mp3 Question: I base my own happiness on how my children will turn out. I don’t have 100% control over that. I want to get to a place where I have confidence with doing the best I can. Can you help me get that mindset? Answer: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2021/07july/tsg-sc-7-21-21Q1.mp3 You’re on a journey… Controlling perfect versus living by principle… Just do your best… Question: We would like to have a discussion about our family principles, and I was wondering if you could help discerning what the principles in our Mission Statement are. It seems like basic knowledge, but I’m realizing that I don’t know how to speak this language. We adopted much or most of your mission statement when we started Teaching Self Government last summer. Our children are older, ranging from 12-21, and all are still at home, with two in college. We adopted much of …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on July 25, 2021
This Call Covers:Helping children adapt to the college experienceImproving self esteem in teenagersEmotionally reactive childrenLoss of privliges and the rule of three
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on June 8, 2019
This call covers: “McFarland USA” and character and strength. I need ideas for what to do in the summer months when it’s too hot to go outside to play (AZ).Also, my 11 year-old son is constantly reading and avoiding people and social situations, just like his dad. He has no friends and he reads things that aren’t necessarily of use. What do I do? I’ve found out that my 9 year-old son has been swearing at school, but when I ask him if he has, he denies it strongly. How do I help him see that this is wrong? I’m trying to help my 5 year-old son understand natural and synthetic consequences and roles. I’m having a hard time finding the right medication for my 7 year-old ADHD daughter. What she’s on now seems to be helping at school, but not at home. Suggestions?
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on June 6, 2015
This Call Covers:Dishonest ChildrenAnxiety in small childrenSelf-image and Self-worth struggles in teenagers
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on June 28, 2019