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Four Basic Skills
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Who Drives You Crazy?
“But what if they just keep talking back and are driving me crazy,” a mother asked me while I was instructing a group of parents on how to teach their children to accept “no” answers.The mother of three told the group she knew she needed help becausesometimes she feels so crazy, or out of control, when she’s around her children that she looks forward to going to work instead of being at home with the family.I immediately noticed that wanting to go to work when things got rough at home was really just a desire to run away from a problem she didn’t feel quite prepared to solve.This mother was missing vital tools and honest perspective needed to stop herself and her children from going crazy or running away.Children most often develop the habit of talking back to parents in disrespectful ways because the behavior is occasionally tolerated. Parents unknowingly …
Posted by Monica Pond on October 19, 2019
Where We Give Our Attention Matters Most
When I was a little girl, my brothers used to tease me. Every time I was teased or called names by them, I allowed myself to become emotional. One day when I was upset, my father said to me, “Nicholeen, if you don’t let the teasing work, then it won’t be fun for them and they’ll stop teasing. You have to choose not to give any of it your attention.” Eric Broaderick said, “That which we choose to give attention gains power.” This is so true. If we keep entertaining our stressful thoughts, then that stress overpowers us. If we entertain thoughts of gratitude, then we feel more connected to the people we are grateful for and find more happiness. Adults and children alike can find increased happiness if they realize what they focus on is up to them. During these times of uncertainty, we must not entertain thoughts of …
Posted by Monica Pond on November 16, 2020
What Children Think of Negative Consequences
I recently asked a group of 10-year-old children what kinds of negative consequences their families have. “At our house, we sweep the floor and clean,” said one boy. “Mom gets mad and goes into a bad mood,” said another boy. “Mom used to send us to time out, but we don’t do that anymore,” said a thoughtful girl. I asked her what they do for negative consequences now. She thought for a minute and said, “I guess Mom just does whatever she can think of to control us. Sometimes we get soap in our mouths when we say bad words, sometimes she gets really grumpy and makes life hard for us, and sometimes she takes our stuff away,” she replied. Negative Consequences Shouldn’t Be Bad I then asked the children if they thought negative consequences are bad. Most of the children in the room said, “Yes” before the first little …
Posted by Monica Pond on July 18, 2018
Watch (Part 2) – 4 Basic Skills
The Norton’s Following Instructions https://vimeo.com/79351576 The Norton’s Accepting Consequences https://vimeo.com/79351574 Siblings Disagree Appropriately Over Computer Last week my post was about sibling rivalry. Here is a movie which shows how knowing to Disagree Appropriately is a skill which helps sibling rivalry. https://vimeo.com/82252485 This sibling rivalry solution video was filmed while I was doing some private self-government teaching for a family. I thought the children did very well with their new skills! It is hard to learn new stuff. But, both children will have much more happiness now that they understand that disagreeing appropriately is for their relationship as well as their relationships with Mom and Dad. I want to thank the family for allowing me to share this footage. I especially liked that this situation happened about such a common subject in homes these days; sharing the computer. Families lives revolve more and more around the computer; especially as they …
Posted by Pennie Rumsey on May 10, 2013
Traveling Trends Meet Parenting Problems
Family travel looks different these days than it used to. Today’s parents were raised in a slower time. Most families planned one or two trips a year, which were usually taken during school holidays, and in our case, in the family travel trailer. While there are still families that really don’t like to leave home for even one night (even though I don’t know any of them myself), the average household spends 2 percent of its annual income on travel expenses. A family’s average cost of travel is $4,700 per year according to Value Penguin and $4,300 per vacation according to Stuffed Suitcase. Many families spend around 30 days on vacation annually. What impact do all those travel days have on family relationships? I think the hope is that they be positive. Parents have always known that to create lasting memories, families need to have shared experiences for extended periods …
Posted by Monica Pond on June 18, 2018
Trade Time for Anger: Find Calmness and Patience
“You never can tell with bees,” said A.A. Milne’s cherished character Winne-the-Pooh. This was Pooh Bear’s naive way of saying he didn’t understand why bees did the things they did. He made his best guesses, but he always seemed to guess wrong and find himself in a prickled gorse bush — instead of feasting on fresh honey. As a beekeeper, I understand what part of getting honey Pooh never bothered to do: observe the actions of the bees and himself around the bees. When someone approaches the hive, a few guard bees automatically tip forward on their front legs, extending their stingers in the air. If the person coming toward the hive doesn’t retreat, then the bees start to fly at the person and push their stingers into the intruder. When bees sting, they die. Sir Francis Bacon said, “Men must not turn [into] bees.” When a person puts his …
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Posted by Monica Pond on March 1, 2018
To Find Personal Success, Give Yourself a “No” Answer
Self-government is being able to determine the cause and effect of any given situation and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors so that you can control them. This means that each person decides what type of person they ought to be and plans for how to become this person. When, as it always does, the person falls off the path to success a bit, the person recognizes what has happened and then corrects his course to maintain his desired direction. This is what it means to master yourself. June decided that she wanted to improve her health and maybe shed a few pounds. She determined that to accomplish her goal she needed to exercise more. So, she planned to walk before work each morning for 45 minutes. At first June did great. She awoke one hour earlier and walked daily for about 10 days. She felt better than ever …
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Posted by Monica Pond on August 9, 2017
Tips For Using Time-out With Toddlers
“My 2yo has started crying a LOT the past few days. Over every little thing. Nothing is different physically or environmentally that I can tell. He already has his 2yo molars, too.. He’s just been crying about everything that he doesn’t like, with some pretty good tantrums thrown in the mix of the average crying. I tried holding him in timeout (he’s never stayed in time out on his own so far), but he screamed and threw a serious tantrum the whole time.. which wouldn’t be a problem for me except that I have to take care of the other kids, too! I tried holding him in our time-out spot until he was done with the tantrum so I could praise him for being happy, etc., but after 40 minutes of continuous screaming, my baby was also crying, needing to be fed, and the other young kids had destroyed the …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on December 30, 2009
The Artificial Extension of Childhood
Are we holding our children back?In the past 80-100 years, society has started holding children back with an artificial extension of childhood instead of empowering them forward toward purpose and adulthood.Thomas At age 12, Thomas Edison convinced his parents to allow him to leave home in order to sell newspapers to Grand Trunk Railroad train line passengers. In no time he had started his own newspaper and opened a private laboratory in a railway baggage car. Edison was a 12-year-old entrepreneur. This was a steppingstone to the laboratories, inventions and businesses he would once be known for all over the world.Before you start thinking that Thomas Edison was an especially gifted child, you may want to know that he was kicked out of school at a young age because the teacher said he was not smart enough for school.So, how did this homeschooled world icon become the Edison we know …
Posted by Monica Pond on October 7, 2019
Teaching Your Child to Listen to You, Every Time
Recently a woman who was asking for my advice said, “My 10-year-old son, Benjamin, will not do what I say. I know he hears me but he just ignores me when I talk to him. How can I get him to listen to me? I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but it’s like his heart is hard or something. He doesn’t seem to care about helping out or listening to me at all.” When this woman shared her frustration with me, I knew exactly what it felt like to feel ignored by a child. When my oldest daughter was three years old I took her to an ear doctor for a special examination. I wanted to make sure she really could hear me because she seemed to tune me out every time I started telling her something she needed to do. After a very thorough examination, the doctor looked …
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Posted by Monica Pond on January 25, 2017
Surviving Mom’s Worst Day Ever!
When the famed prime minister of England, William Pitt, was asked what made him a great prime minister, he didn’t say his hard work ethic, late night hours, or perseverance. He said, “Patience.” There are many attributes that are useful to parents as they’re raising their children during this often busy world full of attitude problems, disconnection, and every day mishaps. But nothing is so vital as patience. There is one simple skill that, if kept in mind, makes patience for parents a bit easier. Recently, while speaking to a group in Washington, a worn out mother asked me a question following some discussion on how to stay clam while parenting through difficult parenting situations. She said something like, “What do you do when too much has happened in a day to be able to stay calm? What do you do when you’ve fallen down some stairs that day, another …
Posted by Monica Pond on October 29, 2018
Support Call 9-8-17
This Call Covers: A discussion on Shakespeare and Self-Government Time out Stopping littering Stopping negativity in teenagers
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 9, 2017