As part of learning cause and effect and growing into healthy adulthood, most children occasionally test boundaries by willfully choosing disobedience or even rebelling against parents. While taking risks and being a little bit rebellious here and there are usually healthy signs of normal development toward adulthood, obedience is required for wisdom and learning, too. …
In this podcast, Nicholeen and Paije discuss what it is that motivates change, in yourself and others. Is your child misbehaving and you wish they’d just be obedient? Do you have habits and behaviors you wish you could change yourself? Nicholeen and Paije talk about 5 steps you can take to help you or someone …
Recently a woman who was asking for my advice said, “My 10-year-old son, Benjamin, will not do what I say. I know he hears me but he just ignores me when I talk to him. How can I get him to listen to me? I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but it’s like his …
Recently my friend, David Perry, the renown film maker, invited me to his home to teach his family self-government. The Perrys have two active young boys ages five and three. They are quickly becoming self-government experts.
This is a recent video of Hudson, age three, explaining
“The biggest struggle we have with my son is that he wants to be the parent – he wants to be in control, not necessarily of my husband and I, but of the rest of the kids (he’s #2 of 5). For instance, this morning he made himself a “dessert sandwich” (he just made this up, bread with butter and cinnamon on it) before breakfast, but got mad and yelled at our 2 year old for getting into the fridge to get an apple while he still had the sandwich in his hand. Even me standing there saying “It’s okay, she can have the apple” didn’t calm things right away. ALL THE TIME he gets after his siblings for things he sees as wrong, but he himself can do no wrong, even if he’s doing the same things they are.”
I love how at the beginning of this question you say that your son thinks he’s the parent and then at the end you say that he can do no wrong even though he is doing the same thing. These two statements together in the same paragraph make me smile because that is just what most parents really do. They get after the children for doing what they, the parents, are doing all the time too. These parents for some reason feel like if they don’t have to look at their short comings in their children then the short comings aren’t really there and don’t need to be addressed.
I will never forget
Nicholeen: we’re doing our best to implement a system of family government following your plan. I have the 6 cd set and I’ve listened to them twice, and I’m reading the book as well…
…What do you do about a child who chooses to be out of instructional control forever? Just give him his 3 square meals a day, food, clothing, medical care, education, and otherwise let him be? I decided to further restrict his privileges by only letting him take one bath a day for 30 minutes maximum. (He likes to take about 6 to 8 baths a day usually.) I also will fill up his waking time with chores and SODAS, but if he refuses to do them as he is now, do I just wait him out? Keep asking him every 15 minutes if he’s ready to accept consequences yet? What?