“I have two boys ages 7 and 4. My 7yo has developed a couple problems: stealing and lying. I think that I/we have been making the problem worse in the way we have handled it. We also have a HUGE problem with not minding. He is a very stubborn child and will not help us when trying to come up with consequences for his actions. He says either, “I don’t know” or “give me a spanking” or something like that. Those are NOT working, he seems to get worse with each consequence.
…I am presenting a class to the youth in my area called, “Scholar Warriors ~ The Not So Secret Weapon”, based upon my character and warrior presentations. This should be lots of fun! We will have treats and games to follow, of course. It will make a great Fall gathering.
Have a great Holiday Weekend
🙂 Nicholeen
“I can understand this, mom! I have a 7 year old who pretty much spent most of his first 5 years in timeout. About 2 years ago, I attended one of Nicholeen’s seminars. We decided to implement the losing of privileges in our family and had a family meeting. We were VERY consistent with this one child that was acting up the most, and today he is one of the most well-behaved! This was no easy task on our part by any means, but it worked. He probably had to lose privileges 15-20 times over the course of a year (yeah, he was a stubborn one) but he doesn’t anymore.
“Thanks so much for all the wisdom and inspiration you share. I have a son (age 11) who zapps so much emotional energy from me. Over the last several months, I’ve really been trying to see things as they are and trying to determine how to handle things. He is a great kid. He’s the first one to help a younger sibling who is hurt or to give up his ice cream cone is one of his younger siblings dropped theirs. He is also the one who complains the most, rolls his eyes back into his head and gets “that look” when things do not go his way. I know that he is often “out of instructi
Some days I am running so fast from thing to thing that my full life makes me feel empty.
Some days I have such a long list of things to do that I feel overwhelmed.
Some days I realize I am overwhelmed and empty inside and I decide to to sit on the couch and read to my children instead of going for the super woman award. These connections fill me up emotionally and help me put things in life into perspective. It does great things for the children too.
Life is too short to waste on lists and running around town. Do something that really matters today. Connect with your family. Th
“Another question I had was, does the rule of 3 start over for each incident? Are the 3 consequences for staying out of instructional control as relating to the first incident? I just want to make sure I understand correctly. So if a child hits his brother, and gets out of instructional control and has the consequences for that earlier in the day, and then later disobeys about something different, the rule of 3 would start over for the later incident, correct? Consequences aren’t cumulative for different offenses, so that because the child got to SODAS with hitting his brothe
Using the Rule of Three Read More »
The following question and answer deals with something that many families deal with. In order to raise the kind of family that is going to reach our 20 year vision, we have to make choices that are different from the mainstream of society. These decisions are full of rewards as well as challenges. Trust me, the rewards far out-weigh the challenges.
“You mention something in the beginning of the first CD that struck me right off and I’ve thought about a lot ever since. “I’ve often felt that the Lord has chosen me to stand apart from the world.”
I had been feeling the same
If it’s right, it’s right! Read More »
“Thanks! It helps a lot to know that I can have both personal standards and a family standard, and to hear your experiences. I think I have been afraid to set an example and refuse things for myself that he wants because I don’t want to start an argument. But I guess it is all in the way it is done, not trying to manipulate or judge but just to honor my own standards while still respecting my husband. I appreciate your help!”
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“My husband and I are in the process of making our family standard, and tonight for FHE we are going to ask the kids for ideas. We already are running into some difficulty though. My husband and I have different standards as far as media goes. I agree with him that whatever standard we set needs to be one we will both be willing to follow. I think the kids will be willing to give up more than he will in the media department. We are in agreement that R rated shows will never be watched in our home, but other shows he is more ambiguous about. How should we go about making the
What if my standard is different than my husband’s standard? Read More »
What tools do parents need to teach mission? There isn’t a “one size fits all” answer to this question, but I can tell you what I have learned that I need.
Recently, while on a family camp-out, I noticed that our trailer’s tires looked fairly bald. I am not real good at assessing mechanical problems, so I asked my husband if we needed to buy
Tires Teach Parents Read More »
There are many times when I feel like my children have a different vision of how the day should go than I do. They want to play around and get distracted and I want to be efficient and get lots of things done. At these times I feel like my children are miles away from where I need them to be in order to have the house run happily.
At these times I have found it very useful to take an hour and have small mentor sessions with my children. We talk about what their goals are for the day and week and we set them up a schedule. Don’t forget to add some great play time after you have blocked
Mentor Sessions change the tide. Read More »
Well I am back from my camping trip now, and back to my computer. I wrote a post that suggested taking a week off of the computer. I hope some of your took me up on the challenge. It is easier said than done, I realize. Someone left a great comment about the post. It is definitely worth sharing.
“Oh, I need this one! I am always trying to get something ‘done’. I can’t read right now because I’m doing the dishes, or I can’t play a game right now because I’m making lunch… the list goes on and on.
“Help! I’ve been browing your website for a couple of days. Trying to find some answers- If I had the $ I’d be sending for the cd’s. But it’s not in the budget right now. I’m totally at my wits end with my 6 yr old.
I don’t know what else to do. He is ADHD- We’ve had him in with a counselor, and I have an appointment to talk about meds this afternoon. I don’t want to do meds for adhd, but I have to try something, because everything I’ve tried isn’t working. He’s only 6! I really don’t want to do meds, but I don’t know what else to try.
Should I Medicate? Read More »
Two days ago my son set up all of his little army figures in army formation and came to me and said, “Mom, will you play army with me?”
The first thought I had was, ‘I can’t right now, because I am trying to get this canning done.’
The second thought I had was, ‘maybe I can play for just a few minutes to say that I did and then get back to the canning.’
Luckily, I didn’t act upon any of those thoughts.
I looked at the army guys and looked at my son’s face. I realized that army is not a fast game, and it isn’t meant to be. It’s meant to be a game where you figure strategy, and di
Stop Being so efficient!!! Read More »
“With young children like my 3 yr old, I am very tempted to give at least one reminder, another chance, before they get a consequence. So if he starts to whine and say no to an instruction, I remind him of each of the steps and encourage him to do them. Is this teaching him that it is ok to whine first and not to start out with the appropriate response? Or is it just pre-teaching? Is there a limit to how many times pre-teaching should happen? How can I tell if I am trying to govern him or just pre-teaching and giving him a chance to understand what choice he is making?”
Too many reminders? Read More »
“Coming up with rationales that matter to my kids is very difficult for me! Do you have any tips on this?”
Rationales that Matter Read More »
“I just thought I would mention that our meetings often go over 20 minutes but my kids still look forward to them. They love picking the family activity, they like problem solving too.
“Do you have a way for your kids to earn money? Could you elaborate on that?”
There was a time when we paid our children an allowance of sorts. Each child had a calendar. Their consequence for a minor offense was an X on the day of the calendar. After 5 Xs in a day, they lost their privileges for the day. Each day they automatically earned 50 cents because they were part of our family. For each X they earned, 10 cents was subtracted from the day’s totals. Every Friday dad would come home with cash and the children would total their charts and report to dad fo
A wise friend of mine sent me this in an email.
“It is amazing how staying away from friends makes all the difference with children. WE had a week like that last week, and now the children are getting along much better. Wow, life is ever so interesting.”
I think it speaks for itself, but it is a great reminder
