Relationships require selfless service to survive. Although there are multiple reasons people site for their relationship dysfunctions, from infidelity to arguments, relationship problems usually all have two things in common: dishonesty and selfishness. According to The Institute For Family Studies, the leading causes of divorce are: infidelity, incompatibility, drinking or drug use, growing apart, a lack of commitment, and too much arguing. In my own studies of families who are working to overcome dysfunctional family relationships and fractured family bonds through Teaching Self-Government parenting services, I’ve noticed that the main causes of broken or damaged family bonds can be grouped into a handful of reasons. These reasons include: lack of communication, laziness, not valuing family, arguing and fights, lies and manipulations, excuses for bad behavior, disrespect for parental authority and position of the child, losing common values, and only being concerned with one’s own feelings and wants. Every reason listed …

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Posted by Monica Pond on December 28, 2020

Faster isn’t always better. In a world of convenience and lack of time, great efforts have been made to save time and increase efficiency for us all. Innovators have created devices and processes that increase our quality of life and give us more time for the important things. But, faster isn’t better when people are concerned. Take parenting, for instance. Every time I speak to people about teaching their children how to change their hearts toward self-governing their behaviors, parents will say, “How long is this going to take? I’m in crisis right now.” To this question I speak the truth: “Learning to govern yourself isn’t a trick or quick fix; it is a lifelong pursuit for children and parents. In fact, it is the most important of our life’s accomplishments.” I suppose this could turn people off, but it shouldn’t. When a person talks of changing a heart, or …

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Posted by Nicholeen Peck on April 5, 2016

Whole Call: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2020/09September/TSG_SC_9-9-20_WholeEdited.mp3   Question: I have been implementing your suggestions from the last couple of calls. Things have been tough this week but praise God, I have stayed calm. I keep repeating, “I don’t have to be stronger than him, just calmer than him” in my head. And I’m not giving wiggle-room, being consistent, etc. I’ve also been very consistent with the other kids – everyone has gotten a lot of extra chores and my house is close to sparkling… but attitudes are shifting and my children are starting to catch themselves before they whine, complain, backtalk, etc. My next question is again in relation to my 17yo – we’ve made it through 24 hours lost privileges and a bunch of extra chores… he’s still pretty begrudging and angry but realizes that I’m serious about being consistent.  What is the best response for this kind of interaction: He’d earned …

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Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 12, 2020

Whole Call: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2020/09September/TSG_SC_9-30-20_WholeEdited.mp3   Question: Hello Nicholeen, When my children are having trouble with friends, I often feel extremely stressed out that the problem be resolved. I then have trouble giving my child objective advice. I used to say negative things about the situation and make my child feel worse. Now my oldest is dating, and I noticed that my stress about things that bother my child is really too high. One example is if a date hasn’t called when expected and my child is worried that the person is going to “ghost” them. I would like to be the best person for them to come to for advice. How do I detach and be that person? Do you have any advice for how to handle this? Thank you. Answer: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2020/09September/TSG_SC_9-30-20_Q1.mp3 I love that you are seeing that you are taking things too personally! That is really great assessment. It …

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Posted by Nicholeen Peck on October 2, 2020

This call covers: Becoming a joyful adult yourself. Easy going to control freak toddler. Manipulative and controlling son. Young son pees all over things and won’t be patient. He does it purposely sometimes. Daughter needs to wear glasses and eye patch, but doesn’t like to because she gets teased by step family and others. Son has new phone for a few days and already has looked at porn sites. How to address that.

Posted by Nicholeen Peck on October 7, 2016

This Call Covers: Dealing with suicidal behaviors in children How to help children be calm in public places/situations Betime manipulation The consumerism parenting ideology, and how to avoid it Children manipulating parents Proper way to disagree appropriately

Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 30, 2017

This Call Covers:Teaching children about modesty and public boundariesPreventing sneaking onto devices and sneaking outHelping children who are destructiveChildren who call others names

Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 26, 2019

This call covers: How to still be a parent, even with shared custody of a child. Handling multiple meltdowns at once. Backup Calm Down spots for when multiple children need it. Daughter is disrespectful to mother and monopolizes father, leaving no time for mother and father to have Couple Bonding time. Suggestions? Special, new presentation: Power Of Words

Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 26, 2015

Whole Call: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2020/09September/TSG_SC_9-16-20_WholeEdited.mp3 Question: Hi Nicholeen, I homeschool 5 children and have a 2 year old toddler. I am introvert with a load of high energy spirited children and one ADHD child. All the talking that’s involved in homeschooling and then all the talking involved in the TSG is hard on me. I hate having to stop a lesson with one child to correct another because it disrupts the flow of the lessons and so I want the bad behavior to stop immediately without having to do a long correction with a lot of talking.  If I leave the one who I am teaching to correct another, the child I was teaching gets distracted and goes off to play or starts talking to another sibling and/or getting silly. Then it takes time to get them to transition back to their lessons. Having someone leave to do an extra chore throws …

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Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 26, 2020

Whole Call: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2020/08August/TSG_SC_8-5-20_WholeEdited.mp3   Question: My 5 year old son keeps hitting his 3 year old sister. I think it’s just because he gets annoyed, but I’d like it to stop. She can get in his business sometimes and ruin his toy set up and stuff. This is when it usually happens. I kind of feel like he’s justified and that the 3 year old needs to learn. But, I’m sure letting him hit isn’t a good way to teach either of them self-government. What would you suggest I do to handle this situation?  Answer: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2020/08August/TSG_SC_8-5-20_Q1.mp3 Pre-teach both about Accepting “no” answers and disagreeing appropriately.  Then, correct them both, and praise them both.  You may want to stay closer by for a while too, to catch them and help them disagree appropriately and learn to problem solve.    Question: My daughter, age 16, is telling me she has social anxiety/depression. …

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Posted by Nicholeen Peck on August 9, 2020

Whole call: CC Notes 8-4-2021 https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2021/08August/8-4-21/tsg-sc-8-4-12WholeEdited.mp3 Question: My 23 month old has developed the habit of fussing. A low level whining all the time instead of talking. What is the best way for me to address this? Answer: https://s3.amazonaws.com/1-SupportCalls/2021/08August/8-4-21/tsg-sc-8-4-12Q1.mp3 I’m guessing that since you said “instead of talking” that your child usually uses sentences or words to communicate and that this is a new development. There could be multiple reasons this could happen. The child could feel like he gets quicker results from you when he shows signs of sadness. He could just be not in the mood to communicate, or not want to put forth the effort; so laziness. He could want attention. He could be hungry, tired, sick or bored. What to do about it. Teach calm voice, face, and body. Practice what those look like and feel like. Teach him the word whining and what it means …

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Posted by Nicholeen Peck on August 7, 2021

This Call Covers: Attention Seeking in adult children Helping ADHD kids be calm Correcting children who make rude comments TSG and multiple mental disorders in children

Posted by Nicholeen Peck on August 6, 2018