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Who Drives You Crazy?
“But what if they just keep talking back and are driving me crazy,” a mother asked me while I was instructing a group of parents on how to teach their children to accept “no” answers.The mother of three told the group she knew she needed help becausesometimes she feels so crazy, or out of control, when she’s around her children that she looks forward to going to work instead of being at home with the family.I immediately noticed that wanting to go to work when things got rough at home was really just a desire to run away from a problem she didn’t feel quite prepared to solve.This mother was missing vital tools and honest perspective needed to stop herself and her children from going crazy or running away.Children most often develop the habit of talking back to parents in disrespectful ways because the behavior is occasionally tolerated. Parents unknowingly …
Posted by Monica Pond on October 19, 2019
Where We Give Our Attention Matters Most
When I was a little girl, my brothers used to tease me. Every time I was teased or called names by them, I allowed myself to become emotional. One day when I was upset, my father said to me, “Nicholeen, if you don’t let the teasing work, then it won’t be fun for them and they’ll stop teasing. You have to choose not to give any of it your attention.” Eric Broaderick said, “That which we choose to give attention gains power.” This is so true. If we keep entertaining our stressful thoughts, then that stress overpowers us. If we entertain thoughts of gratitude, then we feel more connected to the people we are grateful for and find more happiness. Adults and children alike can find increased happiness if they realize what they focus on is up to them. During these times of uncertainty, we must not entertain thoughts of …
Posted by Monica Pond on November 16, 2020
What Children Think of Negative Consequences
I recently asked a group of 10-year-old children what kinds of negative consequences their families have. “At our house, we sweep the floor and clean,” said one boy. “Mom gets mad and goes into a bad mood,” said another boy. “Mom used to send us to time out, but we don’t do that anymore,” said a thoughtful girl. I asked her what they do for negative consequences now. She thought for a minute and said, “I guess Mom just does whatever she can think of to control us. Sometimes we get soap in our mouths when we say bad words, sometimes she gets really grumpy and makes life hard for us, and sometimes she takes our stuff away,” she replied. Negative Consequences Shouldn’t Be Bad I then asked the children if they thought negative consequences are bad. Most of the children in the room said, “Yes” before the first little …
Posted by Monica Pond on July 18, 2018
Traveling Trends Meet Parenting Problems
Family travel looks different these days than it used to. Today’s parents were raised in a slower time. Most families planned one or two trips a year, which were usually taken during school holidays, and in our case, in the family travel trailer. While there are still families that really don’t like to leave home for even one night (even though I don’t know any of them myself), the average household spends 2 percent of its annual income on travel expenses. A family’s average cost of travel is $4,700 per year according to Value Penguin and $4,300 per vacation according to Stuffed Suitcase. Many families spend around 30 days on vacation annually. What impact do all those travel days have on family relationships? I think the hope is that they be positive. Parents have always known that to create lasting memories, families need to have shared experiences for extended periods …
Posted by Monica Pond on June 18, 2018
To the Mother of the Screaming Child in the Grocery Store Line
Most every mother has experienced something like this — you’re at the grocery store, busy juggling carts, food items and kids, when one of your children starts throwing a temper tantrum. You do your best to console them, trying to ignore the irritated glances of your fellow shoppers, and then, with a stress level through the roof, you finally flee the premises. These experiences are emotionally draining and can feel a little embarrassing as well. When you see another mom struggling with her kid(s) at the store, don’t you just wish you could go over and help somehow to ease the stress you can see on her face? I can remember a time when I was a young mother and my newborn baby screamed the entire time we were trying to check out. While this might not seem like an extraordinary experience, this particular instance was life altering for me. …
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Posted by Jeff Pizzino on September 25, 2015
To Find Personal Success, Give Yourself a “No” Answer
Self-government is being able to determine the cause and effect of any given situation and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors so that you can control them. This means that each person decides what type of person they ought to be and plans for how to become this person. When, as it always does, the person falls off the path to success a bit, the person recognizes what has happened and then corrects his course to maintain his desired direction. This is what it means to master yourself. June decided that she wanted to improve her health and maybe shed a few pounds. She determined that to accomplish her goal she needed to exercise more. So, she planned to walk before work each morning for 45 minutes. At first June did great. She awoke one hour earlier and walked daily for about 10 days. She felt better than ever …
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Posted by Monica Pond on August 9, 2017
Tips For Using Time-out With Toddlers
“My 2yo has started crying a LOT the past few days. Over every little thing. Nothing is different physically or environmentally that I can tell. He already has his 2yo molars, too.. He’s just been crying about everything that he doesn’t like, with some pretty good tantrums thrown in the mix of the average crying. I tried holding him in timeout (he’s never stayed in time out on his own so far), but he screamed and threw a serious tantrum the whole time.. which wouldn’t be a problem for me except that I have to take care of the other kids, too! I tried holding him in our time-out spot until he was done with the tantrum so I could praise him for being happy, etc., but after 40 minutes of continuous screaming, my baby was also crying, needing to be fed, and the other young kids had destroyed the …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on December 30, 2009
Time-Out Talk
I should have corrected him right there, but for some reason, I let him whine at me. It is always better to correct all negative behaviors as soon as possible.
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on July 16, 2008
They Keep Getting Angry!
“Hi Nicholeen, I have been working hard to implement the principles you have taught me. I have seen a huge difference in how I parent and respond to my children. However, there has been one side effect I was not expecting. Because of my poor parenting in the past, they have developed a habit of responding with ange
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on December 6, 2017
The Battle Hymn of a Just Parent
“I like Dad better than Mom,” I said to my younger brother one sunny afternoon while sitting on the back of our rusty old Suburban. The moment I said that I knew that just a few weeks prior I was telling him that I liked Mom better than Dad. I knew I had changed my mind, but it seemed to make sense to me. I liked whatever parent seemed to be more in control of themselves at the time. I always felt safer around the parent that wasn’t emotional or inconsistent. That was the parent I tended to favor. When either one of my parents was having a bad week, I felt like I needed to hide my actions from the emotional parent. I talked to the emotional parent less, avoided this parent more, and even told lies to avoid any negative attention. I’m sure my response to this parent’s …
Posted by Monica Pond on April 25, 2018
Teaching Children Respect Just Got Easier!
“Perhaps I shouldn’t even tell people about this because it’s probably bad, but I just felt I had to do it,” said a friend of mine shortly after a trip with her four-year-old son to the gas station. My friend — we’ll call her Joanna — is a hip, young mother of two small children who is trying to make sure they receive the best upbringing possible. She relayed the following story to me: “My four-year-old son has been really interested in how pumping gas works lately, so when I went to the gas station I told him he could pump the gas into our car. While he was pumping the gas, the gas station attendant came over to tell me that my child wasn’t allowed to pump gas. I probably shouldn’t have done this, but I just ignored him and let my son continue pumping the gas. He’s my …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on July 28, 2016
Support Call 9-8-17
This Call Covers: A discussion on Shakespeare and Self-Government Time out Stopping littering Stopping negativity in teenagers
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 9, 2017