The Contagious Cycle of Thankfulness

By Nicholeen Peck

Challenges happen to us all. But as Russell M. Nelson said, “Success has less to do with the circumstances of your life, and more to do with the focus of your life.” What we choose to focus on has the power to shape not only how we see our circumstances but also how we influence others. Gratitude, though often seen as a fleeting feeling, is a powerful force that can transform lives, strengthen families, and build meaningful connections. It starts with a single choice—a choice to change our focus.

In the United States, we celebrate Thanksgiving; a holiday dedicated to gratitude, not just to people but ultimately to God. It’s a time to pause and reflect on His blessings, an opportunity to live the two great commandments: to love God and to love our neighbors as ourselves. When we love others and show gratitude, we are acknowledging God’s hand in our lives because gratitude is the seed of love.

But what happens when gratitude feels out of reach?

The Mother Who Felt Overwhelmed

Consider a mother named Emily. She adored her children but often found herself dreading the long days of parenting. Her children needed constant attention, leaving her feeling drained and under-appreciated. The endless demands made her withdraw emotionally; instead of seeing their giggles and curious questions as blessings, she saw them as interruptions.

Her fatigue and resentment built a wall between her and her children. She focused on their messes, their arguments, and their neediness, which only reinforced her negative feelings. She became stuck in a cycle of pessimism, unable to see the good in her family.

Then, one day, a friend shared a simple strategy: “Start by praising one small thing.” Emily decided to try it. When her daughter helped her set the table, she took a deep breath and said, “Thank you for putting the plates out. I noticed you were careful to make sure everyone had one.” Her daughter’s face lit up.

That small moment sparked something inside Emily. She began deliberately looking for good things her children did, using the three-step praise she had learned:

1. Describe what you see that went well.
2. Explain why it was a good choice or action.
3. Positive motivation statement.

As Emily practiced this, her focus began to change. She noticed her children were kinder to each other and more eager to help her. Gratitude, even in small doses, started to break down the walls of pessimism and build a culture of connection in her family.

The Father Who Was Changed by a Child’s Gratitude

Gratitude is contagious—it has the power to ripple through a family, touching every heart along the way. Imagine a father, Paul, who was having a tough day at work and came home frustrated. His son, a little boy of six, ran up to him and said, “Thank you for working so hard, Daddy. I know you do it to take care of us. I love you!”

Those simple words hit Paul like a wave. His son’s gratitude reminded him of why he worked so hard. Paul looked at his wife, who was finishing dinner, and said, “I don’t say this enough, but thank you for everything you do for us. You make our house feel like a home.”

Paul’s wife smiled, touched by his words. She decided to express gratitude, too, telling her daughter, “Thank you for being so patient with your little brother today. I noticed how kind you were to him. I could tell that he felt your love.”

Within minutes, an atmosphere of love and appreciation filled the home. The little boy’s gratitude had set off a chain reaction, spreading joy and connection to everyone in the family.

The Cycle of Gratitude

These stories illustrate the contagious cycle of thankfulness:

1. Person A feels gratitude for Person B.
2. Person A desires connection with Person B.
3. Person A opens up to Person B.
4. Person A feels love for Person B.
5. Person A sees a role to fill in Person B’s life (feels purpose).
6. Person A serves Person B.
7. Person B feels love from Person A.
8. Person B sees goodness in Person A.
9. Person B feels gratitude for Person A.
10. Person B now also feels gratitude for Person C.

Each step builds on the one before, creating a ripple effect of love and purpose. As families embrace gratitude, they discover a deeper sense of connection and joy.

How Parents Can Start a Gratitude Cycle

Parents are the stewards of their family’s culture. By modeling gratitude and creating opportunities for it, they can inspire their children to do the same. Here are a few ideas:

1. Use the Teaching Self-Government [TSG] Three-Step Praise: Whether it’s a small everyday action or a deeply heartfelt moment, follow these steps:
   • Describe what you see that went well.
   • Explain why it was a good choice or action.
   • Positive motivation statement.
     For example, “Just now, you cleaned up your toys without asking. That shows responsibility. Keep doing that so it’s easier to find them when you want to play again. Great job and following your own instructions!”
2. Create a Gratitude Routine: Build moments of gratitude into your daily life. Some families go around the dinner table and share something they’re thankful for before eating. Others might express gratitude during bedtime prayers or write thank-you notes together.
3. Focus on the Good: When children struggle or misbehave, look for opportunities to acknowledge their efforts instead of focusing only on mistakes.
4. Teach Cause and Effect: Gratitude helps children see how their choices impact others. When they receive praise for their actions, they learn that positive behavior leads to positive outcomes.
5. Express Gratitude Authentically: Children can sense insincerity. Look into their eyes and think about how much you love them as you express your gratitude. This makes your words more heartfelt and meaningful.

A Culture of Gratitude

Imagine a family where each member deliberately looks for evidence of God’s presence in their lives and the ways others bless them. Gratitude becomes the lens through which they view their days. They thank God for His gifts, and they thank each other for their contributions.

Such a culture creates a safe and loving environment where everyone feels valued. It transforms ordinary moments into meaningful ones and builds relationships that stand the test of time.

Gratitude is more than a feeling; it’s a choice. And as we choose to focus on the good in others and the blessings in our lives, we become the spark that ignites thankfulness in those around us. Let’s start the cycle of gratitude in our homes today—one small act of thankfulness at a time.

Give the gift of connection this year with the TSG Parenting Course Christmas bundle.