Condolences Are Not Appropriate | Teaching Self-Government

Condolences Are Not Appropriate

The multiculturalism of modern society is creating negativity and confusion when it comes to attitudes about marriage and family. People have spent their young years reading books and watching movies that end in what many human hearts desire: a wedding or engagement. But, this internal desire to find a mate for life is meeting intense opposition nowadays by those advocating for a culture focused only on one’s self.

Even though each person should definitely know that he or she is enough with or without a spouse of the opposite sex, advocates for the ideology of self have gone too far by suggesting through jokes and social expectations that marriage and family are burdens instead of joys. For many years, in many cultures worldwide, people look forward to marriage and children. But then, as soon as they begin the wedding or birth process, they offer each other condolences.

During his speech at the World Congress of Families in Verona, Italy, about the importance of societies creating strong marriages, Italian Politician, Sandro Oliveri said, “We need to talk more about the beauty of marriage, not the condolences of marriages, as we do.”

Oliveri started a powerful dialog at the Congress about how we need to shift our thinking. He said, “We only talk of rights of children, and sexual rights. We need to talk instead about the duty of children and people.”

He made a strong case for the happiness a culture has when they stay true to their family cultures and the duty each person carries in the family and society.

Duty Is Born

People who are primarily concerned with the culture of self-gratification or self-actualization are defective members of society. They are obsessed with their greatness and their comfort and disregard the needs of the groups and communities they live in. To really find a personal purpose, people have to look outside of themselves to a power higher than themselves, not try to get more of what they want by objectifying the rest of society.

Each person is born with duty. First, the duty or role of a child is to learn and grow toward goodness. To fulfill this role a child must submit to her parents and be willing to learn the lessons taught. The child has a duty to serve the family and the community as directed by the parent. During childhood and adolescence, the duty and role of the person increases as she learns more and gains more skills, but she always has a duty to keep learning. Finally, in parenthood a person has a duty to start teaching the younger generations. The older parents become, the more they need to teach the young. And the younger generations always have a duty to listen to the elders. These duties to learn and teach come from basic family roles.

Think of what society would be like if everyone saw his or her roles clearly and trusted in the self-evident process of people creation that clearly identifies how wisdom should be passed down. We would have more productive, joyful families instead of discord due to class warfare.

Yes, class warfare first happens in the homes when duty is not realized and roles are not respected. The children are the lower-class citizens and the parents are the upper class. The multiculturalism presented in the media encourages the lower class/children to rebel against or even try to dominate the upper class/parents while also demanding to be cared for and catered to by the parents. Embracing this class warfare in the family doesn’t free anyone. Instead, family dysfunction enslaves the family and society because the dysfunction comes into the markets, the workplaces, the churches, and the government meetings of the world.

Of course, there are situations when some parents aren’t good leaders of their children and these children might need alternate leaders. All of my years as a foster parent have shown me this. Obviously, diverse opinions are always needed to make good government and allow business to progress. However, there’s no need to leave duty or role in order to solve these problems. Opinions can be expressed with civility and understanding. And, learning can occur at any age.

The false duty contained in multiculturalism philosophy to live according to pop-culture values and receive all the benefits of a united, family centered society will ultimately make people turn on their innate first duty to their society. This duty is rooted in their family relationships. Likewise, the disintegration of the family will bring social calamities, verbal, military and ideological wars — as well as despair. But, if we honor marriage and children right from the start, then hearts will change, families will be healed, and people will find the self-evident purposes that come through harmonious, family life living.

The Family is Powerful

Since popular culture heavily analyzes individuals and their feelings, many are missing the power contained in a functioning family for their social and political well-being as a whole.

The Van Duyse family in Alberta, Canada is a good example of this type of powerful, functioning family. Years ago, they chose to put their family relationships first. As part of this family plan, they even chose to do home education to have more family time and time to focus on learning their duties to God, each other and the world.

As the years progressed, the family has grown closer. The older children serve the younger children and assist the parents in more advanced duties while also serving in church and community organizations. The younger children learn patience and increase their skills and knowledge. The parents have spent the majority of their days fulfilling their duty to teach their children and provide for the family. They have looked to wise leaders for principles from the past to raise their family well. Mr. and Mrs. Van Duyse also actively serve in their church and community. As philanthropists, they also founded a leadership university in Benin, Africa and moved their family there to serve for a year and a half.

The Van Duyse family put their focus on the family and getting those relationships strong and functioning, and then they were freer to do other things to improve societies when the opportunities were meant for them. It is no surprise that as each of their older children have reached young adulthood, they’ve chosen to take time away from studies to do church service in various parts of the world.

If the family is put as the first priority, the other desires to make the world a better place come to pass in time. But, when people focus instead on doing something profound or noteworthy for the world or to please themselves, then both the self and society are never really satisfied.

The functioning family starts with marriage and children. We shouldn’t mock at or make others afraid of the very institution that will bring us happiness and strengthen society exponentially: the family. It’s just not appropriate.

Want to learn more about creating a functioning family? The book, “Roles: The Secret to Family Business and Social Success” is a good place to start.