“Where am I going wrong?!?!?!?! I had started to think that things were on the up, but lately it seems as though my daughter’s behaviour has taken a nosedive. I think she’s just asserting herself but I find it hard to stay calm when she does. She ignores me very often or when she does respond to something, it’s usually with a “no” or “I don’t want to!”.
Toddlers with Tantrums Read More »
Another idea might be having a family meeting, I teach about those too, and discuss a POSITIVE motivational system for the family if everyone follows instructions the first time asked for a few days. I have a great idea in my book about Rachel’s Bean Magic. That motivational system my do really well for this because it shows that each good thing has a positive consequence, not just focusing on the bad.
Also, work with your children regularly too. Teach them the jobs by example. Sometimes we expect things to be done perfectly when we haven’t really taught them how to do the jobs properly
Obedience — Inspiring a Change in Behavior Read More »
Parenting Toddlers ~ Small Successes
Nicholeen,
I’ve been working with my son Jack for the last six months to appropriately accept correction. He’s 21 months old. He’ll do something inappropriate, I’ll tell him the right thing to do and then say, “You say, ‘OK, mom.'” I’ve been wondering, over the course of the months, if my efforts were in vain. Was he too young? Would he ever get it?
Parenting Toddlers and Parenting Teenagers ~Family Government in Action Read More »
“My 2yo has started crying a LOT the past few days. Over every little thing. Nothing is different physically or environmentally that I can tell. He already has his 2yo molars, too.. He’s just been crying about everything that he doesn’t like, with some pretty good tantrums thrown in the mix of the average crying. I tried holding him in timeout (he’s never stayed in time out on his own so far), but he screamed and threw a serious tantrum the whole time.. which wouldn’t be a problem for me except that I have to take care of the other kids, too! I tried holding him in our time-out spot until he was done with the tantrum so I could praise him for being happy, etc., but after 40 minutes of continuous screaming, my baby was also crying, needing to be fed, and the other young kids had destroyed the basement. At that point I just took him to his bed to finish his crying fit. So I’m thinking the holding in time out option might not work for us. Yesterday and today I’ve started just taking him to his room when he starts having a breaking down crying fit. What would you suggest? Do you think I should just take him to his room every time he cries? Or should I try
Tips For Using Time-out With Toddlers Read More »
Q: “With my 2 and half yr old. She frequently will run away from me when I call her, wanting to turn it into a game of chase. Sometimes this is at a store or getting into the car, sometimes it is when she needs a diaper change etc. I have tried to do roll playing games with her to help praise her for coming or following instructions. She loves this game, but won’t always do it in real life. I am not sure the best way to help her want to obey or what should be the consequence for failing to follow an instruction at age 2. I feel like I am doing too much reasoning with her, which I feel is really not the most effective thing with a 2 year old, but I am not sure what else to do so she starts to understand the consequences of her actions. I have lately been feeling very frustrated and out of control with her. I hate feeling that way and I could really use some ideas.”
A:
Pre-teaching her to come when called before it is ever time is a great thing to do to prepare her to repeat the behavior at the right time. Great Job! Keep doing that.
As well as pre-teaching, is sounds like you need to establish a consequence system just for her. You can
Runaway Two Year Old Read More »
One of my passions is astronomy. When I go out in my backyard and look through my telescope at my friends, the planets and stars, I feel so close to God. Not because heaven is in space, but because it is so obvious there is organization in all things. He is a God of order; with everything in it’s perfect place. Everything has a purpose; a mission. Since He is order in all we see it only makes sense that people should live by order too.
Just like laws and principles govern the skies and the earth, there are laws meant to govern us as well. That is why we have chosen to apply governing rules to our home too. We feel like there is no better example of how to run a home than the way God runs our world; the current home for His family.
Our family has a set structure. We have certain meetings each week to strengthen the family relationships and keep the home in order. The meetings we have are
Hi, Nicholeen,I have a quick question for you. I’m struggling with what to do for discipline/consequences when we’re away from home. (Specifically in the car or in a store.) My kids tend to pick at each other, fight, kick, etc., in the car and to run away from me or do other annoying things (push the cart the wrong direction, touch things they shouldn’t, etc.) at the store. The younger ones especially (age 2-4ish) don’t really care enough about what’s coming in the future for them to care if I give them a consequence that will be carried outParenting On the Go ~Car and Store Struggles Read More »
Hi, I am a tired mom who is really trying very hard to have all the time and the spirit in our home. I have 2 kids. My lovely daughter, is freshly 4 years old and my sweet son, is 20 months old. Ours days are packed with action. In our family meeting we discuss consequences for most of the situations… but my daughter always suggests and votes for the time-out. Well I agree that time-out is appropriate for the little one .
Tantrums, Time-Out and Tired Moms Read More »
One more tip for making time-out effective.
If your son doesn’t say OK to anything, take him to time-out. If you say NO, and he whines, he goes to time-out. If you tell him to do something, and he doesn’t say, OK, he goes to time-out. If he hurts another person, he goes to time-out. He needs to get really used to going to time-out. The more he goes, the more he will recognize that time-out is the place to calm down and then talk, and that the sooner he does that the sooner life is good again.
Time-out for youngsters tip Read More »
“My almost 3 yo fights and kicks and cries when I take him to time-out (I have to carry him there), and then cries very loudly and even will scream at me when I’m telling him that he needs to stay there until he can become happy. My husband thinks all of this is very disrespectful and feels that we need to spank him or do something different so that my son doesn’t do this. He thinks I am teaching my son that it’s okay to fight me and scream at me. What do you think?”
I understand your husband’s frustration, and yours. Your child is definitely “out of instruction
Out of Control on Time-out Read More »
“I met you at your recent Stansbury Seminar. It was so great! I could have listened for days. I can’t get my daughter to stop sleeping in my bed. She is three years old, and I don’t think she should still be sleeping in my bed. No matter what I do, she has a fit if I try to enforce her sleeping in her own bed. “
Children wanting to share their parent’s bed is a very normal childhood desire. When I was young, I remember thinking that my parent’s bed was softer, warmer, and just more cozy than my bed was. It is good that our children want to be close to us, but
Pre-teaching small children how to go to bed when asked Read More »
The Universe is governed by laws. One of those laws is that an older, wiser species comes before the new, innocent young of the same species to guide the younger toward right choices and acceptable behaviors. I have heard parents say before that their children didn’t come with instruction manuals. This is true, and each child is uniquely different, but I have wondered if parents make statements like these to make themselves feel better
Changing generations Read More »
“In your house, what are the privileges that are taken away when they lose ‘everything’ for 24 hours? At what age can they understand that? Or, what do you do with very little ones who are testing boundaries (and throwing fits) but can’t really do chores or understand losing things? I don’t know if my 29 month old could put the two together, behavior wise. I can’t really make him do chores or lose privileges as a teaching tool for him, but I do see him disobeying on purpose to test me. My almost-4 year old could understand losing privileges as a consequence, but I don’t
What consequences do small children earn? Read More »
There are some great questions in some of the recent comments.
“…Most women I know are neglecting taking care of themselves on some level (physical or spiritual) to take care of their families or other obligations. Personally, I have been struggling lately to try to find some time for myself on a daily basis for things like scripture-reading, exercise, personal study time, and maybe a nap (I’m pregnant and tired!).
Time for Mom & Toddlers who won’t rest Read More »
“I have listened to the cd’s from your mini-seminar at our LDSEHE conference. I am so amazed at your system! I can see how it would work wonderfully in my home – especially with my 3 older children. My fourth child is turning 2 Saturday. I love her! She is so cute and so smart and very spirited. She is my first screamer squealer and it is driving me bananas! Especially in the car. I don’t feel she can be reasoned with but she does understand some of what I say. How would you recommend teaching her that screaming and squealing is not part of our vision!
For Crying out Loud ~Screaming Read More »
“How do you take away all privileges from younger kids? My 3.5 year old is really pushing… This post was the first time I really understood the “lose all privileges for 24 hours” thing. I can figure out how to do that with my 6 and 8 year olds, but the younger ones, I just can’t see it. Can you give me a visual please?
Should 3 year old lose privileges for 24 hours too? Read More »
“With young children like my 3 yr old, I am very tempted to give at least one reminder, another chance, before they get a consequence. So if he starts to whine and say no to an instruction, I remind him of each of the steps and encourage him to do them. Is this teaching him that it is ok to whine first and not to start out with the appropriate response? Or is it just pre-teaching? Is there a limit to how many times pre-teaching should happen? How can I tell if I am trying to govern him or just pre-teaching and giving him a chance to understand what choice he is making?”
Too many reminders? Read More »
How do you find a good consequence for a thre-year-old who won’t participate in cleaning a shared bedroom? This mother explained to me of her struggle with this issue. This is the advice I gave her.
Cleaning a Bedroom Read More »
“I’m trying to figure out how to make this work for my 3 year old. He is very high spirited, very defiant and REALLY can’t take no for an answer. I struggle minute to minute with obedience and with whining and I worry that if I did things the same way I do them with my older children, only using time-outs, he would be in time-out constantly. Actually I don’t know if he would ever make it into time out if I waited for him to be calm first.
Strong Willed 3 Year Old Read More »
We got home late. My four year old fell asleep on the way home. After waking up, he came in to go potty, get dressed and go to bed. From the bathroom I heard crying. He was in there for a long time. He was in the bathroom trying to clean up a mess that he had made in his pants.It was very stressful and disturbing to him to find a dirty pants problem. This stress along with his extreme tiredness made him very sad and he just couldn’t help crying.