"...I hope you will discipline yourselves and your fellow students. This request is in keeping with my commitment to self-government for students. It should not be up to me to enforce proper behavior that signifies the intelligence of Duke students. You should do it. Reprove those who make us all look bad. Shape up your own language..." -Duke President Terry Sanford
The whole thing is really worth reading. I hope you take the chance. Coach Sanford did some great things here. He sought to to understand before seeking to be understood. Then he spoke in a way that showed he cared. He praised the fans before suggesting change. Then he Disagreed Appropriately. He described how other people saw them so that they could have a new perspective. So, he told what was wrong in a loving way and then explained how to do it right. His friendly explanation taught the readers cause and effect for their actions. Coach Sanford actually gave them a fan standard, just like we give our children family standards. He wasn't even their parent, but he knew how to inspire standards in other people. Finally, he gave them a vision of a becoming a new kind of fan. He also gave them inspired mission in them by encouraging them to be examples of the new kind of fan they had become to their friends who didn't share the same vision. What a wise communicator. It is totally possible to use the principles of Self-Government to make all of your relationships and social situations better. If a principle works for a family, it should work for any relationship.