The Myth Of Living “Real Life”

This time of year it is customary tothink about how to become better than we already are. Why would wewant to become better? Honestly, in this world where bad often seemsgood and good is often talked about as bad it is ironic that we stilladhere to a tradition where we focus on becoming better than we are.The very idea of becoming better suggests that this life is full ofpurpose. That we are supposed to live a specific mission that onlywe can live; that we are here for a reason.

Most people, especially in their youth,have a feeling that they are important. They sense that they aresupposed to become great at something. They look to the future withhope and passion. Young people live for dreams and follow theirpassions.

Then, as life goes on, many adults stopfollowing their dreams. They start believing that the “reality”of this life is that each day is pretty much the same and that thereis really no way to track one’s progress, if there is any. In short,it doesn’t really matter what one person does on one day. Lifedoesn’t really have much point. Some people call this living “reallife,” but as we look at the whole of life it seems that this viewof living is actually the pretend part of life.

Why would a person spend the firstthird of his life planning and looking ahead to what he will become,and then the last third of his life remembering what he did andmeasuring how far he has come, as well as inspiring others to becomegreat, if the third in the middle doesn’t matter?

What Is “Real Life?”

Foryears our family did foster care for troubled teens. When we openedour home to these youth, we learned about what “real life” reallyis.

Wehad one youth who watched us very intently when she came to our home.She didn’t say much, just watched. On the weekends, she would govisit her family for home visits and come back and watch some more.One day, out of the blue, she said, “Are you for real?”

Thiswas a surprising thing to hear. “Of course I’m real. What do youmean?” I asked.

“Imean, do you really live like this, or are you just trying tochange me?” she responded.

“Wereally live like this,” I said. “We are happy when we live thisway.”

Thenshe said something I will never forget. “My dad said that realpeople don’t live this way. He said that you guys don’t live ‘reallife.”

Myheart ached. Did she really think that getting in trouble with thelaw, family fights, drugs, depression, loneliness, and social dramawas “real life?” Did God create this life? Wouldn’t He show uswhat is real and what is not real?

The word real means: “true; genuine;not artificial; not counterfeit” (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary)

What is the true role of a family?What is the true meaning of life? Can we change our reality? If Ifind more truth and make more deliberate decisions to live accordingto truth will that help me find what is real?

What Is Real?

Weare each born very small and helpless. We depend on others to helpus grow. Our mothers and fathers give us nourishment and teaching.
They teach us what is right and wrong, good and bad, true and false.We learn, we experience, we grow. Then we age and we train others.
After time, we get gray hairs and wrinkles as part of our physicalmaturity. Finally we finish our journey here and move on.

Thisis real.

Ifthis is real, then it is real that we are progressing our entireearthly existence. Even if we don’t feel we have done anything ofnote, we are still at least physically progressing. So, it wouldstand to reason then that our purpose is progression; physical,mental and spiritual progression.

Thegoal of our progression is for another article. But, we areobviously meant to progress.

Mission Mindset

Weeach have a purpose for living. Many people call this a mission;suggesting that each of us has a quest or a grand thing we are meant
to do. Some people call this their ministry or their calling inlife. Some people create something beautiful that inspires, whileothers fulfill a need, fight for a cause or teach an importantlesson.

Ihave noticed a pattern with people who do great things. They don’tusually just do one thing. Most people who live their missions do orsay one important thing and then get given a new task. This processrepeats over their lifetime. They keep deliberately living for“real” each day. Each new project or kind word is for the samegreat purpose.

Livingyour mission is less about one thing that you do, and more about theperson you are and how you live each day. A person on a mission hasto make his bed just like everyone else. The difference is that thisperson sees that simple action as part of his purpose that day. Whenthe person with mission goes shopping she sees it as an opportunityto look someone in the eyes, to say a kind word, and make an impactfor good.

Whenwe live with mission we live differently. This is “real life.”

In“real life” we choose what kind of impact we want to have eachday, and live ready to serve, love and inspire those we see or talkto.

Resolutions

Foryears I made resolution after resolution. This is a good habit toget into. ( In fact this tradition keeps our society focusing ondoing good; which is great!) Then, one year it hit me. “Nicholeen,resolutions are a way of living, not something to check off a list.So, why not change your approach. Live ready to do good every day.Then each day ask God what good you can do that day to help in Hiswork and do it. Finally, at the end of the day, ask ‘Have I Done AnyGood In The World Today?” At this point, I can track my progressby recording my experiences and impressions in my journal.

Nowwhen the end of the year comes around I don’t look at my failures andthe lists I didn’t check off, but I look at the change in my heart
and the good I have done. If I have done good then I am living mymission.

TheAnglo-Saxon root of the word good means “God-like.” So, if Ihave done good I have done something like God would want me to do it.

Missionis living good. It is making each moment of the day count forsomething. It is making a difference. When we do good, the worldwill be changed because we were here. That is purpose, that ismission, that is real life.

Isn’tthis the message we have all learned from It’sA Wonderful Life anyway?

Read Nicholeen’s book about how to helpyour family deliberately live its mission to be a united family.ParentingA House United