Support Call Archive
Yesterday's call had some amazing questions. Some of them are not asked very often and aren't too common.
These are the questions:
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I have a 10 year old dreamer daughter. She has always been a dreamer. She is artistic and extremely imaginative. When I read Anne of Green Gables, all the imagining reminds me of my daughter. This daughter has a very poor work ethic when it comes to anything mundane or out of the realm of art/dreaming.
- After visiting some cousins my 4 yr old son is now afraid of the dark and afraid of ghosts and other animals or monsters coming to get him.
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My question is about healthy boundaries. I have a sister who, over the years, has gotten herself into several situations financially that she has had to ask for help for. I've felt like she just uses me for money. When I put my foot down and say no because I do not agree with her actions and selfish behavior that led to her financial stress, she gets offended.
- I have a two year old that wakes up once a night around 3:00 am. This same daughter won't take her afternoon nap. We home school and have 7 kids and it is hard to get the house quieted down every afternoon. And she won't stay in bed. Also, I have a 9 year old daughter whohas a hard time putting her feelings and thought into words.
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My middle child, a girl, just turned 6 and she has a lot of trouble accepting "no" answers and disagreeing appropriately. Lately, she has been treating her older brother (8 years old) very poorly.
- What do you do when your child is out of instructional control and they aren't willing to hand over their possession with which they they no longer have privileges?
Friday's call was short but sweet. We had some really good questions:
- My daughter lies about so many things, and she seems to only care about being caught. The mess in her room is often up to our knees - she has hoarder tendencies - and I don't know how to help her over that.
- My oldest son is 17 and a senior in high school this year. My husband and I are concerned about his lack of gratitude and appreciation for things we do for him.
- We struggle with dinner time rules and etiquette. Any thoughts?
- When someone is out of control, and we've done the Rule of Three, is it okay to let them read a book?
Friday's call was full of so many good questions! Here they are:
- If someone walks away during the Rule of Three, do they immediately earn a total loss of all priviledges?
- My son has ADHD and I have a light case of ADD. He doesn't know he has it yet, but I'm hesitant to tell him. He gets angry easily and doesn't like the Rule of Three. Is it okay to give him time to calm down before starting the Rule of Three?
- What is it with 11-year-olds? They seem to be the focus of a lot of the questions. I have an 11-year-old and I need to know what to do besides accept hard knocks. What would would you suggest?
- I want to have a Mentor Session with my ADHD son, but my husband thinks it wouldn't go well. How would I run the Mentor Session and should I have one?
- My daughter stole out from midnight until two. Therefore, I didn't let her go to a dance the next night. She was given an iPod and she has now bought herself one as well. She has accounts on it that are not good and she didn't receive permission for those or the iPod itself. I've thought of multiple consequences for this. I'm usually fine if she tells me, on her own, that she's made a mistake. But if I find out on my own, it bugs me a lot. What should I do?
- My 4-year-old son lost his movie priviledge and doesn't care that it's gone. I wasn't quite sure what to do. If I took him to Time Out, is it okay to hold him there?
- My son is often out of instructional control. When he is, he thinks he can do whatever he wants. He's gone for 9 days of being out of control before. He teases his siblings and likes "talk time" because that is his love language. How would you recommend I handle this?
- How do I bring together my job and my mission?
- What can I do to teach my 14-year-old daughter and myself social skills? Also, others are judging my decisions for schooling.
Yesterday's call was full of insight! I think the questions that were asked opened everyone's understanding just a little bit more. These are the questions we had:
- I have a 11-year-old son who makes his sister the enemy. We have tried many things. What more can we do?
- My daughter is almost 16 and she is not obeying our family rules when it comes to electronics. She is sneaking them around, she is hiding them from me, and her friends are sending her devices. It feels like she is so desperate to reach out to her friends that she's lying and sneaking, when all she needs to do is be honest and upfront. What would you recommend?
- We had an issue where Grandpa went against my wishes. He came to take my daughter to babysit her and I told him "No candy." On the way back to his home, he bought her an ice cream cone, saying it was "sweets," not candy.Should I not even send her to Grandma and Grandpa's house? Please talk about to what extent “my being there” is necessary and how you make judgment calls.
- My 4-year-old son speaks really loudly. It's a problem because he wakes his two-year-old sister in the morning. While I shower every morning, he and my husband watch a movie (or two). I think he is getting too addicted to media. My husband doesn't agree. What do you recommend?
We had some great questions on the call today. Here are a few of the things we discussed:
- Thoughts on the changes brought by the new year
- Discussion on choosing to parent differently than I was raised
- What is personal vision and how can it be achieved?
- My 4-year-old who has had several behaviors I have not known what to do with. What are appropritate consequences for his actions?
- I'm notsureifIam lecturingor if I am being deliberate.Whatisthedifference?
- I keep hearing about relationships and sacrifice. What am I supposed to be sacrificing to be able to improve relationships?
A few of thesneak peakswe talked about are:
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Creatinga culture that will help the children want Christmas gifts that willhelp them grow up
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Incrediblediscussion on Scrooge and the Power of Christmas (we turned this into a mini-class)
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Shouldbe concerned about my 4-year-old boy wearing girl clothes?
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Fosteringa culture to help boys become men
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Creating safeboundaries for having weapons
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AmI over indulging them if I give them lots of presents?
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Awesomeway to gifts to symbolize gold, frankincense, and myrrh
This call covers:
- How to help children with a lack of interest in going to church
- How do I train an 18-month-old to accept No answers?
- How can I get answers to prayer?
- The importance of eye contact.
- Connecting while correcting
- Staying up too late and modesty in age 17 daughter
- Fighting: when to and when not to
- When is friend time good and when is it bad? How do I know when it's been too much?
Today Nicholeen answered these questions:
- Our favorite holiday traditions.
- My 8 year old is having anxiety at bedtime and she says she is scared. My husband says she is manipulating me. What do you think about the "crying it out" philosophy? How can I help her not be scared?
- I have a 16 year old daughter who is struggling with depression and I don't know what to do. What can I do to help her?
- I've been working with my 20 month old to follow instructions. Sometimes she does great and we dance when she checks back. Lately she's been forgetting to check back. Is the praise getting old?
- I recently listened to your "Starting your Homeschool Right" talk in which you mention teaching your children to read with forty minutes and four songs. Is that a product that is still available? Can you elaborate on this?
- My four year old son is struggling to follow instructions and I am getting frustrated. I feel like I am ordering him around and I'm afraid he won't follow the instruction. I just keep trying to force, and it don't work at all. I am falling short somewhere. I'm not exactly sure what I am missing. I love your quote of "Speed is not nearly important as the impact. Can you elaborate on this? What can I do to be more calm and trust that he will follow my instructions?
- My 4 year old son has asked to 'borrow' toys from friends and when I say no, he puts the toys in his pockets. My friend suggested he go give the toy back himself instead of me doing it. How would you handle this?
Today Nicholeen answered questions about:
- What is ex-post-facto law? How can it help me to stop spontaneously giving consequences to my children?
- We have been having success with the older children by using the flow of the choices map and the rule of three, but I still struggle with the younger ones. Can you skip the first steps for more serious misdeeds like hitting/name-calling? Where or when on the chart would you fit in a loss of screen/treat privilege?
- If you need to get calm, and your children follow you to your calm spot what should you do?
- My 14-year-old daughter has seen a judge and will be going to live in a foster home. I need to know what to expect and how to best help her through this. How can I best work with the legal system? How much say do I have?
- I have twin teen daughters who are detached from the family because we have such busy lives. I see them going down a path I sent down. How can I help them develop good self-worth?
Today Nicholeen answered these questions:
- I recently learned of a program called "Celebrate Calm". They teach some distracting techniques to getting calm. Does something like this ever have a place in TSG? If I distract him from a tantrum am I tricking him or helping him in the long run? Learn how to teach your child skills that will help him choose not have the temper tantrum in the first place.
- I want my daughter to learn to speak with her own voice and not mine. How do I make the transition from whispering her talks in her ear to her writing and speaking with her own voice. Learn how to help your child write their own talks and also what other amazing results can happen when a child learns to speak with their own voice.
- We will soon be adopting my husband's 3-year-old nephew. What can we do to prepare and help him once he gets here? See how TSG can help you make smoother family transitions.
- I have to sit with my 9-year-old son to practice his cello. How do I get him to not hate his music practice time? Learn how you can inspire your child to study music by letting go of the anxiety and the power struggle.
- I had someone tell me they think my son and I are ADD. Should I get my son tested? Learn how can TSG help ADHD children to overcome the challenges of learning disorders.
- My 20-month old daughter is trying to potty train. Is she ready?
- How is the Aponte family doing in Guatemala?
