Straight Talk About Sex: Children And Sex

I am pretty sure that just putting the word sex in the title of a blog post will make my blog not show up on a lot of your computers. If so, that is good. That means you have a good filter and are trying to keep the children protected from the conspirators in our world who want to enslave us all by destroying all the virtuous thoughts we normally have regarding the opposite gender and the act of marriage. Recently I was asked:

Dear Nicholeen, I am so impressed by the beautiful work you do as a mother and as an incredible example to families all over the world. Thank you for the work you do! I know you're probably crazy busy, but I would really love to learn more about how you present sex education to your children. I just read a crazy disturbing article about what's being taught in schools, and I want to be sure our children are taught about abstinence and the spiritual significance of the sex ordinance within marriageand the sacred nature of heterosexuality and well as the scientific aspects. It's wild what teachers think is appropriate to teach Kindergartners and I'm doing research to make sure we're hitting the right mark. If you could share your thoughts or send me to a link where you mayhavealready addressed this, that would be awesome. Thanks to you and your sweet family!

You ask a great question. The topic of sexuality is a must for parents living in these times. My views areshared in chapter 27 of my book Parenting A House Untied. The chapter is called Straight Talk About Sex. It goes over how to talk to your children and what warning signs to watch for to help your child with sexual addictions or other sexual issues. I hope it is helpful to you. The chapter is toward the back of the book, so look there for my full response to this question. On page 313 it says:

Intimacy I have never liked the word sex. The word has always felt dirty to me. I can honestly say I have never written the word this many times on a sheet of paper either. Instead of using the word sex for a minute I would like to use a wonderful word to describe the same action with a different feeling. The word is intimacy. Intimacy is a natural beautiful part of marital relationships. From the very beginning of the world God commanded Adam and Eve -multiply and replenish the earth.? (Genesis 1:28) God intended for men and women to have intimate relationships with each other in the bonds of marriage. When I speak of intimacy it is with a feeling of respect and honor, because that is what the action symbolizes to me in my marriage. I tell my children that intimacy is wonderful and unifying to a married couple and that some day they will have the privilege of finding a spouse and be able to be intimate too. But, until the appropriate time they should respect intimacy and what it stands for enough to not become involved with it or any other activity which exploits intimacy and degrades it. Many people have a different view of intimacy; to them intimacy has no value. The majority of people in the world value sex over intimacy. Intimacy means: a close personal relationship revolving around a feeling of love and respect. Sex means: a behavior or activity involving the genitals. Sex is merely an action, so it is easier to accept and engage in without regret. People also say it is natural. Some beliefs would try to convince people that they should behave like animals because they are animals. I don't agree. By contrast, intimacy is a feeling and a devotion to another. This devotion leads to an action. The action doesn't ever become the reason for the devotion. In a world where there is much confusion about how people should relate to each other sexually, it is vital that parents make boundary lines for their children. Children who are not informed end up living lives of regret and pain. -Most girls who enter the porn industry do one video and quit. The experience is so painful, horrifying, embarrassing, humiliating for them that they never do it again.? (Luke Ford, quoted by CBS News) Many of my foster youth expressed to me regrets for sexual things they had done in their lives from becoming teen parents, to masturbation, pornography, and even prostitution. These youth had never had sexual boundaries encouraged, so when they went looking for love and intimacy, they found sex instead. I know all this is really hard to read, but it is also an essential discussion for raising a warrior for good in the difficult times in which we live…

This gives you a taste of my views and understanding of teaching children about sex. Oh I hate that word. It is so plain. Sex isn't a pass time, or just an enjoyable experience is a sacred occasion which joins husband and wife with God in God's plan to multiply and replenish the earth. It is also a great way for husbands and wives to feel at one with each other, which quite frankly is needed these days more than ever. If the marriage bed can be made commonplace and selfish then the family can be destroyed by the selfishness within each of us. Focus on your marriage and on making your sexual relationship with your spouse beautiful and meaningful and you will carry the perfect spirit with you when you explain intimacy to your children. I know it's a touchy subject, but you are so right in knowing it is one of the most important things we can ever discuss with our children. And, we need to make sure we don't just talk about it once, but always have an open door and mouth on the sacred subject. Thanks for a great question!