Bad Habits

"Some of my kids have developed bad habits such as finger-sucking, nose picking (and eating it), fingernail chewing, and touching their genitals. Do you have any experience or advice on helping children successfully break these kinds of habits? Some of my children have started doing such things from the time they are babies (finger-sucking), or have developed the habits a little later at around age 3 or so. And one daughter in particular seems particularly prone to this type of thing (she's eight now)."

Idid have some youth who had behaviors which are not socially pleasing or acceptable, like the ones listed above.

Behaviors like sucking, and touching genitals are different than behaviors like nail biting. I am OK with nail biting as long as the biting doesn't harm the fingers etc. I am tolerant of nail biting, because I married a nail biter. It wouldn't be good if the children could use Dad as an excuse for why nail biting is OK. It also wouldn't be very good for our marriage if I was using my husband as a bad example.

Sucking and touching genitals can be habit, butis most oftena chemical or psychological addiction or need. The child could be addicted to the sensations that occur with such activities. Most people don't think of sucking as the same kind of thing as touching genitals, but proof is proof. If thumb sucking can make a woman go into labor, then it is proven to release chemicals in the body. These chemical changes can become addicting. The child may feel insecure, so they suck etc for comfort. There are many ideas on the subject. Glen Leatham talks about thumb sucking in "The Power of Positive Parenting". I've never used the ideas he has, but he has a whole section on it, and it looks interesting.

I would first ask myself, "Why does my child engage in this bad habit?" I would try to put myself in their shoes. Then I would have a counseling session with my child about the habit. I would probably do a verbal SODA with them about the habit. I would make sure to tell them what other people think when they see someone engage in that bad habit. Next I would role play controlling the impulse to engage in the bad habit. Make sure to use statements that assure the child that you know they will be able to choose to stop the bad habit. Part of this teaching would also be to teach them a new way to clean their nose or file their nails etc. Sometimes they just don't remember their is another way to solve the problem.

During the counseling session, I would suggest that we set up a positive consequence for every time the child controls the impulse to engage in the habit. (Some thing small like; a Starburst every time I notice thatthey are not sucking etc.) I would probably also suggest a large reward for a whole day of not doing the bad habit, and an even larger reward for a whole week of self mastery; like a stuffed animal or something.

I would also set up a negative consequence for this type of behavior. The negative consequence would bedesigned to keep the hands busy, since most of the bad habits involveidle hands.

At the end of thecounseling session, I would tell my child that I am going to give them a No answer for the bad habit and thatif they choose to engage in thebad habit again, then they are not accepting a No answer.

One of the best things you can do for controlling bad habits, is practice controlling the habit together for a specific amount of time each day, and make sure that all interactions about the habit are kind and loving. A bad habit doesn't make a bad person. We don't want to show our child thatwe don't accept them. We simply want to use kindness, love, praise for selfmastery, and cause and effect to encourage self government. Don't take the bad habit personally, and choose not to get embarrassed by it, because an embarrassed parent is feeling selfish,and probably won'treally be accepting her child.

One note about masturbation. Don't forget to alwayshave an open door policy! Also, try to catch it as often as possible. Thishabitcan lead to the worstproblems in the long run, andis often done in secret, so it is hard to stop.

For all the bad habits, the youth need to see a reason to stop. Think, pray,and considerfor a reason to stop the behavior that would matter to them. I never used to floss my teeth, but now I never miss andday, because a great dentist said to me one time, "Did you know that if you floss your teeth your breath will always be fresh?"He knew exactly what tosay to change my behavior.