Talkers vs. Listeners

            My oldest son is a talker.  If he has anything on his mind, he finds a way to say it.  In fact it is painful for him not to say what is on his mind.  If anyone ever tells him to not say something he wants to say, he either becomes very offended or he acts like he is going to blow up trying not to say one of his great thoughts. 

            There have been times when my son was mad or discouraged, and acted like he didn’t want to talk to anyone, but ended up telling his whole sad story before I even asked him about it, just because he can’t hold things in very long.  He is definitely a talker. 

            For the most part, talkers are easy.  At some point, they will tell you everything you want to know.  If you have a problem with them or they have a problem with you, you can talk it all out and then the issue is really over. 

            The bad part about talkers is they get themselves in trouble by talking too much or at the wrong times.  Talkers have a bad habit of ‘putting their foot in their mouth.’  Trust me on this, I am a talker too.  Talkers are more apt to talk back to their elders, and tell thoughts that they should have kept to themselves.  This makes them come across as rude sometimes.  I do not justify this kind of behavior in talkers.  It is part of their personality, but it the rudeness is something that they can recognize and work on.  I have worked on being a better listener, and keeping my mouth shut more often for many years now, and I am happy to say that I am getting much better.  I am not perfect at this one yet, however I am much improved. 

            Listeners are not always as easy to pick out as you would think.  The stereotype listener is more on the quiet side.  He watches and listens to everything you say, but doesn’t ever give you feed back.  You aren’t sure if he really understands, and feel distanced from him. 

            The listener is having a conversation with you the whole time you are talking, inside his head.  He doesn’t throw out is pearls of wisdom and thought to just anyone, anywhere.  He feels to vulnerable for that.  Before the listener will tell you the amazing thoughts that are happening inside his head, he has to be sure that you are a true friend, and trust-able person. He will usually also wait for a very safe environment to talk to you in. 

Don’t try to get a listener to talk openly and deeply with other people around, especially in a group setting!  In the right environment, and alone, the listener will finally open up to you, if you seem sincere.  Listeners are usually great at reading sincerity of body language, and voice tone because they have spent  a lot of time watching people express themselves.  This is a great discernment skill which can help them their whole lives.  This is a stereotypical listener.  Not every listener fits this mold. 

Some listeners and some talkers are kind of a combination.  This group of combination people varies depending on their comfort level in certain settings and their age sometimes.  For example,  someone could normally be a talker, and then hit puberty and all of the sudden change to a listener most of the time, because they are all of the sudden unsure of themselves.  Or, maybe someone is a talker in small groups and with the family, but never in large groups or at school.  People can change from one to the other at different times in their lives, although I have noticed that most people stay fairly true to the natural personality.  I have seen the good qualities of talkers and listeners, and tried to become a good healthy mix of the two.  But, I will always be mostly a talker. 

Is your child a talker or a listener?