Planners vs. Live in the moment poeple

Planners vs. Live in the moment people

            If I tell my oldest daughter she can plan a party with her friends, she does a fantastic job.  She makes invitations, plans food and activities, and calls to remind them to come.  However, if I suggest making changes to her plan, she can become very anxious.  My daughter is definitely a planner. 

            One time she planned a crocheting party with some friends.  The plan was to have the friends over to learn how to crochet beanies, while watching Pride and Prejudice.  A few days before the party I said, “Paije, I don’t think you should plan on watching the movie at your party.” 

            Paije said, “Mom, I wrote that we would be watching, Pride and Prejudice on the invitations.  I can’t change it now.”  She was obviously anxious.  She planned on having a certain kind of party and really didn’t want it to change. 

            I explained, “Paije, I know you planned on watching the movie with your friends while you sew beanies, but many of your friends haven’t ever made beanies before, so they will need some help.  While you are all learning to make the beanies, you should probably just focus on that, or no one will get done.  I think we should have another beanie party a different day, when you are all better at making them.  We can watch a movie that day.  What do you think?” 

            When I started my disagreement with her plan, she started to get noticeably anxious, but when I gave her a new plan, she relaxed and saw my reasoning.  With my planners, I try to always remember to give them a new plan if the plan is going to change.  At the same time, if they know how to accept No answers and disagree appropriately, then they shouldn’t have too much trouble with changing plans anyway.  We will talk about these two skills later in the book. 

*By the way, the above activity was a hit!  I try to have as many character building experiences like these as possible.  From an activity like this, the girls lear discipline, and how to have fun in a wholesome, non teenageer like way. 

            I will never forget when our family decided to go swimming for our family activity, and then we found out that Dad wouldn’t be able to make it home in time.  The family was planning on leaving at six o’clock.  My six year old daughter was in her suit with her swim bag ready to go by four o’clock.  When Dad called, she was devastated!  She immediately started to get emotional.  I pulled her close to me and said, “Londyn, I know you are sad that our plans have changed and we can’t go swimming now.  It is hard when plans change.  Since the plans changed tonight, we have a new plan.  Next Monday night our family is planning to go swimming again OK?”  Because I presented her with a new plan, she was able to choose to be OK with the change. 

            The opposite of a planner is a live in the moment person.  Some people use the term ‘easy going’ to describe these people.  Live in the moment people usually just seem to go along for a the ride, no matter where it takes them.  If there was a plan, and the plan changes, they don’t mind to much.  They seem to look at each moment separately and don’t get to attached to things working out according to plan.  They are usually a lot less stressed than the planners.  Even though live in the moment people are often more adaptable to change than planners, they are sometime insensitive to planners too.  The live in the moment people don’t really care about all the plans and often wish the planners would just calm down and let them relax, etc. 

            It can be a blessing to a live in the moment parent to have a live in the moment child, because then when Mom decides she won’t have time to go to the park after all, the child is OK with it.  On the contrary, if the parent is a planner, and the child is live in the moment, the parent could feel frustration with the child a lot.  The parent could tell the child to clean their room, and the child will say, “OK”, but after a few minutes of cleaning the live in the moment child will be found looking in the bathroom mirror, trying to see how many marbles he can fit in his mouth without swallowing one.  At this point the planner parent could feel disrespected and upset.  The planner parent could then think that it is necessary to initiate a power struggle with their child.  This is not necessary.  I will explain later one how the parent can teach the child the steps to staying on task, to help the child see how to fix the problem, as well as how to calmly communicate in a way that teaches your child how to solve the problem without any frustration, or anger on the parent’s part.

            NOTE* I have noticed that many young children under age 10 are planners, and then some of them change to become live in the moment people.  After age ten or twelve, there seems to be a more even split between number of planners and number of live in the moment people.