Gem 7-25-13 Skills to Deal with Negative Emotions

Strong-Willed Children Are Amazing

My 3-year-old son, Spencer, has an amazingly strong will. In fact, when Nicholeen was here for our home visit a couple weeks ago she said she had never seen anything like it. We were sitting at the pool and he was playing monster chase with his sisters. I still laugh at the memory of his cute little fingers up by his face and his little “grrrrrowl”. Spencer was chasing one of his sisters when she jumped into the pool to get away from him. He hesitated only a moment when suddenly his will drove him to do the illogical, death defying leap into the pool to get her. My back was to him, but Nicholeen said she saw it was sheer willthat drove him to do it.

In the time out corner his will also drives him in the other direction. Again Nicholeen said she had never seen anyone rage so long or so hard. I definitely have a unique situation on my hands. His is a will that so badly needs self-government or else his will could drive him in the completely wrong direction.

We have been working with a new plan to have him stay in his room until he is ready to follow instructions. Sometimes he doesn’t stay in his room and I have had to hold him there. As I have stayed to hold him, I have noticed some negative emotions come up in me that I have had to choose to govern by my own will. As I was talking to him while holding him, I wondered, “If my tone right now were a song, what song would it be?” I imagined the song of a bird or soft piano music as I spoke calm words to help him get calm. As I left the room I prayed for angels to go help him (and me) to teach him to focus his will for good.

After he was ready to be calm, we deliberately practiced focusing his attention on 3 things he can do by himself to calm down instead of coming out of the room. They were to

Look at a book
Look out the window, or
Listen to music

Everyone has negative emotions at some point of our mortal experience. The question is how does a healthy adult deal with those emotions or teach a child to deal with those emotions?

In this segment Nicholeen discusses an article written on teaching your child how to deal with negative emotions.

If you have time to listen to the whole call, it is an amazing discussion. The Call is titledUnderstanding Emotions VS Self-Government: Is There A Balance?

The article referenced in this call is from the Chicago Parent Magazine by Kathy Adams called “Letting Your Child Be Unhappy”. This whole call details everything Nicholeen feels is true and how it relates to helping our children be happy by teaching them self-government.

It is true that negative emotions need to pass through us and not stay there. The bottom line is that we can (and need) to get the negative emotions out in a healthy way by using our 4 Keys of Self-Government, deliberate communication to disagree appropriately, and then accept the no answers that come afterward.This applies especially to the adults who are the examples, andfor children who follow in their footsteps.

I believe as we learn to work things out in a healthy way in our homes,so then will the next generation be able to work things out appropriately in other future arenas.

To the victory of your children,

Pennie Rumsey

Student Inspirer