So many people ask me how to control their out of control children…

A man I really admire named Jeffrey Holland said, “…the only real control in life is self control.” 

I couldn’t agree more.  You can control the settings on your computer, and control the television choices that come into your home.  You can control all the things on your Family Standard and you can control what your family eats for dinner, but you can’t control another person.  No matter how hard you try and how much power you try to look like you have, the only person you can control is yourself. 

Since that is the case, we should capitalize on that power we have to control ourselves, or govern ourselves.  If we Read more…

If you have ever had a baby, you know how hard feeding time can be.

I just had my 3rd baby and my oldest is turning 3 in a week and a half. This means that nursing the baby has become one of the most stressful times for me. I’ve been wondering to myself how I will ever stay sane if I can’t properly deal with the issues of the older 2 every time I nurse.
I love your idea of reading to the older kids while nursing the baby. I’ll try that one next time Zeke needs to eat.
Thanks for sharing this great advice.

I remember those years nursing and having toddlers. Those are hard times!!! There just aren’t enough arms and your thoughts get all jumbled up because of the noise and stress of it all. Obviously you should try to keep as calm as you can for the milk to be good and calming for the baby. I also know that is easier said than done. Read more…

My two youngest children are best friends, and play a lot with each other.  It is so fun to see them enjoy each other.  This summer we have noticed that they are getting a bit too much play lately though. The sun comes up and someone is at our door asking to play.  The children do their chores and run outside.  They would stay there day after day, all day, if I didn’t ever call them in. 

The other day my husband and I noticed some very distracted behaviors.  My six year old was showing off a lot and acting a lot more “crazy” than usual.  He was also trying to be the “funny guy” by popping off. We looked at each other and both knew something needed to change Read more…

“Just wondering what you do when a child denies doing something like this even though you know it was them or else they try to deceive you about it even though they know that no punishment will be given out for their mistake or wrongdoing if they are honest about it. How do you confront them and have them face up to their failures and take responsibility for their actions? My ds10 will get defensive whenever he does something wrong or makes a mistake he then will usually compound this by trying to lie or deceive his way out of it to save face. We end up punishing him for the lying and deceit when really it should have be a non issue if he had just been honest.”"Any suggestions?”

There are three steps to handling this situation.

Step one; Make sure you are not accusing, but that you look and feel safe to talk to. 

Step two: Pre-teach the situation before you say anything………….”Right now _________ just happened. I am going to ask you about your actions. If you choose to be honest about your actions you will not earn any negative consequences. (or you could have a positive consequence in place for being honest) However, if you are not honest then you will choose to earn Read more…

“I came across your ideas on the LDSEHE website, and have been so inspired by all of it.  I’m starting to read your book, hoping to fill in a few holes.  I really like your idea for Friday family movie nights as your one source of TV.  How do you make selections for that night?  Do you have a list of movies you would recommend?”

You are right.  We have a family TV watching policy to help our family not get bound by television.  Our policy is that we don’t watch TV unless it is a movie on Friday family movie night. Read more…

Playing Camping

My children have started a fun new game this Summer thanks to a very creative friend.  They play camping.  Their friend found lots of old odds and ends around the house and garage and loaded them into his wagon and brought them over to play.  The children loved it so much, they play it every day! 

My children asked me if they could take some of their money to the local thrift shop and buy some old things to play camping with.  They left with dishes and old telephones.  They were in heaven picking the new toys and had even more fun paying for them with their own money.  Then it came time to pay and they never wanted to stop. 

If you can find a game like this for your children to play this Summer it will be better than any high priced attraction.  This kind of play is the best part of being a child and lasts for days and days.  It is also fun to join in on.  My children immediately asked me if I would play camping with them when we got home.  What fun!!!  It will be great to see what all the new shiny stuff looks like after they get it outside filled with mud.  That is the real way the “camping” game happens.  Tomorrow ought to be a lot of fun!!!

Play with your children.  It doesn’t have to cost a lot.  If you are there, really there, then the magic of play can begin.  Have fun this Summer.

In my presentation on Building Children with Character I talk about teaching our children refinement so they can become leaders in this world.  Leaders with character.  May father used to always say, “Master your mother tongue and you will make a marke upon the world that will be noticed.”  This advice changed my life.  I am still not perfectly articulate, but it is always on my mind.  My friend Penny shared this great video with me about our “Mother Tongue.”

See Video Here!

“My two oldest boys, ages 8 and 7 are really giving me a run………..I know that if I stay strong, it will all pay off.
We have a family mission statement, we have a job jar, we have been roll playing. They know what our “standards” are.
My 7 year old has had discipline “issues” for 1 and 1/2 weeks consistently every morning during “school time”. He gets so frustrated with me when I calmly let him know that he earned another “consequence” I make sure and tell him that I love him and I wish that he could join us for privileged free time. He assures me that he will try harder but the same things keep happening over and over. He is 7 and very wiggly and dreamy, and distracted. He even has been swearing which is NOT our family standard! I try to explain to him that if he has good control over his body and mouth during school time, he will earn privileges, but he just doesn’t learn…………Any tips?”

It sounds like you are doing pretty well at creating an environment for self-government in your home.

I hope your son is doing better now. If not read pages 66-69 in my book Parenting A House United. I am guessing you have it. This section goes over motivation for children who get themselves in a rutt. Read more…

I have attended your classes at home school conferences and bought the mp3;s.  I am currently purchasing your book, however, I am in crisis.  I have a 17 rd old son that has  been homeschooled since fourth grade.  We originally took him out due to severe depression.  This is something he struggles with.  He has always done well in school.  He went to the public high school for his freshman year.  He was top of the class academically but he hated every minute of it and we allowed him to come back to home school for the past two years.  

About six months ago I could see that he was clinically depressed and we found a counselor to help us through that.  It turns out he was introduced to pornography at school and became addicted and the guilt has caused him to lose about a year of his life.  We are dealing with this issue and he is doing very well and continues to receive counseling with us.  

The crisis is that he cant make a decision about anything in his life and he seems to have no self control.  He wants us to tell him every little thing to do and takes no responsibility.  He takes 8 hours to do simple science due to the fact that if I walk out of his earshot he will immediately waste time doing anything else.  It is so frustrating that we have to literally babysit him and that he needs us to.  I am at my wits end with him and feel like throwing in the towel and sending him to boarding school.  Of course, my rational mind knows that I must clean up this mess with him and no one else.  
Can you please give me some direction on how to get this kid to take back his life and not put us in  the position of jailers. Read more…

Sometimes I get some stories sent to me which simply must be shared.  I would love to share one with you today.  This is a great family meeting success story which had me sweating for a few seconds:

We even had an emergency family council the
other day.  The kids didn’t really believe me that I was waiting for them to
come up with a solution.  I told them that I was pretty sure that the
situation wasn’t going to change because I was the one paying the price.  So
after I realized my mistake, I called the council to change that.  Finally
one of the kids said, “Well, ten lashes then.”  I asked for other
suggestions and there weren’t any Read more…