On the post below titled Nicholeen Asks You there are many comments with book title suggestions.  I am trying to give my book the perfect name.  Please look at those comments, pick your favorite title and leave a vote comment on this post.  Pick the title that you would pull off the shelf at the book store or library if you knew nothing about what I teach.  :)  Thanks for your help~Nicholeen

“I do struggle and maybe you could give me some advice.  I spend quite a bit of time with my kids in the morning going over little activities like school workbooks and story time and exercising together.  Yet the minute I get on the phone or sit down to nurse the baby, the three boys are arguing or fighting or taking toys from each other or something of the sort.  I have tried to get them to color or do a certain activity together, but that only lasts so long.  It’s hard to discipline when you are nursing the baby.
 
        I know I have a bit of post-pardom and always feel like I am always nursing the baby or disciplining my children.  I have felt discouraged with my 3 boys behavior and realize some of their actions comes from mom spending so much time with the new little one.  Do you have any tips or suggestions for me on how to best help teach my boys and solve the problems.”

J You hit a common discipline problem right on the head.  I would like to meet a mother who can have a 30 minute phone conversation and not have things fall apart a little bit.  My one hopeful thought to you is that as they grow, they learn to live without you for 30 minutes, or more. 

Nursing a baby is also a hard one.  I have been there too.  It sounds like you don’t have a child old enough to really take care of things while your nurse, so you are going to have to keep taking deep breaths.  Stressed mommies don’t make as good of milk as relaxed mommies. 

When I get a long phone call my routine at home falls apart too; at least for the younger ones.  The older children are diligent enough that they just keep plugging away at things even if I am not there with them.  The older two are 13 and 11.  The younger two, ages 7 and 5 are a different story.  If I don’t have an older child do something for them while I am on the phone, they will play for a while together, but then they often need me after a little while. 

During the years when all my children were small and I had nursing babies, I would read to the children while I nursed.  That was our special sit on the couch time.  When the baby got old enough that reading was a distraction from nursing, I would send the young ones out to play for a few minutes while I fed the baby.  As far as defusing their fights when you are nursing goes, all the five teaching styles are purely verbal.  Just call them to you, hear their sides, and do a corrective teaching etc.  If the children have earned a negative consequence while you are nursing, have them complete it when you are finished nursing.  Singing songs together, or memorizing a poem also works while nursing. 

As far as the phone goes, you may want to have certain times during the day that you DO NOT answer the phone.  I know this is easier said than done, but try.  If you don’t let yourself be interrupted during the times you and the children are learning and playing, then they will probably not get so anxious for you during your phone calls.  Stop phone calls for problems with the children.  Again, I know there are some calls that can’t be stopped for what-ever reason.  But, if you can, call your neighbor or sister back.  Doing this will also put you in a good light with your friends and family. 

Being a parent is a job.  Along time ago I decided to look at it like this.  This was one of the best paradigm shifts I ever made.  I instantly saw what I did as a mother as more important than almost anything else.  My dedication made great relationships at home, fun learning times, and even inspired some of my neighbors etc. to take their parent role more seriously too.  When I say “seriously”  I mean so seriously that having a laugh with the children is 10x more important than cleaning the house, etc.  J 

Best of luck parenting during the young years.  They are short, exciting, and can be exhausting, but they are the years you will want to look back on for the rest of your life!

As many of you know I have been writing a book for a long time about the way I parent my children and govern my home.  We now have a possible release date!  YEAH!  The problem is, I don’t have a title that will sell my book yet.  Even though I like the name :

Teaching Self Government  (Main Title)

Preparing the Family for Greatness ~A Step by Step Guide to a Happy Home (Sub-title)

…I know that this title isn’t catchy enough or self explanatory enough.  When you think of my material what jumps out to you as the most helpful or catchy concept. 

Families all around us are struggling.  I know that families can be as happy as my family is if I can get my book widely distributed.  This means I need a title which would interest someone at the first glance. 

I am asking you for your help————-What ideas for a title and sub-title for my book do you have?

If you have a title or sub-title idea please leave me a comment on this post on my the blog.  If you want to see the ideas and vote for one, add a comment too.  After a week I will take the top three ideas for titles and sub-titles and and we will have a final vote.  You could be the one to name my book. 

PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE AND LEAVE ME A COMMENT!  I really want your input.  Thank you for your help.  The friends on this blog  have helped make this book amazing!  Many of your questions and comments will be included in the book to help others who are struggling with similar problems.

Keep Swimming,

Nicholeen

In the past couple of months I have been swamped with questions.  I am so sorry if I have not been able to answer your question in a reasonable time.  With the filming of the BBC show and trying to work on my book, as well as doing  regular life stuff I have had  a lot of my time taken up.  Here are a few really brief answers to some of the recent questions. 

I know you’ve mentioned this before, but how do you handle it when you’re children answer a question with “I don’t know.”  Usually, when my kids say this, it just seems like they’re too lazy to think something through, or they know the answer, but don’t want to say it.

I try not to ask questions like, “Why did you?….Why didn’t you?…etc.”  Those are always answered with “I don’t know.”  But, if you ask an important question and the answer is “I don’t know” then you have to ask yourself another question.  Is this person telling the truth?  Do they really not know?  If that is the case, then you need to teach them to communicate honestly.  And make sure your environment a “safe place to make mistakes and tell the truth.”  I have written posts about communicating honestly.  Refer to those for more information.

 I just bought your cd’s and am working hard to implement things in our home.  We’ve been working on the 4 basics for a while.  My almost 7 yr old was totally “out of instructional control” this morning, I went through the rule of 3’s and he earned 24 hours without privileges.  So what exactly does that look like?  I guess I’m not certain what sort of things are privileges and what’s not.  Reading books?  listening to stories on mp3 player?  School work- is it a privilege or not?

This year our family is going to the American Family Fest in Cedar City, Utah.  It is going to be amazing!  I can’t believe how many family memories can be made at this wonderful, inspiring event.  The site for the event is http://www.americanfamilyfest.org/home.html

I will be teaching a youth class on Thursday, July 2 and an adult class on Saturday, July 4.  Never before, in Utah, have I seen this kind of family event.  It is like going to a 3 day family camp for a fraction of the cost.  I have always wanted to go to the Aspen family camp, but I think this could be a great alternative!