Video Gem 6-6-13 How do you help your child be calm?

Letting Go of Heaviness

How is your relationship doing with your children? Take this relationship assessment to check yourself:

How often (or how comfortable) are you at talking and looking in their eyes?
Are you able to let go of all your troubles and let your heart be still while spending time with them?
How often do you take time out to plan and be with your children acting deliberately to build your relationship?

If you’re struggling in this area, you’re not alone. I have been working for the past year to grow enough as a person so I could let go of my ‘spirit of heaviness ‘(Isiah 61:3)enough to justbewith my children and love the time while having fun. In the past year there have been times I have been able to do this, and this last Monday was one of those cherished days. We planned a day to go swimming then go out to lunch. It was as if time stood still as we played and laughed. We even had moments of connecting corrections and practice at times when the children were arguing.

This Week’s Video Gem: How do you help your child be calm?

A Great Question

Then Tuesday came. When we were back home, somehow I forgot all my communication skills and lost my calm. That night I talked with my husband and recommitted to staying calm as we added something to our calm plan. He asked a great question, “How do we help the children be calm?” We pulled up the above video to watch and discussed it. He told me that when he talks to the children, he asks questions trying to understand them. I have also learned something about myself and what I need to do to stay calm. I am like an alcoholic that can’t even take one sip of a drink. I have to be very careful with what I do with my body (especially my hands), with my voice level (no yelling instructions across the house), and I must keep both hands on the helm all the times to give calm corrections when an instruction is not followed the first time. I have to stay completely away from anger and contention or else I easily slide down that slippery slope toward power struggles. I’m happy to say that my calm plan has been working solidly for the past two days and I have a new 30 day goal to ‘keep sober’.

Challenge Assignment

Your challenge assignment this week, should you choose to accept it, is to find one thing that you do to start power struggles with your children (or your spouse if that’s where you need to work) and then make a plan to stop it. Add this to your calm plan. If you need help on how to make a plan, this is a skill I made up with my daughter last week when she didn’t know how to clean her room:

Steps for Making a Plan

Imagine what youwantit to look like
Itemize what needs to be done to get there
Break it into parts and do one part at a time
Be patient and persistentuntilyou get it done, allowing for change, adjustment, and re-evaluation to get the desired end-goal

For me, I have noticed that I start power struggles by grabbing while giving instructions. I heard Nicholeen say this past week that we get out of control when we use our body instead of our brain to get things done. I think that is so true. If you are doing good to not starting power struggles, then your challenge assignment is to plan and do one connecting thing with one of your children (if you have more than one). Then make plans to do something with the other children for a different week in the month.

A Word of Encouragement

I listened again this morning to part ofThe Majesty of Calmness. It is so inspiring. This is what helped inspire my calmness and consistency today.

“The man who is calm has his course in life clearly marked on his chart. His hand is ever on the helm. Storm, fog, night, tempest, danger, hidden reefs: he is ever prepared and ready for them. He is made calm and serene by the realization that in these crisis’s of his voyage, he needs a clear mind and a cool head; that he has not to do, but to do each day the best he can by the light he has; that he will never flinch nor falter for a moment. That though he may have to tack and leave his course for a time, he will never drift. He will get back into the true channel. He will keep ever headed toward his harbor. When he will reach it, how he will reach it, matters not to him. He rests in calmness knowing he has done his best. If his best seems to be overthrown or overruled, then he must still bows his head in calmness. To no man is permitted to know the future of his life: the finality. God commits to man ever only new beginnings, new wisdom, and new days to use the best of his knowledge.”

May you grow in calmness everyday as you choose to swim upstream to keep calm. As you do you will be able to help your children learn how to be calm because you have done it yourself. It will be a skill they will hold precious their whole life.

To the victory of your family,

Pennie Rumsey

Student Inspirer

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