SODAS

My 7 year old daughter struggles a lot with SODAS. It seems like she’s genuinely trying at times, but the advantages and disadvantages she doesn’t seem to understand. I think she genuinely has a problem with executive function. I dread SODAS with her because it takes hours and is like pulling teeth. However, she struggles with making a plan and thinking through decisions and owning her choices and consequences, so it’s a necessary skill.

An example: today she was told she could use YouTube to watch a video on how to draw something. She ended up watching a different video and then lied when she was caught.

I set up one of the SODAS as follows:

Situation: you’re watching a video about drawing and are tempted to watch something else.

Option: she said, “be done with tablet”
Advantage: not watching other video, might earn coupon, mom is happy.
Disadvantage: boring, (no others)

Option: ask mom if I can watch other video
Advantage: mom might say yes, mom might be mad (I asked her why and she said, because I could be busy and she might ask and I say no because she interrupted me and then I’m mad). Couldn’t come up with a third

Disadvantage: mom might say no, mom might say maybe, no third disadvantage

It goes on from here. She also tried to write “get calm” and “go away” in the advantages/disadvantages boxes, but couldn’t explain why.

I explained to her that if I gave an instruction and she came to me to ask, I’d be happy because she’s using self control and disagreeing appropriately before giving into her impulses. I also explained how she’d be earning trust and how that helps me to feel comfortable giving her more freedom. Then I asked her to write something down and she says, “I can’t think of anything”.

She avoids and finds any distraction, she wants me to give her answers. She writes nonsense to fill the space, get it done, and attempts to figure out what answer would satisfy me instead of using critical thinking at all.

I don’t know how to guide this and get her to think. I feel punished doing SODAS with her and I don’t feel like she’s getting the intent from it. There’s no heart evaluation or working through things, it’s surface answers.