SODAS

The worst part of a Rule of 3 for our family is getting through SODAS. One exercise takes us nearly an hour .. sometimes longer.. so we rarely have both done by the time a 6-hour restriction is over (with major maintenance, meals, bedtime, other obligations). When we ask our 7-year-old to give options of what she could do to address the chosen situation, she is more likely to list advantages and disadvantages. When we finally get three options and start to discuss advantages and disadvantages she will state the same one a dozen times .. usually "earn chores and the Rule of 3." I ask her which is "easier", doing what she wants (no self-control) or what she's supposed to (using self-control) and she says it is easier to make good choices. I ask if losing control feels good for just a minute and she will answer, "No! Uh, yes! Wait, no!" All while looking at me to see when she's giving the answer that seems to satisfy me. She is always distracted and more often trying to give the "right" answer, or what she thinks we want to hear, than answering out of her own mind and experience. Overall, I think she struggles to grasp these abstract concepts. We have to explain that disadvantages are "bad" (negative effects) and advantages are "good" (positive effects) several times during each exercise. Getting her to identify them for each option in an exercise is like pulling teeth, even if it is a situation/option we have used before. She just wants to be done so if she can give the "right" answers then we can quit. I've started to think of making a master list of possible advantages and disadvantages for good choices (no chores, stronger relationships, requires effort, etc.) and a separate list for bad choices (easy/requires no effort, get in trouble, etc.). I struggle to find new ways of asking questions so she can understand, and sometimes my frustration gets the better of me. Please help. It seems like this shouldn't be such a nightmare.