Going in circles with 3 year old

Dear Nicholeen,

I feel like I’m going in circles with my 3yo daughter. I will try to do a correction, but she will either run off while I’m doing it or accept the consequence but then continue misbehaving after completing her extra chore. We go around and around ad nauseum. Here is a scenario from right before naptime Tuesday to illustrate.

Me: I have a job for you! I need you to unload the utensils. (Unloading the utensils is her daily chore, and she does it just fine.)
3yo: (Says “no” and runs off)
Me: (I tried doing a correction. She wouldn’t budge from her hiding spot.)
Me: It seems to me that you are out of instructional control. I need you to go to the calm-down spot until you are ready to be calm and follow instructions.
3yo: (Says she is ready to follow instructions)
Me: (I told her that we needed to do a practice instruction. I gave a small task. The toddler did it. Then I told her to go unload the utensils.)
3yo: (Runs away)

We repeated this scene a few times, me telling her to go to the calm-down spot, her saying she would follow instructions, me giving her a practice instruction which she completed, then her refusing to unload the utensils.

Finally I hauled her to the calm-down spot, told her to not come out until the timer beeped. She cried but stayed put. Afterwards she finally unloaded the utensils. I don’t know that I actually gave a consequence for not following the instructions other than the practice task she had to do before coming out of the calm-down spot. I get a little lost sometimes as to where I am in the script when she keeps disrupting it.

A few days before this scenario a similar situation happened and I gave up on her following the instructions and just plopped her into her bed for her naptime.

I end up feeling played and feel like I’m doing something wrong. How can I improve?

On a related note, could you define “power struggling” and give some pointers on how to avoid it? Even when following the script I feel like maybe I’m power struggling.

Thanks so much for your help. You have a gift for re-framing things and speaking about them in a way no one else does. Usually once I have my beliefs right the actions follow fairly easily. Thanks again.