Dealing with extreme and chronic arguing, talking over, talking back and insulting

Hello!

Last week, our oldest 16-year-old boy, was rude and yelled at his 10-year-old sister because she was coming into the family room while he was watching something on TV (we have allowed him to watch content that wouldn’t be appropriate for her, provided that he pauses it, or watches it in another room or uses headphones if she is in the room which is a common area).

When cirrected him, he did what he usually does…argue, and getting frustrated and insulting and disrespecting me.

This led to me doing the rule of 3 with him, and him refusing and defying and being out of instructional control.

He refuses to accept a consequence so far when this type of scenario plays out,
Refuses to do sodas exercises, refuses to follow instructions and usually continues to argue, talk back and show disrespect and revert to either profanities or insults and putting me down as his dad (unwilling or unable to disagree appropriately).

Because of his level of opposition and defiance, and his strong will in trying to win every single point in every single argument, small situations continue to come up after this type of scenario where he continues to defy, not follow instructions, revert back to insults and disagreeing inappropriately. Because of this, he stays out of instructional control for days and does not get his privileges back (which I’ve focused on the phone being the primary privilege lost since he has a media dependency and I believe it helps anyways).

Is this just the way it goes with someone who is oppositional and defiant and shows ODD tendencies? It seems like it’s every single point he wants to go against, argue and the more you tell him no, the more he pushes back (definitely rebel tendency)!

Also, he finally did a soda exercise recently because he was going on a trip with his school and I guess his motivation was sufficient to get him to do it after he realized I would not bend to his demands and other strategies and tactics. He then did it have heartedly, with answers that still defy and go against logic and reason, and used the sodas to belittle and insult me (obviously missing the point!). When he repeated the same offense and I asked him to do a new Sodus exercise, he copied and pasted it with his prior answers and tried to manipulate by saying that he did what I asked.

Any other thoughts on trying a different approach or modifying in anyway?

Thank you!
Javier Quiñones
PS. TSG is going all right with the other two children