How Do I Get My Husband to Care About Changing Our Parenting Style?

How Do I Get My Husband to Care About Changing Our Parenting Style?

”… I absolutely enjoyed your classes and I am now working on yourbook and cd’s. Thank you for all you have done to strengthen families. You mentioned in one class some ideas to get a husband on board…”

First, he needs to identify the problem. If your husband sees no problem with his interactions with the children or you, he will not see a reason to change anything. I am not suggesting making a problem, but know that is a vital part of wantingto adoptparenting principles.

I would start out with a casual conversation, on a date, about how you think things are going with the children and if you see a need for any improvement. Then share one thing with your husband, the four basic skills, and share your interest in seeing if your family can master these skills. Explain how you want your children to always have successful relationships in the future, but that you don’t think YOU are modeling them well enough and want to change, but will need his support. Say things like, “Honey, I am so tired of nagging, and complaining. I really hate that I get moody and perfectionate and take it all out on you and the children. I know I can change, and have found just the new paradigm I need, but I will need your support and the children’s support to make these big changes in myself. Will you help me?”

Don’t talk too long or lecture, husbands usually hate that. Be sincere and be assertive, not passive, or aggressive. This is something you have to be doing for you, not him. If you are doing it for him, you are manipulating. Take a good look in the mirror and see what needs to change and then try to govern yourself and make the changes. If you are able to make changes in yourself, then you will inspire your children to change as well, and finally your husband will want to change along with everyone else. At that point, it will be his idea and an easy transformation. Once it’s their idea and they have seen proof in you, then they know you will not leave the project halfway through and that it is worth while and long lasting.

If you focus on yourself, then your husband will soon find the inspiration he needs to make the changes he really desires too.

The hardest relationship, the husband and wife relationship, takes the most trust. Trust he will see and feel your example and that he wants good for his family too. If we are constantly pushing our agendas and strong arming positive changes, then soon our spouses don’t trust us. Let the new way grow over time as you become better and better at your own communication and self-government skills.

I could probably share a lot more on this topic, but due to time I think I will leave you with the first and best piece of advice I have.

God Bless!