Parents, Be Not Ashamed to Parent

by Nicholeen Peck

Not long ago, a mother reached out to me, her voice shaking with emotion. She had calmly corrected her teenage son at the dinner table after he made a rude comment to his younger sister. The correction was short and kind. But later that night, the son told her she had “traumatized” him by pointing out his behavior in front of the family. Her heart sank. She questioned herself. Was she being too harsh? Had she really hurt him by calmly holding him accountable?

This scenario is becoming more and more common. Good, loving parents are second-guessing themselves—not because they are neglectful or cruel, but because they are parenting at all.

We are living in a culture that tries to make parents feel ashamed for being parents. A subtle but powerful shame culture is spreading—especially online—that whispers to parents that they are ruining their children if they set boundaries, teach true principles, or say “no” to destructive behaviors. It’s a culture that values permissiveness over preparation, self-expression over self-government, and peer approval over parental guidance.

But let’s pause for a moment and ask ourselves: Who is benefiting from this culture of parental shame? Certainly not our children.

The Cost of Parental Silence

When parents lose confidence in their role, the consequences are far-reaching. Children and youth are left to navigate some of their biggest life decisions—friendships, identity, morality, responsibility—without the guidance of those who love them most.

I’ve seen it again and again:

• Children become emotionally isolated, unsure of how to process life’s challenges.
• They feel overwhelmed by the weight of decision-making without preparation.
• Many no longer aspire to become parents themselves, seeing the role as misunderstood, unappreciated, or even villainized.
• Family bonds weaken, and homes feel more like boarding houses than places of unity and purpose.
• Young people struggle socially, damaging relationships due to a lack of interpersonal skills and vision that are historically taught by parents.
• And sadly, many experience increased frustration, anxiety, and depression, because no one is showing them how to govern their thoughts, emotions, and actions.

A few seconds of parenting silence today—fueled by fear of judgment—can ripple into years of confusion and lost connection tomorrow.

Shame: A Tool or a Weapon?

Let’s talk about shame for a moment. The world today talks about shame as if it is always toxic. But that’s not the whole story. Shame can be a gift when it points us toward positive change. When we make a poor choice, and we feel that sting of conscience—that’s a form of healthy shame. It’s part of how we learn, grow, and turn away from sin or selfishness. It is productive.

But when shame is used as a weapon to tear down those who are doing right, it becomes destructive. That’s what this modern shame culture is doing to parents. It tells them that simply teaching their children is offensive. That correcting a behavior is abusive. That teaching standards is intolerant. That saying “no” is unloving.

This shame creates internal conflict. Parents begin to lose confidence. They fear being labeled controlling, rigid, or outdated. So they stop speaking. They stop teaching. And they begin to parent passively, hoping their silence will be interpreted as love.

But children don’t need passivity. They need leadership.

You Are the Parent for a Reason

Here’s the truth: You were divinely chosen to raise your children. You are their parent—not their peer, not their public relations manager, and not their popularity coach.

If today’s youth and young adults seem critical or judgmental of parenting, it’s often because they’ve been raised in a culture that doesn’t know what good parenting looks like. Ironically, they champion compassion and inclusion for nearly every other group of people—but not for parents. And yet, the very people who would benefit most from a wise, calm parent’s influence are often pushing that influence away.

That’s why I want to say this clearly: Don’t be ashamed to parent.

Don’t be ashamed to teach your children true principles, even when they resist. Don’t be ashamed to calmly correct them when they are out of line. Don’t be ashamed to require respectful communication in your home. Don’t be ashamed to say “no” when a behavior is harmful, even if every social media post says otherwise.

When you teach—even if your child rolls their eyes or groans—they are listening. When you calmly hold your child accountable—even if they act offended—they are learning. Every time you stand in your role with calm confidence, you are building their foundation for life.

And believe it or not, you are strengthening your bond with them. Respect doesn’t come from always agreeing with someone. It comes from consistent, loving leadership.

Parenting Is Not a Popularity Contest

One of the biggest traps I see parents fall into is the idea that their children need to approve of their parenting for it to be effective. That’s simply not true. Parenting isn’t about pleasing children—it’s about preparing them. Parenting isn’t about being liked—it’s about being trusted.

You can be a kind, loving parent and still say “no.” You can be an open-minded parent and still have strong standards. The key is to teach with a tone that is calm, loving, direct, open, just, merciful, and consistent. That’s how you keep your authority while building trust.

And when your children grow into adulthood, they will remember. They will remember the times you calmly corrected them. They will remember the security of boundaries. They will remember the lessons that shaped their character. They will remember that you didn’t walk away from your role, even when it was hard.

Let This Be Your Anchor

There’s a verse in Psalm 25 that quietly echoes the resolve every parent needs in today’s world:

“O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me. Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed.”

We don’t need to be ashamed of standing in our role. We don’t need to shrink when the world scorns us for loving and teaching our children. We don’t need to hand over the responsibility of parenting to the culture.

Trust God. Stand firm. And speak calmly.

A Gentle Next Step

If you’re ready to parent with more confidence—even in the face of judgment—start by learning the skills that help you teach with love and calm authority. The Teaching Self-Government Parenting Course is designed to equip you with those exact tools, step by step.

You don’t have to be perfect. But you do have to be present. And courageous.

Parents. Be not ashamed. Your children need you.