Police visit

So yesterday I attempted the rule of three – with lower tolerances – and in retrospect I ought to have realised what was going on with my daughter being hungry and tried, i had been listening to parenting Trainig so I was wanting to improve- but when I lowered my tolerances and didn’t accept her making faces at me when she did the corrections as part of the rule of 3 we got to level 3 3 times in 1/2 hour – and she would miraculously be calm on the 3rd time -but then I tried to say if she looses it again I am going consider that a 3rd fail because she’s chosen to go back out of instructional control & she totally lost it & became a little mentally unbalanced / she went to calmly to do the dishes but then started screaming at me when she accidentally slipped that I had wet the floor on purpose so she would slip and then she ended up throwing food – I kept calm the whole way through giving her prompts to calm down and accept corrections.

She told me she didn’t care what i did to her because I could kill her / i had already taken her phone.

Then it ended up with her lashing out at me and pulling me from sitting on the mat down to the floor and her pulling my hair / it was so hard I thought I was going to lose a clump of hair and i hit out at her to get free / when I did she screamed that I was trying to kill her and I was a murderer – she ran to her room and continued screaming I was a murder – so I called emergency services for help.

I want to know:
How could I have avoided that WHILE keeping my tolerances low? I know that I ought to have investigated and found out she was hungry at the first resistance instead of getting into a power struggle.

It seems she really does have some trauma and inability to communicate- she doesn’t like any of the food we have and refuses to eat and then gets over hungry and can’t think straight & keeps saying “everything is too hard”. We are trying to save on food budget but it seems to activate a trauma response in her when we don’t have what she wants (and it changes all the time)

Also – what should I have done if I am ever being attacked that’s non violent in response? (As a Christian I hoped would I just let her take my hair and leave the results with God…but I had another voice saying I had to defend myself)

What can i do with her trauma about feeling we want to starve her ? It’s delusional but it’s real for her.