Sibling violence

Nicholeen,

We have ages 5, 3 & 2yo. Can we have a pre-set way to handle breaking a family rule with a specific consequence? In particular, how do I handle sibling hitting, pushing, or any other "mean touch"? It is a violation of a physical boundary. My husbands first thought was that they go straight to loss of privileges but it happens so often that I'm not sure it would teach them to control emotions, and self govern. I have been using the modified rule of 3 on the 5yo and notice that all the words the script requires, gives him time to regroup if he so chooses. He then doesn't have to earn all the negative consequences needlessly. Skipping all the script and just handing out punishment doesn't seem to be a solution. I do believe that a specific consequence tailored to this behavior is needed for consistency but im not sure what that is. We are doing a sloppy version of calm down spot with the 3 yo. We have some success with following the program very well but have not developed the muscles of endurance. I also noticed that if we can reward them for the correct behavior, they tend to be more motivated than trying to avoid negative consequences. Could this be part of the solution? Sibling violence is getting worse without a plan & it's damaging relationships. Please help. Thank you.