5 yr old bad attitude

Hi Nicholeen,
I've been doing TSG for about 4 years now, and am really struggling with my early 5 year old. He whines and complains and earns so many extra chores both him and I are getting burned out. He has a fiery personality and so even though he understands TSG and can disagree appropriately with the best of them, he often in the heat of the moment makes a poor choice or whines and earns the extra chore. I've found the 5 second rule to be the one motivator for keeping the calm down spot from becoming his kingdom of fury, and so that he will actually use it as intended, or atleast put a bridle on his passionate fury. I'd love tips specifically for a strong willed young child. How big of chores would you give for – "forgetting to look at the person" compared to kicking their brother? Every time he earns a chore he asks how big it is, which makes me feel like the small chores are too small. When he was little he'd earn little ones like picking up a sock. Now it might be helping me switch the laundry or load the dishwasher. I almost always have him do the chore with me so that I can see that he stays on task and to help build a positive connection for doing the work and being praised as he works. If we spend long enough working together, I do see an improvement in his behavior. The problem is he earns so many extra chores, he feels like he's always working and so he's starting to become quite whiney about how unfair his life is compared to his older brothers that rarely earn extra chores. Anyway I feel like he's overwhelmed, and I'm struggling because I'm giving him so much attention trying to teach this to him that it's taking a lot of time away from other things we could be doing. The only way I feel like I can get the best out of him is with LOTS of side by side work, but I'm homeschooling two older boys as well and so if the younger one and I are constantly doing chores together it doesn't leave me as open and available to work with them as I like to be, and feels like the 5 yo is getting more attention. I feel like I need to RESET TSG in my home, and increase the expectations of my 5 year old's behavior and of his chores, and independence, but I'd love tips before I do that. I often remind him of the steps and we go through them together without actually giving him the chore. Do you think at this age I should be reinforcing things like forgetting to check back, or look at me with a real chore or just reminding and giving tiny chores?

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