What Parents Like You Are Saying
Nothing speaks for Parenting Self-Government better than success stories from our Members. These parents will tell you how Parenting Self-Government has transformed their homes, family members, and their own lives. They’ll tell you how simple Parenting Self-Government is to start and how much of a difference it can make, not just in your home and family—in your life! Whether you want to fix behavioral issues, create more unity in the home, or simply strengthen your family relationships, Parenting Self-Government can help you have your own success story. We continually update this page with thank you letters that we receive daily from new and established members alike and invite you to submit your sucess story here. We are sure that once you start Parenting Self-Government, you’ll feel as happy and confident as these parents do. Check out what parents are saying about how Parenting Self-Government has changed their lives:
This course has helped us change the trajectory of our family and gave us the confidence we needed to lower our tolerances and, as a United couple, we have discovered the calm power of teaching our children to govern themselves.
We attended the parenting Mastery program one week ago and ever since getting back to our home we have tried to implement as much as we can in just one week to our everyday life. In just one week we see real significant improvements in all of our behavior and responses to each other. It is not perfect and we haven’t implemented it all but we look forward to putting it all into play and fine tuning it and experiencing more closeness and unity in our home.
Taking time together to do the Parenting Mastery Training was just what we needed to feel confident enough to incorporate the positive changes in our home.
The information that Nicholeen shared throughout her presentation about children, the special & irreplaceable place that I have as their mother & how important this time with them is, helped me to change my heart & accept my role of Mother without feeling like I was going to "miss out" on anything by spending my time with my kids.
For my husband, the time spent learning the skills, seeing examples & practicing them with mentors & being able to ask questions throughout the training was just what he needed to feel more confident in implementing it.
The fact that we were able to get on the same page with how we want our family structure & discipline to happen was a great take-away. Best of all, we came away as a couple united in making our family life a priority now.
I started TSG the next day and my children are much more co-operative this time around, which I attribute to the in-depth learning I had just received which altered my approach to them. We add one step at a time and are making progress.
I was surprised at how often TSG has come into my classes and private tutoring. Ithelps me communicate with the students better. I have better tools to stay calm and immediately address an issue in class. Last week Ihad a child throw a tantrum in class, with feet pounding the floor, hands pounding the desk, and the child loudly protesting when I would not allow them to interrupt and speak over others. I was surprised andgrateful when I heard the words Nicholeen taught us to come out of my mouth automatically, "It seems you want to tell me something, and I really want to hear it, but first we have to be calm." It was a positive turning point for me and my teaching, which this child and the entire class benefited from.
I came back from a homeschooling convention where I heardNicholeen speak on “The Power of Calm”, and I immediately implemented what she thought. Forty-eight hours into being home, my daughter said, “Mom, you’ve really changed since you came back. You haven’t yelled at me once. I really like that. You’re doing a great job.” This was coming from my strong-willed child. The reason I went to Nicholeen’s session in the first place. And she was telling me how I had changed. It’s been GREAT.
You have changed our family's life!It's been four months now and the parenting mastery retreat is easily the best time and money we have ever spent on both our present and future. Jacob and I are so grateful for you and your entire family's dedication to TSG! The true principles with skills to be able to apply them has been an absolute game changer for our family! And we sincerely didn't think we needed to change that much! We tell everyone about it!!
Parenting Mastery Training was incredible! The TSG team was inspiring.My husband and I are fully invested in improving our family and now we have the tools to do it and know how to use them. We have a unified vision of what our family can be like and how we can get there. We have grown closer as a couple and have already seen progress in our home. I can't thank Nicholeen and the TSG teamenough. This training is worth every effort and expense.
Worth every penny. Parenting mastery got me and my husband on the same page, gave us a greater vision for our family, and taught us tools to use to get to where we want to go as a family.
I am a Psychotherapist with a practice that includes Families with Children that display extremely challenging behaviors - many due to Mental Health Diagnoses and Trauma in their early lives. Many of them are foster and adopted children, as well as, those in the Juvenile Justice System. In my community my treatment programthe last stop for children who have blown out of other treatment programs and are being considered for residential treatment - also for those who aretransitioninghome after residential treatment. I also have children and grandchildren of my own, and have had foster children with criminal behaviors prior to coming to my home. I have been working with families for more than 25 yrs. and have read numerous books about parenting and psychological techniques to help children with behavioral challenges. In my professional and personal opinion Nicholeen's approach to teaching children Self Government and helping families become United is absolutely the bestapproach/solution for all families to utilize - if they want a united, loving and cohesive family. The most unique aspect of Nicholeen's approach and delivery of her ideas is that not only does she have/share theories, she demonstrates how to put them into practice in her videos with actual clients/families.I have shared Nicholeen's books and CDs with many families and will continue to do so. I just purchased the Parenting University so I will have more visual aids to lend to my families. Speaking personally as a mother of adult children and a grandmother to children ages 5 to 14 I have a firm belief/testimony that "It is never too late and it is nevertoo early" to parent children in a more effective manner and change the dynamics within families in a positive and pro-social manner. No matter what the age of your children - this approach is fantastic and what's more important - IT WORKS - to change the lives of all involved in a profound way. I am deeply grateful and appreciative of Nicholeen and those who work with and support her in getting this information to those who are searching for help and answers to the complex job of parenting children in our increasingly troubled society/world. Best Regards,
My husband and I are blessed with two beautiful teenagers, we are a God fearing Christian family living in Pakistan where religious freedom is very limited and people get persecuted because of their faith. In everyday life, we also face terrorism, poverty, energy crisis, water, health, education and unemployment problems. The list just goes on and on which puts a huge burden on society as well as on individual families. In these circumstances, it is a challenge to overcome on conflict, confusion, and anxiety which creates a tremendous gap between children and parents. Few months ago I started noticing negative behaviors which were escalating even within our family and our children’s behaviors were not pleasant. Our common techniques were not helping to resolve those issues and I and my husband felt that the children were drifting away by every single day. Meanwhile, my dad (Younas Martin) introduced me to your siteand I started educating myself and my husband. Some of the self-government skills I learnedfrom this website were very helpful to bring peace in our home. I am very thankful for the peace, healing, and joy which this program has helped us to build at our home.
The biggest thing I came away with at the Couples Retreat (now Parenting Mastery Retreat) that I attended was not only that the principles and skills I was learning could help change my family, but that I could change myself. That I could change my heart and truly become self-governed.
"My family & I have been immensely blessed by the true principles at the heart of the Teaching Self-Government system. We are so grateful for the help this resource has provided to our family in successfully overcoming conflict, confusion & anxiety, & closing the gap between what we truly desire in our hearts & what we actually experience in our day to day lives & interactions with each other. As individuals, as a couple, as parents & as a whole family; we have learned how to much more effectively communicate & thus how to much more effectively be heard, connect & correct - resulting in much stronger, more joyful & much more fulling relationships, parenting interactions & (immensely more effective!) teaching opportunities throughout the day. Through these & the other self-government skills, we are able to actually implemented in our home the truths at the core of Teaching Self-Government much more effectively. I am so very grateful for the healing, peace & increased joy this resource & these truths have, & continue to help bring to each of us individually, to our marriage, to our home & to all of our relationships."D.D. Black
My children are grown and all of my four girls have listened to your book, "Teaching Self-Government" It has made them wonderful moms and my grandchildren are well behaved and happy people. I am excited to have found your web site and am enjoying learning more. I have recommended your books to moms who are struggling as well. Thank you for sharing your philosophy and for teaching by example.
We feel so blessed to have found TSG. It has made us all closer as a family, and helped us as parents to be consistent and united in teaching our children. I feel like we have so much more control in our home, but our children also are receiving more freedom because they know the result of their choices and are learning to govern their own behavior. I love the emphasis on a safe learning environment at home, and also raising emotionally strong children.
My husband and I are the proud parents of eight children and I am a God-fearing stay-at-home mom who tries to keep up on what happens with their lives. We also have enough, but limited financial resources so we have to be very conscientious of where we spend our dollars. We've done a decent job figuring out how to parent them (with the help of the Lord and decent examples from our own parents), but several years ago I noticed a need to tweak some of my parenting, esp. since one of our children was not responding to the usual techniques we used and some other unhelpful behaviors were showing up more frequently in some of our other children. Negative reactions were escalating as were the power struggles. I tried researching more information and praying about the problems, but did not find much help. A friend of mine mentioned your sight and I started looking at it. Most of the books I'd looked at before were extremely unhelpful, so I was skeptical. I tried some of the teaching self-government techniques I figured out from the website and found some success. After several months I finally splurged and bought the basic starter kit. We implemented it fully several months ago and there has been much more peace in our home. The children don't like the system still, but I think the atmosphere in our home has greatly improved. I don't get frustrated as often and the children are governing themselves much better. Thank you for sharing these key pieces of information. I've been passing it on to everyone who will listen.
I recently received my copy of A House United and your four children's books, and we are loving them! I am so grateful we ordered them. They are reminding me of the importance of principles I already know and teach and giving me new ideas of how to implement them. If you really want feedback though, you may want to know that I almost skipped out on them because of the tone of your publicity materials. The website, the frequent emails, and even your introductory presentation read a little as if you are some kind of parenting guru, offering the latest quick-fix methods, even though you make a disclaimer on such people! Reading through these was off-putting and would have sent me running. Fortunately, my husband had attended a presentation you gave at the World Congress of the Families and had been impressed by your ideas and the role playing you did with your son. And I did enjoy the BBC reality show you were in, because it was fun to see simple gospel principles in action in the lives of those wonderful teens! So I decided to trust the family portrayed there and my husband's recommendation and invest in your books. So glad I did! Your book has a different tone than your website, not of some kind of magic parenting authority or someone trying eagerly to sell me something, but of a wise, uplifting, humble, and good-natured friend who is also digging through the trenches of parenting and looking to hold fast to principles she knows and trusts to bless and guide her and her family. I am grateful my husband was able to recognize this in person, for I believe your work will bless my family. I appreciate your work. I pray God's work will continue to come about through your efforts. May He continue to bless you!
The text about communication written by Nicholeen is found very impressive and helping tool for those who are working in family life. We can also apply the same method as she applied on Hannah and James. We can promote and focus on to be passive rather than aggressive. We husband and wife have decided to be always passive not aggressive in any situation within the family or in the public.
Having implemented these Self Government Skills has given us our daughter back. She is a 16 yr old who has been, very difficult to deal with. We still struggle with her, but are beginning to see some progress, and are starting to be able to communicate with her, thanks to these new skills! She actually approached me calmly tonight, and asked if she could disagree appropriately about a chore she had been given. It was amazing to have a conversation with her that didn't start and end with her being disrespectful, yelling, or having a tantrum. We were able to come to an agreement very quickly, and she kept eye contact, and was calm the whole time. I felt reconnected to my daughter!
My husband and I have been reading, "A House United" together and keeping a journal of things we need to implement/change, etc. We have been consistent and following through with the consequences the kids have earned and most importantly we have remained calm when in the past a power struggle would have usually ensued. Our oldest asked me last night, "Why are you and Dad so mean now?" I told him that he knows what is right and wrong and that he decides whether to earn negative or positive consequences based on his behavior and choices. However, at the same time this made me laugh inside because I have not been showing him my negative emotions or using threats and instead we've only corrected negative behaviors when we are all calm...and to him this is mean! lol! He wants/was used to the power struggles and now I see how important it is to NOT show him how flustered I am because of any negative choices he decides to make. This method of staying calm is working. I cannot tell you how many parenting books I have read. These books did mention to not have power struggles, but they did not tell me HOW to do that. "A House United" explains in detail how to handle these type of situations and keep control....and for this I am grateful. Thank you Nicholeen Peck!!!
YOU are the BEST EVER!! We just cleaned our house probably for the FIRST time in a CALM manner!! The girls kept finishing what we instructed them to do and returned to tell us they completed it and then music to my ears..."Is there anything else?" 😀 Holy COW, you have transformed our children!!! Thank you for that. 🙂 That is the first time I have cleaned with them STRESS free! Amazing! So grateful for your time and talents, sister! I want to share it with everyone!! So awesome!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! 🙂
I learned of the book, House United: Teaching Self-Government through a friend of my mom, and it bloomed from there. Nicholeen's book is stuffed full of golden nuggets and helpful tips for any parenting situation. I read this bookregularly now, and I will reference this book for many, many years to come. It is that good. Nicholeen has given me a priceless gift. Thispowerful knowledge is changing the hearts of my family including me.
I was first introduced to Nicholeen Peck through a Youtube video on the world’s strictest parents. I subsequently discovered that our daughter was using NIcholeen’s book A House United: Changing Children's Hearts and Behaviors by Teaching Self Government to teach her toddlers. I was so impressed, I bought a book for myself. Since then, I have found the principles to be of great benefit to families in my private practice as a psychiatric nurse practitioner, to include nursing homes and a residential facility for youth. Our family even saw how the principles could be used to improve behavior at a heated political rally! If you are interested in peace on all levels, it is a priceless reference.
This is really the beginning of my family's success story, but I felt I had to share this right away. My family has been in crisis for the past two weeks. It is getting very close to the holidays, and my preparations took my attention away from my children more than usual. The oldest, 3, decided to start letting me know he needed me with very negative behavior. He was quickly loosing control, and every day just got worse. Even though many moms might say his behavior is normal for his age, I don't accept that I have to live with a raging child if I had the skills to teach him how to be calm and talk to me appropriately. I also needed to change and learn these skills as well. I had already purchased the "House United..." book but urgently read the "crisis" series of chapters and started implementing as I read. It was a lot for my 3 year old to take in, I didn't know if we'd be successful making the changes so suddenly in our home and the way I parented.
For 3 days he pushed against the change in my expectation of him, the calmness I had when I was teaching him, and did his darndest to discourage me from being consistent. He did everything he knew to push my anger buttons and then started swinging to extremes in his behavior to manipulate me. He was kicking and hitting me at times. He would search for things around him to make a mess or throw when he became uncomfortable and didn't want to try to look at me, have a calm body, etc. At one point he yelled at me, through tears, "You don't love me anymore." The next hour he was calmly telling me how much he loved me and liked me just before acting out again when I asked him if he was ready to follow instructions. He spent almost an entire day in his room as I went back to him every 10 minutes. I wondered if he would really respond to what I was doing and to what the book was saying would work within a short amount of time. There were a lot of tears, and not just from my son. I had my 20 year vision taped to my wall by my bed to look at every morning and a will of iron and was still uncertain of what the outcome would actually be of all this. I didn't know my 3 year old would also have a will of iron of his own.
Finally - I know it was only three days, but I feel like a finally should go there because I didn't know how long things would take before my son would decide to choose happiness - he turned a corner. After the last time of screaming in his room that it wasn't fair and he "couldn't do this and stay calm...", I love that he was using the language from the steps as he was yelling his complaints, something clicked in his mind. He understood thathehad to change if he was going to be happy and have the freedom he thought he could get by running, literally, amuck in our home. A miracle has happened in three days of implementation and consistency.
It was not a perfect implementation, but I kept going and kept reading. Thank you for my family's miracle, and the miracles will keep coming because we still have more to improve and implement with our family government, etc. My 3 year old is now a wonderful, happy, obedient (I still can't believe his improvement. He's even better than his best behaved days before "A House United...") and at ease child. He is doing beautifully now and is ready to move forward and learn with my husband and I as we undertake this new journey in clamness, respect, and love as a family. Thank you really doesn't describe what this means to me. Gratitude fills me for your work and sacrifice to bring these life skills to families.
My 4 year old loves your first two books, can't wait for the next one! He makes me read them to him all the time.
This was sent to TSG for Nicholeen's Birthday:
I have never met Nicholeen Peck personally but I feel like I know her well. I am so grateful for the influence she has been in my life and in my family! Before I heard about Teaching Self-Government I tried very hard to be a good parent but used reactive methods much of the time -- scolding / yelling, spanking, silent treatment, etc. My motive was a very deep love for my children, but I could feel the conflict of interest in using those methods. I just didn't know any other way. Simply quietly talking seemed passive and ineffective. Then I was blessed to be introduced to a new way of thinking through Nicholeen's writings and website. I learned about staying calm, but having clear boundaries and limits, about teaching children in a loving, connective way to choose to correct their own behaviors. It has been a year and a half now since I first became convinced that Nicholeen had something very valuable to teach me, and my thinking and parent methods have changed so much! I am enjoying my children so much more and although our home is not perfect, it now has no spanking or yelling, and much more laughing and real talking. It's even cleaner because I am no longer afraid to give instructions and have the help I need. I feel that my children respect me more. I will be eternally grateful for what I have learned from Nicholeen Peck. I know that her work is out of real love for all people she comes in contact with, and I have felt that love for me personally, which influenced me deeply and made me feel up to the task of effecting the changes she teaches.
Happy Birthday to one of my favorite people on the planet!!
I was enthralled with your presentation and then...your implementation course!!...Thank you for living your life mission!!! It is so powerful... you have already blessed my life and empowered it! Thank you.
I am not sure how you do it But when I feel like I am really strugglingwith a problem or behavior from my children, it seems like you addressit. Thank you for your insights and solutions. They have helpedmyfamily so much. And I hope they will continue to help.
My toddler enjoys consequences so much more than the time outs we used to give. I think he feels more empowered and in control of his behavior. He's such a good boy anyway, but your methods have made correction much more of a positive thing. Thanks so much!
I just wanted to thank you for your book on parenting. My husband and I have been slowly going through it together and implementing the skills. Then a little over a week ago I had to go on bed rest for early contractions with my pregnancy (and this never happened with my other three pregnancies). This has really put these skills we are learning to a test and I'm happy to say that because of these skills that we are learning as parents and teaching to our children this has gone so much smoother than it would have otherwise. I can't get up and help my children with so many things, but because they have learned the five steps to following instruction they are much more able to do things themselves. And because I won't address any issue until people are calm it keeps the level of frustration low even with these major changes in our daily life.
We sure appreiciate all you do to bless all of God's children. You are an answer to so many ofour prayers as I'm sure you are to others as well.
I just know that all your hard work is blessing the lives of thousands of people- including mine.
Thank-you so much for developing the Self-government implementationcourse. After reading Nicholeen's book I was so excited to try it onmy kids but I lacked the skills and the experience to implement thesteps. Everytime I listen to Nicholeen I learn so much. Listening toher tone and advice has transformed our family!
Yesterday I was sharing the BBC version of Pride & Prejudice with my kids. At the point where Lydia is in hysterics and pouting because her father says she can't go to Brighton, my five year old daughter turned to me and said, 'Mom, she needs to learn how to accept a No Answer appropriately.' Of course I agreed, and then laughed so hard inside! 🙂 Thanks for teaching my whole family!!! We are getting it!
Our family was in a very dark and scary place six months ago. For the past two years our nine year old son had slowly become more and more out of control. He ran away from home, was verbally defiant to everyone who tried to discipline or correct him. He was abusive to myself and his younger siblings. He was violent and aggressive to anybody that would try to intervene if he was in a rage. Our family felt powerless and at his mercy when he was in a middle of an outburst.
Although he had been diagnosed with ADHD and in counseling for the past two years I felt like things were slowly getting worse, not better...
God’s answer came through finding, reading and implementing this book, A House United, by Nicholeen Peck. I also participated in several mentoring phone calls with Nicholeen since we had some unusual circumstances. She has taught me the things I needed to do to heal our families’ relationships. I am sometimes frightened when I think about where we were at a few months ago and how desperate I felt. I was very close to giving up completely on my son for the sake of the survival of the rest of our family. Since that time we have made tremendous progress with our son and seen miracles as we have humbled ourselves enough to change, the heart of our son has changed as well.
He has gone from a dark, raging, angry person who was punching holes through walls to attack us in a rage, to a child who will occasionally volunteer to help with household chores, playing kindly with his younger siblings, and slowly mastering the four basic skills: following instructions, accepting consequences, accepting a no answer, and disagreeing appropriately. A few months ago we went six days without a blowup before he lost it, a few weeks ago he met his goal of going a full week. I am still amazed. We still have a long way to go, but he has made tremendous progress during the past few months.
I will tell you this: if you are looking for a quick easy fix, this book is not for you. If you want to forge the strongest family bonds possible, to repair damaged relationships, and redeem a child that seems completely lost, then this book IS for you. But it will take a lot of prayer, tears, and hard work. You will no longer wonder what to do. Instead you will daily battle with forcing yourself to do what you know you should do. If you have the courage and diligence to read, re-read and act on what you read you can change the hearts of your children and yourself. This book is the most effective parenting program that I have seen for winning the battle for our children’s hearts and souls. It is a battle I pray to win, and to say one days like Paul (2 Timothy 4:7) “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.
We've read your book, and listened to a talk! My husband and I have started implementing some of your techniques, and our house has been so different! ...my oldest son told me yesterday that he wishes I would stop listening to THAT lady, because he's sick of being calm! I asked him if he would rather have yelling in the house, and he agreed that this was much better! We (myself and my 6 children!) actually made cookies yesterday, and for once it was a GOOD experience!! 🙂 So thank you! We're still learning... 🙂
I feel so blessed to know you and to have been taught and mentored by you through your seminars (on CD), presentations, blog, and your fabulous book. You have changed our family for good and we are so happy!
Thank you sooo much. I can't tell you how amazing and inspiring your classes were.
A hearty thank you to you! You have inspired me in such a profound way. I have accomplished many things that are good. I feel like I have been a powerful creator in the area’s where I believed I could be.But as a mother of five children, three still at home, I had all but given up.I had beliefs about me being a ‘failure’ that were like monsters keeping me locked in a prison.Your example, your calm wisdom, your love…pouring out of all of the material I have read, seen and heard from you, has touched the very core of me, and rekindled a flame that I am choosing to stoke!It has given me the final strength I needed to banish those monsters and choose to really take responsibility for my experience as a mother and for what I offer my children.I will be eternally grateful!
I've read my fair share of parenting books over the years. After my first child was born, I thought one highly-acclaimed author was clueless. It wasn't until my second child came along that I realized the "clueless" author only had experience with a baby like my second. I have collections of parenting books--some to help with one child, some to help with another, etc. I am so impressed with Nicholeen Peck's book! Her loving parenting techniques work with ALL children. Nicholeen has had extensive experience not only with her own biological children, but also with many foster children over the years. She has helped children with extreme behaviors learn to control themselves and gain confidence in their abilities. Her book is not a "Let's fix the problem child" book, though--it is truly a unifying, family-building book that I wish had been written decades ago, so I could have used her techniques when my children were small. I am still going to teach my children the principles in this book, though,so that any future grandchildren can benefit!
I have really appreciated the things that I have learned from teaching self government. The greatest part about it, is that it is so easy to apply to your life. It gives you a new vocabulary that unites the family in loving discipline, as well as ammunition when you are at your wits end. Because of teaching self government, I have found myself saying in my mind "be calm" and then turning to my kids and calmly explaining the situation to them, telling them why it was not appropriate, and instructing them how they could have done things different. This has been invaluable in my life, and I am so grateful to have found it.
We spoke on theSupport Groupcall last friday about my 3 1/2 year old. He has only been out of instructional control one time!! And to be honest, it was after a 14 hour day right at bedtime. I think I would have been out of instructional control too!! lol.
My husband and I have attended Nicholeen's parenting seminar twice, and we have read her book. We have employed many of the principles and practices she discusses therein, including the 4 Basic Skills. This has made a huge impact in our home. Our children are ages 4 and 5. They know how to follow instructions, how to speak respectfully, how to accept a no answer and how to disagree appropriately. We had a big problem with our daughter and temper tantrums. We're talking full-blown 90 minute doozeys. We continued reinforcing the basic skills we had already taught her. It took time, but she eventually realized she didn't get her way when she melted down. She did, however, sometimes get what she wanted by disagreeing appropriately. We tried to reward this proactive behavior by saying yes as often as possible when she employed "disagreeing appropriately." It has greatly helped the atmosphere in our home. There is no more negotiating, power struggles, yelling, crying, etc. It's WONDERFUL! I recommend that every parent learn what these principles are and work to implement them in their homes.
Dear Nicholeen... You putideas in such a clear, no nonsense way that they will be easier to use with aprobable degree of success. Thank you again.
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience! It has made such a huge difference in our family life!