Yesterday’s call was full of insight! I think the questions that were asked opened everyone’s understanding just a little bit more. These are the questions we had: I have a 11-year-old son who makes his sister the enemy. We have tried many things. What more can we do? My daughter is almost 16 and she is not obeying our family rules when it comes to electronics. She is sneaking them around, she is hiding them from me, and her friends are sending her devices. It feels like she is so desperate to reach out to her friends that she’s lying and sneaking, when all she needs to do is be honest and upfront. What would you recommend? We had an issue where Grandpa went against my wishes. He came to take my daughter to babysit her and I told him “No candy.” On the way back to his home, he bought her an ice cream cone, saying it was “sweets,” not candy.Should I not even send her to Grandma and Grandpa’s house? Please talk about to what extent “my being there” is necessary and how you make judgment calls. My 4-year-old son speaks really loudly. It’s a problem because he wakes his two-year-old sister in the morning. While I shower every morning, he and my husband watch a movie (or two). I think he is getting too addicted to media. My husband doesn’t agree. What do you recommend?

We had some great questions on the call today. Here are a few of the things we discussed: Thoughts on the changes brought by the new year Discussion on choosing to parent differently than I was raised What is personal vision and how can it be achieved? My 4-year-old who has had several behaviors I have not known what to do with. What are appropritate consequences for his actions? I’m notsureifIam lecturingor if I am being deliberate.Whatisthedifference? I keep hearing about relationships and sacrifice. What am I supposed to be sacrificing to be able to improve relationships?

A few of thesneak peakswe talked about are: Creatinga culture that will help the children want Christmas gifts that willhelp them grow up Incrediblediscussion on Scrooge and the Power of Christmas (we turned this into a mini-class) Shouldbe concerned about my 4-year-old boy wearing girl clothes? Fosteringa culture to help boys become men Creating safeboundaries for having weapons AmI over indulging them if I give them lots of presents? Awesomeway to gifts to symbolize gold, frankincense, and myrrh

This call covers: How to help children with a lack of interest in going to church How do I train an 18-month-old to accept No answers? How can I get answers to prayer? The importance of eye contact. Connecting while correcting Staying up too late and modesty in age 17 daughter Fighting: when to and when not to When is friend time good and when is it bad? How do I know when it’s been too much?

Today Nicholeen answered these questions: Our favorite holiday traditions. My 8 year old is having anxiety at bedtime and she says she is scared. My husband says she is manipulating me. What do you think about the “crying it out” philosophy? How can I help her not be scared? I have a 16 year old daughter who is struggling with depression and I don’t know what to do. What can I do to help her? I’ve been working with my 20 month old to follow instructions. Sometimes she does great and we dance when she checks back. Lately she’s been forgetting to check back. Is the praise getting old? I recently listened to your “Starting your Homeschool Right” talk in which you mention teaching your children to read with forty minutes and four songs. Is that a product that is still available? Can you elaborate on this? My four year old son is struggling to follow instructions and I am getting frustrated. I feel like I am ordering him around and I’m afraid he won’t follow the instruction. I just keep trying to force, and it don’t work at all. I am falling short somewhere. I’m not exactly sure what I am missing. I love your quote of “Speed is not nearly important as the impact. Can you elaborate on this? What can I do to be more calm and trust that he will follow my instructions? My 4 year old son has asked to ‘borrow’ toys from friends and when I say no, he puts the toys in his pockets. My friend suggested he go give the toy back himself instead of me doing it. How would you handle this?

Today Nicholeen answered questions about: What is ex-post-facto law? How can it help me to stop spontaneously giving consequences to my children? We have been having success with the older children by using the flow of the choices map and the rule of three, but I still struggle with the younger ones. Can you skip the first steps for more serious misdeeds like hitting/name-calling? Where or when on the chart would you fit in a loss of screen/treat privilege? If you need to get calm, and your children follow you to your calm spot what should you do? My 14-year-old daughter has seen a judge and will be going to live in a foster home. I need to know what to expect and how to best help her through this. How can I best work with the legal system? How much say do I have? I have twin teen daughters who are detached from the family because we have such busy lives. I see them going down a path I sent down. How can I help them develop good self-worth?

Today Nicholeen answered these questions: I recently learned of a program called “Celebrate Calm”. They teach some distracting techniques to getting calm. Does something like this ever have a place in TSG? If I distract him from a tantrum am I tricking him or helping him in the long run? Learn how to teach your child skills that will help him choose not have the temper tantrum in the first place. I want my daughter to learn to speak with her own voice and not mine. How do I make the transition from whispering her talks in her ear to her writing and speaking with her own voice. Learn how to help your child write their own talks and also what other amazing results can happen when a child learns to speak with their own voice. We will soon be adopting my husband’s 3-year-old nephew. What can we do to prepare and help him once he gets here? See how TSG can help you make smoother family transitions. I have to sit with my 9-year-old son to practice his cello. How do I get him to not hate his music practice time? Learn how you can inspire your child to study music by letting go of the anxiety and the power struggle. I had someone tell me they think my son and I are ADD. Should I get my son tested? Learn how can TSG help ADHD children to overcome the challenges of learning disorders. My 20-month old daughter is trying to potty train. Is she ready? How is the Aponte family doing in Guatemala?

On today’s call, Nicholeen answered the following questions: My parents have a 28 years old son living at home. He has no job, and he is addicted to online gaming. The only advice they’ve received is that they need to kick him out, but they don’t feel that that is the right thing to do. Would you describe what you would do in this situation? What do you recommend be the consequence for sneaking out a bedroom window? My 14-year-old will be going before a judge next week and the probation officer is going to recommend that she go to detention. What do you think of programs where one can send a troubled teen for a few months This question is somewhat of a “disagree appropriately” to a previous question discussed some time ago on emotionally emoting. I have been thinking about a question you discussed some time ago about emotional vomit and the story discussed in someone else’s article of the little girl who had to “just get it out” in the morning and then she was better.Do you think there is a natural biological process in cleansing emotionally? What process do you go through to cleanse out negative emotion? In your book you talk about high tolerances and low tolerances. Is it possible to have too low of a tolerance of behaviors? My husband is a very exact person. If he tries do something he follows the rules exactly. Is there room for mercy in this parenting method? While this is a great blessing to our family it is also difficult as the kids get consequences for every single wrong action. Is there anything more I can do or is it just a case of waiting till my husband conquers this? We are having a dawdling problem of epic proportions at our house! Both my 9-year-old son and my 12-year-old son are having troubles with this issue. I feel like I am having to crack a whip all day long to keep things productive and am getting a bit stressed out. What are your suggestions? I have noticed that I typically sound mean/stern when I correct him. What is the best way to change your tone and transmit love while correcting? How do I gain that trust that they want to do good?

Today Nicholeen answered these questions: My 14-year-old is running away frequently as a power struggle. Is the 24 hours loss of privileges a big enough consequence? My children ask for toys all the time at the store. Would allowance help with this? How can I teaching him to have a good relationship with money? Is loosing a snack a better consequence than doing an extra chore? I feel like when my 5-year-old earns extra chores it makes it harder on me than him. How can I fix this? I want my son to have a more active mentoring relationship with his Scout Leader. How can I foster a better relationship to help him? My 15-year-old son is a good kid but he’d developing a problem with lying. Would my catching him in the lie ruin my relationship with him? What can I do to help him?

Today Nicholeen answered these questions: How Do I Get Them To Do Their Chores? What do I do if my husband doesn’t want to lead family meetings? How do I improve the depth of my communication with my husband? Simulations and Debriefing on The Blanket & Pinata Soft Hold- When, How, and How Long? Two ways of transformational change How do I train my selfish 11-year-old to become a man? Addicted to Sugar Honesty Talks With Kids About Santa and The Birds And The Bees

Today Nicholeen answered these questions: A friend of mine has an extremely shy child that has a hard time going to church class or preschool class by herself. What is the best way to help with that? I also babysat a boy the other day that just turned 3. He cried for the 1st 4 hours. His mom just got a new job after having the whole summer off with him. I tried everything but nothing worked. What else could I have done? My 14-year-old daughter doesn’t want to participate in anything religious anymore. Is it ever appropriate to “push” religion? Some people tell me to give her choice, but I feel like inside that I’m doing something wrong if I do that. Can I expect her to follow an instruction on this? What is the difference between parent counseling session vs. mentor sessions? How is the structure, content, and purposes different?

On this call, Nicholeen answers this question: My 14-year-old daughter is out of instructional control. When I go through the Rule of 3 with her she hums, makes faces, and says “You know this isn’t going to work, right?” I know she is trying to draw me into a power struggle and I am fighting the urge to lash back at her. She has done this at least a dozen times and I am frustrated with how hard-hearted she is. She is not learning that this is something she doesn’t want to do. Can you offer me any additional insights or encouragement? Thanks for your advice.

On this call Nicholeen answered the following questions: Our children tend to bicker a lot. One teases, and the other one yells “Stop!” How do we best intervene? How do we keep the spirit in our home and keep things calm? My two-year-old is in the habit of kicking me while I change his diaper. I’m doing the right thing but it doesn’t seem to be improving. My one-year-old has started too. What am I dong wrong? It’s hard to deal with when all 5 kids are needing me. Is there something I can do differently? I’ve been thinking a lot about living my mission since the mission Webinar. I was thinking about how my strengths and weaknesses point to my mission. Being self-focused or forcing leading to a mission of unity seems opposite. Have you noticed this in your path? Do we living our mission as we conquer our weaknesses? My 3 ½-year-old child has started chewing on everything- even the couch. How do I get him to stop? We took my 3 ½- year-old son to the fair. I felt like he wasn’t grateful till I taught him to say “Thank you”. How do I teach him to have a change of heart and truly be grateful? What ways can I help him to feel grateful? I would love to hear your views for financial support for teenagers. Our son is now 17. He feels we should pay for his clothes and wants to spend his money on a bike or a stereo. We can afford to support him in college, but we wonder if that would be wise. What would you do? My 15-year-old dominates my 12-year-old. My 12-year-old plays along even though he doesn’t like it. How do I empower my 12-year-old to be assertive and my 15-year-old to accept a No Answer? What should I do when my 18-month-old has started touching her privates and touching her poo. My older son laughs when she does. What can I do?

Today Nicholeen answered these questions: I feel so mad. I have fallen back into an old habit of yelling. I don’t know how to stop. In the moment instead of yelling what should I change so I don’t get to this point? How do I get my child to clean up the mess? Our teen-son questions where we came up with all our rules. When I’m giving rules to my children do I need to always to show them the research behind the decision? My 5-year-old daughter asks for help when I ask her to do simple chores. Is she manipulating? How do I know when to help her? What are reasons she would ask for help when she is capable of doing the job? Why does a goal not have a synthetic consequence attached but commitments do? What is the difference between goals and commitments? When he makes the commitment do we set out a consequence too? I don’t like it when my girls write on their body . Am I being picky? Is it okay I instruct them not to do it? How to begin to teach self-government to a 1-year-old? How do you relate with a parent or heal a relationship with a parent who does not understand Teaching Self-Government? I struggle with being positive and praising. I need my praise to be more sincere. How do I find joy in playing with my children? What can I do to be more positive?

On this call Nicholeen answered the following questions: When doing the Rule of three (with 7-year-old) I don’t know what I can say to help him calm down so he can listen. Are there other instructions I can give him to help him? Recently my 8-year-old son earned 24-hours of no privileges. What do you do when out of instructional control and hangs around the family and won’t stay in his room? Do I add more time onto the 24-hours when he earns more chores? How do I make Sodas more effective? He is argumentative about everything. How can I help my son when he argues about the color of a car? Why do you use such specific language with Teaching Self-Government? Don’t parents know what to tell their own children? My son doesn’t want either of his parents to hug him or even pat him on the back. How much do I push physical contact with my 14-year-old son? My husband and I have been discussing the best way for an older child to handle discipline when an older child is in charge of a younger child. What would you recommend? We’ve been doing this for two weeks. Are we teaching Self-Government out of order? Are we being unfair in giving the consequences?

In this call, Nicholeen answers these questions: Is it okay if a family chooses any 4 consequences in learning self-government? How much can I adapt and still get self-government results? My kids are going to bed late, waking up late, and even sleeping in the daytime. How should I handle this? How do I teach a 12-year-old girl to disagree appropriately when she says my observations are inaccurate? How do we create a family vision that will not tear us apart if things do not go as planned? How do I talk about the struggles in my couple relationship without being disloyal to my husband?

On this call, Nicholeen answered these questions: How do we do positive consequences without doing unhealthy snacks or encouraging more electronics? Doing the Rule of 3 with my 13-year-old daughter (she is saying I am trying to control her)- Am I trying to control her? I’m uncomfortable using the Rule of 3. I use it with my 7-year-old daughter. She is not accepting that she had a choice. Is she too young? I’m having a hard time staying calm and feel spread thin, How do I keep balance in all of this? What are positive consequences for a 1 and 3-year-old son? Should I be going on vacation without my husband? My 3 1/2-year-old is always right- Are there times that it’s okay for them to believe what they want and get back to it later because he’s not being teachable? Is this an example of not accepting a correction?

In this call Nicholeen answered questions on the following: How do I start to become a self-governing person? Why is being a self-governing adult important? What makes a person truly confident?How do I create a vision of who I need to become?What does the reality of this look like? What is the hardest part and easiest part of this? What can I do in 30 days to get started? What possible actions do you recommend that I take to become believing, so that I can change? How do I teach my 3 1/2-year-old child when it’s appropriate to talk while reading books? I feel like a slave driver getting my 13-year-old son to do what he needs to do. How do I help him take responsibility for himself? Our granddaughter is coming to live with us, how do we teach her personal hygiene? Other topics also discussed including questions on social time and learning from parents.

Whole Call:(Segments and Notes Below) [swf file=”https://s3.amazonaws.com/conferencecall/CC7-12-13+Whole_Call.mp3″]Or Right Click To Download

Here’s what we talked about today: Segment 1: The Parable of the Gardner from Nicholeen Segment 2: The Learning of A Child Segment 3: Role of Older Children With The Younger Children Segment 4: Teaching Selflessness Segment 5: Sexual Abuse Segment 6: Step Back and Trust