Support Call Archive
This call was longer than usual, but so very good. The questions were about many different aged children and stages of Teaching Self-Government.
These were the questions:
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How about a spouse? How do I communicate with my husband constructively?
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We were at the dinner table and someone was picked to say the prayer. My four-year-old son wanted to be picked and threw a major fit during the prayer. He has a very hard time accepting "no" answers.Once Isitting at time out with him for about 10 minutes, prepared to wait it out no matter how long it took. My husband came in and tag teamed me out so I could go eat my dinner. About five minutes later, my husband and son were talking and laughing and he was coming calmly to the kitchen table. I asked my husband how he did it. He said he distracted him. I know my husband didn't role play with him, how to accept a "No" answer regarding to saying prayers- but he did get him back to the table calmly.Where are we going wrong? How can we get him to stay on time out on his own?
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My 11 year old son did a few SODAS the other day. For one of his options he put "eat tofu." In my head I was half way laughing. I smiled and said "very funny son" and then had him briefly verbalize a better option with disadvantages and advantages. Do you think I should been more serious with him? Should I have insisted that he re-write the SODAS?
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What do you do when a child is buckled in a seat belt and she continues to scream and scream and she doesn't care that she isn't calm? Also, my sonis upset because we told him we wouldn't "ground him" as he had seen other kids have happen. Anyway, he feels like we lied to him because he feels like the loss of privileges is like grounding.Any suggestions on how to help him see that we didn't lie to him or betray him? And, one family I know gives their kids what they would spend each month on the child for clothes, etc. This is not based on earning for chores --? What do you think about that? One more question. We have talked in the past about something similar to the idea of a family phone since none of our kids have phones. Could you give me any advice on this?
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I have been working with my children on accepting an instruction correctly but my 10 year old son with ADHD just escalates and will scream that he needs to calm down alone and to leave him alone. Should I allow him a few minutes to get calm on his own and then talk to him?
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My question is concerning my 21-year-old son. Before his mission he conquered an addiction, served his mission, and he recently returned from his mission and immediately started a demanding job with irregular hours. However, I see him slipping into an addiction ofonline gaming. How do I let him know I can SEE his addictions, and I want to help him? I want to implement all the principles of TSG with him - Just not sure how to approach it with an 'adult' child.
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I am struggling to make our teaching/practice moments positive experiences for our family. I wondered if some fun games (either role playing or other ) would help. In your videos you played “tug of war” and “raccoon circles” to help teach family unity. Do you have other games you play to help teach self government principles to children/youth?
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My 8-year-old daughter is a little too controlling and steps in to correct her friends and siblings even when it is unnecessary. Can you help me with some exact word choices on what to say to her when she is acting controlling or condescending with others?
We had some questions concerning spouse relationships and teen behaviors. The call was very good and it clarified what should be done and what not to do in these situations.
This call had some different questions, including stress and pregnancy, and trying not to coddle and pamper children. They were good questions to get you thinking about what to do in those same situations.
This call was great. We had some nice questions, although on the last one, we weren't able to record the comments made by the person who asked the question. But, other than that, the call was wonderful.
Also, we have created a new facebook group specifically for our support group members! Request membership to the group here and post all your thoughts and questions to each other.https://www.facebook.com/groups/tsgsupport/
Friday's call had some very new questions that were very enlightening and very good to ponder on. These are the questions:
- My oldest child will be 16 next month. He has always had oppositional behavior since he was 4. t seems we have always had a hard time with this negative attention seeking behavior which brings in discord during times we most want to feel unity and the spirit in our home. He also told us he does not believe in Christ and he is Atheist, that his testimony of Atheism is just a strong as our testimony of Christ. He is beyond spiritual feelings and can logic and reason everything to his side. My fear is that my other 4 children will be affected by this in a detrimental way.
- We have an 18 year old son (senior in high school - homeschooled) who is addicted to social media. What should we do exactly?
- My daughter has so many papers, etc, that she hoards in her room. You told me a couple of weeks ago to help her get rid of stuff, but evey time I go in there, I get overwhelmed. She likes to go through and keep the things of her late mother in her room. Suggestions?
- Why is it so important to seek to understand?
- What do I do if my child earns a chre in the middle of school time?
- I've just had some major losses in my family and my children are extremely clingy. What do I do about that?
- I have heard you say before that someone can develop a habit of being depressed. How does someone fall into this pattern?
Again, NO CALL on the 28th.
Valentine's Day is a day with a fun tradition for us. We make breakfast in bed. It just so happened to be on a Friday this year. So, as usual, I did this last week's Support group call. The questions asked for the call were good. A couple were a review of lasat week, but we were able to get some new insight on them and expound on them even better.
Yesterday's call had some amazing questions. Some of them are not asked very often and aren't too common.
These are the questions:
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I have a 10 year old dreamer daughter. She has always been a dreamer. She is artistic and extremely imaginative. When I read Anne of Green Gables, all the imagining reminds me of my daughter. This daughter has a very poor work ethic when it comes to anything mundane or out of the realm of art/dreaming.
- After visiting some cousins my 4 yr old son is now afraid of the dark and afraid of ghosts and other animals or monsters coming to get him.
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My question is about healthy boundaries. I have a sister who, over the years, has gotten herself into several situations financially that she has had to ask for help for. I've felt like she just uses me for money. When I put my foot down and say no because I do not agree with her actions and selfish behavior that led to her financial stress, she gets offended.
- I have a two year old that wakes up once a night around 3:00 am. This same daughter won't take her afternoon nap. We home school and have 7 kids and it is hard to get the house quieted down every afternoon. And she won't stay in bed. Also, I have a 9 year old daughter whohas a hard time putting her feelings and thought into words.
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My middle child, a girl, just turned 6 and she has a lot of trouble accepting "no" answers and disagreeing appropriately. Lately, she has been treating her older brother (8 years old) very poorly.
- What do you do when your child is out of instructional control and they aren't willing to hand over their possession with which they they no longer have privileges?
Friday's call was short but sweet. We had some really good questions:
- My daughter lies about so many things, and she seems to only care about being caught. The mess in her room is often up to our knees - she has hoarder tendencies - and I don't know how to help her over that.
- My oldest son is 17 and a senior in high school this year. My husband and I are concerned about his lack of gratitude and appreciation for things we do for him.
- We struggle with dinner time rules and etiquette. Any thoughts?
- When someone is out of control, and we've done the Rule of Three, is it okay to let them read a book?
Friday's call was full of so many good questions! Here they are:
- If someone walks away during the Rule of Three, do they immediately earn a total loss of all priviledges?
- My son has ADHD and I have a light case of ADD. He doesn't know he has it yet, but I'm hesitant to tell him. He gets angry easily and doesn't like the Rule of Three. Is it okay to give him time to calm down before starting the Rule of Three?
- What is it with 11-year-olds? They seem to be the focus of a lot of the questions. I have an 11-year-old and I need to know what to do besides accept hard knocks. What would would you suggest?
- I want to have a Mentor Session with my ADHD son, but my husband thinks it wouldn't go well. How would I run the Mentor Session and should I have one?
- My daughter stole out from midnight until two. Therefore, I didn't let her go to a dance the next night. She was given an iPod and she has now bought herself one as well. She has accounts on it that are not good and she didn't receive permission for those or the iPod itself. I've thought of multiple consequences for this. I'm usually fine if she tells me, on her own, that she's made a mistake. But if I find out on my own, it bugs me a lot. What should I do?
- My 4-year-old son lost his movie priviledge and doesn't care that it's gone. I wasn't quite sure what to do. If I took him to Time Out, is it okay to hold him there?
- My son is often out of instructional control. When he is, he thinks he can do whatever he wants. He's gone for 9 days of being out of control before. He teases his siblings and likes "talk time" because that is his love language. How would you recommend I handle this?
- How do I bring together my job and my mission?
- What can I do to teach my 14-year-old daughter and myself social skills? Also, others are judging my decisions for schooling.
Yesterday's call was full of insight! I think the questions that were asked opened everyone's understanding just a little bit more. These are the questions we had:
- I have a 11-year-old son who makes his sister the enemy. We have tried many things. What more can we do?
- My daughter is almost 16 and she is not obeying our family rules when it comes to electronics. She is sneaking them around, she is hiding them from me, and her friends are sending her devices. It feels like she is so desperate to reach out to her friends that she's lying and sneaking, when all she needs to do is be honest and upfront. What would you recommend?
- We had an issue where Grandpa went against my wishes. He came to take my daughter to babysit her and I told him "No candy." On the way back to his home, he bought her an ice cream cone, saying it was "sweets," not candy.Should I not even send her to Grandma and Grandpa's house? Please talk about to what extent “my being there” is necessary and how you make judgment calls.
- My 4-year-old son speaks really loudly. It's a problem because he wakes his two-year-old sister in the morning. While I shower every morning, he and my husband watch a movie (or two). I think he is getting too addicted to media. My husband doesn't agree. What do you recommend?